Military Brides

I need...

Hey girls Navy Fiance here. I am looking to meet some new military fiances or wives. When I go to military events with my fiance, the other women do not speak. I speak, wave and try to make chit chat. They stare and go off to their little huddle. WOW. He is 43 and I am 33 so it has nothing to do with my age and being able to click. My fiance notices it too. It would be nice to become friends with other military wives to maybe do some things in the community. Message me if you like.

Re: I need...

  • Beachy730Beachy730
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    edited December 2011
    Are you in the Virginia Beach/Norfolk area?  I am a Navy wife, but my H is stationed in Everett, WA.  We actually will be moving to VA in 2011 or 2012 with the ship. 

    I understand what you mean about the spouses.  Trust me when I tell you that there are many that you don't want to associate with.  We have our wives' meetings once a month and some of the ladies are just not friendly at all.  Then there are some that are overly friendly.  I actually have become really good friends with one that lives across the street from me, but there are many that I can't stand.  Especially because we live in a complex that's mostly military and most of them are the stereotypical military spouse. 

    How long has your FI been in the Navy?  What is his rate?  Does he plan on making it a career?  My H has been in for 8 years, and he's a lifer.  He is an AT.
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  • edited December 2011
    He is a navy chief and is on the Theodore Roosevelt. He has been in for about 16 years. He is the 3MC of thr ship (he is basically in charge of all the work stations inspections on the entire ship). We have a home in Norfolk. Welcome.
  • Beachy730Beachy730
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    edited December 2011

    H's ship is actually scheduled for it's 25 year overhaul soon, so that's why we are coming to the area.  He is on the Lincoln, and it will be in dry dock at Newport News for about 4 years probably.  We are originally from NY so we are actually hoping to stay in the area after, at least for his shore duty rotation after.  We would love to end up in Jacksonville eventually but it's really hard to get stationed to that base. 

    We are hoping to buy a house while we are there, we just aren't sure where we want to buy it.  Do you plan on staying in the Virginia area?  How do you like it there?  I have heard many mixed reviews about the area, and mostly it's negative comments saying that it's way over populated by Navy families.  But most of those people lived in base housing, so that's a given.

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  • edited December 2011

    If they live in base housing, yes they will feel that way. I am from this area. My finace is from West Palm Beach, Florida. The base housing and commissary and everything military related is over crowded. You have to have a life OUTSIDE of military life. I am a equestrian and spend time out at the barn and we do other things.  We have land down in Florida and may build a house down there later down the line and sell or rent this one out. We have not decided yet. If you want good places to hang out, go to downtown Norfolk. That is where all the bars, clubs and mall are. During the warm months, go to Viriginia Beach which is right down the road (15 minutes. You will be surrounded by water here. Lakes, rivers, bay and ocean oh my. The city of Chesapeake is nice too. Message me and I will give you my personal email and tell you more about the area and stuff.

  • bettyshawbettyshaw
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    edited December 2011
    I'm not engaged, but I grew up in Norfolk, VA and my parents still live in VA Beach, so this just made me smile :) Downtown Norfolk is a great place; there's always something to do if you look! The Scope and Chrysler Hall are great if you're into theater or music, and the NorVa has concerts all the time. The Naro also shows some cool smaller films.
  • edited December 2011
    Hi....I'm a Navy fiancee as well. I'm from VA but I live in IL at the moment while I'm in school. sn: I hate it here and want to be back in VA..I haven't met many Navy wives or fiancees on here I would like to get to know you all! I know what you mean about the stare and being stand offish I feel the same way, and I think that's because me and my FI are both pretty young. I hope to get to know you all!!
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  • Beachy730Beachy730
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    edited December 2011

    Thanks joiner.  I will definitely be looking for some tips and advice when it comes time for house hunting.  I think we will buy a house there because we will probably be there at least 5 years. 

    Meeko- I like your sig.  I just sent that movie and How the Grinch Stole Christmas in H's last care package. 

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  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
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    edited December 2011
    Once you are married, things should change.  Most wives are a bit stand offish of GFs/FIs/ SOs because we see so many come and go.  It sucks.  I used to hate it when H and I were dating/engaged.  After I've seen dozens of women come and go from the same guys, it gets old.  I've tried to be friends with girls.  The guy broke up with her.  We were still friends.  It caused problems in the shop. 
    It happens all the time with everyone.  Once it happens so many times, you'll start to become the same way.  It's not that they are trying to be cold to you.  They are trying to be spared the hurt if it all falls apart.  Wives are usually a tight group.  We have to be.  We rely on each other for a lot of support. 
    I know it sucks, but don't take it personally.  After you've been around them a while, they'll let you in. 


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  • edited December 2011
    Definitely agree with the PP.  It's tough when even the wives come and go in some cases, something a saw growing up in the Navy and even now being engaged to a Coastie.  It's kind of like you have to prove your going to be around for awhile for them to accept you.  Not to mention, all the different regions are different.  I'm born and raised in New England and up here everyone is pretty standoff-ish at first, but once you're in you are like family. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Support...lol, not really needed. I am not a stay at home wife. Letting me in LMAO?! ARE YOU SERIOUS? I am not looking to be cool. I ride horses, pageant girl and a eastern star. I got my own cool crew. I GOT A BUSY ENOUGH LIFE STYLE TO WHERE I DO NOT RELY AND LIVE THROUGH MY MAN'S CAREER. Women are just by nature nasty.
  • Beachy730Beachy730
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    edited December 2011
    Personally I don't see many of the wives being overly friendly, even to other wives.  And the ones that are people usually side eye and assume they are just gunning to be an ombudsman.  We have monthly meetings with the wives to get updates on the deployment and what not, and everyone has a few friends in the group, but there isn't a huge togetherness feel by any means. 

    Joiner I'm a lot like you.  I've had my own career, which I unfortunately gave up to move with H, but I do still work.  I'm able to work from home now, and it keeps me busy.  I've made some friends in my area that happen to be wives, but I met them on my own because I live near them.  But I really don't need strangers for support.  I am a strong enough person on my own, and have my family and friends back home.  And I've made some great friends on here that I talk to every day.  I honestly think it has a lot to do with age.  The younger wives haven't had much time to develop their own career or life really before getting married and entering this lifestyle.  It's not a knock again anyone, it just is a difference in life experiences. 
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  • edited December 2011
    You go girl. Life is about taking a leap of faith. Be versatile and expand your horizons. I learn things from other people. I asked one girl, "who were you before you got married?" Crickets........she did not say sh$t. She knew what I meant. Kepp your true self and that keeps your man happy.Who wants a carbon copy? Having your own identity is sexy!
  • edited December 2011
    I consider myself a young bride, I am 24, and I know you said you weren't trying to offend anyone Beach, but you made a pretty broad judgement.  I definitely have my own life and
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  • Beachy730Beachy730
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    edited December 2011
    Seaside by younger wives I meant more like 18, 19, and 20.  Basically if you are getting married before you've had a chance to go to college or make your own life choices for your future I think you become more dependant on your spouse.  It's not always the case, but from my experience that's what I've noticed.  Especially with the military since it can be hard to get a college degree once you start moving around because of transferring credits and what not.  I know there are exceptions, that's just what I've noticed.
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  • calindicalindi
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: I need...:
    Support...lol, not really needed. I am not a stay at home wife. Letting me in LMAO?! ARE YOU SERIOUS? I am not looking to be cool. I ride horses, pageant girl and a eastern star. I got my own cool crew. I GOT A BUSY ENOUGH LIFE STYLE TO WHERE I DO NOT RELY AND LIVE THROUGH MY MAN'S CAREER. Women are just by nature nasty.
    Posted by joiner521
    Joiner, from all the things I've seen you post, I have a feeling you're a bit abrasive in real life which might have more to do with why people aren't warming up to you than the fact that you're not a wife yet.

    And when you're a military spouse who relocates for your husband's (or for men, wife's) job to different military bases all over the place, it does help to be able to make friends with other spouses.  If you're posting something that says, "They all ignore me!  I try to wave and be friends, but they're not letting me in!" and someone tells you why, don't then turn around and go, "I don't need to be cool!  I don't rely on my man's career to make friends!"  Um, that's kind of what you were asking about!

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  • calindicalindi
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    edited December 2011
    Just a few examples of where you rubbed people the wrong way...

    Giving bad advice that has NOTHING to do with the question:

    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird-reactions

    Pulling up a month old thread to post something irrelevant - specifically, when a girl was asking whether having a long engagement was a good idea, you said "TELL THEM TO BUY SOME BUSINESS" - uh, what?:

    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-short-engagement_.1


    Pissing off an entire board by responding to a girl asking how to hint what rings she liked to her boyfriend by saying, "Shut up and be thankful. I was blessed with 2 carats. Soe people get cubic zurconion.":

    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_drop-hint

    When another girl was announcing that she just got engaged, you decided to try to top her with your own engagement story:

    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engagement-under-stars

    You decide to start a post to brag about how everyone is jealous of you, and when some women basically say, "That's great that you've got your stuff together, but it's not cool to intentionally rub it in everyone's face", you replied "Thanks for the positivity ladies! I hope evryone is having fun. To the negative ones, stop being crazy, mean women. You sound like those chicks on  Bridezilla. Smooches." Uh, what?"

    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_things-people-say

    When a girl came on to ask about which stores and websites were good to buy a ring and to see if anyone had experience with any vendors they'd recommend, you threadjacked AGAIN to brag by saying: "My fiancee' had my two carat ring made. It is heart shaped. I have a matching wedding band. It is more sentimental."  Uh, that is not even REMOTELY relevant!:

    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_did-rings-should-avoid


    Just a few of the (many) posts that have rubbed ME the wrong way... I can only imagine you're similarly offensive in real life.  Clearly you can't buy class like you can buy a 2 carat ring.

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  • edited December 2011
    Girl please. I have a ton of friends. I am the only one with a man in the military. Poof be gone chick.
  • calindicalindi
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: I need...:
    Girl please. I have a ton of friends. I am the only one with a man in the military. Poof be gone chick.
    Posted by joiner521
    Thanks for giving me another quotable obnoxious comment.  "Poof be gone chick"?  Really?  This is how a 33 year old speaks?

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  • Beachy730Beachy730
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    edited December 2011
    Joiner I don't understand how you started this post saying how you just wanted to make friends and were so friendly, as well as another one thanking military families and sounding very sweet.  But then turn around and have these other posts calindi showed and the ones I just saw on A&A which make you seem like a completely different person. 
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  • calindicalindi
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    edited December 2011
    To be fair, Dnbeach, she's shown that other side in this post, too.... see?:

    In Response to Re: I need...:
    You go girl. Life is about taking a leap of faith. Be versatile and expand your horizons. I learn things from other people. I asked one girl, "who were you before you got married?" Crickets........she did not say sh$t. She knew what I meant. Kepp your true self and that keeps your man happy.Who wants a carbon copy? Having your own identity is sexy!
    Posted by joiner521

    Who says that to someone?!  I wouldn't have said anything either - I would have been slack-jawed, shocked that someone had said something that obnoxious to me.  And I'd be debating telling them that I was someone who didn't need to justify my own worth by putting down others.  Actually, I probably would have said just that, on second thought.

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  • calindicalindi
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    edited December 2011
    Oh man... DNBeach, after you mentioned the A&A board, I went to check it out, and found this gem (which I suppose is what you were referencing).

    Joiner, seriously?  This is a new low, even for you!

    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_sparkling-heart

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  • kara811kara811
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
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    edited December 2011
    Wow. I have no words! Calindi, thanks for all those posts! It's made my boring morning quite entertaining! 

    Joiner, how old are you? Really? Because a grown 33 year old woman would never say the things you've said in those boards! I was kinda sympathetic towards you at first when I read your original post, but after reading all those other ones, I think you deserve the way you've been treated.  
  • Beachy730Beachy730
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: I need...:
    To be fair, Dnbeach, she's shown that other side in this post, too.... see?: In Response to Re: I need... : Who says that to someone?!  I wouldn't have said anything either - I would have been slack-jawed, shocked that someone had said something that obnoxious to me.  And I'd be debating telling them that I was someone who didn't need to justify my own worth by putting down others.  Actually, I probably would have said just that, on second thought.
    Posted by calindi
    Yeah I gave the benefit of the doubt in the beginning of this thread.  When I read that I just assumed she meant in converstaion she asked the girl what she did before they got married and moved, not that she said it word for word like that.  I've had that same kind of conversation with wives because a few of us have had careers that we gave up to move.  And several like me are teachers and haven't been able to find jobs.  But now that I've read other posts I'm assuming she said it word for word, and I'm taking more of what she said literally. 

    I could see being offended by hearing things like "let me in" and "accept me."  I thought she had overreacted a bit to that, but I might also if I heard someone tell me I couldn't be accepted until I was married (even though that's basically what the military tells us sadly).  But now the more I read the more I want to hit myself for agreeing.

    And yes, that was totally the post I was talking about. 
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  • calindicalindi
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: I need...:
    In Response to Re: I need... : Yeah I gave the benefit of the doubt in the beginning of this thread.  When I read that I just assumed she meant in converstaion she asked the girl what she did before they got married and moved, not that she said it word for word like that.  I've had that same kind of conversation with wives because a few of us have had careers that we gave up to move.  And several like me are teachers and haven't been able to find jobs.  But now that I've read other posts I'm assuming she said it word for word, and I'm taking more of what she said literally.  I could see being offended by hearing things like "let me in" and "accept me."  I thought she had overreacted a bit to that, but I might also if I heard someone tell me I couldn't be accepted until I was married (even though that's basically what the military tells us sadly).  But now the more I read the more I want to hit myself for agreeing. And yes, that was totally the post I was talking about. 
    Posted by dnbeach12
    Yeah, especially in the Marines, there's a big joke apparently about how the word "girlfriend" and "prostitute" are interchangable (apparently the root of this comes from Vietnam, for probably obvious reasons).  And because sometimes Marines will hire escorts as dates for balls.  Classy bunch I've been grouped in with simply because we're not married yet, huh?

    Anyway, Joiner is either a really good troll as she's been around since July, and usually can sound almost-normal (like this post or the one wishing military families well).  Or she's exactly what she sounds like - a 33 year old who identifies herself for her former role as a pageant girl who likes bragging and being confrontational.

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  • Sammy0709Sammy0709
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its
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    edited December 2011
    I have definitely heard the prostitute comparison.  I would hope people don't judge you that way since you look and speak nothing like one.

    I side with Calindi in saying joiner is a really good troll or she's just a nasty 33 year old that can't get over her past and lvoes to complain and start drama.
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  • edited December 2011
    I hadn't been on in a couple days since my computer decided to be stupid while I was posting on this thread last time and I am glad to see the tides have changed a little.  I'm not easily offended, but this girl is a bit ridiculous.  Thanks Calindi for pointing out all those posts, I think its kind of funny that she hasn't responded since then.  If she's a troll then she's good at keeping it under the radar!
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