Officiant opposes wedding programs

RachaelKittie

I've been enjoying putting together our wedding programs, but after I emailed our officiant this morning to get a schedule of the service, he responded that he discouraged programs and said that he would take on the task of sharing details of the ceremony with guests. His position is that programs are distracting. He also did not send me a list of what would happen when.

While I see his point (I've definitely glanced down at a program in the midst of a ceremony), I don't think it will harm our experience and, afterall, it is our wedding and we're comfortable with it then what is the problem? I think programs are a nice keepsake, a nice way to explain certain aspects of the ceremony and a nice way to honor the people whose names are listed in it. Also, because my father died just two years ago, I was hoping to include a note about him in there.

Frankly, I'm hurt by how dismissive he was and I'm worried that this disagreement might create tension that will hamper our ceremony.

Curious what people think or if anyone else has had this issue. I'm also trying to find the right way to respond to him, without generating more tension.

(also, for context, this is a jewish wedding, though I'm not jewish. I don't think his position on this is based in religious rules at all)

zazelle

I think you could do two things. You can explain to him, just as you did to us, how meaningful it would be to you and your family to have a program, especially because it will honor your father. I don't think you HAVE to do this however. If I were you, I would just make up a program anyway, but leave out the order of service.

aegrish

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_officiant-opposes-wedding-programs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:a8aa30c5-88f8-42c9-a862-03dc64b76d77Post:cd4368f5-daf7-4ad7-ae4b-2da8bc4df8ee">Officiant opposes wedding programs</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been enjoying putting together our wedding programs, but after I emailed our officiant this morning to get a schedule of the service, he responded that he discouraged programs and said that he would take on the task of sharing details of the ceremony with guests. His position is that programs are distracting. He also did not send me a list of what would happen when. <strong>While I see his point (I've definitely glanced down at a program in the midst of a ceremony), I don't think it will harm our experience and, afterall, it is our wedding and we're comfortable with it then what is the problem? I think programs are a nice keepsake, a nice way to explain certain aspects of the ceremony and a nice way to honor the people whose names are listed in it. Also, because my father died just two years ago, I was hoping to include a note about him in there.</strong> Frankly, I'm hurt by how dismissive he was and I'm worried that this disagreement might create tension that will hamper our ceremony. Curious what people think or if anyone else has had this issue. I'm also trying to find the right way to respond to him, without generating more tension. (also, for context, this is a jewish wedding, though I'm not jewish. I don't think his position on this is based in religious rules at all)
Posted by RachaelKittie[/QUOTE]

I would tell him exactly that.  He can oppose it all he wants and you can still have them.  I doubt he would let it affect how he handles your ceremony, if he is an honorable officiant he shouldn't at least.

Riss91

Programs can also be a place where the couple lists their attendants, readers, musicians, etc - so they aren't simple for the order of the service. I tend to think that a program isn't going to be much of an impact on what people are focused on. If someone isn't all that interested in paying attention, they will be distracted by whatever they can find.

Just let your officiant know that you understand his point, but that you still wish to have them for x, y, z reason and that you will keep the order of the ceremony brief so that the guests aren't as distracted.

healedandfree

Let him know what they mean to you, and it's also the way everyone knows who is in the wedding and what relation they have with you. He should understand after you explain that to him!