sooo pissed!!!

horsevaulter

So my fiance and his best friend are both in the army. His best friend Jay got married right before he went on his 2nd tour of Iraq. On R ana R his wife got pregnant, and now because she says its too hard and they are too mad at eachother, she wants a divorce! He wont get back from Iraq till November... She is being so immature, and I cannot figure out how to get through to this girl that marriages take work and are not always fun and games!  Jay is devastated and I am so mad that she is being so inconsiderate to her husband!!  She wont even consider counsiling or anything!!! Ahhhh sorry I guess Im just kind of venting but if any of you have any ideas on how to get through to this girl, let me know cuz I am out of ideas!!!

caitlink23

How long were they together before they got married? Had they been thru a deployment as a couple? My brother's now ex-wife did this... thankfully they did not get pregnant on his R&R. But they announced the divorce while he was here.

ScissortailFlycatcher

That really sucks for her husband, especially in an already stressful time, baby, deployment.

But, honestly... Her sudden panic makes me think, was she faithful? Is there a possiblity this baby isn't his and she is freaking out? It seems so bizarre that she is pregnant and then decides it's all too hard and difficult. I dunno.

meltoine

I would tell her to wait it out until he gets home. Pregnancy hormones + being alone = no bueno. 

mehgank

Are you friends with her? Your first few sentences makes it sound like you just know her through your FI's friend, so it could be a sticky situation since you probably don't know her as well as you would a close girlfriend.

Personally, I don't think this is any of your business. It's not your "job" to fix other peoples' marriages. Yes, it sucks having to hear about it, but your focus should be more on helping your FI support his friend through this difficult time of need.

And I agree with PP's, it sounds like her sudden decision for a divorce, and further refusal to go to counseling, sounds like she has already found greener pastures. Whether that be in the arms of another man, or she just wants to be single, I don't know. It's just a shame that a child is involved.

She sounds VERY young and immature. If I were you, I would steer very far away from this girl (I say girl, instead of woman, because that's how she's acting, very selfish). You don't want her negativity to corrupt your relationship.

And, as sad as I am to say this, this most likely will not be your first experience with people like this. Being married to the military exposes you to all kinds of whackjobs, and the divorce rate in the military is very high (though, it has gone down some recently due to the economy, it seems getting divorced is just too expensive or something).

If I were you, I'd cherish what you have with your FI and focus your attention on your relationship, not theirs.

horsevaulter

your right its not really my business it just makes me really sad... I honestly think she is cheating, but there is nothing I can do except be the best person I can be for my Love! Thanks for the support ladies!

arichards34

She knew that he was in Iraq before he married her.  She is being immature.  Someone needs to knock some sense into this girl.  She needs to get over her self and consider other option before jumping the ship!

suz62984

Ouch. I'm so tired of these girls complaining because it's "lonely" and they fill "abandoned." Grow a up yah know. I feel like we sign up for it just as much as our loves in the military when we start dating/get engaged/get married. Maybe you can convince her to wait but it really sounds like in the long run he might be better off. Also, paternity test!

ksn56

Speaking first hand I can say it is stressful bing preggies alone stationed away from family and friends! Your emotions are all over the place and you feel like everything is on your shoulders. But its no excuse for bad behavior. That said she sounds immature and like there is a lot more to the story.If you are close friends not just friends through him I think you get ONE time to sit down and encourage her to stick it out until he gets home and they talk face to face. Maybe go to lunch people talk better over food J lol But don’t push it - you don’t know what happens behind closed doors. If you're not friends outside of him - its not your business.If you think it is a stress thing and not a cheating thing and you’re stationed near each other ask her to join you in a baby day. Grab lunch and talk about the baby, how she’s feeling, what she’s planning, anything EXCEPT THEM. Then hit a store she’d like to check things out or treat her to a consignment store shopping trip. For $20 you could get her several outfits and maybe turn her mood around. Let her know that you may only know each other through the guys but you are there for her judgement free on what is going on with them - IF you can do that. Offer to help with baby planning and even to attend appoinments and document for the daddy! It is a huge deal when you’re going to these appoinments alone. Having a friend to take a picture of your big belly being covered in ultra sound goo does bring the dad into it and hopefully will change her thoughts.Then I’d tell him to get her taken off EVERYTHING financial!!!!! Don’t cut her off, make sure she has what she needs for living expenses but cover himself too. Sadly seen to many come home to an empty bank account, empty house and lots of debt! I do know of one command that allowed a guy one week to come home and ‘fix’ the financial issues. Most don’t allow this though!

tommehilton

I personally thought there was something behind the scenes as well with her, such as being unfaithful. Most people don't throw away their marriage w/o some recourse.

You, as a friend can only be there to listen and vent and help him get on with himself.