Military Brides

Court Wedding and traditional wedding???

Hi, I know that having a court wedding AND a traditional wedding is generally disapproved of on this site, but have any of you ladies have had to go that route? FI and I are thinking of doing that so that we can get military benefits and the excitement of planning a traditional wedding. What do you think of this?

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Re: Court Wedding and traditional wedding???

  • People have had JOP and then a vow renewal on this site, but no one has done a court wedding and traditional wedding because that's impossible. You can only get married once. 

    However, just doing it for the benefits sounds extremely tacky to me. Basically you're getting married for the money. Have the wedding you can afford instead of trying to have two. 

    If you do decide to go this route, make sure people know you are already married when they come to the vow renewal. You don't want to start off your married life lying to friends and family. That's shiitty.

     It is also tacky to have a shower/bachelorette parties after the JOP because you are already married and those are for brides, not wives. You can do it, and family might say that you they want you to have one, but people will side eye it and just not tell you. 
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  • This has to be MUD.

    If this is, in fact, a real question - I think having a courthouse wedding solely for the purpose of receiving benefits through the military is disturbing. Also, if you decide to have a courthouse wedding, that means you will be married. You will not have the option to have a "traditional wedding". It would be a vow renewal. That still doesn't justify getting married for the benefits though. I just don't understand that.

    With that said, I am not against people going the courthouse route. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever. The part about doing it "so that you can get military benefits" is what is rubbing me the wrong way.

    I am shocked that someone would actually come to this board and ask a question like that.
    I still think this is MUD.
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  • Nope.

    AND I generally judge people that do. Just saying.




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  • Dude, I saw on your other post that he is getting out in 2014. Just wait until then for the wedding if having the traditional wedding is that important for you. 2 years is plenty of time to save up money for a wedding. 
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  • Really?  Are you kidding me? Friggin A!  


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  • In Response to Re: Court Wedding and traditional wedding???:
    Really?  Are you kidding me? Friggin A!  
    Posted by iluvmytxrgr
    Can I just point out how nice I am trying to be.  Apparently my bitchiness isn't around today. 
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  • People who do this "for the benefits" make me sick.  Get married when you are ready to get married and can afford the wedding you want.  Nothing like getting married for money to start the marriage out on the right track.  
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  • I was so hoping no one would reply to this.....I call MUD too. 
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  • I did not HAVE TO have a VR after my JOP nor did we have a JOP for benefits. However, we did have a VR and JOP. For the love of god, only do one or the other. My family really wanted the VR and I humored them but planning it almost made me certifiably insane. Just saying. Plus, of he's getting out in 2014 why not just wait? It's a friggin year!
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  • kangjisookkangjisook
    First Comment
    member
    edited July 2012
    Actually, I know a lot of DUAL military couples that do this sort of thing.  Usually it's not for the sole reason of getting benefits though (which is wrong on several levels!).  Usually it is due to being stationed away from each other (like different countries),  consecutive and/or alternating deployments and things like.  Especially those who are in certain specialty rates (MOS's) that don't often allow people to take leave/ have more frequent deployments/ more demands usually end up doing things like this.  Granted, their families usually don't know that they had a JOP marriage at all, which isn't always a good route to go.

    Sometimes military requirements make it almost impossible for brides to have the wedding they truly want, so y'all shouldn't be hating on people who do this without understanding their circumstances.  Saying that "Oh, he/she will be out in such and such time, just wait until then" is silly too.  Some people actually make careers out of this, so what?  They should wait 20+ years to have the wedding they want?  That's just being obnoxious.

    However, doing it solely to get the benefits when you have the time and means of just planning and having a wedding is just awful!
  • In Response to Re: Court Wedding and traditional wedding???:
    Actually, I know a lot of DUAL military couples that do this sort of thing.  Usually it's not for the sole reason of getting benefits though (which is wrong on several levels!).  Usually it is due to being stationed away from each other (like different countries),  consecutive and/or alternating deployments and things like.  Especially those who are in certain specialty rates (MOS's) that don't often allow people to take leave/ have more frequent deployments/ more demands usually end up doing things like this.  Granted, their families usually don't know that they had a JOP marriage at all, which isn't always a good route to go. Sometimes military requirements make it almost impossible for brides to have the wedding they truly want, so y'all shouldn't be hating on people who do this without understanding their circumstances.  Saying that "Oh, he/she will be out in such and such time, just wait until then" is silly too.  Some people actually make careers out of this, so what?  They should wait 20+ years to have the wedding they want?  That's just being obnoxious. However, doing it solely to get the benefits when you have the time and means of just planning and having a wedding is just awful!
    Posted by kangjisook
    But a post on another board does say he is getting out in 2014. So it sounds like he's not making a career out of this. And ya know, the majority of the brides on this board got the wedding they wanted. You know why? Because they got to marry the person they love. The rest is just fluff. 

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  • We decided to wait and honestly I don't think it's ever bad to, marriage is something you do NOT want to rush into. Just wait, trust me...you won't regret it. :) Depending how FI's schedule goes we could get married in 10 months or 18+months...I'm not too worried though, military benefits don't seem worth the rushing into marriage. I'm perfectly capable of getting by on my own, FI and the military are just a welcome addition to my life.  NOT a necessary one. 
  • In Response to Re: Court Wedding and traditional wedding???:
    Actually, I know a lot of DUAL military couples that do this sort of thing.  Usually it's not for the sole reason of getting benefits though (which is wrong on several levels!).  Usually it is due to being stationed away from each other (like different countries),  consecutive and/or alternating deployments and things like.  Especially those who are in certain specialty rates (MOS's) that don't often allow people to take leave/ have more frequent deployments/ more demands usually end up doing things like this.  Granted, their families usually don't know that they had a JOP marriage at all, which isn't always a good route to go. Sometimes military requirements make it almost impossible for brides to have the wedding they truly want, so y'all shouldn't be hating on people who do this without understanding their circumstances.  Saying that "Oh, he/she will be out in such and such time, just wait until then" is silly too.  Some people actually make careers out of this, so what?  They should wait 20+ years to have the wedding they want?  That's just being obnoxious. However, doing it solely to get the benefits when you have the time and means of just planning and having a wedding is just awful!
    Posted by kangjisook

    OMG you bring up such an amazing and unique insight on this subject. 

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  • In Response to Re: Court Wedding and traditional wedding???:
    Actually, I know a lot of DUAL military couples that do this sort of thing.  Usually it's not for the sole reason of getting benefits though (which is wrong on several levels!).  Usually it is due to being stationed away from each other (like different countries),  consecutive and/or alternating deployments and things like.  Especially those who are in certain specialty rates (MOS's) that don't often allow people to take leave/ have more frequent deployments/ more demands usually end up doing things like this.  Granted, their families usually don't know that they had a JOP marriage at all, which isn't always a good route to go. Sometimes military requirements make it almost impossible for brides to have the wedding they truly want, so y'all shouldn't be hating on people who do this without understanding their circumstances.  Saying that "Oh, he/she will be out in such and such time, just wait until then" is silly too.  Some people actually make careers out of this, so what?  They should wait 20+ years to have the wedding they want?  That's just being obnoxious. However, doing it solely to get the benefits when you have the time and means of just planning and having a wedding is just awful!
    Posted by kangjisook
    The bolded part - This is not a special circumstance. Millions of military brides have planned their dream wedding, regardless of their SO's military requirements. Nobody is "hating on her". All we said was that getting married for the benefits, IMO, is completely and utterly disturbing, and that it doesn't hurt to wait to get married so that she can have the wedding and PPD that she obviously wanted in the first place.

    And no, it's not silly to suggest waiting until he's out if it's going to be soon. I've waited over 3 years to marry my FI. You know why we did that? So that we could plan the wedding we both wanted. Oh, and FI is planning on making a career of the Corps also. We've had to change our wedding date a few times due to unforseen circumstances of the Marines, but we still made it work. 

    If you don't want to wait to get married, then go ahead and have a courthouse wedding! If that's what floats your boat, then do it. But when you go the JOP route, THAT is your wedding. You don't get to have a "traditional wedding" again down the road. Vow Renewal, fine. I said it before, and I'll say it again: There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a JOP wedding. As long as you're not going that route just to receive benefits.
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  • That is an awesome idea to get married for benefits and a wonderful way to start out a marriage. (insert sarcasm)

  • I'll be the dissenting voice here...thats what we did. we went the court house routine because he got orders to Germany. We are doing a reception in Vegas with friends and family in feb. Not one of my family or friends has mentioned it weird or tacky, but if they did, oh well. They don't have to come if they don't agree. :) We did not have any wedding showers or bachlorette parties, etc, though. Flame on folks. :)
  • In Response to Re:Court Wedding and traditional wedding???:
    I'll be the dissenting voice here...thats what we did. we went the court house routine because he got orders to Germany. We are doing a reception in Vegas with friends and family in feb. Not one of my family or friends has mentioned it weird or tacky, but if they did, oh well. They don't have to come if they don't agree. : We did not have any wedding showers or bachlorette parties, etc, though. Flame on folks. : Posted by kalexander331
    Um did you read what we said? We said she can't have two weddings but she can have a vow renewal. We just indicated that getting married for money is tacky and gross.
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  • I did, and I agree with you that marriage for benefits is slimy. But I was trying to look at her question a little broader, interperting the traditional wedding as one with the dress and the parties, not the legal part of it. Back to lurking I go! :)
  • I recently found out a girl I know through H did this. They full on kept it a secret and was doing it ONLY for the money. I have to admit I judge the crap out of her... when she was talking about her "wedding anniversary" I had to bite my tongue from asking her if she meant she had been married for XX months instead.

    When  you call it a Traditional wedding, it leave a bad taste in a lot of people's mouths. Full disclosure and I don't think people are offended as much.

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  • In Response to Court Wedding and traditional wedding???:
    Hi, I know that having a court wedding AND a traditional wedding is generally disapproved of on this site, but have any of you ladies have had to go that route? FI and I are thinking of doing that so that we can get military benefits and the excitement of planning a traditional wedding. What do you think of this?
    Posted by bearbear1
    Everyone in this site are just being elitists behind their keyboard. It is YOUR wedding, so you can call it what you want! You can get married with a JOP, then have a wedding celebration after, I honestly don't see what the big deal is. As long as you are not keeping people in the dark about your marital status, and you are acknowledging that you were married, then I say go for it! For the technicality police, yes it is a "vow renewal", but she can call it whatever she wants.
  • In Response to Re: Court Wedding and traditional wedding???:
    In Response to Court Wedding and traditional wedding??? : Everyone in this site are just being elitists behind their keyboard. It is YOUR wedding, so you can call it what you want! You can get married with a JOP, then have a wedding celebration after, I honestly don't see what the big deal is. As long as you are not keeping people in the dark about your marital status, and you are acknowledging that you were married, then I say go for it! For the technicality police, yes it is a "vow renewal", but she can call it whatever she wants.
    Posted by kristynnf
    READING COMPREHENSION IS YOUR FRIEND. Dude, no one said that she can't do it, but we said to get married for the benefits only is ridiculous and tacky and gross. And yes, it is a vow renewal, because you are already married. 
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  • How about go back up and read the entire post, chick.  She said they are getting married for the benefits and then planing a "real" wedding later.   That's why everyone is reacting the way they are.  No one said she couldn't have a vow renewal.  We all think getting married for benefits is tacky and disgusting.  But, hey, thanks for calling us all names when you obviously have comprehension issues.  


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  • If you ask me, being able to move when one's spouse moves is benefit enough to get civilly married. And getting judgmental and insisting that someone call their ceremony whatever you think it should be isn't advice or any productive avenue of discussion.

    The question was, did anyone else have to do this. The answer seems to be a resounding no, with the exception of kalexander.

    My fiance is Navy and will be finishing up his schooling as I'm graduating law school. It's important to me to be able to move to be with him wherever he is stationed at the time I graduate. And if we have to be married in the eyes of the government to live together and do that, so be it. And I fully intend to have whatever ceremony I please once we're settled. Would I prefer they were the same event? Absolutely. Am I making plans to the best of my ability to ensure they are the same event? You better believe it. But I'll be damned if the country I love is going to stand between me and the man I love just because of some technicality that doesn't change my commitment to him.
    " A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea." - Honore de Balzac -
  • Oh, look.  The martyrs have come out.  None of us have ever been in your shoes.  Please tell us how special your situation is.  


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  • In Response to Re:Court Wedding and traditional wedding???:
    If you ask me, being able to move when one's spouse moves is benefit enough to get civilly married. And getting judgmental and insisting that someone call their ceremony whatever you think it should be isn't advice or any productive avenue of discussion.The question was, did anyone else have to do this. The answer seems to be a resounding no, with the exception of kalexander.My fiance is Navy and will be finishing up his schooling as I'm graduating law school. It's important to me to be able to move to be with him wherever he is stationed at the time I graduate. And if we have to be married in the eyes of the government to live together and do that, so be it. And I fully intend to have whatever ceremony I please once we're settled. Would I prefer they were the same event? Absolutely. Am I making plans to the best of my ability to ensure they are the same event? You better believe it. But I'll be damned if the country I love is going to stand between me and the man I love just because of some technicality that doesn't change my commitment to him. Posted by carolinastar
    Funny story. I moved all by myself when my then FI, now h, was deployed. We didn't need to get married for that to happen I, GASP, paid out of pocket for my move to be there. So please, share your story of how we don't know your life and how hard it is to get married around military time frames. I waited a year and half to get married because i valued having my family and friends there over the "benefits". So yes, it is possible to do this without needing two "weddings".
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  • Well, so much for empathy and celebration on the wedding board, eh?

    Bearbear, I hope that you and your fiance get the support you need to make the decision that's best for you both. Best of luck, honey.
    " A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea." - Honore de Balzac -
  • In Response to Re:Court Wedding and traditional wedding???:
    Well, so much for empathy and celebration on the wedding board, eh?Bearbear, I hope that you and your fiance get the support you need to make the decision that's best for you both. Best of luck, honey. Posted by carolinastar
    Empathy? She wants to have two fuucking weddings because she needs to save for the "real". No, sorry you dont get empathy from me for wanting to get married at the JOP just to make money to have a "real" wedding, which is what she said she wanted to do. Read the fuucking op and her reasoning for getting married early before you jump down on us.
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  • A bit of comic relief....


    If you marry for the wrong reasons  You're gonna have a bad time
  • Wait so a year and a half is a long time to wait? Please think about two 15 month deployments on opposite schedule. I'll say it again, to have a vow renewal you have to have said vows ... Which are not required if you just sign the paperwork yourself no officiant, no ceremony, self witnessed, a large majority of military couples get married beforehand because you aren't lookin at a year and a half apart you are Looking at 5 yrs minimum seeing eachother once a year for two weeks. By the way I am not married yet and certainly don't need to do so for the money but have been through multiple deployments without him, where he ended up in the hospital and I wasn't even notified and couldn't be updated on his condition because the government does not recognize fianc. So I say go ahead get married and hen have a wedding later, it's totally fine and your wedding day IS NOT necessarily he day you get married in fact most other countries require you to be married in the eyes of the government before your religious wedding
  • In Response to Re: Court Wedding and traditional wedding???:
    Actually, I know a lot of DUAL military couples that do this sort of thing.  Usually it's not for the sole reason of getting benefits though (which is wrong on several levels!).  Usually it is due to being stationed away from each other (like different countries),  consecutive and/or alternating deployments and things like.  Especially those who are in certain specialty rates (MOS's) that don't often allow people to take leave/ have more frequent deployments/ more demands usually end up doing things like this.  Granted, their families usually don't know that they had a JOP marriage at all, which isn't always a good route to go. Sometimes military requirements make it almost impossible for brides to have the wedding they truly want, so y'all shouldn't be hating on people who do this without understanding their circumstances.  Saying that "Oh, he/she will be out in such and such time, just wait until then" is silly too.  Some people actually make careers out of this, so what?  They should wait 20+ years to have the wedding they want?  That's just being obnoxious. However, doing it solely to get the benefits when you have the time and means of just planning and having a wedding is just awful!
    Posted by kangjisook

    Thank you for posting this. My boyfriend is currently in the navy and yes we have always planned toget married in the future. And we have discussed having a JOP wedding before he leaves on deployment next year, and having a RECEPTION for family and friends when he returns. And yes it is because of the better benefits/pay when sailors are on deployment.
      People posting to this board are inconsiderate of other people circumstances. Please don't judge when you don't know what it is like to away from your partner permanently.

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