Military Brides

Should we make it legal before the wedding date?

13

Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?

  • Beachy730Beachy730
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?:
    In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date? : Well the original poster asked if anyone had done this before and for advice on the subject such as how to go about doing it not for you're opinion or feelings on the matter.  So an answer like "yes people have done it before" would have answered her question just nicely she didn't ask whether or not you approved or what you're opinion was so when you give a nasty and mean opinion don't be so shocked or defensive when other's say you're answer was too harsh.  You asked for it when you gave your opinion that wasn't asked for.
    Posted by Gismo123

    ad·vice

    –noun
    1.
    an opinion or recommendation offered as a guide to action, conduct, etc.: I shall act on your advice.


    She asked for advice on the topic, and mine was to not do it.  And her other question was that she was worried about if a JOP would take away from the "second wedding."  So before you go telling people how they should respond, maybe you should re-read the OP.

    And for the record, its a public message board.  Nobody gets to dictate who responds, how they respond, or when they respond.  When someone posts a bad idea I'm going to tell them that, whether they want to hear it or not. 
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  • melbelle24melbelle24
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?:
    Well the original poster asked if anyone had done this before and for advice on the subject such as how to go about doing it not for you're opinion or feelings on the matter.  So an answer like "yes people have done it before" would have answered her question just nicely she didn't ask whether or not you approved or what you're opinion was so when you give a nasty and mean opinion don't be so shocked or defensive when other's say you're answer was too harsh.  You asked for it when you gave your opinion that wasn't asked for.
    Posted by Gismo123
    People have also stolen things and killed people before. That doesn't make it a good idea. That's what happens when people ask questions to a public forum, you get everyone's opinion. And if you read through all of it, the overwhelming response is that it is a bad idea. That should tell you something.
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  • mlesleevmlesleev
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    edited December 2011
    Victoria- I love that you said people get so "butt hurt" about this topic. My fiance uses that term all the time about people who get upset over stupid stuff.

    Its very clear there are a few ladies in the DB that have opinions they have made very clear.  When it comes down to it...THE ONLY OPINION AND FEELINGS THAT MATTER ARE YOUR OWN.  Its YOUR wedding for goodness sake!! Do what you want, when you want, how you want.  Its YOUR WEDDING.  You're never going to be able to please everyone and the more you try, the more its going to make you crazy.  Dont let ANYONE, especially the ladies in here...myself included....tell you how to plan your wedding or make you feel bad about how you choose to handle your business. Do what feels right to the two most important people in this situation...you and your man.  If it wasnt for the two of you there wouldnt even be wedding details to debate.

  • Beachy730Beachy730
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?:
    Victoria- I love that you said people get so "butt hurt" about this topic. My fiance uses that term all the time about people who get upset over stupid stuff. Its very clear there are a few ladies in the DB that have opinions they have made very clear.  When it comes down to it...THE ONLY OPINION AND FEELINGS THAT MATTER ARE YOUR OWN.  Its YOUR wedding for goodness sake!!Do what you want, when you want, how you want.  Its YOUR WEDDING.  You're never going to be able to please everyone and the more you try, the more its going to make you crazy.  Dont let ANYONE, especially the ladies in here...myself included....tell you how to plan your wedding or make you feel bad about how you choose to handle your business. Do what feels right to the two most important people in this situation...you and your man.  If it wasnt for the two of you there wouldnt even be wedding details to debate.
    Posted by mlesleev
    To the first bolded part, I don't get upset about someone doing a JOP wedding and then a second fake wedding, I get pissed.  Pissed that people purposely milk the system and think its perfectly acceptable.  Pissed that by you doing that it in turns makes military benefits come under scrutiny all the time (like right now).  There are people who need the benefits and rely on them to live and eat, not to plan their wedding or vacations.  Yes, you have every right to budget your money how you want.  But getting married at the JOP before what then becomes your fake wedding is being a gold digger to the military.  Also, I don't call milking the system for the benefits "stupid stuff," and the fact that you and all these other brides on here do is why we even have situations like this.  This "stupid stuff" you're referring to is your MARRIAGE.

    To the second bolded part, it stops being all about you and your FI as soon as you involve other people in your plans.  So the opinions and feelings of your guests do matter.  If you don't think that they do then you are just truly selfish.  I can't even imagine how upset and hurt my family would be if they found out I lied to them and got married before I told them I did, and then continued to lie about it to them.

    And I agree with the PP who said she can't believe you actually found a priest to go along with the lying charade.  I hope he slips up at your fake wedding and announces that you are already married.


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  • mlesleevmlesleev
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    edited December 2011
    I dont need the "benefits" to plan my big wedding.  We already have the resources we need.  Its never been about benefits.  Its about wanting to spend your life with a man and starting that life asap.
  • Beachy730Beachy730
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    edited December 2011
    You don't need to be married to start your life with him.  Like I said in the other thread, everybody getting married is anxious to spend their life with their FI.  That doesn't make what you're doing right.  And if all you truly care about is being married to him asap, then you wouldn't have made the comment "of course we are going to claim the spousal benefits."  Clearly, you care about more than just being married to him asap. 
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  • SammyJ0J0SammyJ0J0
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    edited December 2011
    Honestly me and my fiancee are going to go that route. But we have informed everyone of our intentions i honestly think that would be the best thing then if he gets stationed elsewhere you will be able to go with him and you wont have to worry about that whole issue. Thats why we are doing it. I dont honestly think that it is taking anything away from your special day because you celebrated just you and your hubby and then you can celebrate with all your family and friends. Honestly i would tell your wedding party and anyone that is involved in helping with the wedding just and an fyi, so they dont get any suprises or wont be offended or mad. It honestly is not a bad thing because then you and your husband can still be together. Don't let anyone being negative ruin your ideas after all it is your decision not theirs. Do what will make you and your fiancee happy in the long run. :) I wish you two the best of luck :)
  • Victoria2013Victoria2013
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    edited December 2011
    Amazing how its always assumed if you are going to do JOP and then have your big wedding that you aren't telling your friends and family...haha.
  • mlesleevmlesleev
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    edited December 2011
    Yes, dnb CLEARLY all I care about are money and benefits and taking advantage of the system and using your taxes to pay for my big wedding. CLEARLY thats all I care about and dont give a damn about my fiance or our lives together. And CLEARLY I dont take being engaged as seriously as being married because we've been engaged for over a year now.

    I really feel sorry for you and the other chick that's been attacking me and the girl who originally started this thread.  It must be hard carrying around all that bitterness.
  • calindicalindi
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?:
    Amazing how its always assumed if you are going to do JOP and then have your big wedding that you aren't telling your friends and family...haha.
    Posted by Victoria2013
    No, if you look, there are plenty of girls who are JOPing and then having a traditional/religious wedding day but are TELLING THEIR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS.  Those girls are not doing anything wrong - differently than others would do it, perhaps, but not wrong.  They aren't lying, cheating, or stealing.

    I'll say it one more time: If you aren't going to present yourselves as a married couple, then you have no right accepting benefits intended for married couples. 

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  • Beachy730Beachy730
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?:
    Yes, dnb CLEARLY all I care about are money and benefits and taking advantage of the system and using your taxes to pay for my big wedding. CLEARLY thats all I care about and dont give a damn about my fiance or our lives together. And CLEARLY I dont take being engaged as seriously as being married because we've been engaged for over a year now. I really feel sorry for you and the other chick that's been attacking me and the girl who originally started this thread.  It must be hard carrying around all that bitterness.
    Posted by mlesleev
    Bitterness towards people who lie and cheat the system?  Its not that hard, because I just convince myself that they are way more honest people out there than military gold-diggers.  And I imagine it can't be NEARLY as hard as carrying around the guilt for the rest of your life of lying to your parents, grandparents and other family and friends abotu your marriage.  Good luck with that though.
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  • mlesleevmlesleev
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    edited December 2011
    How nice of you to wish me well wishes!
  • SammyJ0J0SammyJ0J0
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    edited December 2011
    Seriously how is it cheating the system just because they may have said that in their statement doesn't honestly mean that is all their intentions of doing it. Honestly it could be doing that for all sorts of other reasons. Me and my fiancee are doing it so we can be together in case other things happen where he would have to move and so that i can be covered on healthcare so if something happens he wont have to worry if i will be ok. Plus having a little financial comfort takes away from the drama caused by not having enough money. I had to quit the job i have been working so i could be closer to him and i wont have any insurance so if something were to happen i would be covered and i wouldnt get slammed with a huge debt. This is not cheating the system honestly it is looking out for each others future. That way you will have less drama in teh money related issue, the distance, and wont have as much stress in many other ways. You have said your opinion but now you are just ranting and raving and making your point to where you have to be right here or your going to make a royal fuss and hell. Everyone is entitiled to their own opinion but you my dear dnb are taking it a little too extreme. Do you like arguing and fighting in a forum to feel powerful? or are you just soo close-minded and arrogant about your own opinion you have to make everyone feel like any other way but yours is wrong? If your going to criticize someone why dont you criticize the many others who cheat the system every day and who intend to steal from the government by just popping a couple kids out.
  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?:
    If your going to criticize someone why dont you criticize the many others who cheat the system every day and who intend to steal from the government by just popping a couple kids out.
    Posted by SammyJ0J0

    So your kind of using the system is okay, but not other people's?

    AWESOME.

    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • Beachy730Beachy730
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?:
    Everyone is entitiled to their own opinion but you my dear dnb are taking it a little too extreme. Do you like arguing and fighting in a forum to feel powerful? or are you just soo close-minded and arrogant about your own opinion you have to make everyone feel like any other way but yours is wrong? If your going to criticize someone why dont you criticize the many others who cheat the system every day and who intend to steal from the government by just popping a couple kids out.
    Posted by SammyJ0J0
    I gave up on arguing a while ago, but for some reason people keep coming back in trying to justify it even more, and it just makes you look worse.  I'm not going to pity you or sympathize with you because you quit your job and lost your insurance to go move with your FI.  That was the choice you made.  I made the responsible choice and stayed at my job making money and having my own insurance, and being long distance with FI, until the wedding.  So its not like that was your only choice. 

    Maybe I am close-minded and arrogant about my opinion, but at least I can sleep fien at night and don't lie to anyone.  The thing is, if you girls would just read the posts instead of only reading what you want to read, you would have read the calindi and I have both said its fine to JOP first if you're doing it for the right reasons, but don't lie to anyone about it or hide it, and be just be honest. 

    And since you're so curious, I do criticize the people who pop kids out for welfare purposes, and everything else that people do to cheat the system.  If there was a board on here called "milk the welfare system" I would be on that too telling people what I think.  But for now I can only work on the ones getting married for benefits.  But I'm glad you admit that you're on the same level of integrity as those who cheat the welfare system. 
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  • SammyJ0J0SammyJ0J0
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    edited December 2011
    How is it using the system exactly is what i wanna know? You guys are acting like just because there are other things that come with marrying in the military that we are golddigging whores after our guys money and benefits. Honestly i love my fiancee more than anything in this world and i want to share my life with him and cant wait for the moment i get to make the vow. You guys seriously are arrogant and are only thinking of that other s**t god dang i think i need to pass out industrial strength midol to some of you. You are thinking of that other bullsh*t when honestly none of that matters i love him and look forward to sharing a life together. I honeslty wonder if you guys are this grouchy to your spouses or just online.
  • Beachy730Beachy730
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    edited December 2011
    Because people do it in the military because they get free healthcare and extra BAH as soon as they are married.  And you're fooling yourself if you don't think there are women out there who actually do go after military men for their money and benefits.  Thats why they just changed the ruling again for how long you have to be married to claim half of their pension.  And there is very few other people in this country who would ever consider doing a JOP wedding before their "real" wedding, but for some reason so many other military people think its so justifiable.  There are some okay reasons for doing it, but just to do it because you can't wait to be married to him is a crap excuse.  No I'm not this grouchy at all to H because first of all he's deployed right now, and when he is home I truly appreciate what a great person he is, since this board constantly proves to me what other kind of people actually exist out there. 
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  • SammyJ0J0SammyJ0J0
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    edited December 2011
    Yeah and its also my choice to want to marry him and its my choice on what i did and its not like i dont know everything you are saying because i do i have alot of friends who are in the military and i have heard lots of stories about the girls that use them for their benefits i however am not one of them so dont even judge me like you know me. You think you are high and mighty because you waited well newsflash for you you arent high and mighty so get off your damn high horse. I am not using him for his money or his benefits or anything like that i will be working and making my share of the money not just sitting on my ass. Im not using anythign as an excuse to get pity from you but why would i want pity from such a negative grouchy person as yourself? thats like wanting pity from a jellyfish.
  • edited December 2011
    Sammy, just because you don't agree with someone dosn't mean that you should attack them.  Beach never said you were a gold digger, she said that she believed you were acting like one.  Now that was her opinion and if you don't agree, that's fine.  That dosn't make it right to just spew rude remarks.  You might want to re-evaluate the way you come across to people because being defensive is doing nothing but making it look like you're ashamed.  
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  • SammyJ0J0SammyJ0J0
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    edited December 2011
    And what exactly would i be ashamed of here? haha why would i get defensive over something someone said on the internet and i said the things i said because it's also part of my opinion that i am entitled to just like she is.
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?:
    And what exactly would i be ashamed of here? haha why would i get defensive over something someone said on the internet and i said the things i said because it's also part of my opinion that i am entitled to just like she is.
    Posted by SammyJ0J0
    Well, you're cheating the government, and as a taxpayer, I'm pissed off.  I don't feel like subsidizing your pretty princess day, and since that's not what it's designed for, you're cheating the system.  People who cheat any gov't program make me sick, because you're using my money to live beyond your means.  And that's wrong.
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  • SammyJ0J0SammyJ0J0
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    edited December 2011
    Umm excuse me but i am also a taxpayer i will be working not sitting at home on my ass ill be working hard as hell and paying taxes. And im not having a fancy day we are doing a reception to celebrate with our family and friends we aren't even doing all that fancy crap and honestly we would both be saving our money that WE worked for not the BAH stuff and anything else. So don't talk to me like im going to be sitting at home living a luxurious life, when i will be working my ass off. We will be working and saving money the old fashioned way not with some allowance. I was raised to work for what you want which is exactly what we will both be doing.
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?:
    Umm excuse me but i am also a taxpayer i will be working not sitting at home on my ass ill be working hard as hell and paying taxes. And im not having a fancy day we are doing a reception to celebrate with our family and friends we aren't even doing all that fancy crap and honestly we would both be saving our money that WE worked for not the BAH stuff and anything else. So don't talk to me like im going to be sitting at home living a luxurious life, when i will be working my ass off. We will be working and saving money the old fashioned way not with some allowance. I was raised to work for what you want which is exactly what we will both be doing.
    Posted by SammyJ0J0
    I didn't accuse you of living in the lap of luxury or having a fancy wedding.  I accused you of living beyond your means at my expense by getting marital benefits without being married, which you are.  And that's wrong.  It's wrong when people do INS marriages for citizenship, it's wrong to have babies to qualify for WIC and TANF, it's wrong when people get married for the insurance, and it's wrong to get married so you can have military spouse benefits.

    Working for what you want means saving up.  It does NOT mean cheating a government program.  Savvy?
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  • SammyJ0J0SammyJ0J0
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    edited December 2011
    You seriously are assuming that thats why i am going to marry him? I dont need him for that we are getting married because we love each other and wanna be with one another.Thats why people are supposed to get married not because of other things. Dont assume that you know my intentions because you sound stupid and moronic. We want to be together and thats why we are getting married. We want to be close to one another in case he gets stationed somewhere which is what hes talking about in 8 months.
  • edited December 2011
    If you're defending something that you're doing, then you think it needs defence.  If you believed it to be the right thing to do, you wouldn't be so adamant about trying to make others like it.
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  • SammyJ0J0SammyJ0J0
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    edited December 2011
    I could honestly care less if people like it or not im correcting what someone is assuming about me. Nothing to do with trying to win someones approval screw that.
  • edited December 2011
    Then why are you still here?
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?:
    You seriously are assuming that thats why i am going to marry him? I dont need him for that we are getting married because we love each other and wanna be with one another.Thats why people are supposed to get married not because of other things. Dont assume that you know my intentions because you sound stupid and moronic. We want to be together and thats why we are getting married. We want to be close to one another in case he gets stationed somewhere which is what hes talking about in 8 months.
    Posted by SammyJ0J0
    No, but if you get married and then have a "real" wedding six months later because after six months of BAH payments you can now afford it, you're still cheating the government.  If you don't see how that's cheating the system, then I can't help you.  I can only hope that they someday audit the program to weed out people who do this, because frankly as a nation we can't afford to be subsidizing weddings.  

    And thank you for the childish insults. I remember when I was a teenager and knew everything, then just insulted people who didn't tell me what I wanted to hear.  Then I grew up.  I hope you do too someday!  Being a grown-up is fun.  You have intelligent arguments that don't devolve into name-calling.  Much more stimulating than "you're so stupid!".
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  • Beachy730Beachy730
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    edited December 2011
    Please tell me where I'm confused.  Because this is from your previous post:
    " Me and my fiancee are doing it so we can be together in case other things happen where he would have to move and so that i can be covered on healthcare so if something happens he wont have to worry if i will be ok. Plus having a little financial comfort takes away from the drama caused by not having enough money. I had to quit the job i have been working so i could be closer to him and i wont have any insurance so if something were to happen i would be covered and i wouldnt get slammed with a huge debt. This is not cheating the system honestly it is looking out for each others future. "


    You clearly stated that you quit your job so you could be with him, and now you don't have insurance.  So you are getting married for the insurance and the "financial comfort."  Again, where are we getting this wrong? 

    And just so you know, we never actually said anything about your wedding.  You said you weren't lying to people, and while I don't agree with your reasons for doing the JOP, I'm glad you at least aren't lying to people.  You're the one that came charging back into the post ready to start hell because a few of us told another poster that its not right to lie to people about being married. 

    You can go on all you want.  At the end of the day, you are only going to come across as you already have.  Young, immature, stubborn, and classless.  But go ahead and name call and talk down to everyone that tried to talk some sense into you.  Whatever makes you feel better. 
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  • Victoria2013Victoria2013
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?:
    In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date? : No, if you look, there are plenty of girls who are JOPing and then having a traditional/religious wedding day but are TELLING THEIR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS.  Those girls are not doing anything wrong - differently than others would do it, perhaps, but not wrong.  They aren't lying, cheating, or stealing. I'll say it one more time: If you aren't going to present yourselves as a married couple, then you have no right accepting benefits intended for married couples. 
    Posted by calindi

    I was being completely sarcastic because that is what a lot of people automatically assume, they the couple plans on hiding it from their family and friends.

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