Advice Pleaaase? Helppp

Jules1114

Okay I already posted on here once before but I think I am gonna give the full scoop (as much as I can lol)

SO my "fiancee" didn't EXACTLY propose. He is in Afghanistan and he was able to text me through the internet. We only get to talk a couple times a month. So here is what our convo included that made me wanna start planning.

Him: Hey I really wanna ask you something but it sucks its not in person

Me: What baby?

Him: For instance if I did ask you to marry me when i got back... wink wink lol what do you think about getting married the day before the ball in Vegas

I mean that is if I ask you wink wink, BE HONEST.

Okay so then our conversation went on and we discussed that for numerous reason I want a wedding and I love him but I prefer not to get married in Vegas. Because of the awesome guy he is he said his job is to make all my dreams come true, so if I want a wedding then he does too.

SO he hasnt ACTUALLY proposed, but now I know he is going to. And I live in another state than where he is stationed and Im not moving up there until we get married SO I know him and I are gonna wanna do this thing ASAP.

I know an estimated date of his homecoming, and then I know his actual leave will probably be ABOUT a month after, and he will come back home for it and he said it will be for about 3 weeks-ish. 

I want to plan the wedding for when he is on leave BUT It could be a while before I talk to him again so I have NO clue what date to try and book things for, I just know what month his leave will probably be in, but you ladies know that isnt set in stone! I am on quite a time crunch before this leave happens so I want to plan as much as I can before he gets home so we wont have to do all the planning in one month.

I can't wait to be his wife But I am already stressing about the plans! 

Help! ANY advice would be great. And what details could I get figured out with out a date?

kara811

You can start figuring out a budget and your guest list. You can start looking at venues after and see the pricing. And go on dress shopping! Do not book anything until you talk to him again and if you do, be sure to have a military clause in your vendor contracts.

kyrgyzstan

Dude. He can get leave again. Being engaged is awesome, and I'm having a short one (6/7 months).

Also, let the man reintegrate. That, truly, can be the hardest part of a deployment.

cooper8759

I do not understand what the huge rush is. Let him come home and actually propose to you in person. Than start planning a wedding. Move once you get married and start your lives together. This is a happy, positive time in your life so do not rush it- you are just short changing yourself in the long run. Best wishes!

SamiJoeB

Congrats on your sort-of engagement (I don't mean that to be snarky, I just don't know if you're considering a proposal via text an acutal proposal or not)

In all honesty, it's best to give yourself like 4-5 months between him getting home from deployment and getting married.  Stan is right, reintegration can be the hardest part of a deployment, particularly if this is his first.  Even when they say we'll be back on _____ date, they can't be 100% certain.  Instead of trying to plan for that short leave period that can change depending on them coming home early, or extending, I would suggest that you shoot for a few months after he's back. 

You can begin talking to vendors, explain the situation, see what dates they have availible. I think Beach did that, she got a list of dates from all her vendors over like a 2 month period and picked the dates that matched.  Ditto Kara on the military clause thing. Some vendors will act like they don't know what you're talking about, but tell them that you just want to know that if your date has to be moved or cancelled that they will either give you your money back, or give you another date.  Figure out a budget, colors, start thinking about the style of your wedding, wedding party. Next time you talk to your BF/FI ask him how involved he wants to be, if he wants to be involved every step of the way then you'd be better off waiting for him to get home and then starting to plan.

Good Luck & Welcome to the Board!!

kara811

Despite the ideas I gave you above, I do agree with the girls. It seems like this wedding will be a bit rushed. There is nothing wrong with waiting and letting him reintegrate first. But if you still do go along with this, then you have my suggestions above. Good Luck! 

iluvmytxrgr

I think you should slow down and talk to him more about this first.  I also think you should wait till he is back.  The other ladies are right about letting him reintigrate. 

calindi

Very exciting!  Now just slow your roll a bit - there are SO many unknowns here, and you guys need to talk out specifics before you move forward.

Here's what you can do right now - start putting together a list of people that YOU would want to invite.  Don't tell anyone they're invited - that's a big no-no.  Just start thinking and putting together names.  Consult with your parents if you're letting them in on the still-hypothetical plans at this point to see who they would want to invite, and to give them the opportunity (though it's rude to ask outright) to offer to pay for the wedding or part of it if they're interested and able.  You can start putting together a rough budget - how much can you save?  How much are your parents volunteering to contribute?  Don't assume any money that isn't actually in your pocket (or more realistically, bank account).  Even if someone tells you they will give you money, there's no guarantees until you actually have it.  If someone says they want to pay for a certain thing (like the venue or DJ or something) then ask them how much they're willing to spend towards it, and have THEM sign the contract so that it's between them and the vendor to work out payments.

Don't sign any contracts until you get to talk in more depth with your guy about everything.  Once you have a budget and a guest list (those are steps #1 and #2), then you can start visualizing the details.  You can start researching venues, ideas, vendors, etc.  And you can even contact them and ask pricing and availability.  Since you have so much uncertainty with dates, try not to have a favorite - instead, rank them #1-4 or something. Once you can start booking things, you can ask all your potential vendors to send you their availability for the time frame you'd like to have the wedding and see what matches up. Often you can save money last minute because they're not likely to book that date otherwise, so your negotiating standpoint is better (and it's easy for them to chalk it up to a military discount).

heather0711

I agree with everyone else, no need to rush. FI is stationed 700+ miles away from where I live and is currently deployed as well. We got engaged in May 2010 and will b getting married this January, so we will have been engaged for just shy of 2 years. I think it makes it a million times easier when you have more solidified answers. Otherwise, you'll hate planning everything, too stressful. And like the others said, decompressing from deployment is often harder than the actual deployment.