Need Help...Please

SailorWife512

okay, I am engaged to my GM .  He is in the Navy. And as we all know it is really hard to plan dates, or really anything.  We want to have our wedding on May 22nd, 2012.  It will be our one year anniversary.  We have been together almost four and have a baby girl together.Do any of yall have any tips or anything?  If we set the date now, will he be able to come home for it? Help

Beachy730

I don't really understand your situation.  May would be your 1 year anniversary, yet you've been together for 4 years?  So I'm guessing you're already married and been married for a year and are planning a PPD.

If he's scheduled to be deployed during that time they will absolutely not send him home unless there is a death in the immediate family.  They don't even send SMs home for the birth of their children, they certainly wouldn't for a wedding.  If he is just stationed away from you and would be taking leave but not deployed, then it's up to the command if he can take the leave.  Some commands, especially sea duties, only let you put in for leave within 60 days of taking it, so planning can be tough.  Your best bet to have the best chance of him being able to go is to get married while he is on shore duty.  If you don't want to wait until then you can try to plan for a few months after getting back from a deployment.  But leave can always get denied or cancelled last minute.

firsttimersluck

aaaahhh Don't post his full name on the interwebs!!! >_< 
PERSEC! Look it up pleeeease!!

Also, this is a very broad question.. Life is always not for certain. The military makes it even less so. We planned our date so that it was our anniv. as well, and it worked out that it was right between two deployments and no planned dets so we knew he would be around for it.. Well they tried to send him last minute to San Diego. Over our wedding day. Luckily he had put in his leave chit and it was approved so he talked them out of it (they sent him the next day instead. Thanks Navy!)

Things to do:
The point is, you can't control the military, all you can do is to work around it.
-Have your Fi check with his command and see if there is anything planned for that time frame.
-Then get him to submit a leave chit for that time as soon as possible.
-When you book vendors, make sure to have a military clause put into every contract, to allow for last minute changes.
-Make sure to notify guests as soon as possible if plans change (this obviously will be down the road, not any time soon)
-Be flexible and accept that you can't control what the Navy decides it needs of him.

That's about all you can do to ensure (on your part) that you will have a successful wedding day.
GL and Welcome to the board!

LetsHikeToday

I edited the post...

and beach- I deleted your quoted post too (because I couldn't edit it).

I'm confused about the 1 year 4 year thing too. I'm assuming if he isn't supposed to come back, he won't be able to.

In my opinion, a date is just a date.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_need-helpplease?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:86b4dd32-ea44-44f1-ae65-abf0db8aae9fPost:755fa4fe-8723-464f-9d37-0b0566ddc221">Re: Need Help...Please</a>:
[QUOTE]I edited the post... and beach- I deleted your quoted post too (because I couldn't edit it). I'm confused about the 1 year 4 year thing too. I'm assuming if he isn't supposed to come back, he won't be able to. In my opinion, a date is just a date.
Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]

<div>Sorry, I thought I had edited the quote to take his name out and had just put a ... in there.  </div>

calindi

I'm pretty sure she means they got married in May 2011 and want to have a "wedding" next May, but that they've been together for 4 years.  I hadn't answered because I really didn't want to open up Pandora's box, and I don't like when someone who is married calls their husband their "fiance".

As for planning a party, no matter the occasion, it is very hard.  The best thing you can do is pick a date well after when he's scheduled to return from deployment and make sure you have military clauses in every vendor contract dictating that if he isn't able to attend for any reason that the vendor will refund the deposit or transfer it to a mutually agreeable date within the next year or so.  That way you can reschedule if you have to, without losing lots of money.

Or, you know, since you're already married AND have a child, you could put the money that you would spend on a glorified party towards something more valuable, like a savings fund for your child.  I mean, go ahead and celebrate for sure, but a backyard barbecue for family and friends (you can even wear a cute little white sundress) would cost a few hundred max. 

ggirl2001

I never got the obsession with dates to begin with. I mean if it works, great, but if not, oh well, move on. We picked ours in August because it was available, and we wanted August.  We didn't want to wait any longer than needed after his deployment ended. 

OP, ditto what FTL said, military clause and all such, but be flexible about your date. It might not work that way. Also, I'm not quite sure what you are looking for anyway. I'm assuming that since you have been together 4 years and  have a daughter you are somewhat familiar about dates changing and such and the fact that if he is deployed he won't be able to come.

I don't know. I'm confused haha. 

SamiJoeB

I agree with Beach.. Your post doesn't exactly make sense.  You want it to be on your 1 year anniversary, but you've been together for 4 _________ ? Years, Months?  I guess, ditto what Beach and FTL said..

firsttimersluck

hahahahaha
I'm loving that everyone is so confused... That's why I just gave the typical list of things to do to get a date free..
ohh you ladies crack me up.
Ggirl you giving advice and being honest about the confusion actually make me lol.
OP come back so we can understand more.

Irishcurls

I think this is MUD, personally. But still, confused as well. 

ggirl2001

I GOT IT! They've known each other for 4 years, had a one night stand, did  a JOP a year ago and now its her PPD.

OP-I'm really not making fun of you. If you are real, but I tend to think MUD as well because I can't imagine that you have been with your H or FI for 4 years and don't know to put full names on the internet, military or not. 

KendallR10

The only thing I can think of is they got engaged in may? Unless they are already married