Best idea.. Thank you

[Deleted User]

Thank you for your advice

kyrgyzstan

The Marine Corps cares about a lot more than paperwork. They care about their Marines making quality life decisions. Please wait. Please go through boot camp, mos school, and especially a deployment before you get married. Please let him make at least Corporal first, let him see how the Marine Corps works outside a training environment. Please let him live in the barracks and form bonds with his fellow Marines. 

I know that money, living together, health care, etc. seems like the most important thing in the world, but it's not. Joining the military is a huge deal, and he (and you) need to fully acclimate to that lifestyle and then take the huge step of getting married. Getting married right after boot camp tends to be a rushed decision based on comfort or a high. It's like how people get ridiculous tattoos on their post boot leave. 

If you decide to get married, don't lie about it. Don't make it a secret. 

calindi

It's your decision when and how to get married.  But please, please don't deceive people you care about by pretending you're just engaged.  You only get married once - one day you're not married, the next day you are.  That can only legally happen once.  This isn't about "just the paperwork" - this is about getting married.  Would you want your parents to miss out on the day you actually get married?

Like Stan, I'd recommend you wait at least until he's done with training (boot camp and MOS school) before you get married - both so you can acclimate to military life, and also so you'll be able to have a better idea of his schedule (his time is not his own when he's in the military, and this is especially true during training).

If you're not willing to wait for whatever reason, I at least ask that you don't pretend you're not married when you really are.  There are so many reasons (legal, moral, and ethical) why you should be up front about your decision, and no good reason why not.  Your family and friends will understand, and will still be happy to celebrate at a vow renewal (which can mimic a wedding in nearly every way - white dress, have your Dad walk you down the aisle, a cake, etc.)  There are plenty of girls around here who have done this - they have a small wedding with immediate family (or elope - whatever you prefer).  And then they celebrate with everyone at a vow renewal when they have more time.

iluvmytxrgr

If you do it in secret, it will go very badly.  It always does.  Someone will find out and be very hurt or angry that you lied.  Do you honestly want to lie to your family?
The other ladies have given you great advice.  Please consider it. 

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_idea-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a432d9df-96ca-414c-a384-26daa6605d9fPost:1f64905d-b92c-44f5-954f-4ffe2afec857">Best Idea...? What do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]So my fiance and I want a big wedding, but he is in the Marine Corps.  We are trying to figure out if we should get married after boot camp, tricky part though, it would be in secret.  We would have our two closest friends as witnesses, at the court house with us.  We would have the paperwork part done because thats all the Marine Corps cares about and then later in the summer when he is able to get leave we would have our official ceremony and everyone could come and be at our wedding.  So the just is get married when he comes home from boot camp and tell no one and then when we were able to have the wedding we want, do it and invite everyone and let that day actually be the day we classify as our wedding day.......? What do you think?   Bad idea, or makes sense and is worth doing? Thank you for the advice.   Jessica 
Posted by jabigham[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with the other posters.  No matter how long you've been together, how strong of a relationship you have, and how much you know that this is the person you are going to marry, you have no idea how that will all stand up to the military life.  There are ridiculous amounts of couples that have been in your same situation, and then after they're married they find out that they can't handle the mlitary lifestyle.  And this happens at all ages. 

Nothing bad can come from waiting.  You are married after your ceremony, whether you go to the JOP and "sign papers" or you pull out all the stops for you pretty princess day.  You are married, and that  can only happen once.  As with all the other ladies I 100% think you should wait until he is done with all of his training.  I'm a Navy wife so I'm not that familiar with the Marines schedule out of boot camp, but the other ladies are. 

And like they already said, if you do choose to go against the advice and do a JOP ceremony first, please don't lie to anyone or keep it a secret.  While we do all think it's morally and legally wrong to collect benefits, we also have all been around the military a while and have seen firsthand how often this backfires for people.  I just found out one of my good friends here that i made did this, and her mom is still holding a grudge about it almost 2 years later.

kara811

Agreed with others. This is a very bad idea. Please reconsider your options. It's best to just wait, and don't deceive others, especially your family and friends. 

Epic07032011

Definitely do not keep it a secret. That kind of secret is very difficult to keep and will hurt everyone.

The rest, talk to the people who know you best, their advice will be better than strangers' advice for the specifics.

Beachy730

Since my quote button isn't working, I'll copy and paste Epic's answer:

"The rest, talk to the people who know you best, their advice will be better than strangers' advice for the specifics."

That really isn't the case here.  Maybe people who know them will know their relationship better, but unless they are military families themselves they won't know about the problems that come from getting married too soon in the military.  And even if they do, they might be afraid to tell their friends what they don't want to hear.  This is where strangers on the internet are best for brutally honest advice.  Does anyone want to hear that they should wait to get married?  No.  But that doesn't mean we should only tell them what they want to hear.

All of us who have posted on this board already have been around the military lifestyle for a while, and not just getting started in it.  We see firsthand the effects of what happens when people get married too soon, and before they really experience what the military lifestyle is like.  And unless someone has first hand experience of that themselves, then they really can't give proper advice in this situation.

lizzi97

Whatever you decide to do, please don't lie about JOPing. I went to a wedding where the bride and groom had done this. Only their immediate families and a few close friends knew about it. One of the grooms buddies didn't realize that it was a secret, and he blabbed it during a drunken toast. I was sitting at a table with close family friends and got to experience first hand how hurt they were.

On the other hand, I have been to a vow renewal, which was lovely and involved all the regular bells and whistles. And the couple was open about their married status.