Military Brides

Reception help! XP

My husband and I had a day planned for our wedding, and have started all the planning - however, because he is in the military and could be deployed soon, we went to the courthouse for a legal marriage.
My question is, how tacky would it be if instead of having a full on wedding, we have the reception/party to help us save money; and in this situation is it ok to request gifts or small tokens as a congratulations for our marriage, or request their prescence as a gift?
We will still provide a dinner, dancing, and gifts for everyone to take home. Just minus the ceremony since we both feel it is irrelevant.
I know it is my special day, but given the circumstances, it would either be this way, or wait until he returns to have a wedding....

Re: Reception help! XP

  • Well you never request gifts at all. And you never expect gifts so don't mention gifts anywhere on the invitation. 


    Also I'm confused, the reception is the expensive part of the wedding day so I'm not sure how you save money just by doing that?

    But, to answer your question, your invitations would read something along the lines of "we invite you to celebrate our marriage that took place on such and such a day".  Some people don't recommend wearing a big white dress, first dance, etc, however those don't bother me that much. That's more of a know your crowd type thing. 
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  • We didn't know how to approach the touchy "gift" subject, so thank you!
    I really should have mentioned it but we have a friend who does catering/BBQ and owes us a favor.
    We're really thinking about just having a nice big party and inviting friends and family to celebrate with us.
  • Congrats on your marriage!   If I were you, I would just throw a backyard barbecue to celebrate your wedding, and your friend can cater if she wants.  Don't make it too formal, would be my suggestion - a white cocktail dress (Lily Pulitzer has some adorable ones right now for under $100) would be fine, but a big white wedding dress would seem odd to me as you already got married. 

    People who want to give gifts will, and usually checks (at least with our circle).  If anyone asks what you want, it's usually best to say something like, "Oh, we're just glad you can make it to celebrate with us!  A gift isn't necessary!  We're just trying to save up right now for ------- (insert something here, like buying a home, or going on a honeymoon)".  They'll get the hint!

    Our friends (not military) had a very small ceremony, and about a year later did just that.  They had about 100 people over their house for a barbecue, and it was lovely.  They said they got over $3000 in gifts from friends that day, and only one physical gift which was a personal thoughtful gift rather than a store bought one.

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    Anniversary

  • Well thank you very much! I appreciate the kind words, and yes I think a nice family backyard BBQ will be nice. I wasn't planning on having a huge ball gown of a dress, just a nice sundress, something simple.
    Thank you for all your help!

    In Response to Re: Reception help! XP:
    Congrats on your marriage!   If I were you, I would just throw a backyard barbecue to celebrate your wedding, and your friend can cater if she wants.  Don't make it too formal, would be my suggestion - a white cocktail dress (Lily Pulitzer has some adorable ones right now for under $100) would be fine, but a big white wedding dress would seem odd to me as you already got married.  People who want to give gifts will, and usually checks (at least with our circle).  If anyone asks what you want, it's usually best to say something like, "Oh, we're just glad you can make it to celebrate with us!  A gift isn't necessary!  We're just trying to save up right now for ------- (insert something here, like buying a home, or going on a honeymoon)".  They'll get the hint! Our friends (not military) had a very small ceremony, and about a year later did just that.  They had about 100 people over their house for a barbecue, and it was lovely.  They said they got over $3000 in gifts from friends that day, and only one physical gift which was a personal thoughtful gift rather than a store bought one.
    Posted by calindi
  • I would think it would depend on what you want out of your wedding.  I think that when it comes to cost and STRESS your idea of throwing a casual party is definitely the way to go.  It would also be a great send-off for your husband, so that everyone can see you both and visit before he leaves.

    If you're going to regret not having that big wedding five or ten years down the line, I don't think it's a bad idea to wait and save while he's gone to throw that wedding when he gets back.  If you're particularly spiritual or religious, the ceremony might not seem important now but it might be nice to have that moment.  We were legally married before my fiance/husband :) deployed, but we've been saving and plan to have that traditional wedding when he gets back.  We have only told very very close family and friends about it, so most people don't know and it won't be weird.  But then again that's mostly because our families probably wouldn't allow us to have a chill, fun BBQ :)

    I personally love the idea of an exciting and fun and chill BBQ, but I think it's totally up to you both, your personality, your needs, and your timeline.

    Congratulations and safe wishes to your husband on his deployment!
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  • In Response to Re:Reception help! XP:
    I would think it would depend on what you want out of your wedding. nbsp;I think that when it comes to cost and STRESS your idea of throwing a casual party is definitely the way to go. nbsp;It would also be a great sendoff for your husband, so that everyone can see you both and visit before he leaves.If you're going to regret not having that big wedding five or ten years down the line, I don't think it's a bad idea to wait and save while he's gone to throw that wedding when he gets back. nbsp;If you're particularly spiritual or religious, the ceremony might not seem important now but it might be nice to have that moment. nbsp;We were legally married before my fiance/husband : deployed, but we've been saving and plan to have that traditional wedding when he gets back. nbsp;We have only told very very close family and friends about it, so most people don't know and it won't be weird. nbsp;But then again that's mostly because our families probably wouldn't allow us to have a chill, fun BBQ :I personally love the idea of an exciting and fun and chill BBQ, but I think it's totally up to you both, your personality, your needs, and your timeline.Congratulations and safe wishes to your husband on his deployment! Posted by chqtabnana14
    Not telling you guests that you are already married is extremely dishonest. You are lying to them. That's wrong. It's cool you got married already and want to have a party. You need to let your guests know. Don't start your married life off with a lie.
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  • In Response to Re:Reception help! XP:
    I would think it would depend on what you want out of your wedding. nbsp;I think that when it comes to cost and STRESS your idea of throwing a casual party is definitely the way to go. nbsp;It would also be a great sendoff for your husband, so that everyone can see you both and visit before he leaves.If you're going to regret not having that big wedding five or ten years down the line, I don't think it's a bad idea to wait and save while he's gone to throw that wedding when he gets back. nbsp;If you're particularly spiritual or religious, the ceremony might not seem important now but it might be nice to have that moment. nbsp;We were legally married before my fiance/husband : deployed, but we've been saving and plan to have that traditional wedding when he gets back. nbsp;We have only told very very close family and friends about it, so most people don't know and it won't be weird. nbsp;But then again that's mostly because our families probably wouldn't allow us to have a chill, fun BBQ :I personally love the idea of an exciting and fun and chill BBQ, but I think it's totally up to you both, your personality, your needs, and your timeline.Congratulations and safe wishes to your husband on his deployment! Posted by chqtabnana14
    It'll be really weird when guests who think they're seeing you get married for the first time find out you've been married 'x' amount of time.
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  • chqtabnana14chqtabnana14
    First Comment First Anniversary
    member
    edited September 2012
    I'm sorry, but it's none of your business who we have decided to tell and who we have not told about our legal decision to get married. The people who are close to us know and understand what we're doing and why. Which I think is the funny part -- none of my family seems to be bothered by it, but two girls I've never met and never will meet are telling me I'm immoral.

    I was simply answering a question (to neither of you, I might add) about throwing a party.  Maybe we should keep this board about that topic.
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  • ggirl2001ggirl2001
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    member
    edited September 2012
    In Response to Re:Reception help! XP:I'm sorry, but it's none of your business who we have decided to tell and who we have not told about our legal decision to get married. The people who are close to us know and understand what we're doing and why. Which I think is the funny part none of my family seems to be bothered by it, but two girls I've never met and never will meet are telling me I'm immoral.I was simply answering a question to neither of you, I might add about throwing a party. nbsp;Maybe we should keep this board about that topic. Posted by chqtabnana14 


    The beauty of a message board is that we can comment about what we want, even if it's not addressed to me. Telling someone how to posts doesn't go over well. And yes, I find lying about being freaking married wrong. If your family doesn't care why not tell everyone you're invited. Because guess what? The secret is going to get out and people will be hurt and upset. Go ask people who have had this happen to them. They still talk about it later. We are just trying to tell you that what you are doing can cause hurt feelings. But yeah, don't take this advice, lie to your family and friends. That's the act of a good friend right? We encourage honesty on this board, especially when starting your marriage.

    Edited because sometimes posting from a phone sucks. 
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  • In Response to Re: Reception help! XP:
    I would think it would depend on what you want out of your wedding.  I think that when it comes to cost and STRESS your idea of throwing a casual party is definitely the way to go.  It would also be a great send-off for your husband, so that everyone can see you both and visit before he leaves. If you're going to regret not having that big wedding five or ten years down the line, I don't think it's a bad idea to wait and save while he's gone to throw that wedding when he gets back.  If you're particularly spiritual or religious, the ceremony might not seem important now but it might be nice to have that moment.  We were legally married before my fiance/husband :) deployed, but we've been saving and plan to have that traditional wedding when he gets back.  We have only told very very close family and friends about it, so most people don't know and it won't be weird.  But then again that's mostly because our families probably wouldn't allow us to have a chill, fun BBQ :) I personally love the idea of an exciting and fun and chill BBQ, but I think it's totally up to you both, your personality, your needs, and your timeline. Congratulations and safe wishes to your husband on his deployment!
    Posted by chqtabnana14

    I think it's awesome that you have such little respect for friends and family that you feel the need to lie to them.  Are you afraid they won't give you gifts or are you afraid they'll think you only did it for the benefits?  
    If I weren't in on your BIG ASSS lie from the begining and I thought of you as a friend, I'd be beyond ticked off when I found out later.  Friends and family don't lie to friends.  Plus, lying about a mariage only makes people think you have something to be ashamed of.  Good luck starting off a mariage with a lie.  It only snowballs.  I wonder what else y'all lie about.  



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