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Marriage after high school??

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Re: Marriage after high school??

  • miabethjmiabethj
    10 Comments
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school??:
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school?? : Please don't put the cart before the horse.  This more than likely won't happen.  When he goes active, he will go to a regular unit.  He will then either have to contact a Ranger recruiter and hope his unit will let him go or hope when his unit gets a slot for school that he gets it.  Most units will send an NCO over a lower ranking soldier any time they get a slot.  It could be years before he actually got to school. 
    Posted by iluvmytxrgr
    Regardless, marriage is an option. Going active, he would still be sent somewhere else other than here.

    Before it came up for us to get married right after graduation, a year or two was all that we were planning.
  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
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    edited December 2011
    Have you stopped to think that maybe his Commander might have an issue with one of his soldiers making a decision like that.  Yes, a Commander can stop a soldier from getting married.  As a matter of fact, on of the First Sergeants in my husband's unit just issued a lawfull order to a 19 yr old kid stating that he can not get married until he reaches at least E-4.  He is now sending this kid to every school and TDY he can send him to.  He has also refused to sign any weekend passes so the kid can go home.  CO backs him completely. 


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  • miabethjmiabethj
    10 Comments
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school??:
    http://www.quantico.usmc.mil/sentry/StoryView.aspx?SID=1679 Read that link too. It's in my siggy, and about Marines, but I think it's a good one to point out anyway.
    Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan
    I read the article, and I still don't think I'm marrying for the wrong reasons.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school??:
       I actually think our families would grow to the idea haha. even they think we will get married, and I really don't think his family will have a problem with it at all.     He has a sister that is 20 and engaged, and her wedding is set for next winter.  It's not that unusual.    My mother doesn't really rate marriage that high. Right now she's been in a relationship for eight years, and has no intentions of marriage (they live together). I, would never do that.    She thinks marriages stupid.
    Posted by miabethj
    You can't have it both ways.  Either they're against it, like your original post said, and you need to "overcome negativity" or they're for it and you're original post is moot.

    Did you take into account any of the other things I said?  Graduate, go to college, start your career, then get married.
    I don't want to be on MSNBC, yo.
  • miabethjmiabethj
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school??:
    Have you stopped to think that maybe his Commander might have an issue with one of his soldiers making a decision like that.  Yes, a Commander can stop a soldier from getting married.  As a matter of fact, on of the First Sergeants in my husband's unit just issued a lawfull order to a 19 yr old kid stating that he can not get married until he reaches at least E-4.  He is now sending this kid to every school and TDY he can send him to.  He has also refused to sign any weekend passes so the kid can go home.  CO backs him completely. 
    Posted by iluvmytxrgr
    Welll since  there are people in his unit the same age as him now getting married, and he'll be 22 when we do, I think it'll be alright...
  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
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    edited December 2011
    You know what, do what you want.  Your family obviously doesn't give enough of a shyte about you to stop you from making a mistake.  Why the hell should we?  I don't know why I've bothered to waste my time.  I can tell you that this breaks my heart. 


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  • miabethjmiabethj
    10 Comments
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school??:
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school?? : You can't have it both ways.  Either they're against it, like your original post said, and you need to "overcome negativity" or they're for it and you're original post is moot. Did you take into account any of the other things I said?  Graduate, go to college, start your career, then get married.
    Posted by GracieLouFreebush*
    I really can't even imagine that.

    I'll be the first person in my family to even go to college, so I think I'm doing good for myself being determined to get a degree, being married or not.
  • miabethjmiabethj
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school??:
    You know what, do what you want.  Your family obviously doesn't give enough of a shyte about you to stop you from making a mistake.  Why the hell should we?  I don't know why I've bothered to waste my time.  I can tell you that this breaks my heart. 
    Posted by iluvmytxrgr
    well, you are nice.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school??:
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school?? : I really can't even imagine that. I'll be the first person in my family to even go to college, so I think I'm doing good for myself being determined to get a degree, being married or not.
    Posted by miabethj

    Oook then.  GL with that.  You definitely sound like you're still in HS. 

    Please come back in a year when he's deployed, your stuck at home with a screaming infant, and have zero college/career prospects at the oooold age of 20.  Stories like yours are a dime a dozen, honey.
    I don't want to be on MSNBC, yo.
  • miabethjmiabethj
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school??:
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school?? : Oook then.  GL with that.  You definitely sound like you're still in HS.  Please come back in a year when he's deployed, your stuck at home with a screaming infant, and have zero college/career prospects at the oooold age of 20.  Stories like yours are a dime a dozen, honey.
    Posted by GracieLouFreebush*
    well you definantly do not know me. I will go to college, and that will for sure be before children.
  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school??:
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school?? : well, you are nice.
    Posted by miabethj
    Actually, I am.  Being the Soldier that I am, I rarely sugar coat things.  I have for you since you are a KID.  What's the point in continuing to give you valid points when, like a typical teenager, every thing we tell you "goes in one ear and out the other."  You have at least two people who got married young and are now divorced giving you great advice.   You aren't as grown up as you think you are.  You are proving it in this post. 


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  • miabethjmiabethj
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
      I still have two years to be this kid you are talking about. Every word you guys have said to me I have kept in my mind. I'm just defending it with my own thoughts.
    I've never once said I think I am so grown up and know everything.
  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
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    edited December 2011
    By saying you are ready to get married, yes, you are saying you are grown.  When I married my XH, I thought I knew what love was.  After we divorced, I dated two people after him who I thought I loved.  I had no idea what it was to truely love a man until I met my husband.  Love isn't "I can't live with out him."  Love is "I'm willing to be with out him and stay faithful to him until he returns." 


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  • miabethjmiabethj
    10 Comments
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    edited December 2011
     "I'm willing to be with out him and stay faithful to him until he returns"

    I agree with this statement.

    We could not be married for five more years and I would still love him, be with him, and stay faithfull.

    Just because I'm "willing" doesn't mean I want that.

    But honestly, no matter what I say I doubt you'll change your opinion of me. I'm really sorry I wasted your time.
  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
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    edited December 2011
    I don't have a bad opinion of you.  I see a love sick kid who isn't really hearing what I'm telling her.  It's the same way I was when I was your age.  It's normal behavior. 
    Just wait until you come home from school exhausted one day.  Then you have to cook dinner, do the laundry and clean the house.  Right as you are finishing dinner, your husband calls you and says, "Sorry, Babe.  1SGT snagged me to work late.  I'm about to jump onto a bird.  We're going to fast rope into a training mission and we'll be out at the shoot house for a while.  I won't be back until  2 or 3.  Then I have to be back to work at 0900."  Meanwhile, you see on FB that a bunch of your friend from class are planning to meet up to go to the movies.  You would join them, but now you have to clean the kitchen and you haven't had a chance to do your homework because you were taking care of house work. 
    I went to school for a while, but then got pregnant with my son.  I tried to go back a few years ago.  Being a mom, working full time and going to school full time were way too much.  For now, my kids come first.  I have to pay for them to go to college first.  Maybe I'll be able to go after they are finished. 
    Don't tell me that won't be you.  I thought the same thing.  I thought we were being carefull. Now I have one heck of a great 12 yr old boy.


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  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school??:
     "I'm willing to be with out him and stay faithful to him until he returns" I agree with this statement. We could not be married for five more years and I would still love him, be with him, and stay faithfull. Just because I'm "willing" doesn't mean I want that. But honestly, no matter what I say I doubt you'll change your opinion of me. I'm really sorry I wasted your time.
    Posted by miabethj

    Look at it this way Mia, at least two of us have been where you are, young and thinking we're ready to get married. Neither of us were, and we have divorces to show for it. I'm not bitter, I'm grateful that I used that bad experience to improve myself. I'm grateful that I've been with my SO for 2.5 years without having been married. We've been able to have a lot of fun. I know what real, adult love is like, and it's not what it was like when I was 18/19/20/21/22. I am me before I am SO's girlfriend, and that's why we're a successful couple. Because I don't need him. I love him, but I don't need him to be happy.

    Those who answered who aren't divorced after young marriage answered the way they did because they see your situation all the time. 

    So, some of us have been where you are, others have seen a ton of service members getting married in your exact circumstances. You don't have the experience that the rest of us have, which is fine. You're young. But I think you'll see the only people who are supportive of this idea are other young people who lack experience. 95% of us will tell you it's a bad idea, and that you can do better in your life. Not better than your FI, but better as a Mia. You can be a Mia who is college educated, and a full and mature adult first, and then a wife. 
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  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
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    edited December 2011
    Stan speaks the truth.  Mia, don't you want to be the best wife that you can be for your BF?  In order to do that, you have to learn who you really are.  Be his GF but be independant Mia.  Learn what it is like to live on your own for a couple of years.  Go expirience the world.  Then come back and get married. 
    I am going to challenge you to go speak to a trusted teacher a pastor or an adult outside of your family.  I promise you, they will tell you the same things we are telling you. 


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  • AlouetteBeansAlouetteBeans
    Fourth Anniversary First Comment
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school??:
      But honestly, no matter what I say I doubt you'll change your opinion of me. I'm really sorry I wasted your time.
    Posted by miabethj
    I'm really curious why you came here then. We can't help you deal with negativity from people in your life.

    You had to have known that things were going to go down like this. We are a bunch of people who have been there, done that (or seen it). Its not unique for people from small towns (or big towns I guess, but much less common) to get married too young because they cant be away from their partner, make choices for "LOOOOOVVVVEEEE" and end up miserable, or at least in a situation they end up regreting.

    I know a LOT of people that got married right out of high school, and nearly ten years later, it has only worked out for one couple. Actually, I didnt even know her in high school, I just met her last year (she's been married 7). So yeah, we are going to tell you its not the best idea in the world, and that waiting to get married never killed any body. I moved away to TX to finish grad school while DH was in CO at USAFA. It made our relationship better by a million times.

    But nothing we said will help, so whatevs.
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  • miabethjmiabethj
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school??:
    Stan speaks the truth.  Mia, don't you want to be the best wife that you can be for your BF?  In order to do that, you have to learn who you really are.  Be his GF but be independant Mia.  Learn what it is like to live on your own for a couple of years.  Go expirience the world.  Then come back and get married.  I am going to challenge you to go speak to a trusted teacher a pastor or an adult outside of your family.  I promise you, they will tell you the same things we are telling you. 
    Posted by iluvmytxrgr
    There is one man you is/was our youth minister and he knows every struggle we've had personally, and through our relationship. He knows us and our relationship more than anyone. He would also be the one to do our pre-marital councialing. He's for our relationship, and he isn't against the idea of us getting married a year after I graduate (because that has been the plan, be living on my own for a year and start off my college )
  • miabethjmiabethj
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school??:
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school?? : I'm really curious why you came here then. We can't help you deal with negativity from people in your life. You had to have known that things were going to go down like this. We are a bunch of people who have been there, done that (or seen it). Its not unique for people from small towns (or big towns I guess, but much less common) to get married too young because they cant be away from their partner, make choices for "LOOOOOVVVVEEEE" and end up miserable, or at least in a situation they end up regreting. I know a LOT of people that got married right out of high school, and nearly ten years later, it has only worked out for one couple. Actually, I didnt even know her in high school, I just met her last year (she's been married 7). So yeah, we are going to tell you its not the best idea in the world, and that waiting to get married never killed any body. I moved away to TX to finish grad school while DH was in CO at USAFA. It made our relationship better by a million times. But nothing we said will help, so whatevs.
    Posted by JillyWtP
    I could have answer that question when I started this thread, but now, I'm not sure. Like I said- sorry.

    I still take what you all have said in consideration.
  • Beachy730Beachy730
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    edited December 2011
    Honestly, if you do decide to get married, please write me in 5 years and tell me if you're still married, if you finished college before getting KU, and if you're still happy you didn't wait.  I know that's not your "plan," but things change very quickly.

    When I was 21 I was dating a guy that I thought was my future husband.  I was a senior in college, and within a year I realized I wasn't even close to the same person I was when i had met him, and that I wanted my life to go in a completely different direction than he did.  He didn't agree, as he was already looking at rings.  So I broke up with him, and have never regretted it a day in my life.  I can't even imagine how miserable I would be if I married him, and can pretty much guarantee we would be divorced by now.

    So how old are you right now?  And how long have you been together as of right now?  I know of 2 people that ended up marrying their high school sweethearts.  Both couples waited until they had finished college and got real jobs before they got married.  Every single other couple that was together when we graduated high school has since broken up.

    You might think that you won't change, but you will.  And even if you change and still want to be with each other, no harm has been done.  I didn't read all the posts, so I might have missed it, but why do you think moving away from your family at 19 and being alone when he is deployed is really the smart choice?  I know plenty of women in their 20's, 30's, and even 40's right now whose H's are on my H's ship, and are having a horrible time dealing with the deployment.  I can't even imagine what the 19 y/o's are like.  
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm a little bit older than 19, my husband has been gone for a year, and we have another year to go and I'M having a terrible time dealing with it. He's stationed overseas like you say your BF/FI will be. Nobody wants to be away from thier SO but thats the reality of a military marriage, and I have a hard time thinking that anyone can handle it right out of high school. You're going to do what you want, but are you even going to consider all of these women's opinions? if you're not then why bother asking our opinions. Hubby and I are both well out of high school and, like pretty much everyone said, we are completely different people then we were when we graduated. The military lifestyle will change him & college will change you and you don't know at 19 & 21 1/2 that those changes will be compatible with each other in 5 years. I had people tell me I was too young to get married, but I've had college, and and AD military, as is my husband. I had more than one person tell me the same thing that Beach told you. I had them tell me to tell them in 5 years if we were even still together let alone happy. I can't say that it'll be a mistake to marry your bf right out of high school, but you have to at least consider the statistics. You more than likely have your mind made up, but I have to hope that you have some doubt about it being the right decision or you wouldn't have asked. Hopefully all of these posts made you seriously consider the alternatives that these wise (wiser than me for sure) women have put before you. Sorry if this was preachy, and best of luck!
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  • miabethjmiabethj
    10 Comments
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school??:
    [QUOTEYou're going to do what you want, but are you even going to consider all of these women's opinions?.......... You more than likely have your mind made up, but I have to hope that you have some doubt about it being the right decision or you wouldn't have asked. Hopefully all of these posts made you seriously consider the alternatives that these wise (wiser than me for sure) women have put before you. Sorry if this was preachy, and best of luck!
    Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]

       I am taking what everyone says into consideration, or I would not have asked!! Of course I'm going to be defensive, that's human nature. Defend your side of the story. That doesn't mean I'm going to X out of this web page and never think back to what was said.
       In the end, I'm going to do what I think is best for me, but in reality I have a little over a year to decide this. Maybe what you guys say changes my answer, maybe it won't.
       I guess we'll see!
  • LuluP82LuluP82
    500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I dated a guy for 4 years in high school. We thought we were going to get married, too. We even went off to college together. After 7 months at college, we broke up-- I realized I wanted completely different things than he did. We'd planned our entire lives together, too. But we changed freshman year of college. Then I met my college boyfriend. We dated all of college, pretty much. Again, thought we were going to get married. Guess what? As soon as we graduated college and he started work and I started grad school, we realized we were different people who wanted different things. Both are great guys. Both would have made me misarable in the long run.

    I met H when I was almost through law school. We still dated for 4 years, even though I was 25 and he was 29 when we met.

    We're not raining on your parade because it's fun. We're just telling you that you're likely going to make a huge mistake if you marry this guy at 19. None of the reasons you gave are good reasons to marry someone.
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  • Sammy0709Sammy0709
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school??:
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school?? : Welll since  there are people in his unit the same age as him now getting married, and he'll be 22 when we do, I think it'll be alright...
    Posted by miabethj
    They're probably not marrying kids in highschool.  I mean that you are a kid.  I am 22 and I still feel like a kid sometimes.

    ETA: When you get married, especially to a SM, you lose your opportunity to be a kid any longer.   You have to be grown.  If you want to act like a child for the next two years then don't get married.
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  • kara811kara811
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    member
    edited December 2011
    Everyone above had very good points to your situation OP. I also think that marrying right out of high school is not a wise decision. I am definitely a different person from when I was back in high school. People change over the years, it's a fact. It's just a matter of if the changes won't affect your relationship. 

    You should at least experience how military life is like before you marry your SO. Try and see if you can handle the relationship while he is overseas or on a deployment first. When a relationship is put through something like that, and you can handle it, then you know you are mature enough to live this kind of life style. I know how it feels like when your SO will be moving overseas. My FI has been stationed overseas for almost 3 years now, it sucks. We thought about getting married before he moved, but we didn't. We knew we weren't ready. so we waited. And this just made our relationship stronger, it's tough, but we know it will be worth it in the end. 

    Ultimately of course this is all entirely up to you. But give these opinions a thought and don't make any rush decisions. Good Luck with everything. 
  • edited December 2011
    Marriage after high school was not even a thought. You do it now, you will be divorced in 5 years. Way to young. Being 19 does not make you grown, life experience does.
  • edited December 2011
    you sound so generic, sorry.
  • natalieervinnatalieervin
    100 Comments
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    edited December 2011
    I am still in HS. My FI and I are getting married on June 4th. I will be 18 and he will be 21 when we get married. I understand that many people will tell you not to do it or be upset but like you said in your OP, if they love you, they will support you in your decision. In the end it is your FI and your decision. If you think you are mature enough to be married, then get married. Only you know how you feel. I will be getting my degree also, If you really want to finish, you will.
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  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Marriage after high school??:
    I am still in HS. My FI and I are getting married on June 4th. I will be 18 and he will be 21 when we get married. I understand that many people will tell you not to do it or be upset but like you said in your OP, if they love you, they will support you in your decision. In the end it is your FI and your decision. If you think you are mature enough to be married, then get married. Only you know how you feel. I will be getting my degree also, If you really want to finish, you will.
    Posted by natalieervin
    This is what I'm talking about OP. No one else in this thread thinks this is a good idea, except someone with as little experience as you have. many of us who think you should wait have marriage experience and educational experience that you are lacking. Every teenager thinks they're more mature than everyone else their age. They aren't. All teenagers are immature. I was. All these ladies will likely say they were too. How does Natalie KNOW that if you or she want to finish college, you will? That's a really youthful way of thinking, that because you want something, it'll work out. 

    Go be young adults. With your own identity. Right now your identity is that of a child. Your parents' child. Your fiance has had his own identity for a couple years, but you and Natalie are moving straight from being someone's child to someone's wife, and that breaks my heart. 
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