Military Brides

Weird to Have a ceremony 2 years later?

My husband and I planned a wedding but he got deployed so we had to postpone the ceremony. We did a justice of the peace and decided to have the ceremony later. We re-planned the ceremony for our 1 year anniversary however now we got orders to Korea for 1 year, so our ceremony would have to be 2 years after we got married. We are mil to mil still want our dream wedding though, since we didn't have any family around, or say vows or anything like that. Our families have never even met and I feel as thought I shouldnt have to sacrifice my wedding ceremony when I already sacrifice a lot being in the military. But everywhere I look it says that it is not possible to have a ceremony becuase you are already married, and that it wouldn't be right. Any advice?

Re: Weird to Have a ceremony 2 years later?

  • Well you can certainly have a ceremony. It would be a vow renewal since you are already married. I, personally, wouldn't call it a wedding since you had that when you JOP'd. 

    I would though wait maybe 5 years and do an anniversary party with a renewal of vows? That's just me though since 5 years is a good mile marker.  Also are you military too or just your husband, I'm confused by the wording of your post. 
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  • I agree with what ggirl said. Five is a good milestone. One is too soon trust me I have direct experience with a one year VR...I spent my first year of marriage mediating arguments between family members...no bueno. I just don't like how it seems like you blame the military for the decision you made to "sacrifice" your ceremony. Whether you have a "special situation" or not, you made the decision and no one forced you in to it. Same as you chose to make sacrifices and join the military so don't use your decision to be a victim. Instead of focusing on not having what you wanted focus on the good. You're married to the man you love and you can have renewal of vows on a milestone anniversary.
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  • In Response to Re: Weird to Have a ceremony 2 years later?:
    Do what makes you happy! My husband and I eloped last year due to deployment and we are having our big wedding in May 2014.  It is all up to you and what is important to the both of you! As you know, the military throws obstacles and roadblocks; therefore don't worry about the traditional wedding :)
    Posted by taylordicarlo
    Wait, so you are getting divorced sometime soon so that you can have a wedding in 2014?  Because you do realize that you can't have a wedding if you're already married right?  I don't normally post here, but this kind of post really irritates me, since most of the ladies on here make sacrifices but don't complain that they didn't get the PPD that they really wanted.
  • It really irks the fire out of me when people blame a deployment for having to run off and get married.  You don't have to get married because of a deployment.  That is a choice you make.  Many of the ladies on here have been through deployments, years, living on different sides of the country or even world and all sorts of other hardships.  They managed to wait and plan the wedding they wanted.  We chose to get married in my mom's living room surrounded by 30 people, none of whom were members of my husband's family, because that's the only time that worked out for us with his training schedule.  We are good with that. It would have been nice to have his family there, but it didnt' work out.  
    The only thing that really mattered to us was being married.  No one else mattered.  Just the two of us.  Everything else is a dog and pony show.  


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  • In Response to Re: Weird to Have a ceremony 2 years later?:
    Well you can certainly have a ceremony. It would be a vow renewal since you are already married. I, personally, wouldn't call it a wedding since you had that when you JOP'd.  I would though wait maybe 5 years and do an anniversary party with a renewal of vows? That's just me though since 5 years is a good mile marker.  Also are you military too or just your husband, I'm confused by the wording of your post. 
    Posted by ggirl2001
    Yes we are both in the Military, I thought it would be kind of considered a vow renewal but since we never said vows in the JOP we didn't know if that would still count, or if i could still wear my wedding dress, since its still in my closet unworn.
  • In Response to Re: Weird to Have a ceremony 2 years later?:
    Do what makes you happy! My husband and I eloped last year due to deployment and we are having our big wedding in May 2014.  It is all up to you and what is important to the both of you! As you know, the military throws obstacles and roadblocks; therefore don't worry about the traditional wedding :)
    Posted by taylordicarlo
    Thats great! How are you doing your invites and such since your'e already married? How are you going to word them? You're still wearing the white dress and all? I'm glad im not alone in this and not the only one wanting to do it this way, thank you!
  • As for the rest of you, I really don't appreciate your comments, they seem very rude in my opinion. I am not "blaming" the military or in any way 'hating' on the military but yes we do make sacrifices that other people not in the military do not, and that people not in the military don't understand. We got married before I deployed becuase if one of us got orders then we would be seperated, and thank goodness we did becuase we got orders while I was deployed. If I didn't get deployed then we would have waited until our cermony to do it traditionaly, however like taylordicarlo said, the military throws obstacles and roadblocks at us and they can be very unexpected and inconvenient. I love being in the military but I have every right to say that I have made sacrifices for it.
  • The martyr stance really doesn't sit we'll with regulars on this board. In case you didn't notice we're all military or SO's of military as well so we've made our own choices and sacrifices. We don't go around acting like things such as a big fancy PPD are a right that we are entitled to and should have whether we CHOSE to get married by JOP or not. I chose my JOP, my family wanted me to have a VR so I did. I'm not saying any of this because you can't have a VR. I'm saying this because you clearly don't see how you kind of came off a bit poorly in how you seem like you deserve a PPD and someone forced you to give it up. You can not appreciate the tough love all you want but everyone has their own opinions.
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  • exactly, everyone can have their own opinions so why do you 'regulars' force your opinion on others so harshly. I am not a regular poster but i am a regular reader  and I see your harsh comments day by day. You leave no room for others opinions. I never said that anyone forced me to give up my PPD, I was asking if it was wrong of me to still have one becuase my husband and I both want one. I also know that all of you are in some way affialiated to the military but being married to someone in the military and being in the military are very differnt, especially when you both are in the military thats a complelty differnt aspect. I am not taking a 'martr stance' I am just being honest and kindly telling you my opinion. You 'regulars' should stop being so defensive and stop trying to 'mark your territory', this is a public forum and we are all adult enough to stop making childish accusations.
  • Harsh comments day by day? Well thats impressive since this board has been dead for weeks. You also have no freaking clue who is in the military, or prior military, or just married into the military, but nice try. 

    Where were there accusations? Please point me to a post where someone made "accusations" against someone.  You also notice no one said it was wrong for you to want one,but told you how it could come across. Many on this board had a JOP, many waited for years to get married, many like, TX had a small ceremony with 30 people. Most of the women on this board have been through deployments, cross country relationships, wedding dates changing due to the military, you are not the only special snowflake so when you start blaming the military for FORCING you to JOP it doesn't sit well for others. You CHOSE to.  Whether you like that choice or not, you chose it. So instead of us telling to act like adults, maybe start accepting that you made a choice in your life. 
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  • Also, most ladies on this board don't care if you have 1 or 1433 parties to celebrate your wedding. It's the wording of the post that rubs people the wrong way. I also don't care if you wear a wedding dress, some people will side eye it and some won't. No one really gives a shiitttttt what you do but we're offering you suggestions on how to do it the best way (hence wait for 5 year anniversary party). 
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  • In Response to Re: Weird to Have a ceremony 2 years later?:
    Harsh comments day by day? Well thats impressive since this board has been dead for weeks. You also have no freaking clue who is in the military, or prior military, or just married into the military, but nice try.  Where were there accusations? Please point me to a post where someone made "accusations" against someone.  You also notice no one said it was wrong for you to want one,but told you how it could come across. Many on this board had a JOP, many waited for years to get married, many like, TX had a small ceremony with 30 people. Most of the women on this board have been through deployments, cross country relationships, wedding dates changing due to the military, you are not the only special snowflake so when you start blaming the military for FORCING you to JOP it doesn't sit well for others. You CHOSE to.  Whether you like that choice or not, you chose it. So instead of us telling to act like adults, maybe start accepting that you made a choice in your life. 
    Posted by ggirl2001

    Once again, I never said teh military FORCED me to do a JOP, We chose to do that and I never denied that, so there is an accusation, and I wasn't hating on your earlier comment, I actually liked your idea of wating until the 5 year mark.
  • But you're acting like you're a victim. That's my use of the word *forced*. You chose to do it so you're not a victim of the military. You got to marry your husband right? Thats the important thing. Everything else is just fluff. 
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  • In Response to Re: Weird to Have a ceremony 2 years later?:
    exactly, everyone can have their own opinions so why do you 'regulars' force your opinion on others so harshly. I am not a regular poster but i am a regular reader  and I see your harsh comments day by day. You leave no room for others opinions. I never said that anyone forced me to give up my PPD, I was asking if it was wrong of me to still have one becuase my husband and I both want one. I also know that all of you are in some way affialiated to the military but being married to someone in the military and being in the military are very differnt, especially when you both are in the military thats a complelty differnt aspect. I am not taking a 'martr stance' I am just being honest and kindly telling you my opinion. You 'regulars' should stop being so defensive and stop trying to 'mark your territory', this is a public forum and we are all adult enough to stop making childish accusations.
    Posted by Kciletti
    I really can't believe you said the bolded part.  You really patronized the military wives and fiances here and I find it offensive.  I'm a MOB who is a 26 year vet.  I have always considered the sacrifices of the spouse to be equally as great (or bigger in my eyes) to those of the service member.  You get an education, you estabish a career, and you put it all on the back burner to move every 3 or 4 years to wherever Uncle Sam tells you to move.  Many of the wives here chucked their formal wedding plans for a JOP wedding because it was the best choice for their situation.  Do not patronize them or tell them they do not understand.  You are very wrong there.  

    I don't really care what you do.  I have attended vow renewals that were done as weddings.  These women are trying to tell you the classiest way to go about this, but you are coming off as an entitled princess who no one can possibly understand because they, too, aren't in the military.  Going down the wrong path there.
  • AmandaSC1988AmandaSC1988
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
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    edited October 2012
    In Response to Re: Weird to Have a ceremony 2 years later?:
    As for the rest of you, I really don't appreciate your comments, they seem very rude in my opinion. I am not "blaming" the military or in any way 'hating' on the military but yes we do make sacrifices that other people not in the military do not, and that people not in the military don't understand. We got married before I deployed becuase if one of us got orders then we would be seperated, and thank goodness we did becuase we got orders while I was deployed. If I didn't get deployed then we would have waited until our cermony to do it traditionaly, however like taylordicarlo said, the military throws obstacles and roadblocks at us and they can be very unexpected and inconvenient. I love being in the military but I have every right to say that I have made sacrifices for it.
    Posted by Kciletti
    I guess this is the part that annoys me.  So many of the women here (myself included) were seperated for a better part of their relationships and even their marriage because of certain factors related to school, military, and personal careers. No matter your situation, life is rarely easy and to say your life is harder than the average person is generally frowned upon. When you move, you both will have a job!! I would LOVE to have a job all lined up when I move with my husband! There is nothing wrong with your decision to get married at a JOP, but don't blame the miltary for making you do it.

    With that being said, have as many parties as you want. Wear whatever you want. You can even CALL it whatever you want. The ladies were just giving their suggestions on how tohave a vow renewal that people would would not side eye you for.
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  • I'm not acting like a victim, I LITERALLY just wanted to know if I could still have the ceremony or if I needed to call it something else, which was answered in the very first reply. I never said I was forced and I never said I was a victim. I accepted the fact that I had to move my date twice and was just asking what to call my cermemony, geeze.
  • In Response to Weird to Have a ceremony 2 years later?:
    My husband and I planned a wedding but he got deployed so we had to postpone the ceremony. We did a justice of the peace and decided to have the ceremony later. We re-planned the ceremony for our 1 year anniversary however now we got orders to Korea for 1 year, so our ceremony would have to be 2 years after we got married. We are mil to mil still want our dream wedding though, since we didn't have any family around, or say vows or anything like that. Our families have never even met and I feel as thought I shouldnt have to sacrifice my wedding ceremony when I already sacrifice a lot being in the military. But everywhere I look it says that it is not possible to have a ceremony becuase you are already married, and that it wouldn't be right. Any advice?
    Posted by Kciletti
    Just to be clear, that sounds a lot like playing the victim
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  • Right, but we all have made sacrifices. That unfortunately is life, military or not.  Many civilian couples don't get the weddings they originally wanted because of finances, or deaths, or health ya know?

    I go back to my original recommendation of a 5 year anniversary party. I would call it an anniversary party because you are celebrating 5 years of marriage. You can do a vow ceremony. You probably won't even need an officiant really if you just want to say vows to each other. Your invitations can be worded just like any other party you would invite someone to. Wear the dress if you want. That's really your call. You're gonna find that some people will side eye it and some won't. I wouldn't register for gifts or anything like that. Just plan a kick ass party with tons of food, alcohol, dancing etc.
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  • "exactly, everyone can have their own opinions so why do you 'regulars' force your opinion on others so harshly. I am not a regular poster but i am a regular reader  and I see your harsh comments day by day. You leave no room for others opinions. I never said that anyone forced me to give up my PPD, I was asking if it was wrong of me to still have one becuase my husband and I both want one. I also know that all of you are in some way affialiated to the military but being married to someone in the military and being in the military are very differnt, especially when you both are in the military thats a complelty differnt aspect. I am not taking a 'martr stance' I am just being honest and kindly telling you my opinion. You 'regulars' should stop being so defensive and stop trying to 'mark your territory', this is a public forum and we are all adult enough to stop making childish accusations."

    Yeah, I'm a Veteran and we were dual mil when we were married.  


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  • In Response to Re: Weird to Have a ceremony 2 years later?:
    Right, but we all have made sacrifices. That unfortunately is life, military or not.  Many civilian couples don't get the weddings they originally wanted because of finances, or deaths, or health ya know? I go back to my original recommendation of a 5 year anniversary party. I would call it an anniversary party because you are celebrating 5 years of marriage. You can do a vow ceremony. You probably won't even need an officiant really if you just want to say vows to each other. Your invitations can be worded just like any other party you would invite someone to. Wear the dress if you want. That's really your call. You're gonna find that some people will side eye it and some won't. I wouldn't register for gifts or anything like that. Just plan a kick ass party with tons of food, alcohol, dancing etc.
    Posted by ggirl2001
    Thank you for this advice, it helped me answer my question and I think I will go with this. :)
  • I'm not even going to address the comment patronizing military wives because it's clear I will be wrong since OP only responds positively to people that agree with her to do whatever she wants.
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  • In Response to Re: Weird to Have a ceremony 2 years later?:
    I'm not even going to address the comment patronizing military wives because it's clear I will be wrong since OP only responds positively to people that agree with her to do whatever she wants.
    Posted by Sammy0709
    But that's usually how it goes when this question is asked, unfortunately.
  • We will be having what I consider our wedding ceremony 1.5 years after having a Justice of the Peace ceremony.  It will be the religious/cultural (Hindu) ceremony followed by a reception.  We will not be having the other events usually involved in a Hindu wedding (the multiple days).  I would be more than happy to not have a large wedding but it is mostly to appease our parents.  We have also chosen not to live together (he's stationed in Korea) until our wedding although I do visit occasionally.  It is all a personal choice.  Everyone knows that we are married and we would like to celebrate our marriage with our family and friends.  I think the issue above comes from semantics.  Some people see the wedding as the legal commitment, some see it as the religious commitment, and some may see it as just a celebration.  

    For the person who posted originally--
    My invitation wording says something like "Join us in celebration of our commitment".  This will be our religious ceremony and our celebration with family and friends.  From other military people, I've heard this is fairly normal to do.  Do what you feel is best for you and your spouse.      

  • I personally see nothing wrong with it I mean thats actually what i was advised to do and plenty of people i know have done it to i will say dont post taht anywhere other than on a military spouse board because people will go psycho on you....it just happened to me actually and it doesnt matter how democratic you try to be people will literally go psycho on you,  But i dont think that anyone should be deprived of the big ceremony i mean especially considering our circumstances sometimes being with a military guy its necessary to get the legal part taken care of but whos to say taht you cant put on a show for the people who are so important to you like say your immediate family who are out of town who didnt get to witness you getting married? a lot of people just dont really make their marriage public sure my husband and i say were married if were asked but its stayed of facebook and everything so serioulsy by all means do it and call it whatever you want your family should understand
  • seriously though people apparently get super butt hurt over calling it a wedding apparently? so i support you fully being as im going through the same thing I am a marine spouse my reasons for a jop and then a later ceremony are personal though so i dont feel like i should have to go into them on the internet but they are also not for anyone to judge.  the same goes for you Im really sorry that people are so mean on here...I actually am really glad i found your post because i had posted something not even about the jop issue but the fact that me wanting to do another ceremony for the public was even mentioned led people to say really mean things to me.  I tried to tell them taht i hadnt realized no one else had heard of it before and that i was led to beleive that it was normal among the military community.  to my knowledge none of them were military spouses so i dont know why they even said anything...

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