Military Brides

Getting Married now, Wedding later!

2

Re: Getting Married now, Wedding later!

  • In Response to Re:Getting Married now, Wedding later!:
    Hello, I posted on these boards several months ago, asking the SAME question. I was in your shoes. Everyone here is going to argue that you get married ONLY once. They are right. However, I went against their word and got married in May at the courthouse. I invited my parents, grandparents, his parents, and my sister just happened to be home from 16 hours away that very day. It was quick, not romantic at ALL, but I did still dress in a short white dress and him in a suit. I had flowers, got my hair done, and had pictures done. I have no complaints about it, but I'll be honest I do wished that I had been able to do something bigger. I'll show pictures at the end of this post. :nbsp;Now, SEVERAL family members and friends have asked me to have a RELIGIOUS blessing and vow renewal along with a giant reception afterwards. I will be unable to host such a thing until 2014, right around our 2 year anniversary due to a combination of deployment and nursing school. It will be really great that it will be right after the deployment because they say that you should plan a vow renewal after something major happens you can personalize it to whatever you have been through together rather than a dry traditional type of wedding vow.DH and I plan on paying for this ourselves. Everyone is excited to party and celebrate everyone in my family likes to drink... haha.Basically what I'm saying is, talk to your family/parents be open with them. See what they think and explain to them what the situation is. They might be more understanding than you think... mine was!nbsp; In Response to Getting Married now, Wedding later!:My Fiance and I are planning to get married when he gets back from his deployment in October. We are both from California but live in Washington where he is currently stationed. Since we can't afford a big wedding in California we want to go home and have a civil ceremony with just our parents and then plan a wedding for the following year, maybe a summer weddingnbsp;ornbsp;for ournbsp;1 year anniversary and make it a vow renewal. I know some people think it's silly to have a vow renewal for 1 year but considering our circumstances I think people would understand. I originally was planning on having a full wedding for summer 2013 after getting married at the courthouse this october. My mother is the one who is making me question it because she doesn't see why we need a wedding once were married. But I want a wedding dress, bridesmaids, beautiful picutres etc. I can't help it! Any ideas?Posted by SimoneRose Posted by tortor09
    If religion was so important to you as couple wouldnt you have incorporated it in the first place? And second, if it's not, then why have a religious blessing for your family members? To me that just sounds like an excuse because you aren't happy with the way it turned out.
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  • Annnnnd  we're back.  Wow, that was a short break of sanity in the crazy storm!

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    Anniversary

  • Well, I was tipsy last night when I posted. It just irritates me when people use religious blessing as an excuse. I don't get how that wouldn't be important the first time? 
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  • Tipsy or not, your response was fine and appropriate.  The crazy train was the people who come out of the woodwork with "do what you want" nonsense.  With the "those closest to you will understand your thuper thpecial thercumstances" - like we've never judged our family members for tacky behavior before.

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    Anniversary

  • I judge everyone. We know that haha. 
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  • In Response to Getting Married now, Wedding later!:
    My Fiance and I are planning to get married when he gets back from his deployment in October. We are both from California but live in Washington where he is currently stationed. Since we can't afford a big wedding in California we want to go home and have a civil ceremony with just our parents and then plan a wedding for the following year, maybe a summer wedding or for our 1 year anniversary and make it a vow renewal. I know some people think it's silly to have a vow renewal for 1 year but considering our circumstances I think people would understand. I originally was planning on having a full wedding for summer 2013 after getting married at the courthouse this october. My mother is the one who is making me question it because she doesn't see why we need a wedding once were married. But I want a wedding dress, bridesmaids, beautiful picutres etc. I can't help it! Any ideas?
    Posted by SimoneRose
    WOW judging by all the negative comments I can see why people would get married and keep it to themselves.  People are so judgemental it's almost funny.  Honestly how many people were or are having sex living together or just "playing house" than march down the aisle in white dresses and stand up in church or before preacher. How many people are laying up with their fiance as if that is their husband right now and than have the nerve to completely trash you for your idea.  How many times have we found out that the bride was pregnant after the baby pops out less than nine months from the wedding oops and was that a shame or fake to friends.  Look do what you want and what your fiance wants.  This is the first real test will you live your lives on each other or what judgmental people who aren't paying a dime for your wedding or anything else. 

    It's ok to listen to people's opinion and ok for people to voice it but don't let that make you feel bad for whatever you chose and you shouldn't be looked at as a bad horrible person. You aren't marrying your fiance for alternative reasons. If loving him and spending the rest of your lives together as partners was your reason than i think timing of the marriage and wedding is totally up to you and if you have benefits that help you well it's your life your pocket.

    At the end of the day it will be you and him and that's it.  I'm having a long engagement and plan to wait but I don't know the future.  All these negative comments and all those people aren't paying your bills and have done things that are rude and lie etc.  I always say pray first talk with your fiance and than follow your heart.  Nobody can live for you. 
    [Deleted User]
  • My husband and i just recently got married because our tour in Italy ends in sept. We are still planning a small ceremony and reception with our family and friends. We had a courthouse wedding. I do not reget it. I have a bunch of time to save up my own money to pay for a weddding that I have always dreamed of. I think you should always be able to celebrate with your closest family and friends even if there are seperate ceremonies for that reason. I'm glad you made your decision.
  • Do whatever you want and not care about other people thinking your playing "dress up"  I got married in Vegas at the beginning of June and it was just us and Elvis no family or friends.  Now i am having a big reception Sat with a huge wedding gown etc.  I've got a lot of positive feedback on what we chose and we did what we wanted. Good Luck!
  • I'm in a sort of similar situation with my foreign beau. We were married in May by a JOP because we are tired (and broke!) from spending six months here and six months in his country and repeat. His family & friends would not have been able to fly from overseas at that time and they are completely on board with us having our "wedding celebration" in September of next year. That way they can attend, and I can have the reception of my dreams as I did not have one this year. My husband, his friends, his family, my family, my friends... everyone in one place, and I did not have to live on a seperate continent from him in the mean time. People who are in the ideal situation to have their entire wedding at one time are going to see your approach as strange, but I understand what are you are trying to say. It stinks that everyone wants to put a label on your celebration so that they can understand when really all that needs to be understood is that you two love eachother and you can't afford your dream reception right now, so you're doing it later, boom. I have had no negativity regarding my celebration in my life, the only negativity I've seen regarding the situation has been in these forums, so rather speak with your parents, friends, and family and see how they feel. :)
  • OH FFS, did anyone even read this thread? No one said she can't have a gazillion parties if she wants to, but to make sure you aren't lying to people and not pretending to be married. 

    And to also be careful because you can offend someone by belittling a JOP ceremony since many people choose that route and don't have the big reception. A wedding is the day you got married, not the day you had a party. Everything else is just fluff, but the day you legally sign papers and become husband and wife is your wedding day. The reception is not a wedding, the reception is a thank you to your guests for attending your wedding. So to call a party to celebrate your wedding (that happened months or years ago) a reception or a wedding is just not accurate. 
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  • edited August 2012
    Thats what I did. My husband and I got married a while back and I'm planning the wedding for next year when everyone can get together in our hometown Houston.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I had a VR and reception a year after my JOP at my family's request because they wanted to experience it, thought my JOP was missing a religious aspect, etc.  I can tell you right now that the ladies on here did not have a problem with what I did because I didn't lie to people, get married to recieve any military benefits, etc.  I will always tell anyone that thinks they need to lie to their guests that they were wrong.  I will also tell anyone that thinks they NEED to do it this way because they have no other choice that it's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.  I wanted a JOP but my family and what they want is important to me.  I only wish that their issues with my JOP would have come out before my JOP so that I could have had only one event.  Seriously, planning my VR and reception made me want to claw my eyes out at times.  If DH and I could not have gotten married when we did I would have waited months or years to do it.  If you truly love someone and believe that you belong together it shouldn't matter how long you have to wait to get married.

    All you people that think these ladies are a bunch of "mean girls" for sharing their opinions with someone who asked for them are certainly a wee bit sensitive.
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  • I was in your same situation a few months ago when my now husband proposed knowing he would be deployed. I originally was against the idea of getting married at the courthouse predeployment because i thought it would be wierd to plan my wedding after i was married.  but after long talks with myself, i decided that i loved him too much not to want to be his wife right away. we got married in june by my cousin, who is a notary, with just our parents and siblings there as well as his daughter.  it was a small, intimate ceremony, and we are planning a larger wedding and reception in april after he returns, so that the rest of our families can celebrate with us, and i get to wear the dress of my dreams to and plan the wedding i always dreamed of.  since he is deployed, we are only able to talk about once a week, and so i fill him in on details of the wedding, as well as through emails including pictures. i assign him tasks so he feels part of the planning process, such as songs, menu, groomsmens attire, vows.... the ceremony in april will be an affirmation of the vows we took in june, and allow our family and friends to be included in one of the most special days of our lives.  they can celebrate whichever anniversary they like, and we will keep our june anniversary (our legal marriage date) as a special day for the two of us.  in the end, the choice is yours, listen to what your heart says, and go with that.  i have absolutely no regrets.  good luck, and happy wedding!
  • Actually a wedding is traditionally the joining of two families and two people. In many states there aren't even vows said in a legal marriage. Just because you are married does not mean you had a wedding, and a vow renewal is not appropriate if you have never said vows in te first place
    [Deleted User]
  • In Response to Re:Getting Married now, Wedding later!:
    Actually a wedding is traditionally the joining of two families and two people. In many states there aren't even vows said in a legal marriage. Just because you are married does not mean you had a wedding, and a vow renewal is not appropriate if you have never said vows in te first place Posted by brybry123456
    But you're still joined whether you say vows or not so really you're point is moot.
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  • In Response to Re:Getting Married now, Wedding later!:
    Actually a wedding is traditionally the joining of two families and two people. In many states there aren't even vows said in a legal marriage. Just because you are married does not mean you had a wedding, and a vow renewal is not appropriate if you have never said vows in te first place
    Posted by brybry123456
    What constitutes a wedding then? Dresses? Parties? Alcohol?
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  • Actually, legally, the vows are not what makes a marriage or wedding. If that were the case, then gay people would have no problem getting married because they can say vows all they want!

    A wedding is: the act or ceremony of marrying; marriage; nuptials.

    Thats taken from dictionary.com It does not say anything about vows.

    Hope that helps clear up the confusion you're having! 
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  • Not true, actually you don't have to be in the same country . Also scientifically a wedding of two people occurs the first time you have sex and according to the bible it occurs when you commit yourself in front of family ... So actually the point is not moot , go back to school and learn something instead of being close minded, and by school no having a bachelors degree does not count
  • Did you look up nuptials too? Dictionary. Com really? I bet you use Wikipedia too... But since you like it so much here is the definition of nuptials 1. of or pertaining to marriage or the marriage ceremony: the nuptial day; nuptial vows. 2. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of mating or the mating season of animals: nuptial behavior.... It says nothing about a wedding... So I looked that up on your site too 1. the act or ceremony of marrying; marriage; nuptials. 2. the anniversary of a marriage, or its celebration: They invited guests to their silver wedding. 3. the act or an instance of blending or joining, especially opposite or contrasting elements: a perfect wedding of conservatism and liberalism. See two or three ... A wedding is however you define it and it clearly has more than one definition. And with that I am off this board of probably enlisted or 03 and below wives who have no idea about the world
  • HAHAHA This is the funniest shhhit I have ever read. Biiiitch I have a fuucking Master's degree and am planning to go back for my Ph.d so take your fuucking entitlement elsewhere. This board doesn't like wives who wear their husband's rank or act like they are fuuucking better than everyone.  I used dictionary.com because it is the easiest source. But since we weren't fuuccking talking about biblical marriage I didn't see the need to cite the bible. We are talking about legal fuuccking marriage, which is when you fuucking sign your marriage license. The rest is just extra, unless you are religious in which case you would have priest or whatever religion of your choice perform the fuuccking ceremony. 

    Take your fuuccking entitlment and shove it. 
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  • kara811kara811
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    member
    edited September 2012
    In Response to Re:Getting Married now, Wedding later!:
    Did you look up nuptials too? Dictionary. Com really? I bet you use Wikipedia too... But since you like it so much here is the definition of nuptials 1. of or pertaining to marriage or the marriage ceremony: the nuptial day; nuptial vows. 2. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of mating or the mating season of animals: nuptial behavior.... It says nothing about a wedding... So I looked that up on your site too 1. the act or ceremony of marrying; marriage; nuptials. 2. the anniversary of a marriage, or its celebration: They invited guests to their silver wedding. 3. the act or an instance of blending or joining, especially opposite or contrasting elements: a perfect wedding of conservatism and liberalism. See two or three ... A wedding is however you define it and it clearly has more than one definition. And with that I am off this board of probably enlisted or 03 and below wives who have no idea about the world
    Posted by brybry123456
    Are you fuuucccking kidding me???? Did you really just  GO THERE? So just because my husband is enlisted, I must be stupid? Well goodbye, and I wish the door hits you on your way out biiotch. Tongue Out

    ETA: Puuuhhhlease, someone explain to me whattafuuuck my husband's rank got to do with anything. 
  • ggirl2001ggirl2001
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    member
    edited September 2012
    In Response to Re:Getting Married now, Wedding later!:
    Not true, actually you don't have to be in the same country . Also scientifically a wedding of two people occurs the first time you have sex and according to the bible it occurs when you commit yourself in front of family ... So actually the point is not moot , go back to school and learn something instead of being close minded, and by school no having a bachelors degree does not count
    Posted by brybry123456





    *just in case*


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  • Um I don't wear my husbands rank I am in the military, and get back to me when you get your phd and have been to Afghanistan 3 times mmkay
  • ggirl2001ggirl2001
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    member
    edited September 2012
    Then you should probably know better than to talk down to people whose husbands might be enlisted. And Biiitch, I don't need to get back to you when I have my ph.d. You get back to me when you fuucking realize that nobody was saying that brides can't have parties, to celebrate their wedding just that a wedding is the day you get married. The rest is all extra and fluff. 

    ETA: Because I would hope that someone who was in the military wouldn't be talking shhiiit about junior enlisted. And if so, then thats sad. 

    Also added other things haha. 
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  • Yes legal marriage not a wedding
    [Deleted User]
  • A wedding is a marriage! What is so hard to get about that? A reception is a party that follows the wedding, when someone gets married. That's a thank you for attending the wedding! It is not the wedding. 
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  • TROLLLLLLLL 

    Also, what does having been in Afghanistan 3 times have to do with any of this????? 

    Do you think other SMs would appreaciate the fact that you just DISSED anyone enlisted? How do you think the military gets its job done? That's right biotch, it would be all those enlisted men and women. 
  • Also, My H and I don't need to go to Afghanistan to learn what a wedding is. We learned that all by ourselves. You should try it. 
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  • Now that I think about it, this has to be fake. I refuse to believe someone in the military, who is claiming to be O4 or higher is acting like this. I cannot believe that a woman who has busted her ass to get where she is would be saying things like "mmkay" or knocking enlisted or other officers. I also don't know of any officer that would be ok with rushing marriages because of deployments or other reasons, especially for junior enlisted to rush marriages.

    So yeah, troll. 
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  • Whoa, another post blows up out of nowhere. Brybry, you are out of line. Nor are you comporting yourself in a manner appropriate to a service member, and apparently an O4 or above. I'm shocked and dismayed at your attitude. And the use of the colloquial phrase "mmkay" which isn't even in the English language. Since we're on the topic of education and all.

    Assuming you are, of course, a troll or an AE, I'll suffice it to say that a wedding and the act of getting married are often inextricably intertwined. And in our secular society, that has little to do with the biblical definition. As I'm sure you're aware.
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