Military Brides

Advice for long distance relationships

I'm sure many of you have been long-distance much longer than my SO and I, so I'm wondering how y'all kept your relationship healthy. He lives in Panama City at Tyndall AFB, and I live in GA. We've been long-distance for 10 months now, and I want to make sure that I do everything I can to be supportive for him and keep us healthy. Thank you so much, not only for the advice but for being the supportive women behind the men defending our country.

Re: Advice for long distance relationships

  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited December 2011
    Some women on here are also serving their country, the military is not just made up of men after all.

    Skype. Skype. More Skype. We would watch tv together, play games, et cetera when SO was in GA and I was here in CA. 
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  • edited December 2011
    FI and I have been long distance longer than we have actually lived in the same state LoL. We've been together 6.5 years 5 of which has been LD.

    IWISHICOULD hit Skype ... because FI was at the Air Force Academy he was not allowed to skype for the first 4 yrs. We emailed, wrote letters, and talked on the phone during wknds. We have always made a point for me to come to him or he to me over holiday wknds even the randoms like Presidents Day, etc.

    Now we skype and watch movies which is nice. I send him care packages when I know he has a check ride or something coming up. Mostly I've lived my own life. I have my own friends here and activities and job. Its nice to hear what he is doing and having something to share on my side as well.

    HTH!
  • calindicalindi
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    member
    edited December 2011
    I'm a big fan of handwritten letters.  Even if you can talk on the phone, there's something special about opening a letter from the person you love.  When BF was at OCS, we could only write letters (no phone calls), so I have a collection of about 40 letters from each of us (we wrote nearly every day) stashed away.  I need to preserve them somehow, since the fact that I have a collection of love letters is really precious to me.  Because we both loved it so much, when he moved to Florida after training and we could talk on the phone and Skype every day, we still wrote letters once in awhile.

    Before the end of one visit, know when the next one is going to be.  It helps to say goodbye when you know when you'll be together next.  So before I'd fly down to visit him, I'd buy another ticket for a few weeks later. 

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  • Sammy0709Sammy0709
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its
    member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Advice for long distance relationships:
    I'm a big fan of handwritten letters.  Even if you can talk on the phone, there's something special about opening a letter from the person you love.  When BF was at OCS, we could only write letters (no phone calls), so I have a collection of about 40 letters from each of us (we wrote nearly every day) stashed away.  I need to preserve them somehow, since the fact that I have a collection of love letters is really precious to me.  Because we both loved it so much, when he moved to Florida after training and we could talk on the phone and Skype every day, we still wrote letters once in awhile. Before the end of one visit, know when the next one is going to be.  It helps to say goodbye when you know when you'll be together next.  So before I'd fly down to visit him, I'd buy another ticket for a few weeks later. 
    Posted by calindi
    Have you thought of a scrapbook or photo album with the large pages that has acid free paper in it?  I'm not 100% sure but I think that would work pretty well.
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  • KJess312KJess312
    First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011
    Thank y'all so much!! What kinds of things did you send him that he really appreciated? I'm thinkin' brownies and stuff, but what else?
  • calindicalindi
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    member
    edited December 2011
    My guy asked for books to read in the evenings.  He spent all day using every ounce of his thinking power on military-related things, he just wanted to be able to mentally escape for a few minutes before bed.  He specifically requested "The Hobbit".

    Homemade brownies and cookies are good.  Candy is also good - it reminds them of the "outside world" when they're in training.  If he's just living on base, that's probably not as important.  Pictures, too.  They love pictures (PG-rated - you don't want him getting made fun of for anything PG-13 or worse).

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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone else...Skype, emails, phone calls, and letters are all awesome. Just try hard to keep open communication. Don't let things get lost in translation through texting or emails. Being open and honest with each other makes things much less complicated.

    As far as packages go, sometimes I try to send my fiance packages with different "themes". Sometimes it's a certain kind of food or a package of things he'll need/want during the winter, summer, etc. The only thing he ever requests are "things that remind him of me". So, I try to send him a lot of pictures or just silly things that will remind him of all my quirks. My fiance loves Legos, I'm pretty sure he has an entire Lego Star Wars world set up in their tent in Afghanistan from packages I've sent. I also always include cards and letters in all his packages.
  • calindicalindi
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Advice for long distance relationships:
    In Response to Re: Advice for long distance relationships : Have you thought of a scrapbook or photo album with the large pages that has acid free paper in it?  I'm not 100% sure but I think that would work pretty well.
    Posted by Sammy0709
    The problem is that many of the letters are dual-sided.  Perhaps the acid free photo album, but clear on both sides?  That might be a good idea.

    Some of it is stuff I'd want our future children to be able to read someday... and some of it is a little.... er.... inappropriate?  So I'd have to decide if I wanted to put them all in the same book cronologically or separate them.

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  • VraechelVraechel
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    If you're doing a scrapbook you could keep the letters in their envelopes and paste the envelope into the scrapbook. I think that's a cute way of doing it. I don't know if you have a perfume that you always wear, but my husband LOVES mine. So the week before he left I sprayed his sea bag ;) Then every letter I sent him I sprayed with it. He's home now but he still talks about how wonderful it was to open a letter that smelled like me. I don't recommend cards with glitter. He was gone for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, his birthday, Valentines day, etc. And since he was on a sub I knew I wouldn't be able to get him cards for these occasions on the actual date, so before he left I went into a card shop here, and asked them to dig in the back for cards. Easter was kind of limited selection...the only one they had was COVERED in pink glitter. By the time he actually opened it most of the glitter had rubbed off. I guess he was basically glitter bombed ;) I also recommend Skype. And agree if you're shy at all or he is don't send any pictures you wouldn't want your mom to see ;)
  • edited December 2011
    Snail mail, phone calls when he can make them and when he comes home spending quality time in the moment and NOT thinking about what you wish you could have done. A lot of long distance relationships are undermined by the SO (works both ways) need to feel super important above everything else. Long distance is about compromise and appreciating the moments you share rather then thinking about what you haven't done yet.

    I wish like others we could skype. We are on another deployment but skype is not a feature we have. I wait on emails when he can email and phone calls when he can call collect.

    My guy LOVES rice krispy treats and I send those, he also loves when I can send him dvd's of movies he missed so he can watch it with the guys and I'll send some popcorn and stuff for them since they have a microwave in one of the community areas.
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  • edited December 2011
    Are you engaged to him? If so I would make plans for the two of you to live together. I could not imagine being without my fiance. Skype is a good idea. I commend you for doing it.
  • MirandaLoreneMirandaLorene
    First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the other girls! My whole relationship with my SO has been long distance...he's in Texas. I'm in Indiana.

    I think the biggest thing with long distance relationships is just sharing everything with eachother. Live your life, but make sure to include. If you go to a new restaurant with your friends, tell him about the food...it's simple things like that that really keep you connected. We even online shop together...I send him links to things I might buy. It makes him feel like he's apart of my life without being here physically. Communication is key! Even if you're mad at him...talk to him about it! Don't keep things bottled up, because eventually it will come to a head and could make the situation worse.

    If you're spending a holiday, birthday, or other big even apart...send a package in that theme. Like for Christmas I sent my SO a box that had a stocking full of stuff as well as presents. We opened our Christmas presents "together." Sometimes you have to be creative, but you can make it work! Smile
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  • VraechelVraechel
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the previous post it's important to communicate even if it's that you are angry. My husband told me he cant fix it if I wont tell him what's wrong and it's worked out well for us.
  • edited December 2011

    My then boyfriend and I did the long distance relationship for almost 7 years. granted, the last 6 was within a 2-hour driving distance, but the first year was awful. As long as you are committed you'll be fine. I wrote him letters all the time when we were at the long distances. Now, we are happily married and have 2 wonderful kids. Our nephew is in the army and he and his wife are getting used to the distance. I know deployment took a toll on her and I came across a really awesome box, which she absolutely loved, that holds the letters that he's written while deployed. She loved the fact that she could keep them all in one spot and open them up when she missed him a lot. here's the link and a picture of it! Hope this helps!

    http://www.remembermegiftsonline.com/Letter-from-a-Soldier-Keepsake-Box_p_141.html

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