making it legal before the ceremony

MilitaryBride2Be

Did any of you gals make it legal before your ceremony? I don't currently live with my FI (hes in TX, I'm in FL) but I'm hoping to live together after his next perm duty change, which would be in/around October and our ceremony isn't until April, actually a year from today.. woo hoo! So I'm trying to decide if it would be better to get married before he changes and get the benifits such as the higher BAH. I just don't know if I like the idea of getting married before 'getting married' but I've heard its quite common in the military... any advice?

armybride6510

We did ...we were married in February and our wedding is June 5th we had a small ceremony with my Maid of honor, her Fiance, our parents and the pastor then we are having a wedding with all our friends and family in June. It actually makes it easier as far as all the paperwork if your changing your name and such. good luck and congrats!

eskamo

Scroll down to search through the other threads. There are many, many on this topic. On this page the one titled "to get married or to not get married" addresses this.

MrsWilson0611

You should check out the actual numbers on your FI's BAH if he is single or married.  My FI and I were shocked to find out that we will only be getting $100 extra per month as a married couple, definitely not worth doing a JOP for.

sfarbotnik

We did that! Our wedding isn't until this October, but we were legally married in Dec. 2009. I feel it was a good decision. It will make moving in with him next month a lot easier because the paperwork is all finished and that's one less stress of moving and wedding planning! Also, I'm still as excited for our "real" reception as I would be if we weren't already married! I can't wait! And, in fact, it has made wedding planning more fun for me because we're technically already married, so what could go wrong? haha

mebaker87

We did, I drove 12 straight hours to Georgia to get married before he was deployed in December and we are not having a formal ceremony with our family and friends until 9-10-11.

MilitaryBride2Be

Thanks ladies, its not really about the money or any insurance benifits. Its mainly so we could potentially live together (were doing long distance now) and he doesn't have to escort me all over base.

ver1256

I'm totally in the same predicament! My fiancé and I met while he was deployed, and now he's stationed in NC while I'm still in SC. Long distance has always been a factor in our relationship, but not for much longer. I'd been tackling the idea of a JOP wedding for awhile, but just recently decided against it. Like the other ladies said, it's a good idea if you're looking at the financial aspect, other benefits,  etc., but ultimately the decision is up to you and depends on the situation you're in right now. Think about it from both perspectives. If you don't do JOP, is it possible that you could relocate to where he is, near his post? Sure, he'd still have to escort you around, but it's only for a few more months. If you do decide to go with JOP, would you decide to have a reception later? Or a vow renewal ceremony? 

Just a few thoughts. Hope these help! 

shasta.hun

I refused to get married before the actual ceremony. I figure if we are going to do that we might as well just go to Vegas. Plus, I'm not spending $15k plus just to go and actually get married before the big day. I guess I'm stubborn. LOL

kallenlc

We did...I really didn't want to & neither did he. Unfortunately we were moved to CA unexpectedly & with all of our family on the East coast it just made sense. It hasn't really changed anything except now I can get on base if need be which is what I was worried about. It's helpful in the sense of emergency situations especially if you aren't going to be near any family or close friends. I kind of don't consider it real for us since we haven't been married in the church (I'm Catholic, so until it's performed or blessed by a priest it doesn't count). I'm still looking forward to the big church wedding in my hometown.

NicciSal91

we did that also. weve already been married a year and our wedding date isnt untill 2 more years (only time he can make it) it wasnt about money or anything for us either. we just went to the courthouse and got married. super simple.

HisMegs878

We will be. FI is deployed right now and we will be doing a proxy marriage next month and then when he comes home we are having a large wedding for all of our family and friends.

M

fallingobsession

First off - never, EVER get married for "money," "benefits," or simply, "it's just easier that way."  Any other relationship (one that wasn't military) and you'd tell your friend she was an idiot. If it's easier, I don't understand why people don't just move their "Real" weddings up sooner rather than having more than one anniversary date.

If you want to make it official, make it official, but then you're already married. Don't go planning "a wedding" because you want the "real wedding," too.  It's greedy. Either you want to be together right NOW, or you want the "wedding done right." Choose. It's a military relationship - there's going to be MANY sacrifices. If you've been apart up until now, you can make it a couple more months - it won't kill you, and the time will fly by anyways.

loveforever12606

My FI and I haven't gotten married yet, but we are planning to get married at the courthouse before we actually have a ceremony with our friends and family. Our reasons for doing it are also so that we can live together, but also because right now we don't have the money for an actual ceremony. My family won't be too happy with the idea, but it works best for us so that's what we're doing. Also, I was opposed to doing this at first. But after taking some time to think about it, I realized that in the end being married is about celebrating your love for one another. So it's ok with me if I have to wait a little while for the ceremony part. 

kallenlc

@ falling

A lot of people don't move up the wedding because the military schedule dictates when you can do things (after being engaged for over a year & setting the date 3 different times I should know). It's not very nice to tell people they are being "greedy" by wanting to celebrate their relationship with a traditional wedding ceremony. There are a lot of practicality issues that come into play & doing a jop  before hand can take away added stress for some people. Furthermore, I don't think anyone on this thread is suggesting marriage solely for benefits or money. They are simply pointing out some of the advantages. Either way, this thread isn't  about judgement, it's about helpful info on the subject.