reposted from student board

MissR10

I just got engaged in February, and currently our wedding date June 18, 2011.  This would be fine, but we found out that we would get alot more financial aid if we were married and could apply for financial aid as independents for next year (school year of 2011) which we couldn't do if we waited to get married until june.  My fiance is also in the air force reserves and he gets more money for having a dependent and they would pay for our housing expenses.So, the thought process was to have a small family only wedding in december and then have a reception on June 18.This would also save my parents money since my fiance and I could pay for the december wedding ourselves and wouldn't need to ask my parents for money.However, my mom is opposed to it since it isn't a 'traditional' wedding and my relatives from another state probably wouldn't be able to make it to the actual wedding.So, is there any advice to be given?
P.S. He's reserve so deployment isn't a likely possibilty

kyrgyzstan

You can go lower and look at the posts about having 2 weddings. I am opposed to it for myself, but don't care what other people do, if they want to JOP now and VR later, fine. However, doing it specifically for financial purposes is IMO not cool. Especially since you're having an actual wedding in December. It makes the June reception look mighty gift grabby. Other people will disagree with me, but that's my opinion.

forrma7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_reposted-student-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c1ddec2a-faf9-40fb-b2ad-91fa4f690497Post:258aff6f-03ba-43e9-a870-08132cb03727">Re: reposted from student board</a>:
[QUOTE]You can go lower and look at the posts about having 2 weddings. I am opposed to it for myself, but don't care what other people do, if they want to JOP now and VR later, fine. However, doing it specifically for financial purposes is IMO not cool. Especially since you're having an actual wedding in December. It makes the June reception look mighty gift grabby. Other people will disagree with me, but that's my opinion.
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

<div>in order to stay relevant, i replyed to this post when you posted in chit chat, so you can read my response there</div><div>
<div>hey wish, i've seen you post this before, and i was wondering out of my own curiosity, why does the 2nd event seem gift grabby? it's not like you would expect double gifts from people, especially if the 1st one was super small. just wondering</div></div>

Luke&Sam625

My FI and I are kind of doing the same thing, except that it is not for financial reasons. it's mostly just because we're both in the military & we wanted to plan our wedding for a time where its ALMOST guaranteed that our leave will be approved. We're getting married the weekend before Christmas, In WA, with just our parents and siblings. We're getting married on a Friday and then Saturday afternoon we're having a dinner with all of his extended family. I don't have a lot of extended family and what I do have honestly doesn't care enough to travel across the country that close to Christmas just to see me get married. Next spring or summer, we're going to do another dinner/reception with my friends and family back home when my then Husband(!!!!) and I can take a trip back home for me. It sounds confusing, but that's what we've figured out will work for us. Talk to your mom and explain everything, Make a pros and cons list. In the end it's what you have to do for you and your FI. I do agree with Wish, in that you shouldn't only do this for financial reasons. only if it will work out better for you in the long run.

BiMWaT

To quote LuluP82 from a previous thread:<div>
</div><div><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">In Response to <a style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-repeat:initial;background-attachment:initial;-webkit-background-clip:initial;-webkit-background-origin:initial;background-color:transparent;text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_reposted-student-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c1ddec2a-faf9-40fb-b2ad-91fa4f690497Post:258aff6f-03ba-43e9-a870-08132cb03727">Re: reposted from student board</a>:</span>
[QUOTE]<span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span"> ensuring that you as a couple are on the most solid financial footing you can be isn't "immature"-- it's the opposite, actually</span>
Posted by LuluP82[/QUOTE]

</div><div>If getting married earlier and celebrating later makes good financial sense for you, and possibly takes a burden off of your parents, it seems like a smart idea to me.  The financial aid system can be BS in my opinion.  My FI had been financially independent from his parents for almost 10 years, and he still wasn't able to file for aid because of them.  That doesn't make sense.</div><div>
</div><div>I don't see a problem with your plan.  If people are offended, they can alwasy decline your invitation.</div>

kyrgyzstan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_reposted-student-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c1ddec2a-faf9-40fb-b2ad-91fa4f690497Post:5c94d585-0406-4d45-9102-1357a970bfb6">Re: reposted from student board</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: reposted from student board : in order to stay relevant, i replyed to this post when you posted in chit chat, so you can read my response there hey wish, i've seen you post this before, and i was wondering out of my own curiosity, why does the 2nd event seem gift grabby? it's not like you would expect double gifts from people, especially if the 1st one was super small. just wondering
Posted by forrma7[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't think all VRs are gift grabby. I think this instance is. I don't quite get why she feels the need to have a second wedding, as it sounds like she's having an initial wedding, not simply a JOP. IMO, this one is like having a destination wedding and then having an AHR. </div><div>
</div><div>ETA: In the earlier 'rant' people asked those of us who don't care for JOPs why we don't. For some of us, this type of financial justification is one of the problems. </div>

KilleenBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_reposted-student-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:c1ddec2a-faf9-40fb-b2ad-91fa4f690497Post:3ccfb6ad-3491-40c7-9894-249e40c82527">Re: reposted from student board</a>:
[QUOTE]To quote LuluP82 from a previous thread: In Response to  Re: reposted from student board : If getting married earlier and celebrating later makes good financial sense for you, and possibly takes a burden off of your parents, it seems like a smart idea to me.  The financial aid system can be BS in my opinion.  My FI had been financially independent from his parents for almost 10 years, and he still wasn't able to file for aid because of them.  That doesn't make sense. I don't see a problem with your plan.  If people are offended, they can alwasy decline your invitation.
Posted by BiMWaT[/QUOTE]

I aggree. If you are trying to take a burden from your parents and trying to make yourselves finatialy independent then great but make sure that the finatial part is not the only reason why you want to get married. From the earlier post, most of the people on here know that I am pro-JOP (unlike some) but for me it needs to be for all the right reasons and the first one on your list should be because you love each other and know in your hearts that you really do want to spend the rest of your lives together. I am personally having a small JOP with a small 5 people includeing us BBQ afterwards then having a ceremony and reception"big dress wedding lol" on our 1year annversery and our familys are in full suposrt of this because they want to see us happy and would rather us be married while we plan the "big" day so it will be perfect for us which is being able to have it up north with them( we are in TX and all of my family is in KY,OH,IN and FL except my dad and all of his are in PENN,NJ, AND DE.). So if the JOP first route works best for the two of you then I personally will say congrats to the happy couple.