FI Wants to Deploy

kelty24

So the past few months FI has been so down. We came up to AK in September and when we arrived his squadron was deployed and they didn't come back until December. Another guy showed up a week before FI and he deployed to be with the squadron and apparently the guy was and idiot so they decided not to send anymore new guys over. FI wants to deploy SO bad. Prior to coming to Alaska he was in flight school in AL and upon leaving flight school a few of his closest friends deployed. He wants to deploy because he wants to do his job and also he fears that it will basically be the "end" of his career unless he deploys within the next year. He's an LT and when finished here in AK he will be going to Cpt's course. I asked him if there's anyone he can talk to or anything he can do to get deployed and he's talked to the Cpt and to the SCO and there's a very small chance that he will be able to deploy before then.

Does anyone have any advice, or has anyone been through this?

Obviously, I don't want him to go anywhere, but deploying is important to him and I wish I could make it happen for him.

I know there's not really anything I can do. I just hate seeing him down!! 

TeamBaby

Not deploying within the next year will NOT be the end of a lieutenant's career. LOL Trust me, I've been there.  He's just anxious to be part of the action and his new team.  If his SCO knows that he wants to deploy, there's nothing else that can be done- and definitely nothing anyone on here can help you with.  There's what's called a force cap in effect for all units.  Basically what that means is there is only a specific number of US military members that can be in the country at a time.  If a unit is already at their "force cap," they'd have to send someone home in order for someone else to deploy.  His unit may already be meeting their cap.  All you can do is be there for him when he needs to vent.  HIs time may or may not come.  Everything happens for a reason.

iluvmytxrgr

TB is right on.  He's just itching to jump in and do his job.  Tell him to hold his drawers and learn all he can while he's back here.  His time will come.  

kelty24

I know there's not really anything anyone can do.  I didn't think that it would be the "end" of his career, but that's what he keeps saying.  I know you ladies are right and that he's probably just itching to jump in and it's not easy seeing all of his buddies getting deployed right off the bat.  I'm supportive and I know that if it's meant to happen it will happen.  Love this man so much, I just want to see him happy, not that he's depressed but I know that this is something he really wants.  Thanks again ladies.  I wasn't really sure what kind of answers I was looking for when originally posted this, but I think I got what I needed. 

kelty24

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_fi-wants-to-deploy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:ca8aee2f-c895-4c57-a60f-678b0a79ecdfPost:43bee260-4997-4692-bd97-9007c8b6b4b1">Re: FI Wants to Deploy</a>:
[QUOTE]TB is right on.  He's just itching to jump in and do his job.  <strong>Tell him to hold his drawers and</strong> learn all he can while he's back here.  His time will come.  
Posted by iluvmytxrgr[/QUOTE]

I tell him that ALL the time lol  it also doesn't help that the other PL he has to work with drives him insane!! Complete slacker and FI is always having to pick up the slack so he's even more stressed out.  I don't like bad mouthing people.  Not my thing, but it's wearing FI out.  I know the Cpt has noticed, but from what I've heard there's nothing that can really be done until his eval which is a year away.....
I think I'm mostly just venting now...

crownsuperstar

Yeah tell him to hold it in the road.  His time will come.  I mean if deploying meant anything to help rank my H would be a General by now since he has been deployed 6 times (year long deployments) since 9/11.  I will say that at this point H is very over the deployments and really wants to be home more.  I am sure everything will work out.  Good luck!

stacia_faye

I know the feeling of wanting to deploy. When I first joined the Army in 2007, I really wanted to deploy. I was disappointed when I got to my unit and they said it would be nine months before we would deploy.  But seriously, if you have never deployed, you have no idea what you are about to go through. It is silly to want to deploy. The emotional cost of a deployment is greater than the positive inpact it has on your career. It will happen sooner or later.

On a side note, as a female soldier with plenty of deployment history, I warn you to look out for your relationship. Especially if you are a civilian marrying a soldier. Most male soldiers cheat on their wives during deployment if they have the chance. This is true regardless of rank or branch. During each of my deployments, males hit on me and tried to seduce me, regardless of if they were married or not. I have average appearance and do not flirt. I have an "f*** off" attitude. I isolated myself and tried to make myself as ugly as possible (not hard when the water supply shuts off all the time and you can't even shower.) But married men of all ranks continued to bring me gifts and tried to get me to sleep with them simply out of desparation. Of course I never did. But some female soldiers do, because they also crave sex and some simply enjoy the attention.  If your think your husband won't have the chance to be around females because he is infantry, you are wrong. Don't forget about the BEAUTIFUL local national women, hiding under a burqa, who will do ANYTHING to seduce an American.  Even if your husband doesn't cheat on you he WILL watch porn 24/7. He will not call you as often as you like, simply because he view it as a chore.  When he comes back, you will feel a distance between the two of you, because he just went through a unique experience you will never understand. At that point, he will prefer to hang out with his buddies rather than you because they understand him and you don't. Some of these buddies may be female.

Sorry for my long post. But this is coming from someone who has an inside perspective. All the time I see women marry military men, and they have no idea what it is truly like.

Irishcurls

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_fi-wants-to-deploy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:ca8aee2f-c895-4c57-a60f-678b0a79ecdfPost:8d969fee-5fac-43dd-84f4-89c8cd219330">Re: FI Wants to Deploy</a>:
[QUOTE]I know the feeling of wanting to deploy. When I first joined the Army in 2007, I really wanted to deploy. I was disappointed when I got to my unit and they said it would be nine months before we would deploy.  But seriously, if you have never deployed, you have no idea what you are about to go through. It is silly to want to deploy. The emotional cost of a deployment is greater than the positive inpact it has on your career. It will happen sooner or later. On a side note, as a female soldier with plenty of deployment history, I warn you to look out for your relationship. Especially if you are a civilian marrying a soldier. Most male soldiers cheat on their wives during deployment if they have the chance. This is true regardless of rank or branch. During each of my deployments, males hit on me and tried to seduce me, regardless of if they were married or not. I have average appearance and do not flirt. I have an "f*** off" attitude. I isolated myself and tried to make myself as ugly as possible (not hard when the water supply shuts off all the time and you can't even shower.) But married men of all ranks continued to bring me gifts and tried to get me to sleep with them simply out of desparation. Of course I never did. But some female soldiers do, because they also crave sex and some simply enjoy the attention.  If your think your husband won't have the chance to be around females because he is infantry, you are wrong. Don't forget about the BEAUTIFUL local national women, hiding under a burqa, who will do ANYTHING to seduce an American.  Even if your husband doesn't cheat on you he WILL watch porn 24/7. He will not call you as often as you like, simply because he view it as a chore.  When he comes back, you will feel a distance between the two of you, because he just went through a unique experience you will never understand. At that point, he will prefer to hang out with his buddies rather than you because they understand him and you don't. Some of these buddies may be female. Sorry for my long post. But this is coming from someone who has an inside perspective. All the time I see women marry military men, and they have no idea what it is truly like.
Posted by stacia_faye[/QUOTE]<div>This may be true <em>in your experience</em>. Something to keep in mind when posting on a public, international board. 
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ggirl2001

Well that was an interesting post to read. Ya know, I've known a few guys to deploy and not cheat on their spouse or significant others. But way to over generalize and reinforce a stereotype.

Sammy0709

To the PP with the saga about how everyone in the military is a trashy pig and she is just above it all, I've never read anything more moronic in my life but, thanks for assuming all of our SO's are dbags with no self control.

crownsuperstar

Thank you for telling eveyone on this board whose husband is deployed right now (and there are a few) that our husbands are cheating on us and watching porn.  Nothing pisses me off more that someone that feeds into stereotype.  That was a sweeping generalization you made and very offensive.  I can tell you that my husband is 100% not cheating on me or watching porn and to infer that is really pisses me off.  Perhaps that is your experience but NOT all men/women in the military cheat just like not all men/women in the civilan world doesn't. 

So please hold your comments about this subject to yourself as it just serves to piss everyone and really is not something that is needed.

UGH! Exit now since I am just really pissed and afraid I am going to say something really b!tchy!

crownsuperstar

Kelty- don't listen to that BS. There is nothing to worry about if y'all have a strong marriage.

kara811

My husband is either a damn saint or must just be very good with lying , cus he sure as sh*t doesn't do ANY of those things. We've been around this block way too many times, I think I know what my husband does when he is away. 

And the little tidbit about foreign women wanting to do anything to seduce an American really hits a nerve. Thanks for being such a fuucking generalist, no they aren't all like that. You sound just like the idiots who assume that since my husband and I are an interracial couple, that I must be some gold digger who married him for a green card... Sh*t like this really pisses me off. Shouldn't have gone on TK today. 

crownsuperstar

Me either Kara...my blood is boiling!

Sammy0709

She must be bitter because she was the other woman and he wouldn't leave his wife for her :P Since all SM's cheat and seduce eachother she must have been one of them.

tyleet87

Oh wow, thank you for the 'inside scoop'.

My relationship with my husband is unique to us and we have it built on trust and love so...I think we're good.
Besides he was too nervous to even ask me out; I can't even imagine him trying to approach someone else. If it ever happened I would probably laugh before getting angry. haha

kelty24

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_fi-wants-to-deploy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:ca8aee2f-c895-4c57-a60f-678b0a79ecdfPost:e134dacd-d80f-4deb-91d1-98d7101591ed">Re:FI Wants to Deploy</a>:
[QUOTE]She must be bitter because she was the other woman and he wouldn't leave his wife for her :P Since all SM's cheat and seduce eachother she must have been one of them.
Posted by Sammy0709[/QUOTE]

This is EXACTLY what I was thinking

kelty24

Wow, thanks for the "inside perspective" that NOBODY asked for!!!  That is very ignorant and rude considering how many ladies here have deployed spouses!  FI and I have a very secure and trusting realationship.  We've spent basically our WHOLE relationship apart up until the last year.  We've gone 10-12 months without seeing eachother.  I'm pretty sure if he wanted to cheat then he would have.  I've dated a few "cheaters" and it's easy to pinpoint when someone's cheating or has cheated.  Not EVERBODY falls under the douchebag category.

kelty24

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_fi-wants-to-deploy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:ca8aee2f-c895-4c57-a60f-678b0a79ecdfPost:28250c47-f030-45f1-bc96-8445d5c7fd00">Re: FI Wants to Deploy</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah tell him to hold it in the road.  His time will come.  I mean if deploying meant anything to help rank my H would be a General by now since he has been deployed 6 times (year long deployments) since 9/11.  I will say that at this point H is very over the deployments and really wants to be home more.  I am sure everything will work out.  Good luck!
Posted by crownsuperstar[/QUOTE]

I know it will all work out, I think it's just hard on him because not everything is  going like he thought it would.  He's a planner and likes to have everything go a certain way.  He actually carries a planner calendar thing at work and he's the only one who ever knows what's going on!  It's actually pretty funny.  He's so cute. 
Anyways he also said that he's not getting as much flying time and he has to reach so many hours before he's up for a promotion.  That's just what he's said and I know all of his buddies get to fly pretty much everyday.  But like you said, it will work out, he just needs to be paitent.. which is VERY difficult for him .

kelty24

My posts keep disappearing... well if a hundred of the same post pop up SORRY lol

crownsuperstar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_fi-wants-to-deploy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:ca8aee2f-c895-4c57-a60f-678b0a79ecdfPost:4a7e3789-8401-4b48-b19f-992f8d20f6bb">Re: FI Wants to Deploy</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI Wants to Deploy : I know it will all work out, I think it's just hard on him because not everything is  going like he thought it would.  <strong>He's a planner</strong> and likes to have everything go a certain way.  He actually carries a planner calendar thing at work and he's the only one who ever knows what's going on!  It's actually pretty funny.  He's so cute.  Anyways he also said that he's not getting as much flying time and he has to reach so many hours before he's up for a promotion.  That's just what he's said and I know all of his buddies get to fly pretty much everyday.  But like you said, it will work out, he just needs to be paitent.. which is VERY difficult for him .
Posted by kelty24[/QUOTE]

Ours must be related...haaa my H is just like that. As a matter of fact he has planned the entire road trip when we PCS which by the way is not going to happen until OCT! haaa That is one area where we balance each other out. I am just a get in the car and go type of person. HA

Sammy- I was thinking the same thing!

kelty24

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_fi-wants-to-deploy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:ca8aee2f-c895-4c57-a60f-678b0a79ecdfPost:9eb654ce-4400-430e-97c1-4d406631bb27">Re: FI Wants to Deploy</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI Wants to Deploy : <strong>Ours must be related</strong>...haaa my H is just like that. As a matter of fact he has planned the entire road trip when we PCS which by the way is not going to happen until OCT! haaa That is one area where we balance each other out. I am just a get in the car and go type of person. HA Sammy- I was thinking the same thing!
Posted by crownsuperstar[/QUOTE]

SERIOUSLY. FI is already planning for when we leave here, that's not for another year or so.  I'm definitely more of the spur of the moment, not worry til it gets here type.  So like you guys we balance each other out.  That's too funny though!

ggirl2001

You know what makes me laugh about that girl's post. My H has trouble buying gifts for me and we have been together  5 years. I certainly don't see him buying gifts for a girl he wants to fvck and forget about. He's too lazy for that. 

TeamBaby

Soooo, I know I haven't been around much lately, but I'll add another "2 cents."  I am also a female Soldier- with SIXTEEN years of active duty (both on the enlisted and officer side).  I know exactly the kind of guy this girl is describing.  Unfortunately they are not uncommon in the Army and many (scratch that- MOST) females (myself included) have dealt with these types.  However, I will say that the deployment aspect of her rant is completely irrelevant.  These guys cheat no matter where they are.  And out of all the ones I've know of (probably in the hundreds in all my career), not one of them even seemed like they had a good relationship with their wife. 

The point I'm trying to make is- these types are pretty much all the same and easy to spot a mile away.  Their wives are usually not blind to what their husbands are doing- which is why they have crappy relationships and major trust issues.  So ladies, if your husband or FI is a trustworthy guy and you have a strong relationship (which I think most of you regulars do), you don't have anything to worry about. 

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_fi-wants-to-deploy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:ca8aee2f-c895-4c57-a60f-678b0a79ecdfPost:7ec3ac10-af77-4228-9b72-2cc23e1d7503">Re: FI Wants to Deploy</a>:
[QUOTE]Soooo, I know I haven't been around much lately, but I'll add another "2 cents."  I am also a female Soldier- with SIXTEEN years of active duty (both on the enlisted and officer side).  I know exactly the kind of guy this girl is describing.  Unfortunately they are not uncommon in the Army and many (scratch that- MOST) females (myself included) have dealt with these types.  However, I will say that the deployment aspect of her rant is completely irrelevant.  <strong>These guys cheat no matter where they are.</strong>  And out of all the ones I've know of (probably in the hundreds in all my career), not one of them even seemed like they had a good relationship with their wife.  The point I'm trying to make is- these types are pretty much all the same and easy to spot a mile away.  Their wives are usually not blind to what their husbands are doing- which is why they have crappy relationships and major trust issues.  So ladies, if your husband or FI is a trustworthy guy and you have a strong relationship (which I think most of you regulars do), you don't have anything to worry about.  :)
Posted by TeamBaby[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>The bolded exactly. It's not the military that makes the guy cheat. It's the fact that guy is a douchebag. More than likely these guys would be cheating anyway. I know in H's shop when he deployed (west pac, not middle east), guys were cheating a lot. I also saw a lot of the wives cheat back here as well. Again, getting married at 18 probably didn't help these relationships. 

</div>

crownsuperstar

Agreed GG and Teambaby.  If the guy/girl is going to cheat they will do it no matter where they are.  Oh and GG my H is the same way. He ask me to send him links if things I like.  I know that I am going to get something if he suggests we go shopping.  He will make mental notes of what I like and then go back and get it.  He is so not sly at all. So yeah my H would not even know what to get another woman. 

Zeldakins

I smell a troll up there....joined since 2009 and this just happened to be her first post. pfft.

gamecockwed

Kelty-I know you feel. My man has been a Army National Guard member since 1989(hes a full time guard technician). He has been deployed twice and is really itching to go again. Hes lifetime Army and its all he knows or wants to do. Hes been back from his most recent deployment since 2010 and has been watching others in his unit deploy recently. Its really bothering him and apparently they have said technicians are now restricted from volunteering to be deployed(thats what he did both times). I know hes frustrated. I just tell him everyday that I love him and that he is appreciated and that I support him whether hes here or in Iraq or Kosovo(he really wants to go to Afghanistan).