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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I see a couple different things here, so I'll break it down for simplicity sake. 1) Take any similarities as flattery. Same colors, even trying to let a girl get more than one use out of the dress - not a big deal. There are thousands of brides who use every possible color combination, so it isn't "yours". Yes, sounds like she's definitely copying you - but try and remember that mimicry is the most sincere form of flattery. 2) Her FI would actually be breaking the law if he wears a uniform when he is not currently serving, I believe. I could be wrong for retired service members, but I do know civilians who wear military gear are impersonating a soldier, and that it is a crime. 3) Your FI can wear or not wear his uniform to his sister's wedding, whatever he wants. Personally, I see it as a small compromise in the scheme of things. The weddings will be over quickly, but she'll be your sister in law for life. He probably should at least go to her wedding.

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    greygarnettgreygarnett member
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    edited December 2011
    The PP is right about the law and impersonating a soldier so definatly check that with their particular circumstances.
    Also since you want things to go smoothly with your future family maybe you 2 could reach a compromise and find totally different accent colors to go with the olive green? It can really change the whole feel and nobody will notice the same bridesmaids dresses.
    And I'd definatly talk to your FI about smoothing things over with his sister. In the long term scheme of things, he'll probably really regret missing her big day and his chance to walk her down the aisle over wedding themes and I'm sure she won't care if he's in his uniform or not as long as he is there for her.
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    msjenna519msjenna519 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited September 2013


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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    He's not breaking a law if he recieved an honorable discharge and served during a war (http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/10/usc_sec_10_00000772----000-.html). I think you're being overdramatic here, but you guys can do what you want. I'd go to my sister's wedding unless she suddenly turned into a white supremacist or something equaly evil, bratty wedding planning wouldn't qualify. I'm kind of feeling like your FI wants to be the only one with a uniform at all. Just a small FYI, when they said, "Army of One", it wasn't meant to be literal.

    ETA: And he doesn't feel right supporting a wedding where someone is wearing a uniform they earned honorably just because the groom didn't put in twenty years? Not everyone does, and I'm grateful for those who give one contract too. Your FI is just as melodramatic as you are. He can wear a tux, and her FI can be in his uniform, I can't believe he'd just not walk her down the aisle when he had already agreed to.
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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:7716e4fd-6f24-4325-b94d-702980b3c66e">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
    [QUOTE]The PP is right about the law and impersonating a soldier so definatly check that with their particular circumstances. 
    Posted by greygarnett[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Negative. This is not exactly her job, and you're just giving her more of a reason to be melodramatic and develop even more inlaw problems.

    </div>
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    msjenna519msjenna519 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited September 2013
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    Sammy0709Sammy0709 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:3a95a08f-d332-4b53-8c7e-56d407df4135">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma! : <strong>Wow this is rude anyways im having a similar problem...a girl whos fiancee is also deployed copied my wedding date</strong>...luckily i found out and got stuff booked before her...she wanted the same reception place as me i found out last night so she might be changing her date bc i already have it booked...id just talk to her. she is going to be family and i completely understand where youre coming from. it should be your special day and if your future family really cares they wouldnt copy it. good luck :)
    Posted by katelyn26[/QUOTE]

    1. Stan isn't rude she blatantly honest.  I appreciate that.
    2. I understand that you think no one can have the same wedding day as you but, don't you think maybe she picked that day because it worked for her and it was what she wanted?  Perhaps she wanted "YOUR" venue because it is a nice venue. 

    You and OP are seriously being overdramatic.   Get over yourselves.

    Now, this post is rude...enjoy.
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    staciepoopstaciepoop
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:182ca3df-cb0c-4b92-9298-a28c64b2c792">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
    [QUOTE]He's not breaking a law if he recieved an honorable discharge and served during a war ( <a href="http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/10/usc_sec_10_00000772----000-.html" rel='nofollow'>http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/10/usc_sec_10_00000772----000-.html</a> ). I think you're being overdramatic here, but you guys can do what you want. I'd go to my sister's wedding unless she suddenly turned into a white supremacist or something equaly evil, bratty wedding planning wouldn't qualify. I'm kind of feeling like your FI wants to be the only one with a uniform at all. Just a small FYI, when they said, "Army of One", it wasn't meant to be literal. <div>
    </div><div><strong>ETA: And he doesn't feel right supporting a wedding where someone is wearing a uniform they earned honorably just because the groom didn't put in twenty years? Not everyone does, and I'm grateful for those who give one contract too. Your FI is just as melodramatic as you are. He can wear a tux, and her FI can be in his uniform, I can't believe he'd just not walk her down the aisle when he had already agreed to.</strong>
    Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

    </div><div>I agree a million percent with this. Just because he did his 4 years and maybe used that to go to school, or he served 26, as my father did, and served his country and your FI doesn't support it? Uh, not kosher.</div>
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    lamoureux86lamoureux86 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:7eff71eb-1da8-4f31-8f81-7a44333d957a">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You guys don't always know the situation of their service. Some join just to get school paid for and use the system that way...choose an mos to avoid deployment, get school piad for, and get out when their contract's up. They may have never even been deployed, just wore the uniform for 4 years.
    Posted by katelyn26[/QUOTE]

    Even if someone joins the service to help pay for school (which, in my opinoin, is not dishonorable at all..in fact, doesn't the military..especially the national guard..pride themselves on helping people pay for school?) they still have to sacrifice a lot to even do that. Just because someone didn't fly overseas and shoot a big gun at something during their time in service doesn't make them any less of a hero.
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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:7eff71eb-1da8-4f31-8f81-7a44333d957a">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You guys don't always know the situation of their service. Some join just to get school paid for and use the system that way...choose an mos to avoid deployment, get school piad for, and get out when their contract's up. They may have never even been deployed, just wore the uniform for 4 years.
    Posted by katelyn26[/QUOTE]

    Who in the bloody heck are you to ascertain the importance of a SERVICE MEMBER'S SERVICE RECORD?!

    A fiancee? Be advised, the last thing you want to do as a non-service member is criticize a service member's service record. You have NO right. Your fiance is very motivated right now, but he has a lot to learn, and he shouldn't be playing whose service record is more BAMF either.

    I tend to think that the best reason to join is for love of country, but it's extremely naïve to think everyone does that. It's also great for people to get an education. Those benefits don't only belong to those who join for the reasons that you, a civilian and future dependent, decide are good enough.
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    katelyn26katelyn26
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Don't tell me my fiancee has a lot to learn!!! My fiancee is a double purple heart recipient and has won many other awards and he has only been in for 14 months! God you are such a f*cking b*tch judging everyone and putting yourself up on a f*cking pedestal. And my fiancee wasn't judging anyone service record, I am. He is still recovering and not with me
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    lamoureux86lamoureux86 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It isn't "using the system" when you hear advertisments all the time with the message  "JOIN THE ARMY, WE'LL PAY FOR SCHOOL!". I'm not saying this is what my fiance did, as he already completed school when he joined, but some people do and there is nothing wrong with it! Anyone who joins the service absolutely has to be willing to deploy and defend their country no matter what! If someone joins who thinks "I'll just sign up to be a paper pusher and live a totally normal life" then they are naive and ignorant to begin with. There are no guarantees in the military, not even when you choose your MOS.
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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:b483cdde-2bf0-4049-b02c-458eb6d41773">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't tell me my fiancee has a lot to learn!!! My fiancee is a double purple heart recipient and has won many other awards and he has only been in for 14 months! God you are such a f*cking b*tch judging everyone and putting yourself up on a f*cking pedestal. And my fiancee wasn't judging anyone service record, I am. He is still recovering and not with me
    Posted by katelyn26[/QUOTE]

    Ribbons mean service, and I'm grateful for your fiance's service. But he was judging, he was saying he didn't support the wedding because the Guardsman is wearing his uniform.

    I can tell you're extremely sensitive right now, and it's understandable, considering what your fiance has been through lately. But judging someone else's service because he didn't have the same MOS/ribbons/service as your FI is not okay.
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    RethanyRethany
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_army-wife-small-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9e80caa-9705-43e9-a5c2-95c40626fbcbPost:b483cdde-2bf0-4049-b02c-458eb6d41773">Re: Army wife to be... with small dilemma!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't tell me my fiancee has a lot to learn!!! My fiancee is a double purple heart recipient and has won many other awards and he has only been in for 14 months! God you are such a f*cking b*tch<strong> judging everyone and putting yourself up on a f*cking pedestal. And my fiancee wasn't judging anyone service record, I am.</strong> He is still recovering and not with me
    Posted by katelyn26[/QUOTE]


    Weird.  You tell HER to stop judging everyone, and then the next sentence say that you're judging.  I think thats the pot calling the kettle black?

    OP, I agree with Calindi.  Don't let the color bother you a whole lot, take it as a compliment!  Not much you can do about it, so just roll with it.

    Edit: Spelling.
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    K&JChristieK&JChristie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It didnt bother me when her original wedding date was after mine, that she wanted the girl to use the same dress and such. And retirees are able to wear their uniforms because they still get their benefits and if need can be pulled back into service if still able to do a job! But he isnt retired either!

    She expected the girls dress to be completely finished over a week before it was needed for my wedding and I dont think thats very nice to make the girl possibly have to spend more to get alterations done faster! Not to mention something happens and the dress gets ruined before my wedding (the original wedding they were picked out for!). \ Her original colors were completely different than mine so I thought I would make sure mine were different so they werent copying her!  Yea it seemed nice that she liked my ideas, but when she switched her date to before mine is when conflict happened with the bridesmaid dress and his unifrom and she knew the reasons for that before she even changed her date!
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    K&JChristieK&JChristie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    well my dress is ivory with a blue sash around the waist so i cant change my complimentary colors to the green. And its up to my FI what he wants to do.... I dont plan on telling him what to do because I don't want to start issues between us. His decision is based off of conversations they had and alot of things were said about me to him which upset him. I didnt ask him what they were but for him to decide what he did.... i dont expect them to be nice.
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    msjenna519msjenna519 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited September 2013
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    K&JChristieK&JChristie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    okay look snotty.... he didnt say he wasnt gonna walk her just because of the uniform issue, he said he would wear a tux and still do it. She got all pissy and posted all over facebook and toId all her friends and family that i told him to wear the tux and that I was controlling him like his ex-wife did! Her original date was oct 23rd which is after our wedding date and her original colors were purple and something else...... she changed everything to match mine, then decided to move her wedding to before ours. So james cut out the uniform and she got pissed and i cut out my bridesmaid dress because I dont want it ruined before my wedding!
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    K&JChristieK&JChristie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    she is his half sister... i think i can do without one inlaw! His father's side of the family is much nicer to me anyway!
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    K&JChristieK&JChristie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    He said he would wear a tux in cordinating colors... she wasnt happy so she decided it was okay to sit there and compare me and his ex-wife and told him he better realize it before we get married!
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    ggirl2001ggirl2001 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, let it go. Be thankful your BM can wear her dress twice and get more use out of it instead of it being a total waste of money. You're going to cause more problems between your fiance and you then you probably realize right now. No one will notice the similarities between your weddings, or care. Your wedding with your fiance will still be your wedding with him and nothing can change that even if she had the same dress as you.

    ETA: I get the anger about the posts on facebook and such, but again, be the bigger person. She will look bad, not you.
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    K&JChristieK&JChristie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanx for understanding! I did all I could to not chose her colors and such, her date was also set before mine, but when I started planning it is when she changed everything about hers. Its kind of upset me because I wanted it to be special for mine and when she changed it to the weekend before mine is when my FI decided to wear a tux in hers because Ive never seen him in it and it was our agreement for our wedding!
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    K&JChristieK&JChristie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    How am I being over dramatic when she already had her date set for oct 23rd when I set mine for the 8th and she had other colors picked! When I started planning is when she switched hers and expected her brother to back her up!! I think there is a bit of jealousy there... not flattery! Not to mention switching her date to the weekend before mine knowing the agreement about his uniforms and the bridesmaids dresses!! Honestly I think she was doing it to push me over the edge! And comparing me to his ex-wife... that took the cake for him!
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    ggirl2001ggirl2001 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Just find a way to compromise. Maybe she's stressed and worried about her own wedding being good. Don't cause more drama about it. Talk to your fiance and calm him down, don't stir him up anymore. I don't think he should not walk her down the aisle. That's just mean not to now, no matter what. I would be DEVASTATED if I had a fight with one of my brother's before my wedding and they threatened to not come.  I know she said some hurtful things about you, but hell I wasn't even invited to my FSIL's in wedding (because she was keeping it small) and my FI and I were engaged. He offered to not go etc, but it's not worth it to start more problems.  She won't be playing a big role in our life, and I would rather have a civil relationship with her then be upset about the bad decision she made.

    You stated that she is being nice to you now, maybe she is trying to make amends?
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    msjenna519msjenna519 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited September 2013


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    K&JChristieK&JChristie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    well i really could care less if her FI wears the uniform.... James had an issue and is over it... she had an issue with james wearing a tux instead and said some not so nice things to him about me... thats what stopped him from going!
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    ggirl2001ggirl2001 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ok, people are giving you good feedback here and you are doing everything you can to argue against it. Do you want to hear it or do you want validation? Nobody is going to tell you to start a fight with your FSIL or agree with you that your FI shouldn't go. Calling people names doesn't help your cause either.
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    K&JChristieK&JChristie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    no ur not snotty... i didnt realize how these comments lined up... i was talking about the chick who was comparing and being rude to everyone!
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    ggirl2001ggirl2001 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I know you weren't calling me snotty. But part of the point of posting here is to get feedback from others. It's seeing things from others point of view, which is what all of us are trying to offer.  If you want to be mad at her and not have your FI go to her wedding, go right ahead, but don't get mad because people don't agree with your decision.

    ETA: wording
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    K&JChristieK&JChristie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    personally i think he should go. Not in uniform because he promised that my wedding would be the first time I see it. Her venue is different.... and she can use the colors... I dont really care.... the moral of it is wrong but oh well. No she may not use the bridesmaid dress because I dont want it ruined before my wedding. She lost alot of things when she switched the date. I tried my all to work around her wants for her wedding... now she has to work with mine! I think she is doing green and purple... not green and blue. She can be happy with him in a tux... and if he decides to wear the uniform... i will not accompany him!
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