Is a destination wedding selffish if you live in the destination?

lkm3b

My husband and I are currently stationed in Hawaii...we LOVE it.  It has become a really special place to us where we are super relaxed and have never been happier.  We had a courthouse ceremony and our families still really want us to have another larger ceramony and reception.

We would love to have it here in hawaii because it means so much to us but most of our family and friends are in california and virginia.  Is it rude to ask them to come to where we live for the wedding?  I can't imagine planning a wedding in Virginia from Hawaii...I'd have no idea what I was getting since I'm not there.

We obviously don'ot expect that everyone will be able to come, but are pretty confident family and some close friends would make it.  Just wanted to get some opinions...I don't want people to get the invitations and think we're rude for asking.

divinemsbee

In most cases if someone asked this question (and actually meant having people travel for a wedding and not a party/vow renewal), I would say, yes, have your wedding where you live because that's not a destination, that's just traveling to a wedding. Now, Hawaii makes it a bit different than, say, Florida, because it's a lot more expensive to coordinate, but I'd still think it was fine as long as you gave your guests plenty of heads up. 

 However. and this is a big however, people might have flown to Hawaii to see you actually get married that aren't going to fly in for just a party. I know you said you were keeping your expectations low as far as attendance, I would lower them even further if you're going to go that route. While your close family might come, I don't see a lot of extended family spending that kind of cash to come to a reception party. I'm trying to think of a person I can say with absolute certainty that I would fly to Hawaii and attend what was not their wedding but a do-over ceremony. I'd be hard pressed to justify it even for one of my siblings, unless FI and I were able to make it a vacation on our own as well. 

Does your family that's been pushing for the big party know that you're thinking of having it in Hawaii? Or do they think that you would be having it stateside? I might mention this to them and see what they think. It might change minds. 

I don't necessarily think it's rude, per-se, just that people might side-eye the whole pretty-princess-day/vow renewal/party in general, let alone the amount of money it would take to get to and to stay where it was, so be aware of that. 

Also, if you decide to go ahead with it in Hawaii, you need to check with your VIPs ASAP in terms of dates and in terms of whether they can even get there. I know that if I were in Hawaii and did something like that, most of my older relatives would not feel up to that. Is that something that would bother you? 

Also, planning a wedding long-distance is not impossible. I'm assuming that since you brought up having it in VA that that's where it would be stateside? Do you have family there who are wanting this party? Can they help you with looking at venues and coordinating? 

ggirl2001

In your case, yes it is selfish. Your family wants you to have a ceremony and reception because they want to celebrate with you. If celebrating with you means spending thousands of dollars to see a fake ceremony and a fake pretty princess day, then people are not going to want to come. It's almost borderline rude. Unless you would be hosting a full day reception which included top shelf open bar and a ton of food, then maybe, maybe it would be ok, but even then its iffy. 

If you don't feel like you could plan from Hawaii, then wait for your 5 or 10 year anniversary and plan an anniversary party. But really, most girls on this board have planned weddings long distance. It is totally and completely feasible to plan a party (not a wedding, since you are married) long distance. 

LetsHikeToday

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_is-a-destination-wedding-selffish-if-you-live-in-the-destination?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:f8330904-281b-4e4c-94cb-4bb6f1dcd501Post:0ec92c8b-0539-42d3-b285-983a79bf8e4f">Re: Is a destination wedding selffish if you live in the destination?</a>:
[QUOTE]In your case, yes it is selfish. Your family wants you to have a ceremony and reception because they want to celebrate with you. If celebrating with you means spending thousands of dollars to see a fake ceremony and a fake pretty princess day, then people are not going to want to come. It's almost borderline rude. Unless you would be hosting a full day reception which included top shelf open bar and a ton of food, then maybe, maybe it would be ok, but even then its iffy.  If you don't feel like you could plan from Hawaii, then wait for your 5 or 10 year anniversary and plan an anniversary party. But really, most girls on this board have planned weddings long distance. It is totally and completely feasible to plan a party (not a wedding, since you are married) long distance. 
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]



I second geeg