Military Brides

Marriage before Wedding?

Any thoughts?
The Future Mrs. Wonderful :)

Re: Marriage before Wedding?

  • edited February 2012
    Is TK being weird again.. or it just me?

    ETA: My thoughts are that if you're thinking about doing JOP before your "wedding" that's your business, but that it's kind of selfish.  If/When you JOP, that is your wedding.  That is the day your marriage begins.  You can always renew your vows, but if you do decide to go this route.. be honest about it.  Don't lie to the people you invite to your VR.  This comes up a lot on this board because a lot of MB think they are totally justified in having their cake and eating it too.  You can go to the JOP and renew your vows, but if you're going to collect the benefits of a married couple and live as a married couple, don't call your VR a "Big Wedding".  Make sense?
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  • My thoughts are that a wedding is when you get married. They happen a the same time.
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited February 2012
    I think if you want to get married sooner then that's up to you. Just because your FI is deploying, have training, etc doesn't mean you have to go down to the courthouse then have your "big wedding" later
  • I agree with PP's, also would like to add that you probably should take your future last name out of your siggy for PERSEC... If you don't know what that is, read the welcome stickey :)
    wedding1 Anniversary
  • ggirl2001ggirl2001
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    member
    edited February 2012
    Well technically that's not possible. A Marriage is a wedding. I can get sarcastic with you but I won't. So what do you mean? JOP before you have a reception? Fine, don't lie about it though because that's not cool. And make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.
    image
  • The extra $ is not worth it.
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • Everyone else pretty much covered it. You can do the whole JOP/big reception/renewal/blessing, it's not my particular cup of tea, but don't lie about it. Lying is wrong, especially lying to both the government and your family. Don't keep secrets. Be upfront. That may mean that you don't get to have all of the elements of a "wedding" that you would prefer (showers, b-parties, etc.)when you do it, but know that going in. 

    I think that one girl on here did a JOP and then a church blessing and it turned out really well. She didn't lie to anyone. 
    image
  • BinxRoseBinxRose
    500 Comments
    member
    edited February 2012
    I think there is no such thing. The day you marry each other IS your wedding. If you get married with a JOP first, then try to have a "big wedding" later, that is called a vow renewal (VR). If you do choose this option, make sure it's for the right reasons (getting [more] BAH is not a valid reason).

    Be sure all of your guests at your VR know you are already married. Don't register for gifts. It's rude. It's like saying, ''hey, it wasn't important enough to us that you be there when we became husband and wife. But now you can come to this party, and buy us presents!" And no bach. parties. You would never invite someone to a bach. party that wasn't invited to your wedding. And if you don't have anyone besides you, your FI, and the JOP at your wedding, well then there's no one to invite to a bach. party. And you can't have one before your VR because you are not a bachelor and bachelorette anymore. You're already married.

    So those are my thoughts.
    image
  • I honestly think it depends on the circumstances. I wouldn't be mad if you went to the JOP to make it official if you needed to. A lot of military people do that. 

    Example, I have a friend who just went to the JOP because she was having some health issues and was only working part time so she didn't have health insurance. Also, they are getting ready to PCS so they need to make sure that she can be cared for at that new base since they would be moving before the official wedding. She also needed to be put on EFMP. They just considered it "paperwork" and will have their wedding in June where they will then consider themselves husband and wife. 


  • Do what is best between you and your FH.  Who cares what anyone else thinks.  It's your life and your choice.  You will not be keeping secrets from anyone and it's not the wrong thing to do.  Yes, the marriage does start when you get married, but you can still renew your vows and have a regular wedding.  I say do what you think is best for you. 
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