just need to rant!

phantomskylar

So, I'm almost regretting asking the person I asked to be my MOH. So, I chose different dresses for all my girls, because they all look so different. My MOH actually told me that she didn't like the dress I picked out for her, & didn't want to wear it, so she tried on other dresses instead that she liked, & then "let me" choose again. She's also not ordering it from the place I asked her too, which means she might end up in a different shade of lavender than all the other girls. ugh.

ok, over that. Then, she asks about my bachlorette party, & what I would like to do. I told her that I would love to go out dancing (this will occur in Houston, TX btw) at a club, cuz I haven't done that in forever. She e-mails me back, & says why don't we go to Main Event? never heard of it, so I look it up, & it's a place that has bowling, arcade games, laser tag, & billiards. They don't even serve alcohol! I don't want to be a bridezilla, but I'm gonna have to tell her that that does not sound like fun to me at all (well, it would if it wasn't my bachlorette party)

& the topper today is that she doesn't want to mail invitations to the bridal shower she wants to give me. She wants all their e-mail addresses & phone numbers. This would be fine, if all I was inviting were friends. But I would like to invite a lot of my older relatives who are very traditional, & I have actually heard them complain before when they don't get the actual invitation in the mail. Besides, I have a feeling 75% of them that she would call, would forget to write the info down, write it down wrong, or forget where the put the note. I know that she's doing this for me, but I know my family, & just calling them or e-mailing them isn't going to cut it.

ugh...is it wrong to wish I had asked someone else to be my MOH? lol

achambel

You are absolutely not being bridezilla! It is YOUR day, and it is her job to make your day/bachlorette party/bridal shower go exactly as you want it.  I don't really have any good suggestions for making the situation better (maybe enlisting the help of other bridesmaids to send out invites and plan the bachlorette party, hoping that she gets over it), but you don't want to look back on any part of your wedding wishing things had gone differently, and as your maid of honor, she needs to respect that.

DianneMoB

Can you enlist your mother or other close relative to "help" her with the invites? It sounds like she doesn't have the time (or want to make the time) to organize and mail them. You might approach her, gingerly, about  this by saying, "My (mother) (aunt) (cousin) would really like to help with the shower. Could she be responsible for the invitations?"

phantomskylar

thanks for the support girls! & I did reply to her & gave her my mom's info, & told her that my mom is glad to help with anything she needs help with, so hopefully she will. I also gave her the e-mail addresses of the other bridesmaids, & told her to ask them for help too, but I don't think she has.

I know that anything she does will not completely ruin my wedding, as I still get to marry the man I love. I'm just hoping it doesn't hurt our friendship any, by having her not do what I ask her to do, & instead does what she wants. But the wedding is only 3 months away, so won't have to deal with it too much longer!

Duffinger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-mexico_just-need-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:130Discussion:2d529e20-4bdd-47a3-984f-62fbc1661f1fPost:41b62ebf-49fb-4073-8fe4-11b319df5a4d">Re: just need to rant!</a>:
[QUOTE]You are absolutely not being bridezilla! It is YOUR day, <strong>and it is her job to make your day/bachlorette party/bridal shower go exactly as you want it.</strong>  I don't really have any good suggestions for making the situation better (maybe enlisting the help of other bridesmaids to send out invites and plan the bachlorette party, hoping that she gets over it), but you don't want to look back on any part of your wedding wishing things had gone differently, and as your maid of honor, she needs to respect that.
Posted by achambel[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Just want to point out that being someone's MOH is not a "job" and thus, they have no commitment to throw you any kind of party or shower.  You asked her to be in your wedding...you did not ask her to throw you parties that it doesn't sound like she has time/desire to throw you.  The only thing she HAS to do is show up at your wedding.  The dress thing is annoying, but really, no one would notice a different shade of lavender.  If you want to go out dancing, plan a girls' night.  Or talk to her, but don't expect her to bend over backwards for you.  So many friendships get ruined over bridal party drama.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm not saying that you're being ridiculous or anything.  Just remember - your wedding is never as important to other people as it is to you.  Don't let this stuff get to you...it's going to go by so fast, enjoy it while you can.

</div>

djkatyk

This is why I am only have one person in my bridal party- and only because I was in her wedding and she is the ONLY friend I have that is zero drama and so easy. I too have seen so many friendships destroyed over this!

Good luck girl! It will work out. You were right, it will be over soon, so relax and enjoy!

achambel

I apologize....I din't mean to suggest that anyone needs to bend over backwards to cater to any whim that a bride might have.  But as your assumingly "best" friend, shouldn't she want you to have the best time at your wedding without causing additional stress? She is already throwing a bachlorette party.  Shouldn't the bride have a say in it?  I don't see that as incredibly demanding.  If the bride was upset that her MOH wouldn't lose 10 pounds to look good in the bridesmaid dress, than I would agree that it wasn't part of her responsibilites as a bridesmaid.

To the Bride: I hope everything turns out ok (and that no friendships are lost), and that you have an absolutely fabulous wedding!

phantomskylar

exactly...it's not like I'm asking for her to pay for a trip to Vegas or anything...just somewhere that we won't be surrounded by kids & high schoolers lol. & I figured that if she can tell me she won't wear the dress I picked out for her, I can suggest something else for my bachlorette party. 

& honestly...i haven't asked her to do absolutely anything else for the wedding. Doing the bridal shower & bachlorette were her ideas. She hasn't helped with any of the planning or anything else. So, I don't think what I'm asking of her is too much, since she hasn't done anything else

Duffinger

I never said that either of you were expecting your BMs to cater to your every whim...but getting upset with them b/c they won't throw the type of party you're dictating isn't exactly right either.  I'm not saying that it's not annoying or that you can't vent about it, but is it really worth starting an argument over?  Or creating tense feelings with your friends?

I still stand by my original suggestion...if you're hellbent on going out to a club and she didn't take your suggestion, plan a girls' night yourself.  Maybe to you this isn't the equivalent of whisking you away to Vegas for the weekend, but maybe to her it's still an expensive night out that she feels responsible for.  Yeah, if she's a good friend she should be honest with you as to why she doesn't want to do what you suggested...but she's not, for whatever reason.

allisgarcia

Personally I think that both the bride and the MOH shoudl come to some sort of agreement about the one party. Duffinger you say that a night of dancing/drinking might be too expensive and that is why she would not want it, but wouldn't it be more expensive to have a girls night and a party? I think you should talk to her about what you are expecting and why you want it. If she is your best friend, I am sure she will want to have fun with you dancing and together you can figure out the best ways to budget and provide safe transportation. As for the dress, I can see where she might feel insecure and think that she needs to feel confident about being in pictures you will have for the rest of your life.