Bored at work, but I have a real question too!

hetshup

Hi everybody, happy Thanksgiving eve, make sure to eat your salads in preperation for gluttony tomorrow. I'm at work, and no one wants free financial advice today, so I'm hoping everybody on here would be kind enough to entertain me. Bloomberg just isn't doing it.

Ok, now my real question: I talked to my Father last night, and i was reminded that Dad, well, he likes to drink... a lot. What would you guys do to 1) give him the understanding that he should not get drunk at my wedding and 2) Do to make sure he does not get drunk at said wedding.


I have thought about not serving any alcohol and was rebuffed by the BF immediately. So we are thinking wine, beer (Shiner in fact) and white Russians.

**Mutley**

Do you have any siblings who have gotten married?  How has he 'behaved' at previous weddings?

Is he aware that you have a problem with his drinking? 

I would have alcohol at the wedding and expect him to be on his best behavior.  If he knows that you have a problem with his drinking, I would talk to him about it beforehand.  I would arrange for someone to be in charge of him if he does get drunk and out of hand.  (Not in a negative sense, but in a getting him to calm down way.)  Otherwise, don't worry about it.    

Most parents of friends that I have known to get a bit too tipsy on other days kept it together for their child's wedding. 

hetshup

I will be  the first to marry in my family. Well, first child. But at all other functions, he normally will get passed out skinny dipping drunk. I have walked into the house to find him passed out on the stove, and at family functions my uncle won't let my twin cousins come around him. He knows that I ( my mother, my brother, aunts, uncles, and girlfriend) have issues with the drinking.


I guess I could have a conversation with his GF to keep his drinks under control.


It also doesn't help that he has classic Narcissistic Personality Disorder, so you can't tell him to not do something.

jeanacorina

Wow. That's tough.

I have this problem with my aunt, but it's easier to deal with because I expressed to my parents that I considered not having alcohol because of my aunt's behavior, and that since we ARE having alcohol I expect my parents to spread the word that this is a classy wedding, not a redneck ho-down.

Sorry you have to deal with that.

**Mutley**

If he is already aware that you have a problem with his drinking, I would have a heart to heart with him about the wedding day.  I would talk about how important the day is to you and your BF/FI.  I would let him know how much it means to you to have him there on that day and to be a part of it all.  I would focus on the positives that you want from him on that day.   

Then, I would put him in his gf's care on the day of. 

RedMinx

That is tough.  It you feel comfortable talking to his GF about her helping to keep him in control I would definately go that route. 
I would also sit down and talk to him about your concerns (since he already knows that you have issues with his drinking) and let him know how you don't want to run into this problem at your wedding.  I am sorry that you have to worry about this, especially with your dad.

Acrosthec

Ditto Mutley 100%.

desertsun

I also really like Mutley's advice.

If you put it in terms of wanting him to be a MEANINGFUL and active part of your day, a day you want him to also have good memories of, that might help him realize how important it is to you that he be sober that day.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I hope it works out okay. *hugs*

hetshup

Thanks guys, I will try that.  I have tried to mention things like; please don't be rude to mom or stepdad at my graduation, or a friends funeral. And that has not worked out so well. I don't really talk to him a lot and I called yesterday and it reminded me. When I get married, I really want everyone to have fun, me included.

Though, I am not engaged (yet), I will not have the wedding in my hometown, because if he's somewhere where it's not as familiar then he drinks less. Maybe I can get "Dad's drinks" and just give him grape juice.

Goldlie11

Tough situation.  Definitely talk to him before the ceremony.  Also, would it help if you served lighter booze (like wine and beer) instead of hard liquor? Most people have to have quite a bit of wine or beer to get really wasted, whereas a two or three servings of the hard stuff will usually do it.  

hetshup

Hmmm, that's a good question. But no, then I would have to worry about him and my neighbor (to give you guys an idea, neighbor since childhood, son died. Dad and neighbor somehow got crazy drunk at the funeral... there was no liquor there, actually I don't even remember anything other than soda and water). Maybe it'll be all White Russians, to hell with lactose intolerance!


I really want to thank you guys for the help, the holidays can bring out the best in families.