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Following the trend...

Bad_BearBad_Bear member
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in Not Engaged Yet
I thought I'd introduce myself. My name is Bad Bear. I'm 20 years old, going to be a junior in college. I've known my boyfriend (hopefully soon-to-be fiance) since we were both very young. He's 23, and just finished his first year of medical school. As some of you may know, if you read my post below, I found the ring, but we haven't really had a serious talk about marriage. So, we'll see if he asks soon or not! Either way, I figure I should come on here and get some ideas since I'll be busy with school for awhile. Thought I'd say hi!
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Re: Following the trend...

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    sapphirebaby926sapphirebaby926
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    first of all welcome! second - you say you haven't had a serious conversation with your BF about marriage - you need to do this ASAP. You will hear this a lot on this board - something as big as marriage should never be a surprise and it is definitely something you need to sit down and really discuss. Talk about what you both expect out of marriage, kids, living situation, money etc. There are many things that can make or break a marriage and they are things that shouldn't be left unsaid before you get married. I would suggest doing this before he proposes because it is easy to get caught up in the whole wedding planning process and completely gloss over these topics and then find yourselves fighting over these very things after the wedding. Please have this discussion with him soon.all that being said - welcome again!
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    Jerzeygrl329Jerzeygrl329 member
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    edited December 2011
    I completely agree with sapphire.  You should definately talk to him about it.  While you may have known each other for a long time, it doesn't hurt to hash out all the details with regards to what you expect out of your future lives together.  But anyway, welcome to the board!
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    noelle24noelle24
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    edited December 2011
    I found the ring, but we haven't really had a serious talk about marriage.This is a problem... a BIG one.  You should probably stop looking at rings and collecting ideas until you and your BF have sat down and had a serious chat about where your relationship is going.  For all you know, he might not want to get married for 5 years (or even at all!).  Or maybe he just doesn't see himself marrying you.  Talk to him about it before you go all wedding crazy.
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    mermadisonmermadison member
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    edited December 2011
    noelle, if i read correctly, the bf has already BOUGHT the ring.darling bad bear,trust us. it is very important to have the important discussions BEFORE there's shiny on your finger. also! if there is one thing i've learned, it's that men have much different time frames than women. have the talk. it won't ruin the surprise.
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    Bad_BearBad_Bear member
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    edited December 2011
    Oooo I didn't mean it like that exactly. We've definitely talked about what a future together would look like, what we want in life and in a marriage, etc. I meant more that we haven't definitively sat down and said you are the one, here is how we should do this, etc. I guess I always figured that's what would happen because that's how my parents got together. My dad never proposed, they just "came to an agreement." My boyfriend knows that I found that mildly uninspired, if practical, so I think he's just avoiding having that talk in place of proposing. While we've never said that we were definitely going to get married, it's been implied for quite some time and we talk about our future all the time. Thanks for the advice though ladies, it's good all the same. (P.S. By found the ring, I did indeed mean that he's already bought it, not that I've been scouring stores and found what I wanted.)
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    NicoleandMatt47NicoleandMatt47 member
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    edited December 2011
    He bought a ring, but you haven't discussed being the one for eachother?
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    Bad_BearBad_Bear member
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    edited December 2011
    I guess I don't see the reason we need to talk about it if it's just understood. I mean, we've been together forever, so...
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    sapphirebaby926sapphirebaby926
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    there are a lot of things that you may think is understood but really aren't - that's why you talk about them to be absolutely certain you are on the same page. when I was with my ex I was pretty sure we were on the same page - as far as I knew it was understood that I was planning to work after we got married - that was until we moved in together. According to him it was understood that I would be nothing but a housewife - we never talked about how things would be after marriage so I thought we had the same ideas about how things would be.Just because you have a serious conversation about marriage does not mean you have to miss out on the proposal that you would both like to have.But it sounds like you have discussed this with BF and it sounds like you are on the same page - good for you two and good luck!
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