Not Engaged Yet

Holding off for a friend's engagement

Hey everyone! I'm excited to meet you all.I have a dilemma. My girlfriend and I are prepared to get engaged. We went a little modern and she picked out the ring she wants. I'm planning on surprising her with WHEN I propose and HOW I propose, but she knows it's coming. Here's the issue - two of our best friends are a couple who have been together for seven years. The guy is planning to propose in the next 8 months. The girl doesn't know my girlfriend and I are planning on getting engaged soon. The girl has expressed her extreme concern about us getting engaged before they do. The guy has requested that I wait and give them their "moment of glory".Would you wait for your closest friends to have their moment, or would you do it exactly when you wanted to, even if it would really upset your friends?Thanks for any input!
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Re: Holding off for a friend's engagement

  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Just do it when you want to.  I can't believe they want you to put your life on hold because he wants to wait for 8 months.  Then I'm sure they will ask you wait till they get married.  Oh and don't get pregnant at the same time either.Geez






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  • JulieSmilesJulieSmiles member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Do not wait. Do it when you want to. I cannot even imagine asking a friend to wait on their engagement. Your friend will get over it.
  • edited December 2011
    Maybe I'm not a nice friend but I would tell her to F off, what makes her think that her happiness is so much more important that yours? Her moment of glory is only going to last 5 minutes while she's making phone calls anyway. If you got engaged tomorrow and she got engaged 2, 4, or 8 months from now I'm sure even that wouldn't ruffle her pretty princess feathers. Anyone who would hold a grudge that long is a gigantic ahole anyway.If her boyfriend is so concerned about it he needs to propose to her tomorrow. I really think this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.
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  • magsugar13magsugar13 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The guy is planning to propose in the next 8 monthsSo, he wants yuo to wait about a year BEFORE you propose? What a great friend you have! That is absolutely obsurd. I can see if he said he was proposing  this month canyuo wait a month, but 8 MONTHS! That is nuts!
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  • jlyn7jlyn7 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Do it now if that was your original plan. Why can't they have their moment of glory after yours? Asking you to wait over eight months because of his girlfriends 'extreme concern' is nonsense. Personally, I'd tell said 'friend' to suck it.
  • trevette1981trevette1981 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No, I wouldn't wait. When you want to get engaged is when you want to get engaged. I don't understand when people say they are waiting for other people to make major decisions in their own lives. Maybe I sound mean and callous, but it just doesn't make sense.
  • edited December 2011
    If this is a real post, then I say tell the friend too bad.  If you propose in August and he proposes around Christmas, nobody's thunder will be stolen.  I think that your friend's gf is probably upset because she's been with her BF for 7 years and no proposal.  Well, it's not your fault of your gf's fault that she and her bf have been together so long.  Will your friend's gf get upset? Probably.   Will she get over it?  Yes. 
  • edited December 2011
    Extreme concern about you getting engaged before them? What are they freakin' 12? I don't understand why either of them would have a fit that you got engaged as well. What does it matter if you guys get engaged before they do? Honestly, if this girl is gonna whine about something that really doesn't have anything to do with her proposal in the first place, she's probably not mature enough to even get married. If you want to propose to your girlfriend, don't put it on hold because your friend and his girlfriend are babies.  If these friends are close with you, they should be happy for the milestones you celebrate and vise versa. Besides, a "moment of glory" is a moment. You shouldn't have to wait an x amount of time for him to do his thing. Do what you want to when you are planning. If your friends whine about it, tell them to grow the eff up.
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  • tpaigejrtpaigejr member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I know this seems like such a ridiculous post, and someone even said if it's a "real" post. I agree with all of you. I think I just needed to hear it from some people who didn't know us. Our friends are really good people I just think they're mixed up about this whole thing.Thank you all so so so much for helping us with this.
  • edited December 2011
    Oh please, thats bullshit. do it whenever youre ready. Don't make your gf wait if youre ready for that bs.
  • edited December 2011
    OMG @ hypothetical "moment of glory" in the next 8 months.  Proceed with your engagement.  People get married and engaged every day.  My two best friends got engaged to each other soon after I got engaged and we're all happily planning weddings now. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Proceed on the timeline you want.  It isn't as if this guy is proposing to his GF tomorrow and you want to propose this saturday.  That would be a little much. The fact that he has waited such an unusually long time isn't your fault, or your girlfriend's, as others have said.  If he feels so gosh darned bad about it, he should propose to his girlfriend, not ask you to delay your proposal to the woman you plan on making your wife.  :-)I'm sure both your future fiances' will have a blast planning weddings together.  Good luck, and follow your heart on the timeline.
  • fletch102483fletch102483 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Dont wait...it's not your falt he took 7+ years to step up to the plate!
  • edited December 2011
    they have been together for 7 YEARS - they had plenty of time to have their glory! how can they pick the same time as you.  I would say just do it, why wait, its your lives and life is too short to be on someone else's schedule!
  • edited December 2011
    Because he's asking you to hold off for 8 months, I say screw it.  You askecd though "Would you do it exactly when you wanted to, even if it would really upset your friends?"  FI and I actually talked about this because my BFF got engaged less than 24 hours after I did and that was kind of hard because it was during all the initial excitement.  We agreed that if the situations had been reversed, and her now-FI had proposed my FI would have waited a few weeks (and I would have preferred for him to do so).  We got over our annoyance and moved on.  But we would never ask someone to wait to propose.  Proposal should be between two people (or maybe more I guesss if you're asking for a parent's blessing).  Regardless, I think you should go ahead with your plans.  8 months is a long time to wait- its not like he's telling you he's got some huge elaborate proposal planned for tonight that he's been putting together for the past few months.  If that were the case I'd say maybe give them a few weeks because a few weeks won't really make or break your wedding planning.  BUUUUT.....he and his GF sound a little competitive/ she sounds like she thinks that since they have been together longer they need to get engaged first.  I probably would just tell him I was thinking of proposing but not supply an exact date so it doesn't become a competition.
  • edited December 2011
    I just re-read my post.  Maybe even scratch the "few weeks" thing I said.  I even think a week apart is fine. 
  • edited December 2011
    Well, I want to clarify-- the kick in the shin didn't hurt him. I was wearing flip-flops. It was just me expressing my frustration, not trying to wound my BF. :)
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  • edited December 2011
    Jeana, not gonna lie I was really amused by the thought of you opening up a serious can of whoopass anytime someone else got engaged.
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    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • edited December 2011
    Well, I MAY be a bit of a firecracker. Maybe.I mean, that's what everyone says about me, anyway. "Wow, you're such a firecracker! You really know how to express your feelings, don't you?"I don't hold back. ;)
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  • edited December 2011
    Wow.  That is one of the most ridiculous things I've heard in a long time.  Honestly, it sounds like they are trying to compete with you because they want to be engaged FIRST. Last time I checked, a "moment of glory" didn't last 8 months.  I could maybe understand him asking you to wait 8 days, but 8 months?  Or actually, it could be longer than 8 months, because I'm sure if it takes him that long to propose, they won't want you to propose for at least another 6 months after that. Do you really want to put your life on hold for 1.5 years just so your friends can win whatever competitive game they're playing?Do things the way you have them planned.  I'd tell your friend "I'm sorry if this bothers you, but I've put a lot of time, effort, and money into planning this proposal a certain way.  Also, this timeline is what works best for GF and I.  But I wish you good luck with your own proposal!".  Or something to that effect.A good friend of mine got engaged a month after my FI and I.  They will also probably get married before us.  I have never and will never care.  They're my friends, so I wish them nothing but happiness.  If your friends are really such "good friends" and good people, they should eventually realize that too.
  • edited December 2011
    That's absurd.  Get engaged when you want.  Your friends are being very selfish to ask you to wait that long to propose.
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  • edited December 2011
    That's a pretty big timeline, and I think everyone else commented on that well enough.  One of my bff's and I got engaged within 2 weeks of each other, and there was plenty of 'glory' time for all of us.  Eight months is a bit ridiculous.  If it was a day or two from when your bf is planning to propose, that would be different, but not months.  Congrats on your impending engagement, and enjoy it!
  • edited December 2011
    A good friend would be overjoyed if you got engaged REGARDLESS of when it happened. I had a friend get engaged after 6 weeks of MEETING a guy and i've been waiting for a proposal for a while. So yea, i had a little bit of a "you got engaged before ME?" but she's my best friend and i was so excited for her and i got over it instantly. And your friend knows one is coming!
  • edited December 2011
    A marriage proposal is about you and her, and your relationship, simple as that. Propose to her when you are ready to propose. A newly engaged couple's "moment of glory" is just that - a moment. Getting engaged months apart is not going to steal anyone's thunder or take the focus off them entirely...if anything, it's more reason to celebrate. They can have their "moment of glory" after you guys have yours. Asking you to put your proposal on hold because they're not ready to get engaged is just plain ridiculous and juvenile. And if they can't be happy for you and your happiness, then they're not true friends to begin with. Good luck, and preemptive congratulations...

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  • edited December 2011
    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 years. My best friend and her boyfriend have been dating 1.5 years. We know a proposal is coming in the near future for us both -- mine much sooner than hers, though -- a few months from now, max. She told me a few months ago that she told her boyfriend that she doesn't want to get engaged til next year for 2 reasons: 1) she's not ready yet (the best reason, of course!) and 2) she refuses to get engaged before me. She actually told me that if he proposes to her before I get engaged, she'll say no! I laughed when she told me this, because I think it's insane that she would care that much, especially when I couldn't care less! But it is very selfless of her to think that way. I personally don't care when she gets engaged -- I'll be ridiculously excited for her even if it's on the same day as me! I think it will be awesome to have someone sharing in my excitement and planning a wedding at the same time as me. Point of the story -- I would NEVER ask someone to "hold off" their engagement for me...not for a day, and ESPECIALLY not for 8 whole months! I think this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, and it sounds like your friends have some serious procrastination/competitiveness/jealousy issues!
  • edited December 2011
    My FI and I had that same problem to a tee. My fiancé's decided to talk to his best friend girlfriend for her blessing, and then we got engaged. She cried when we were engaged but it would have been a lot worst had she not been prepared.
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  • tpaigejrtpaigejr member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Here's the update.I had a talk with the guy in the situation and explained to him that it was important to me to work on my schedule and do things that made sense for Kristin and I. He said he understood and things have been golden since.Oh, did I mention he proposed? Haha now they're engaged and all is right in the world. I'm just trying to make my plans now. heh heh.
  • edited December 2011
    so his 8 month proposal time frame went to 4 days? I wonder why he asked you to wait in the first place thenAnywho I'm glad you talked to him because that really was a ridiculous amount of time to wait to ask your GF. Good luck with planning your proposal now!PS - don't go away! we don't have any guys on here (as far as I know anyway) and it'd be nice to get input from a guy every once in awhile!
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  • tpaigejrtpaigejr member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Haha, well I'm sticking around. I know being really involved in the wedding process probably isn't the "manly" thing to do, but I am committing to spend the rest of my life with my best friend in the world, you better believe I want to be a part of it! So.. I'll be here!
  • edited December 2011
    Aww, you are so sweet!That just made my day, look at you being all awesome. Go you!
    Anniversary
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