Ring Surprise?

perkins2099

Hi Everyone,

I'm new here and checking things out.  Been together almost two years and still a bit of a ways off from proposing but I had a couple of questions as I'm contemplating.  :-)

What are your thoughts on shopping for rings together vs being surprised?  

Is the right ring, the ring you want?  

Is the right ring, the ring he has invested time into choosing?

Is this something a lot of guys struggle with?

I was poking around and trying to find some related posts but was unsuccessful, so I do apologize if this has been discussed in-depth.

Thanks!

Elle1036

I put "we both need to be involved" because that's what we did.  It depends on the couple, though; there's not just one right way to do it.  If you want to be surprised by the ring completely or just give a few guidelines and let him choose, that's fine, too.

Also, bleraghunnecessarycommasmakemyheadhurtgrrrrr.

Swazzle

I agree with Elle (because that's also what we did). 

I'm the one who has to wear it for the rest of my life so I think I should have a say in what it looks like. Luckily, my FI thought the same thing. We shopped together, I narrowed it down to the styles I loved, and ultimately he made the decision on which ring would become mine.

ravenray

Mine was a surprise but I still sent him some guidelines of what I liked.  

 

Elle's right, it's different for every couple.  

 

suzie211

Hi Perkins, welcome to the board.  I actually didn't vote because I think this answer varies for every couple and their communication style.   I've seen complete surprise rings, rings chosen together by the couple before or after the proposal, and the ring being chosen by the girl and all the shopping info just sent to the guy.

My BF and I did a little of both on our recent trip.  We met with a jeweler to discuss all of the basics and he's then designing a ring which I have no input on.

Have you talked with your SO to find out what they want to do? 

Peaseblossom55

Hi and welcome. I told BF to make it a surprise.  I've hinted at things I want, white gold, a round diamond, but we'll see what happens.  BF has very good taste in all of the jewelry he has gotten me so I know I'll love whatever he chooses.

bethsmiles

Mine will be a surprise but that isn't how it has to be done. You and your SO need to decide between the two of you what to do.

Sorcha77

I think it would be nice to be surprised, but knowing my BF, he'd probably ask me to help him pick it out. I have a feeling he'll propose without one, and then we'll go shopping that weekend.

I only know this because he keeps saying how clueless he is about "girl things", and he knows I have pretty eclectic tastes and don't care for diamonds. He's already said he'll follow my lead on jewelry and that I have to let him know what kinds of necklaces and such I prefer.

I'd love an art deco or other antique ring with a sapphire or garnet. That said, if he did pick it out, and it had a diamond, I'd still love it because he took the time to choose it. It would be special to me for that reason, even if it wasn't my favorite style.

Norabelle26

I agree with PPs that it depends on the couple. No right way to do it. For what it's worth, my proposal was a complete surprise. We had talked about the future but not in concrete terms. He had a fake ring he got at the mall, just to have something, then we went to a jeweler that weekend and picked a design for the real deal. It was near torture to wait two whole weeks to have it on my finger, but I would not trade that surprise proposal for anything!

Vintagelove4

I voted "Absolutely - We both need to be involved" but the definition changes from couple to couple. I've told bf what gem stone I like and the style I like and in that way I've felt invovled but I still have no idea what the ring looks like.

mymissingpuzzlepiece

I voted that "No -- it should be a surprise" because that is how it was for me and that's exactly how I wanted it to be. However, every couple is different.

SadieLouWho

I feel like actually buying the ring together would ruin a lot of the magic of the proposal for me. But with saying that, he knows what cut, style, shape I like. I trust him to take it from there.

SomethingBeautiful08

I think that the proposal should be a surprise, I think that the ring could go either way.  I love my surprise ring!  It was a "safe" choice, a simple white gold solitare but it was me and I love it.  The man is buying the ring, they have control over the budget and they should have the final say, and hopefully they know you well enough to know at least general tastes.  Also those that are worried that they will not like their engagement ring, remember that the ring will be special because the man that you love gave it to you as a promise of marriage... and lots of people just wear their wedding bands.

Chloeagh

I'm very picky about jewelry. I hate most of the rings jewelry stores market as engagement rings. FI really wanted to surprise me with the ring, but he didn't want me to hate it. We went to a lot of jewelry shops together and there was a ring I LOVED at one, so he went back about a week later without me to get it and made a few modifications, so I didn't know exactly what it would look like. A surprise proposal was more important to me than a surprise ring.

RWolff

My FI bought a temporary ring with my birthstone to match a set of jewelery I already own, and then we went together to pick out the permanent ring. He took the sales clerk aside, told her what price he wanted, and then she took the appointment from there. We started out talking about what things I wanted in the look, I tried on a bunch and commented out loud while FI observed. After a few, I turned to him and asked what he thought based on my preferences, and he picked out a ring from the case that I actually had never considered, but fell in LOVE with!

Then, we looked at solitaries to see what size I thought looked right on my hand. I chose a halo style, so it was actually smaller than FI had originally budgeted for, so I was able to get a stone with somewhat better color and clarity. You might be surprised by what your girlfriend may want! Many men who buy on their own tend to go for larger stones, but you might be better off spending the money on either a better stone or a more intricate setting,

embreen

mine wasnt a surprise, his opinion was its my hand my ring i have to look at it it should be the exact one i want

Knottiee989bcbbacdc5864

My soon-to-be fiance and I picked out the ring together. That said, I can understand those brides and grooms who really want the experience to be one of total surprise.

My guy knew that I am picky about jewlery and he didn't want the ring to be anything other than my dream ring, so he asked me to go shopping with him. We had a lot of fun doing it -- we made a few afternoons of it, strolling around San Francisco (where I live), sipping coffee and hitting up different jewelers before getting a romantic dinner. We didn't rush the process, since it was a once in a lifetime experience. It was so cute to see him excited about finding the perfect ring. We both had input. As for the one we picked, I don't know what it cost and I'm glad about that, and I also don't know when I'll be getting it. The only thing I knew about finances was the "upper limit," so to speak, although I don't think my favorite would have come close to that much. He had me try it on for a moment after he had it sized (we picked an antique ring that wasn't my size) and then he squirreled it away. He also never showed me the box, so that little bit of it is still a secret. I have no idea when we will get engaged... I would guess he'll wait a few months, so that it will "come out of nowhere" and be a surprise on the day he chooses. I'm so excited, obviously -- I mean, here I am on the board, ha ha!