Not Engaged Yet

BSC Friends & Fam??

Soooo, I'm sitting in the BF's office w/him while he finishes up some work and I am *bored*...so just thought I'd share what just happened (which occurs about 5x a day, every day....)

My sister texts me "So are you engaged yet?" , Answer "Noo..." .. a minute later "Do you think he has the ring?!", Answer "I have no idea!" .... a minute later "Is he going to propose before school starts?!" Answer "You have to stop now!!"

Anybody else experiencing not-so-much internal BSC behavior but external by your beloved friends and fam?? It drives me absolutely craaaaazy! About a month ago my BF actually bought a ring...but he bought it online, and when it came he didn't like it at all, so he returned it. He just could NOT manage to keep this information to himself and told me and some of our friends & family. Of course, ever since, everyone who knows has been positively badgering me about when he might do the real thing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm super glad that everyone is so damn excited, haha! BUT, really, I have no idea when he might propose (we did go shopping together after the online fail and found the perfect ring...but he has not given any other hints). And so I have nothing new to tell them and I literally get asked every. single. day. by someone. Dahhh! Talk about making it hard to keep myself from getting overly excited/anxious. I love my BF soo much and will be so excited when he asks, but I'd really like everyone to STFU about the proposal because it makes it RUHL hard to stay sane myself when everyone around me is going crazy!!

Ok, /rant. Anybody else?? Anybody?! Am I the only one who has to hear this all the time?


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Re: BSC Friends & Fam??

  • edited December 2011
    This is unfortunately a very common issue. Luckily BF's family doesn't do it to me, or really most of the people I know (at most they'll ask how long we've been together and then comment on how it's such a long time. Oh yeah. 3 years. It's totally an eternity). But my dad's wife does it constantly. Any time I'm over there, she asks, "How long have you two been together?" (you think she'd know by now, considering how often she asks that freaking question). She then follows with, "Well when will you two get married?" She'll do that several times in one day. It makes it worse that I don't even like that woman. It's maddening.

    So if it's getting to be too much for you, just tell them,  "Hey. I'm glad you're excited for me. But can we just not talk about it please? I have no way of knowing when it will happen and all this talk of it just makes me a bit anxious." Hopefully they'll respect that. And if they don't, that's when you bring out the good ole bean dip.

    "So when is he going to propose?"

    "Have you tried this bean dip? It's fantastic!"

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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO
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    edited December 2011
    A lot of my friends are that way because so many of them are getting married. My parents have made it clear that they don't think its necessary to finish school before getting married but I find its best just to change the topic. I know it can get really frustrating though! I just wish people would accept that we are going to do things in our own time.


  • deburnindeburnin
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    edited December 2011
    It's not a daily occurrence, but usually every few weeks one of my sibs will ask something like: "So how long have you two been dating now?" I'll reply: "Over five years." Them: "And you aren't married yet?" Ugh. It's a pain. It's a running joke in my family that BF will never propose. :(
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  • edited December 2011
    Oh, totally, yeah! Don't get me wrong, I wanted it to happen too but my friends/family fueled some BSC moments too, good luck with keepin em at bay!! ;)


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  • edited December 2011
    Oh yeah! My BF's family can be crazy BSC about an engagement. Especially when his two younger bros are married and we've been dating for 8 years. I feel bad for BF because they're more BSC at him than at me. But I know what you're talking about for sure!
  • edited December 2011
    Um, just wait until you actually start planning the wedding. It only gets antied up by x100.

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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC
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    edited December 2011
    For some reason everyone seems to think that your life is their business when it comes to relationships.  I'd like to tell you it gets better but the questions NEVER stop.  After we got engaged it moved on to wedding questions and once his sister got pregnant it moved to spawn questions.  Bean dip 'em! ;)

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  • fontassidyfontassidy
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam??:
    Ugh. It's a pain. It's a running joke in my family that BF will never propose. :(
    Posted by deburnin
    Aw....that's not even nice!
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  • fontassidyfontassidy
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam??:
    Um, just wait until you actually start planning the wedding. It only gets antied up by x100.
    Posted by oceana919
    Oh god.

    But I mean....at least when you're actually planning the wedding you'll have things to TELL these people about, right?? I mean....there is nothing I can do about when a proposal does or does not occur...but when I'm planning at least I can fend people off with tidbits about what's going on...

    Right? Right??! Don't tell me these things.....
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  • edited December 2011
    Maybe the problem is that you already have a wedding date. ;)
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  • deburnindeburnin
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam??:
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam?? : Aw....that's not even nice!
    Posted by fontassidy
    Yeah... My sister's grad party and annual family party was this past Saturday and I probably heard a variation of it at least five times from my immediate family. Most of my other relatives and family friends just had questions about when we were finally closing on the house (our close date was June 30th and now we're not looking to getting in there until mid-September). It's gotten even worse since my sister and her BF started talking about getting engaged on the next family trip to Disney as well... Blargh.

    Edit: Oh and my sister is three years younger and only been with her BF for two years.
    ~*~Sept 2013 Siggy Challange - Then (2005) & Now (2012)~*~
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    Somebody once said, it's the soul that matters. Baby who can really tell, when two hearts belong so well?
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam??:
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam?? : Oh god. But I mean....at least when you're actually planning the wedding you'll have things to TELL these people about, right?? I mean....there is nothing I can do about when a proposal does or does not occur...but when I'm planning at least I can fend people off with tidbits about what's going on... Right? Right??! Don't tell me these things.....
    Posted by fontassidy
    Lol, no.

    When you're actually in the planning stage, you'll get 1000 + 1 questions about everything from the date to the color of the BMs shoes. And then you'll get opinions and critiques on everything you're doing.

    Sorry, I'm in that "it's eight freaking months away...can we talk about something else already?" stage. lol

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  • fontassidyfontassidy
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam??:
    Maybe the problem is that you already have a wedding date. ;)
    Posted by Narwhal
    Money mouth

    Have to do it, dude. For us there's no way we could plan on getting engaged w/out also planning out how long we'll have to give ourselves before we can afford to actually host, feed and entertain our ridiculously large families on our wedding day.

    Real life doesn't always allow for people to follow a tidy order of events, and when we're having the wedding and how the heck we'll pay for it is just another part of our ongoing conversations about being engaged and being married. :p
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  • fontassidyfontassidy
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam??:
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam?? : Lol, no. you'll get opinions and critiques on everything you're doing. Sorry, I'm in that "it's eight freaking months away...can we talk about something else already?" stage. lol
    Posted by oceana919
    Ahhhhhh family. Gotta love 'em, I guess. GL w/the color of those bridesmaids shoes!!! ;)
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam??:
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam?? : Have to do it, dude. For us there's no way we could plan on getting engaged w/out also planning out how long we'll have to give ourselves before we can afford to actually host, feed and entertain our ridiculously large families on our wedding day. Real life doesn't always allow for people to follow a tidy order of events, and when we're having the wedding and how the heck we'll pay for it is just another part of our ongoing conversations about being engaged and being married. :p
    Posted by fontassidy
    No, actually.  You don't HAVE to do anything.  You are choosing to do it this way.  But keep on going with the justifications.  Real life also means that your tidy little plan might go to sh!t when you do get engaged, or when you graduate and there are no jobs. 

    You cannot b!tch about your family being antsy for a proposal when they already know that you are planning your wedding.  They are probably wondering when your horse is arriving. 
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam??:
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam?? : Have to do it, dude. For us there's no way we could plan on getting engaged w/out also planning out how long we'll have to give ourselves before we can afford to actually host, feed and entertain our ridiculously large families on our wedding day. Real life doesn't always allow for people to follow a tidy order of events, and when we're having the wedding and how the heck we'll pay for it is just another part of our ongoing conversations about being engaged and being married. :p
    Posted by fontassidy
    I think I like you, but I can't decide yet.

    You don't have to have the date set to be saving for your wedding.  BF and I are both already saving some here and there for it (we'll start the heavy duty saving once we are actually engaged) in our own saving accounts, but we don't have a date set.

    All I was saying was that that's probably why they're so anxious.
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren
    2500 Comments
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    edited December 2011
    Fine, I'm going to say it:

    Engaged:
    1.
     busy or occupied; involved: deeply engaged in conversation.
    2. pledged to be married; betrothed: an engaged couple.
    3. under engagement; pledged: an engaged contractor.
    4. entered into conflict with: desperately engaged armies.
    5. Mechanics .
    b. (of wheels) in gear with each other.
    6. Architecture . (of a distinct member) built so as to be truly or seemingly attached in part to the structure before which it stands: an engaged column.

    Also, Narwhal is correct. You don't need to be "engaged" to start saving money. I have savings tucked away for whatever may arise: I can use them for an emergency if it comes up, I can use it for a wedding whenever that time may be, or I can use it to put towards a house or an apartment.

  • edited December 2011
    My boyfriend would constantly get harassed by HIS OWN FAMILY. It got to the point that any time anyone would even MENTION us getting married he would reply with "Dang I was going to ask her tomorrow, but now that you have completely blown it I guess I am going to wait another six months". They got the hint.
  • edited December 2011
    I think there's a drastic difference between having a general time frame (say, Spring 2012) and having an actual date.

    We knew we were having a spring wedding (only accomodating weather in SoFLa) and needed at least a year to save, so Spring 2011 it was for us. We didn't have an actual date until we settled on a venue about five months after we got engaged.

    Just sayin.

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  • katanne9katanne9
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam??:
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam?? : No, actually.  You don't HAVE to do anything.  You are choosing to do it this way.  But keep on going with the justifications.  Real life also means that your tidy little plan might go to sh!t when you do get engaged, or when you graduate and there are no jobs.  You cannot b!tch about your family being antsy for a proposal when they already know that you are planning your wedding.  They are probably wondering when your horse is arriving. 
    Posted by **Mutley**

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  • breezerbbreezerb
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    edited December 2011
    Whenever people ask when we are getting married I tell them that for every person that asks we add an extra month... so far I'm getting married in about 56 years... it's a way of laughing it off and telling them to stop asking at the same time...
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  • fontassidyfontassidy
    10 Comments
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam??:
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam?? : No, actually.  You don't HAVE to do anything.  You are choosing to do it this way.  But keep on going with the justifications.  Real life also means that your tidy little plan might go to sh!t when you do get engaged, or when you graduate and there are no jobs.  You cannot b!tch about your family being antsy for a proposal when they already know that you are planning your wedding.  They are probably wondering when your horse is arriving. 
    Posted by **Mutley**
    Bahahahaha, ok ok. Fair enough on the word choice issue. No-one is holding a gun to our heads and saying "PICK THE DAY DAMMIT"....we chose to do it this way. It works for us. And if our tidy little plan gets sh*t all over I am sure we will deal with it in whatever works for us then, as well.

    But while we're dealing with issues of word choice, I obviously can lament about my family being antsy, because I just did. All I'm sayin' is, they're just as crazy as me, and it ups the ante on the crazy sooo much more than if it was just me being super excited to take the next step toward marrying the person I love. To set the record straight, we have not told my fam or anyone else about having chosen a tentative wedding date. I've allowed myself a wedding ticker graphic as my expression of that particular bit of crazy; just to annoy the sh*t out of all of you. <3
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  • fontassidyfontassidy
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: BSC Friends & Fam??:
    Whenever people ask when we are getting married I tell them that for every person that asks we add an extra month... so far I'm getting married in about 56 years...
    Posted by breezerb
    This is awesome.  Laughing
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