Coming out of lurk-land... (into)

Battletoads

Hello everyone! i posted on 'getting to know you', but ive decided to do an official intro as well!

My name is Battletoads, but you can call me anything you want. Im 21, and i found this site through a friend who was getting married, and i kind of just never left  :P

I live with my boyfriend, who is 33, with our 2 fur-babies Annie and Nib (cats).

 We have been together for almost 3 years, and have already discussed marriage. I chose a ring, and left the rest up to him. Since im playing the waiting game, and this seems like a pretty rad board that i lurk regularly, i figured id introduce myself, and see if you all will have me.  :B

At present BF works as telesales for Verizon. i work at a feed store, but i plan on going into a program in august to pursue a career in veterinary technology!  

so yeah, if you wanna ask any questions, id be glad to answer them! i look forward to chatting with you all!  

Battletoads

wow, fail, thats supposed to be (intro)  XD

bethsmiles

How did you and your BF meet?

Battletoads

I first saw him when i was at a group job interview for a telemarketing place. My friend had applied and i decided to apply as well, kind of like a safety net if i didnt get my preferred job, at a local Vet. When they were giving us all the tour, i saw my future boyfriend, and i swear it was like in Waynes World and all the sparkles came down and Dreamweaver played in the background. I got both jobs, and kept the telemarketing job with the sole purpose of meeting him. Once i worked up the courage to talk to him, and we went on a few dates, i left that job and went full time at the vet office  :P

On our first date he came to a metal show my friends were playing and we had our first kiss that night.

PhotoDerby

Furbaby photos? 

PhotoDerby

Also, have to say I love you for your dislike/hate of people who crop their pit's ears.

Battletoads

This is Nib. She loves Boxes and looks like an owl

Nib and Annie together. Annie is just a kitten, and looks like shes part Squirrel  :P

Battletoads

Aw, thanks! We see it all the time at my job and i have to exercise a lot of restraint not to blow up at them, for the sake of my job. heres a better pic of Annie:

Battletoads

i am turning 22 in june, so i actually met him when i was 19. 

Peaseblossom55

HI and welcome your cats are so cute!

prbright

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_coming-out-of-lurk-land-into?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:78e343d5-b10e-4bcf-8077-5aba76fcab85Post:e7a29448-7836-40a3-a690-327281516fe6">Re:Coming out of lurkland... into</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Coming out of lurkland... into: Erm. Yeah. Because that's SO much less creepy. I'm not touching this one.
Posted by buggle2[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Haha </div><div>
</div><div>ETA: I have nothing useful to add to this thread. I simply thought that was funny. Yep, pointless post.</div>

Battletoads

My family loves him, his family loves me, and we've been living together for over a year now. This has been the longest and best relationship ive ever been in, and just because it doesn't fit into some kind of pre-determined relationship quota doesnt mean that hes a creeper. We've encountered this reaction before, and it has never changed how we feel about each other. An 11 year difference isnt cringe-worthy to me.

Battletoads

Thanks so much!  

IrishDreamer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_coming-out-of-lurk-land-into?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:78e343d5-b10e-4bcf-8077-5aba76fcab85Post:e7a29448-7836-40a3-a690-327281516fe6">Re:Coming out of lurkland... into</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Coming out of lurkland... into: Erm. Yeah. Because that's SO much less creepy. I'm not touching this one.
Posted by buggle2[/QUOTE]
I <3 you.... Just saying

jaycee7389

This thread looks like the crazy cat lady was here

Battletoads

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_coming-out-of-lurk-land-into?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:78e343d5-b10e-4bcf-8077-5aba76fcab85Post:e6e7e117-d764-446e-b6ab-a9ca29707067">Re: Coming out of lurk-land... (into)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Coming out of lurk-land... (into) : That's not what "quota" means. An 11 year age difference isn't a big deal when you're both adults. No, a 19 year old is not an adult. A 19 year old is a teenager. 11 years is STILL more than half your age. Could you imagine dating a 15 year old right now? No, because that's gross? Yep. Tell me, what exactly does a 30 year old MAN have in common with a 19 year old GIRL? Oh yeah, that .
Posted by buggle2[/QUOTE]

<div>By quota, i meant a number of standards that needed to be met to facilitate an 'acceptable' relationship.</div><div>I get it. we have an age difference. I wouldnt date a 15 year old because that would be statutory rape. Luckily for me, my boyfriend and i are both consenting adults. I may be a young adult, but i AM an adult.</div><div>I also think its really petty of you to assume that our relationship is based on sex, and thats the only thing we have in common. We developed our relationship through art and music, which we both have strong roots in. He is supportive of me in anything i want to do, and has never asked me to change, and has always accepted me as i am, even when strangers assume he must be some kind of pervert to date someone younger than him.</div><div>If you don't approve of a relationship with an age difference, dont get into one. Your opinion isnt going to make me throw away a loving relationship because some people have a problem with it.</div>

doubleSS07

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_coming-out-of-lurk-land-into?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:78e343d5-b10e-4bcf-8077-5aba76fcab85Post:e6e7e117-d764-446e-b6ab-a9ca29707067">Re: Coming out of lurk-land... (into)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Coming out of lurk-land... (into) : That's not what "quota" means. An 11 year age difference isn't a big deal when you're both adults. No, a 19 year old is not an adult. A 19 year old is a teenager. 11 years is STILL more than half your age. Could you imagine dating a 15 year old right now? No, because that's gross? Yep. Tell me, what exactly does a 30 year old MAN have in common with a 19 year old GIRL? Oh yeah, that .
Posted by buggle2[/QUOTE]

heh I dated a 30yo at 18 and it was because he had a fast car, nice house, money and a rather large ahem so yeah it was definitely about <em>that </em>hehe

To each their own though. Your cats are really cute OP

Battletoads

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_coming-out-of-lurk-land-into?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:78e343d5-b10e-4bcf-8077-5aba76fcab85Post:5e4d07dc-84de-4924-9f76-3d9247ff191c">Re: Coming out of lurk-land... (into)</a>:
[QUOTE]I'll just put out there that I dated a 31 year old when I was 19...but we were both in college. He had been a professional snowboarder and then was back in school, and I was in school, and we somehow didn't discuss age until a few dates in. By that time, we decided it was OK and not creepy because we met in an organic way, were at a similar place in life, had similar goals, etc. But overall, I think that a 30+ year old man wanting to date a teenager isn't good. Every time I see that I think of Mo now dating one of his senior girls, quite a few of whom are 19 because they entered school late, and it makes me feel squicky. So I guess that is a double standard of mine. 
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

<div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">i can completely understand an aversion if i had met him when i was under 18, and he was in a power position over me, like my teacher or my boss. We met as coworkers, though, and he was similar to the man in your situation. He was in a band and they travelled across the country and even out of the country. it took him a while to finish college, and i had been in college for a year. To me, we were both just 2 people who were at the same place in our lives. To be honest, when i first met him, i thought he was 25. He looks very young for his age, and i had to make the choice whether i wanted to continue with the relationship when i found out how old he was. I made my decision, and i stand by it.</div></div>

Battletoads

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_coming-out-of-lurk-land-into?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:78e343d5-b10e-4bcf-8077-5aba76fcab85Post:3d62a600-3481-4cc6-aff7-54863b52c15b">Re: Coming out of lurk-land... (into)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Coming out of lurk-land... (into) : heh I dated a 30yo at 18 and it was because he had a fast car, nice house, money and a rather large ahem so yeah it was definitely about that hehe To each their own though. Your cats are really cute OP
Posted by doubleSS07[/QUOTE]

<div>Lolololol, my BF was a drummer, so he drove an Astro van and lived in an apartment. I will make no comment on the ahem, however  ;)</div><div>I liked him for his personality. He is one hi-larious mother fukcer  :P</div><div>And thanks, i do love my kitties! they were both strays and in bad shape when they were kittens, so i lucked out with how cute they got!  </div>

beanbot2002

I was in a relationship with someone 13 years my senior. I was 26 and he 39 when we started dating. It lasted 2 years. Guess what we had in common? Sex, and occasionally music. But mostly sex. Because he was born in the 60s, and I in the 80s. He was 13, going to see Star Wars and fapping his little heart away while I was suckling away at the teat. Sex can keep a relationship going for a good couple years.

You guys may be wonderful for each other. I'm not saying you're not. But you're going encounter (as you have per one of your posts) folks that no matter what, they're gonna give your relationship the side eye. In fact, BECAUSE of my experience I'm giving it the side eye. Am I expecting that you will all of a sudden say "OMG Internet Stranger!! You are sooooo right! However would I have survived this without your infinite wisdom??" No. But you're also 22, so it doesn't really matter what I'm advising you on, you're not going to listen. That is the nature of most 22 year olds. I remember. It wasn't so long ago for me (10 yrs). 

Regardless, word of advice: don't walk into a room of established friends and call someone petty. No matter what. It has the potential to put said room on the immediate defense. 

And with that, carry on!

Battletoads

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_coming-out-of-lurk-land-into?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:78e343d5-b10e-4bcf-8077-5aba76fcab85Post:29ed7154-ea71-4dd8-b68c-2c8fa2d6002e">Re: Coming out of lurk-land... (into)</a>:
[QUOTE]I was in a relationship with someone 13 years my senior. I was 26 and he 39 when we started dating. It lasted 2 years. Guess what we had in common? Sex, and occasionally music. But mostly sex. Because he was born in the 60s, and I in the 80s. He was 13, going to see Star Wars and fapping his little heart away while I was suckling away at the teat. Sex can keep a relationship going for a good couple years. You guys may be wonderful for each other. I'm not saying you're not. But you're going encounter (as you have per one of your posts) folks that no matter what, they're gonna give your relationship the side eye. In fact, BECAUSE of my experience I'm giving it the side eye. Am I expecting that you will all of a sudden say "OMG Internet Stranger!! You are sooooo right! However would I have survived this without your infinite wisdom??" No. But you're also 22, so it doesn't really matter what I'm advising you on, you're not going to listen. That is the nature of most 22 year olds. I remember. It wasn't so long ago for me (10 yrs).  Regardless, word of advice: don't walk into a room of established friends and call someone petty. No matter what. It has the potential to put said room on the immediate defense.  And with that, carry on!
Posted by beanbot2002[/QUOTE]

<div>i appreciate your honesty  :)</div><div>As you said, i am 22, and i will do as i do. If it doesnt work, then lesson learned. Then ill be the older woman telling the younger girl why she shouldnt be doing it, and not being listened to!  :P</div><div>And if it makes a difference, i was not trying to paste a name onto buggle, but rather remark that the action of assuming so much after just meeting me on the internet was a little fort-with. </div><div>I did not post on here to make enemies, but i wanted to make friends, since you all seem like intelligent, honest women. I have to stand by my choices though, and it was my choice to date whom i did. Im sure you understand. I would never post something i cant back up, and i intend on backing up my relationship  :)</div>

Battletoads

And Buggle, im sorry if i offended you or said anything to make you feel i was name calling. I just wanted to make it clear that i understand that you have a problem with my age difference, but it works for me.

LilTexasGal

I've got to say something. OP, please capitalize your "I"s. This is just a pet peeve of mine, and not a personal attack on you.

LilTexasGal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_coming-out-of-lurk-land-into?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:78e343d5-b10e-4bcf-8077-5aba76fcab85Post:d5adeb93-a9d3-4147-a5df-68f1b0fc4bd0">Re: Coming out of lurk-land... (into)</a>:
[QUOTE]Bean, you crack me up every single time. No worries BT. The thing is, when you post on an internet message board, all anyone has to go on is exactly what you post. Most of us have dated guys older than us too - hell, I dated a 27 year old when I was 19. That was ten years ago, and it took me getting older to see how royally fcuked up it was. I'm not saying your relationship is wrong. I'm really not. But if you're in a relationship that most people are going to have a knee-jerk reaction to, you've got to be OK with having to defend it. The women here have been around awhile, most of us have had more than one adult relationship, and there are certain situations that usually don't end well. Yours is one of them. Most relationships with huge age differences don't work out. And none of us really understood that until we weren't in them anymore. The best thing you can do, when faced with people doubting your relationship, is realize that people are going to have a problem with it, and address it in a mature manner. Getting defensive is not going to get you anywhere. Pulling a you-don't-know-my-relationship-I'm-a-special-snowflake is just going to make you look less mature, and less capable of understanding that other people have valid concerns. It's not that we're biitches, or we're mean, or that we like to bully people. But if we think you're making a mistake, we're going to let you know. The women here are the most awesome, supportive, amazing people I know, and they give solid advice. I'm sorry if I came off as a biitch earlier, I am sometimes. Stick around. You may not always hear what you want to hear, but that's not usually a bad thing.
Posted by buggle2[/QUOTE]

This. All of this.

The honesty on this board is probably what drew me to it. I don't think anyone who is really seeking advice wants to be told "You're absolutely right!" True, you were more so making a statement, but sometimes you need to get some unsolicited advice (i.e. wearing jeans to a fancy restaurant - lawlz) and it is really nice to have a forum like that. At least, in my opinion, it is.

Since I've never been in a relationship with this large an age difference, I can't really say I have a personal opinion on it. I'm simply making a statement regarding my general observations of this board.

Battletoads

Can do, TexasGal  

And Buggle, I appreciate that you were genuinely trying to let me know that its a tough time with the path I chose. I didnt mean to come off as a special snowflake, because I am definitely not the first to date an older guy! After lurking a while, I do believe the women on here are a great bunch of women, and I really wanted to get to know them, including you.

If I get into any more disagreements about the age factor, ill try to just make it clear that I know I chose a less-than-successful path, but I would kick myself if I broke up with a guy who loves me before I saw how it ends. I would rather date a guy who is older than me and is a loving, honest guy, than a guy my age who is a jerk and is verbally and emotionally abusive, like the guy I dated before BF.  :P

I appreciate the honesty, and i hope that if i am truly going to ruin my life with something that I post on here, I'll be glad for a big dose of it!

Battletoads

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_coming-out-of-lurk-land-into?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:78e343d5-b10e-4bcf-8077-5aba76fcab85Post:7ecd7037-3d65-41b2-9a54-a83fba21f828">Re:Coming out of lurkland... into</a>:
[QUOTE]Glad to hear you're rational, OP. Have you discussed marriage with your BF? More than in a passing, "maybe someday" context?
Posted by buggle2[/QUOTE]

<div>We have! We went ring shopping about a month ago after discussing it a few times. Ive decided on which setting I like, and I told him that the diamond, the place and the timing is up to him. We've decided that we will have a long engagement, since i want to plan the wedding after I get out of the vet tech program. </div>

polkadot111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_coming-out-of-lurk-land-into?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:78e343d5-b10e-4bcf-8077-5aba76fcab85Post:c03d460d-b280-4c0e-b720-4f90d06a99f9">Re:Coming out of lurkland... into</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Coming out of lurkland... into : We have! We went ring shopping about a month ago after discussing it a few times. Ive decided on which setting I like, and I told him that the diamond, the place and the timing is up to him. We've decided that we will have a long engagement, since i want to plan the wedding after I get out of the vet tech program. 
Posted by Battletoads[/QUOTE]

<div>How long is 'long'? I assume 3+ years since you want to get into a vet tec program (a 2 year program) and don't want to start planning until after you are finished. I would HIGHLY recomend waiting until after you are finished with the vet tec program to get engaged. This is coming from a 22 year old girl who skrewed that one up and regrets it...  Why do you NEED to be engaged now? Why can't you just wait until you're ready to plan a wedding to be engaged?</div>

PhotoDerby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_coming-out-of-lurk-land-into?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:78e343d5-b10e-4bcf-8077-5aba76fcab85Post:0ca15dc5-b5ef-4e0b-a83a-f11117ec983f">Re: Coming out of lurk-land... (into)</a>:
[QUOTE]This thread looks like the crazy cat lady was here
Posted by jaycee7389[/QUOTE] MY fault. Oops.

Battletoads

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_coming-out-of-lurk-land-into?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:78e343d5-b10e-4bcf-8077-5aba76fcab85Post:45f97b41-a139-48bd-8615-ce4e8c71a36d">Re:Coming out of lurkland... into</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Coming out of lurkland... into : Well then good. I'm glad you're on the same page. Just remember, just because you've looked at rings, doesn't mean it's going to happen tomorrow. And just say no to staring at pretty wedding things for hours. It's hard, all of us are guilty of it. Cart, then horse. God I feel preachy. I'm not, I promise. I actually do a lot of dumb shiit.
Posted by buggle2[/QUOTE]

<div>Hahahaha, yeah, Ive tried to clear all thoughts of wedding stuff out of my head from the day we decided on the ring. It makes it much easier on me, and i dont want BF to feel like Im rushing him. If he wants to take months or a year, thats fine by me. I just wanted to make sure he knew which setting to get when the time DID come  ;)</div>

kaitlynmichelle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_coming-out-of-lurk-land-into?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:78e343d5-b10e-4bcf-8077-5aba76fcab85Post:ee7fc190-0ec3-455a-99c3-37d2643edef6">Re:Coming out of lurkland... into</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Coming out of lurkland... into : How long is 'long'? I assume 3+ years since you want to get into a vet tec program (a 2 year program) and don't want to start planning until after you are finished. I would HIGHLY recomend waiting until after you are finished with the vet tec program to get engaged. This is coming from a 22 year old girl who skrewed that one up and regrets it...  <strong>Why do you NEED to be engaged now?</strong> Why can't you just wait until you're ready to plan a wedding to be engaged?
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

<div>This.  I wanted to get engaged years ago while I was in university thinking we'd get married after school.  Well, jobs are hard to come by, and we've been out of school for almost 2 years now.  I'm glad we didn't get engaged then, because we still don't have the money to plan a wedding.  </div><div>
</div><div>I just personally wouldn't want to be engaged for years and years without planning a wedding.  It makes the most sense to me (now) to wait until we are financially capable/ready to actively plan to be married, versus get engaged right now when we can't really plan a whole lot.</div><div>
</div><div>Not that you won't necessarily find an awesome job right away.  But coming from me (and BF) who have top honours degrees and can't find anything related to our degrees/that we're qualified for, don't assume like I did that work will be there.  </div><div>
</div><div>Now, after that lovely downer post...welcome to the board :)  </div>

Battletoads

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_coming-out-of-lurk-land-into?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:78e343d5-b10e-4bcf-8077-5aba76fcab85Post:ee7fc190-0ec3-455a-99c3-37d2643edef6">Re:Coming out of lurkland... into</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Coming out of lurkland... into : How long is 'long'? I assume 3+ years since you want to get into a vet tec program (a 2 year program) and don't want to start planning until after you are finished. I would HIGHLY recomend waiting until after you are finished with the vet tec program to get engaged. This is coming from a 22 year old girl who skrewed that one up and regrets it...  Why do you NEED to be engaged now? Why can't you just wait until you're ready to plan a wedding to be engaged?
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

<div>Long is however long is left after BF decides to propose, i guess. I dont expect to get engaged tomorrow, which is why I just gave him the setting i wanted and am leaving the rest to him. I definitely dont need to be engaged right now, we just went with our guts and got onto the topic of marriage. We decided that it was something we wanted to do, so Ill get engaged whenever he decides  :P</div><div>I wanted him to have all the information he needs for when he does make his move. I just want it to feel right for him, and were both on the same page for when we would actually start planning the wedding.  :)</div>