Flameful Confessions

notquiteblushing

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_flameful-confessions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b145acd0-1b13-4cf0-90d2-2fcf74d3d049Post:ad6164c6-7db0-47eb-b6f9-aa02ebd8d15d">Re: Flameful Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flameful Confessions : BF is too old to wait til I'm 30.  If we did that, waited, and then had kids, he'd be going to their high school graduation with a walker.
Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

I also flame couples with big age differences so I'm gonna need to know how old you both are.  Bonus points if you tell me you're very mature for your age.

Wrkn925

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_flameful-confessions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b145acd0-1b13-4cf0-90d2-2fcf74d3d049Post:00997394-ee46-4988-b3cb-4747150ea01b">Re: Flameful Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flameful Confessions : I also flame couples with big age differences so I'm gonna need to know how old you both are.  Bonus points if you tell me you're very mature for your age.
Posted by notquiteblushing[/QUOTE]

I'll be 25 Monday.  He's 37.
I act my age, he's immature.  That better?

Wrkn925

And he looks 28, that's what really matters.

Ana_2985

I still judge people who judge other people's money or lack of money.

notquiteblushing

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_flameful-confessions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b145acd0-1b13-4cf0-90d2-2fcf74d3d049Post:c3e772fe-602b-4211-9771-1f1a48385a04">Re: Flameful Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flameful Confessions : I'll be 25 Monday.  He's 37. I act my age, he's immature.  That better?
Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

That's what I figured (him being immature) but it doesn't make it better in my mind.  Not a bit.  What do you think it will be like as you mature and become a confident young woman and you are dating a guy who is still living his 20s in his mind?  Just food for thought.

And if a 35 year old friend of mine came to me and said he was dating a 23 year old I would think he was sketchy and would have to be convinved otherwise.

Wrkn925

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_flameful-confessions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b145acd0-1b13-4cf0-90d2-2fcf74d3d049Post:348f534e-403b-40b4-9417-42c0d11fd7ec">Re: Flameful Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flameful Confessions : That's what I figured (him being immature) but it doesn't make it better in my mind.  Not a bit.  What do you think it will be like as you mature and become a confident young woman and you are dating a guy who is still living his 20s in his mind?  Just food for thought. And if a 35 year old friend of mine came to me and said he was dating a 23 year old I would think he was sketchy and would have to be convinved otherwise.
Posted by notquiteblushing[/QUOTE]

I was trying to make a funny...

We just meet on the maturity level.  It's comfortable and scary at the same time.  It's all seemed to work out.  
We're happy, we want the same things.  We have the same goals.  We are parallel on time frames, expectations, aspirations.
It's scary because every once in awhile, I stop and realize, This man is 13 years older than me.  When I'm 40, and he's 53, will this all still be parallel?
I believe that it will be.  I'm willing to take that leap of faith.
We're not perfect, and the age difference does bring some difficulties.  Mostly when discussing childhood and growing up in different decades.
But I honestly have a man that wakes up every morning and tries with me to build a healthy, strong relationship.  

Our age is a hurdle that I don't ignore, but I refuse to let it be a reason why we can't be together.

I understand that it looks sketchy from the outside, and I'm not sure exactly how to give you the vision to prove that it's working, but it does.

I'm not entirely sure I answered your question...

 

notquiteblushing

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_flameful-confessions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b145acd0-1b13-4cf0-90d2-2fcf74d3d049Post:08f583fa-e210-42c3-9005-09c4d2f2b4b6">Re: Flameful Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flameful Confessions : I was trying to make a funny... We just meet on the maturity level.  It's comfortable and scary at the same time.  It's all seemed to work out.   We're happy, we want the same things.  We have the same goals.  We are parallel on time frames, expectations, aspirations. It's scary because every once in awhile, I stop and realize, This man is 13 years older than me.  When I'm 40, and he's 53, will this all still be parallel? I believe that it will be.  I'm willing to take that leap of faith. We're not perfect, and the age difference does bring some difficulties.  Mostly when discussing childhood and growing up in different decades. But I honestly have a man that wakes up every morning and tries with me to build a healthy, strong relationship.   Our age is a hurdle that I don't ignore, but I refuse to let it be a reason why we can't be together. I understand that it looks sketchy from the outside, and I'm not sure exactly how to give you the vision to prove that it's working, but it does. I'm not entirely sure I answered your question...  
Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

Well it helped that you didn't write "YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE!!11" so I'll reserve my judgement for the time.  You don't seem naive about the fact that people may be judgy so that's good.

calindi

Wrkn, you don't have to justify or explain your relationship to anyone.  Of course people will judge something that is different than what they do, but that doesn't mean you have to defend yourself.  Just knowing in your own heart is enough - like we always say to beebees, no need to get defensive from internet strangers, it only looks insecure.

My belief is that as long as the relationship is between two adults and no one is clearly getting taken advantage of, I won't judge (too much).  Now, an 80 year old and a pin-up model?  Sure, I'll laugh at that.  A divorced middle-age wealthy dude and his mid-life crisis dumbo girlfriend?  Sad and pathetic.  But really, as long as you're not clinging to him as your cash cow, and your relationship isn't based on the age difference or you being a 'young thing', then whatever.

I honestly thought NQB was joking at first.  I'm 24, I'm mature and a confident woman.  I don't need to get older to "become confident" - I know who I am, I'm educated, I know what my goals are, and I'm well on my way professionally.  By 24 years old like Wrkn, it's a world of difference from some 'young thing' who is easily impressionable by a 'father figure'.  Sure, there's always more to learn from life, but it's silly to suggest that she'll grow apart from her boyfriend since she's young - that's true regardless of age.  How is it any different for two people of the same age who get married?  Time changes things, and the goal is to grow together, not apart.

For what it's worth, as much as I hate the "exception examples", I know quite a few that are good and absolutely no examples that are bad.  My grandparents met each other when my grandma was 23 and my grandfather was 36.  It was the second marriage for both of them, and they are honestly the HAPPIEST couple I know.  I also have a close friend who is 25 and dating a 43 year old, and they're an incredible and equally mature couple - she's a lawyer and he's a doctor.  I also have a colleague who is 23 and dating a 32 year old, and they're adorable together and both very successful professionally.

Wrkn925

I don't feel like I'm justifying.  I feel like I was asked to take a realistic view, and I explained my side.
I enjoyed sharing that, and having to sit and think about why I think it will work.
Marriage is a huge commitment- when you throw in another obstacle, it's another strain.  It's something I need to be willing to deal with and face.
I'm a grounded person, I don't ignore the obvious.

Calindi, that's comforting.  I like hearing success stories.
Odd fact:  My grandparents were born on the same day, a year apart.
My parents were born on the same day, a year apart.
My parents got divorced, so I'm breaking the cycle.

lmwilber

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_flameful-confessions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b145acd0-1b13-4cf0-90d2-2fcf74d3d049Post:1830dbc5-f1a0-4a8c-826a-753be7bfbf0d">Re: Flameful Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, as weird as it is. I think about weddings less after being on NEY than prior to starting to post on the board.
Posted by Hazel_B[/QUOTE]

This! I totally agree. Lurking here made me realize how BSC I was becoming. Thank goodness I saw the error of my ways. Its nice to know I'm not expect to be all wrapped up in wedding stuff just 'casue I'm in a LTR.

mzm153

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_flameful-confessions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b145acd0-1b13-4cf0-90d2-2fcf74d3d049Post:a19e6eec-bc60-4879-9ecd-70bf56ad6efa">Re: Flameful Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]Wrkn, you don't have to justify or explain your relationship to anyone.  Of course people will judge something that is different than what they do, but that doesn't mean you have to defend yourself.  Just knowing in your own heart is enough - like we always say to beebees, no need to get defensive from internet strangers, it only looks insecure. My belief is that as long as the relationship is between two adults and no one is clearly getting taken advantage of, I won't judge (too much).  Now, an 80 year old and a pin-up model?  Sure, I'll laugh at that.  A divorced middle-age wealthy dude and his mid-life crisis dumbo girlfriend?  Sad and pathetic.  But really, as long as you're not clinging to him as your cash cow, and your relationship isn't based on the age difference or you being a 'young thing', then whatever. I honestly thought NQB was joking at first.  I'm 24, I'm mature and a confident woman.  I don't need to get older to "become confident" - I know who I am, I'm educated, I know what my goals are, and I'm well on my way professionally.  By 24 years old like Wrkn, it's a world of difference from some 'young thing' who is easily impressionable by a 'father figure'.  Sure, there's always more to learn from life, but it's silly to suggest that she'll grow apart from her boyfriend since she's young - that's true regardless of age.  How is it any different for two people of the same age who get married?  Time changes things, and the goal is to grow together, not apart. For what it's worth, as much as I hate the "exception examples", I know quite a few that are good and absolutely no examples that are bad.  My grandparents met each other when my grandma was 23 and my grandfather was 36.  It was the second marriage for both of them, and they are honestly the HAPPIEST couple I know.  I also have a close friend who is 25 and dating a 43 year old, and they're an incredible and equally mature couple - she's a lawyer and he's a doctor.  I also have a colleague who is 23 and dating a 32 year old, and they're adorable together and both very successful professionally.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
My mom got married on her 25th Birthday and my dad was 35. They had been together for less than a year at the time. They are still together and the happiest couple ever. I avoid judging, but I can't see a marriage working for an adult with the mind of a child no matter what age.

loves2shop4shoes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_flameful-confessions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b145acd0-1b13-4cf0-90d2-2fcf74d3d049Post:b3b9aca6-e284-4afc-b512-0c97174894e6">Re: Flameful Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]I judge people who get married in their 20's.  Way to RUIN your life!@
Posted by notquiteblushing[/QUOTE]

<div>I know that's your opinion, but seriously?  You judge people who marry anytime within the decade of their 20s?  I think that's a bit much...</div>

deburnin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_flameful-confessions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b145acd0-1b13-4cf0-90d2-2fcf74d3d049Post:da372572-cbd0-43e9-b967-ffd19e511d1b">Re: Flameful Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]I still judge people who judge other people's money or lack of money.
Posted by Ana_2985[/QUOTE]

<div>I judge myself for judging people with money. Poor people I'm cool with. I understand that, I don't get money, but I do judge when poor people try to live like they're wealthy.</div><div>
</div><div>I also confess that I judge people who sit on unemployment or welfare without trying to find a job. My parents were forced to accept both at different points of time and worked their asses off to get out of that position in life.</div>

callalily13

My confessions:

1) Fiance and I met our junior year of high school and once we started dating I knew that I wanted to marry him only 2 weeks in. We were nearly the same person and everything that I wanted he wanted. Although we have both matured, we have grown even closer together. We have yet to live together and the only thing im worried about is that because I tend to be very independent having someone else live with me will take a lot of getting used to.

2) I never wanted a huge diamond. My fiance was 21 when he started saving and did not have the cash to give me a huge ring. I wanted the engagment and the marriage and didnt care on the size of the ring. My ring is 0.72 carats and I LOVE IT.

3) My fiance was in the hospital for 7 months when I we were in sophmore year of college. He nearly died and was paralyzed for months having to learn to walk and move all over again. I flew back and forth from VA to CA and stayed during my x-mas break with him in the hospital the entire time (sleeping on a cot next to his bed). A lot of our family thought it was so great of me to do such a thing, but honestly it really pisses me off when they commend me. I feel like that just sitting there and spending time with him was the least I could do.

4) My first bf was a s.o.b. who was sexually aggressive towards me. I hate him, but what he did to me caused me to decide on a career. I decided I want to work in rehabilitative psychology trying to fix sexual offenders. I know that few if any can be fixed, but I know that if I am able to fix one then that is going to be worth it because it means that 20-30 kids or women could be saved.

mzm153

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_flameful-confessions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b145acd0-1b13-4cf0-90d2-2fcf74d3d049Post:dc76a534-9c27-4cd7-bcfa-6a936be4048b">Re: Flameful Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE] 4) My first bf was a s.o.b. who was sexually aggressive towards me. I hate him, but what he did to me caused me to decide on a career. I decided I want to work in rehabilitative psychology trying to fix sexual offenders. I know that few if any can be fixed, but I know that if I am able to fix one then that is going to be worth it because it means that 20-30 kids or women could be saved.
Posted by callalily13[/QUOTE]
I really admire what you do. I think the problem with Law Enforcement in this country is that there is too much focus on punishment rather than rehabilitation. Its true that too many criminals are beyond rehabilitation, but there are others that aren't and I believe society is missing out on not rehabilitating those that could be. That could be one way of reducing the US inmate population.

If I had what it takes, I would have done that since I like helping people. Since I don't and I'm a math geek, I just picked an Engineering career, but find ways of helping outside work whenever possible. I really admire your courage and your strength.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_flameful-confessions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b145acd0-1b13-4cf0-90d2-2fcf74d3d049Post:dc76a534-9c27-4cd7-bcfa-6a936be4048b">Re: Flameful Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]I decided I want to work in rehabilitative psychology trying to fix sexual offenders. I know that few if any can be fixed, but I know that if I am able to fix one then that is going to be worth it because it means that 20-30 kids or women could be saved.
Posted by callalily13[/QUOTE]


... or we could just lock them up, realize that 95% can't be rehabilitated, and save hundreds of women and children from repeat offenders?

Now if someone goes in for treatment for dangerous thoughts or desires that they HAVEN'T acted on, then I'm all for trying to help rehabilitate them since they obviously want to stay part of normal society.  But the moment they rape, molest, or sexually attack someone, I'm all for locking them up.  And I'm not opposed to chemical castration in most cases involving children (and yes, I know that subject is a flame-able comment).

callalily13

I should clarify. I want to do rehabilitative psychology IN prison. With the men already in jail for these crimes and then try to get them through any means I can to stop offending. Right now these men are put in jail for a few months or years and then are released to re-offend. Yes the majority of these men will never be able to be fixed because they are too situated and comfortable in their delusional behaviors, but there is a slim population that have had success with rehabilitation. I do not want to do rehabilitation outside of jail as a way of getting them out of jail. I want to work with them inside the jail, so instead of them sitting there perfecting their skills of evasion from police they can learn positive skills of keeping their problems and delusions at bay.

notquiteblushing

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_flameful-confessions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b145acd0-1b13-4cf0-90d2-2fcf74d3d049Post:4909aa9a-5d95-439f-a7e7-c88a39190c61">Re: Flameful Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flameful Confessions : I know that's your opinion, but seriously?  You judge people who marry anytime within the decade of their 20s?  I think that's a bit much...
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]


LOL.  Sarcasm font.  Just responding to some of the generlizations in this thread.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_flameful-confessions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b145acd0-1b13-4cf0-90d2-2fcf74d3d049Post:03fe9885-42ef-409a-81d5-c2e547d50177">Re: Flameful Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flameful Confessions : LOL.  Sarcasm font.  Just responding to some of the generlizations in this thread.
Posted by notquiteblushing[/QUOTE]

Glad to hear it!  The "ruin your life" part really made me raise an eyebrow... like, "Wow, she really feels that way?  She must hate the 80% of people on this board who are in their 20's.  And there's a HUGE difference between 20 and 29!"

Wrkn925

We really do need a sarcasm font.