Arranged proposal

jeanacorina

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_arranged-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c8504c38-4345-4f6b-8271-cca4aafa95ddPost:ca2dfaa8-880f-4c13-be06-93c5798d737b">Re: Arranged proposal</a>:
[QUOTE] I just don't want them to feel that I don't care at all what they think.
Posted by Hylmarey[/QUOTE]

And... arranging to get engaged right in front of them, essentially SHOWING them that you are ignoring their feelings about it, accomplishes your goal.... HOW?

This is indeed a "what would Michael Scott do?" moment.

I will have to get over my shock and dismay before I can give you advice on what to do instead. Just about anything else is better, though.

PandaBurr

I'm happy to see someone quoted the OP.

EDK2010

Have you ever considered that your Mom might think it is VERY inappropriate to propose at someone else's wedding and dislike your bf even more for doing so? If your Mom is going to be there then she must know the couple getting married and would probably be super embarrassed by the proposal herself! Bad idea if you want to fix things with your Mom!

PandaBurr

Also,
[QUOTE]That's my mom description!! She's so manipulative with everything in my life!!! She also says that she's sick all the time, she uses that to make you feel guilty!! Yes, that's what my mom does!! I thought I was the only one in this situation. My mom doesn't like my fiance and I'm planning in her back, I don't want her nose in my wedding!!
by Hylmarey[/QUOTE]

So are you or are you not engaged and how far along in the planning are you? I mean, you've already got photog questions concerning your timeline

[QUOTE]We are having a brunch reception, so we are planning to take the professional photos in the afternoon (after the reception), I think it won't be that stressful, I won't have to show off my dress before the ceremony and it will save us a good time. But I think my make-up and my hair (and maybe my dress) will be a mess after the whole morning hugging guests, dancing, being kissed...

Any suggestions?[/QUOTE]

As well as invitation wording.

[QUOTE]I'm in the same situation and asking how should be the wording if ourselves are the host[/QUOTE]

So it seems to me like you really don't care what your mother thinks and that you're getting married with or without her permission. I'm very curious as to why your mother doesn't approve of your relationship. I'm starting to think she does have a good reason, but you're too stubborn to see it.

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_arranged-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c8504c38-4345-4f6b-8271-cca4aafa95ddPost:572abd2f-abff-4868-ad1f-d6a90d1b6f77">Arranged proposal</a>:
[QUOTE]We asked for his permission to do that in his wedding and he thinks is a great idea, we are just waiting his fiancée agreement and we are going to buy the ring in December 10th.
Posted by Hylmarey[/QUOTE]

If someone asked me if they could get engaged at my wedding, I would tell them to piss off.

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_arranged-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c8504c38-4345-4f6b-8271-cca4aafa95ddPost:3e312c29-e92c-43fd-b2ee-d4c93918a8ae">Re: Arranged proposal</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Arranged proposal : If someone asked me if they could get engaged at my wedding, I would tell them to piss off.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

ditto Salt.

noelle24

This has to be MUD.  No one can possibly be this spineless as an adult, right?

Also, pretty please can I be there when your BSC mother makes a BSC scene at your friends wedding? Because, you know, suprising an unsupportive parent with an engagement to a man she hates is ALWAYS a good idea.

Seriously, GROW UP, GROW A SPINE, and TALK to your mother NOW.

squirrly

Bad, bad plan.  Have you asked your mother why she doesn't like your bf?  If she's answered, could you please share?  Word for word - no paraphrasing. 

Acrosthec

In this particular situation, no, I wouldn't want this proposal to happen at my wedding.  Mostly because of the possible reaction of the mom.

Am I really the only person who would still be happy for someone else if they got engaged at my wedding?  That can't be true.

OP, I have no new advice for you.  You need to listen to everyone else and talk to your mom.  If you even have one.  Generally anyone who posts this craziness on P&E and NEY is a troll.

KD+BC

It sounds to me like you're taking the cowardly way out. Sorry. But seriously, the brave, adult way to deal with this is to sit down with mom and discuss things with her. Get it all out. Springing an engagement in front of other people in hopes that she won't freak out is just wrong. If you absolutely do not want to talk to mom about the issues, then just get engaged on your own terms and show up with your ring and say, "we're engaged!" I know my mom would KILL me if I ever did something like that to her.

Sorry for being a bit harsh but please don't do this to your mom, the couple getting married, or yourself.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_arranged-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c8504c38-4345-4f6b-8271-cca4aafa95ddPost:3e09588c-efb1-41e6-b386-33ed5baabfac">Re: Arranged proposal</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, So are you or are you not engaged and how far along in the planning are you? I mean, you've already got photog questions concerning your timeline As well as invitation wording. So it seems to me like you really don't care what your mother thinks and that you're getting married with or without her permission. I'm very curious as to why your mother doesn't approve of your relationship. I'm starting to think she does have a good reason, but you're too stubborn to see it.
Posted by PandaBurr[/QUOTE]

Wow, nice research Panda!

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

GeauxTigerLily129

Even if your friend is saying they're okay with this, maybe you should reconsider.  He may just be he doesn't know how to say no to the situation.  Not only are you kind of moving in on their day, don't you want your own special proposal moment? 


and I don't know you or your mom, but it seems like maybe the issue is not that your mom doesn't see your side, but you're also not seeing hers.  Maybe there really are some issues to resolve with you and your BF that your mom sees. 

Obviously you want your mom to see your point, so give her a chance and talk to her adult to adult.  I understand that you're saying you don't need permission, but you would like her to be happy about it.  I dont think your plan will achieve that, so maybe you and BF can figure out something else,  if you truly want to be married.

Goldlie11

This is crazy

kailss

i agree with previous posts. i dont think it's a good idea to slam them with it like that. i also think it's pretty selfish to encroach on someone elses's special day just so you can have your bf "propose" in front of your parents. obviously there's some issues between you and your family and they may resent you if you get engaged in that fashion. you may want to try to resolve those issues before you throw your bf into the middle of it.

oceana919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_arranged-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:c8504c38-4345-4f6b-8271-cca4aafa95ddPost:ca2dfaa8-880f-4c13-be06-93c5798d737b">Re: Arranged proposal</a>:
[QUOTE] I just don't want them to feel that I don't care at all what they think. Posted by Hylmarey[/QUOTE]

Yes, because getting engaged when you know for a fact that your parents don't approve is going to make them believe you care about what they think.

::sigh:: There are so many things wrong with this post, I can't even wrap my brain around them all. You should absolutely not do this at someone else's wedding, simply because there is a very real chance that your mother could go BSC on you both. A wedding day is about the couple getting married, and it should stay that way. If you feel like you need to get engaged in public to avoid your mother from going apesh*t on you both, do it in a restaurant or something. But don't do it in a situation that could potentially ruin someone else's day.

My best advice to you is to sit down and have a serious conversation with your mother - what issues does she have with your BF? Can those issues be resolved, and how? You also need to take a long hard look at your relationship and see if there is a justified reason for the way you mother feels - is he abusive, manipulative, etc.? Does he have 3 baby mamas? Is there a huge age difference? Is he a divorcee? Is there a religious difference? If you can't think of a valid reason why your mother could feel this way, then you need to ask your mother to explain. You really should do your best to have these issues resolved before getting engaged - getting engaged while in this midst of this kind of drama will only succeed in making it worse.

jeanacorina

What Oceana said x2

Chunkobutt

[QUOTE]<strong>The reason is because the mother doesn't want her daughter to get married and she could probably have a histerycs attack when she get to know that her daughter is engaged.</strong>
Posted by Hylmarey[/QUOTE]

Sounds like mom thinks BF is a loser
[QUOTE]My mom just doesn't like my boyfriend, she says I should marry somebody from my "environment" (i.e. social class or something like that).
Posted by Hylmarey[/QUOTE]

Welcome.
[QUOTE]I'm 21, I will be 23 at my wedding. In my country at 25 you are getting old to get married.
Posted by Hylmarey[/QUOTE]

QQ more
[QUOTE]I know I'm not ready to get married, we were going to have the wedding next year, but we changed it to one year more because of this.  I will surely tell her, but when I feel ready to do it and when I think is the right time. <strong>Is not only that my mom will be yelling, I know she will hit me </strong>(yes, that's legal here).  It was very hard when I introduced her my boyfriend, I live in her house and I just don't want to cry all the nights for two long years.
Posted by Hylmarey[/QUOTE]


I'd love for all of this to go down at my wedding. yup.

jeanacorina

This is the definition of BSC. I love it. Thanks for the reading material, Chunks!

laurenclaire1386

I sincerely hope OP comes back with a report of how all this went down.  Seriously. 

PaigeMcC

Holy balls...this is ridiculous! For jebus' sake listen to the advice these ladies have given you!

And please, if you don't listen, give us a full report of the BSC-antics when your friends wedding is over.  I look forward to some good reading.

PandaBurr

If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to move out of your mom's house. I don't feel any sympathy for you with your possible sob story and how she might hit you. If you were really that terrified of her possibly hitting you, you wouldn't be pulling this stunt. Either that, or you're too damn BSC to realize that hey, once it's all said and done, you still live with her. Don't bother with "boo hoo, you dunnn understand meeee", because I used to get the shiit beat out of me. I've had my mom try to break my legs. I've been beat with a PVC pipe 'til it shattered, and then she tried to stab me with it. And those were on the same night, and were not isolated incidents. You know what I did? I found a solution. I moved out as soon as I could, got a job, and rented my own place.

Honestly, you just sound like a selfish spoiled brat who's throwing a tantrum because mommy won't let you date a loser. You just further prove this theory by actually throwing your family drama onto somebody else's wedding. Selfish much? Maybe if you tried to prove to her that you're a responsible adult now and that the two of you can take care of yourselves, then she wouldn't be so against it. But, I guess it's hard to prove something that isn't true.

PandaBurr

I just wanted to clarify that I wasn't trying to be all like "oh my pain is worse than yours" or anything like that. It just makes me stabby whenever people are all "boo hoo" and then they do something to instigate. Stabby.

oceana919

Amen, Sister Panda.

:: APPLAUSE::