SO's family?

mookow86

Call me crazy, but I always pictured everything would 'click' with my in-laws. BF's family is nice enough, and we get along ok, but we're not really close. His brother and sister-in-law are close in age to us, so I thought that could potentially make for some fun but they have really different personalities from me. BF's mom is a whole other story in itself. For one thing, she's the pickiest eater I have ever seen in my life and I dread every time we have to eat out with her or cook for her.

I'm not complaining about anything, I guess things are just different from what I pictured in my head.

How do you get along with your in-laws/future in-laws/bf's family?

[Deleted User]

It's a well known fact at this point that BF & I have known each other since we're little kids... so our families are well-aquainted at this point... I was pretty close with his sister when I was younger but when we started dating last year, I started to see a different side of her... she's a drama-queen and a crazy b*tch... but I tend to ignore her as much as possible... BF's mother is nice and quiet, just like BF so we get along very well...

AudgiePodge

Swimmingly. I like his parents and get along with his brothers. My family adores BF and we hang out with my sister a lot. I guess I'm pretty fortunate regarding this situation.

[Deleted User]

The only person I've met in FI's family is his niece, since she lives here.  His dad and sister live in Florida.  I've talked to them on the phone several times and have emailed with them lots.  I get along pretty well with his sister.  His dad and step-mom love me, although they drive me a bit crazy (they are nice).  My parents have talked to his dad and step-mom on the phone and just said WOW.  His dad & step-mom are very religious (we are, too, but no where near like this, they go to church 5-7 days a week) and they do get a bit preachy sometimes.  I've just learned to ignore most of that or change the subject after a while and it works for us.

mookow86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sos-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dd485d78-3e99-4b1a-af06-318fdf9c732cPost:bd3156fc-34bc-45d1-94ba-fdac4a95e404">Re: SO's family?</a>:
[QUOTE]The only person I've met in FI's family is his niece, since she lives here.  His dad and sister live in Florida.  I've talked to them on the phone several times and have emailed with them lots.  I get along pretty well with his sister.  His dad and step-mom love me, although they drive me a bit crazy (they are nice).  My parents have talked to his dad and step-mom on the phone and just said WOW.  His dad & step-mom are very religious (we are, too, but no where near like this, they go to church 5-7 days a week) and they do get a bit preachy sometimes.  <strong>I've just learned to ignore most of that or change the subject after a while and it works for us.</strong>
Posted by AngieD&JoeD[/QUOTE]
I'm starting to learn to do this too. Sometimes bf's mom just goes on and on complaining about something, and eventually bf and his dad will just completely change the subject and ignore her. At first I thought it was kinda rude but now I see it's necessary lol.

musikbx

Boyfriend's family and I get along great!

Mostly because they live on the other side of the ocean, and we see them once a year. The fact that they don't speak a lick of English may also have something to do with it ;-)

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sos-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:dd485d78-3e99-4b1a-af06-318fdf9c732cPost:fd32f110-db85-4b9b-8845-0ea803ea0bbe">Re: SO's family?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SO's family? : I'm starting to learn to do this too. Sometimes bf's mom just goes on and on complaining about something, and eventually bf and his dad will just completely change the subject and ignore her.<strong> At first I thought it was kinda rude but now I see it's necessary lol.
</strong>Posted by mookow86[/QUOTE]

Sometimes, it's the ONLY way to keep the peace... this is what I do with BF's sister, also... which makes it worse sometimes because she just wants attention and when she doesnt get it, she keeps going until she gets some...

[Deleted User]

It also helps that we don't live in the same state and probably won't see each other more than once or twice a year, at most. 

HeartOverMind

At first BF's mom didn't really like me. She was nice and talkative to my face, but she didn't REALLY like me. But now I think she is getting used to me. BF's dad loves me!! BF's sister is on and off. Sometimes she acts like a jerk to me, other times she includes me in the conversation. I've only met BF's older brother once, so I'm not sure.

But the way I see it...Yeah, I care if they like me, but it's not a dealbreaker for him or I if either of our families don't like the other's SO.

EDIT: But my family pretty much LOVES my BF!

zipis1

I get along well with BF's family. I am, however, cripplingly shy and thus terrified of them, especially his mom I'm getting better, though. His mom apparently goes around telling people how happy she is to be getting me as a DIL (and yes. Some of her comments have me suspicious that she thinks BF and I have secretly JOPed it).

However, his mom can be a bit...opinionated. We're all very liberal, but his mom is one of those who just can't see another person's side of things, and will essentially go, "Oh. They're Republican/conservative. No need to try to be friends with them." This isn't anything she makes apparent when in mixed company and is always polite to people no matter what, but when she's in like company she'll talk about it. It's a bit uncomfortable sometimes, especially since my best friend is conservative. She's also very, very slightly racist. Not in an outright harmful way, but sometimes she'll say something that will make you choke on your soda. Overall though, she's a lovely woman and very sweet.

Now BF's sister...I love her. She's fun and stuff, but she confuses me. She's one of those people who can be laughing it up and having fun, but someone could say something very small and she'll get really offended and storm off to her room, and she's almost 24. So I'm kind of afraid of setting her off every time I'm over there.

But overall they're great. I love visiting them, and man do they spoil me :P

bethsmiles

I get along with BF's family pretty well. Some of the girls on here might remember some of the rougher times I had with them but lately its been good. My BF and his brother grew up like twins (they are 18 months apart but his brother was held back a year so they were always in the same grade) and are really close so we hang out with him a lot. I love his younger sister. She is awesome. She is still in high school so we don't really hang out with her because she has her own group of friends but its always fun when she is around. His mom is one of the sweetest people ever. I do think that his parents (especially his dad) way over parent and since BF is living at home right now to save money its more apparent. But I do get along with my BF's family very well for the most part.

SeaTea02

I have ups and downs with BF's family.

First his mom hated me and wanted him to be dating his ex, but she was always really nice to me. Then she and I became BFFs and did like everything together: shopped, volunteered, ate lunch, hung out, watched movies... it was great

Now that we are older she has gotten kind of bossy and overbearing. It is worse now that he and his twin moved out than it was before. She has gotten better in the last few months thought which I am thankful for. She was just demanding a bunch of their time and attention, but would then ditch us. Idk it was just kind of crazy for a while.

BF's brother's GF and I have a similar history. We got along before they dated, then had some rough patches as she younger than us and was pretty immature. College has matured her a bit and now she and I are best friends.

All of his extended family loves me and his cousin and I are really close too.

And finally, my family adores him and like him even more than they like me. No joke, they even told me so.

deburnin

BF's mom drives me up a wall... I've notice that since I don't have to deal with her on a daily basis I'm less stressed. His dad passed away a year into our relationship, but I didn't really click with him either. He's an only child. We're pretty close with his cousins and click well.

coastiegrl25

We get along really good. His younger brother drives me INSANE. He is a 14 yr old brat that I can't stand, but he loves me.  I demand respect from him and wont let him talk to me the way he talks to everyone else.  Other than that, we get along just fine. 

leia1979

I've only met FI's parents twice and his siblings once. Everyone's scattered across the US. They've been very nice to me, but they are a little different. They're very religious; FI and I, not so much. I haven't had any problems so far.

FI has to see my parents a bit more often, as we live literally one mile away. He seems to get along pretty well with my dad (which is saying a lot) and everyone gets along with my mom. FI will get to meet my grandma and uncle when we go up to visit for Christmas. I don't see any issues there, either, because they're very low key, just like my mom.

Elle1036

I live a lot closer to BF's family than to my own, and I see them very often.  I've gotten pretty close to them.

I will say, however, that this took a long time to develop.  For one thing, I'm pretty introverted, and for another, his family are very different from mine, so things were harder at first.  It was never rough... just awkward.  It wasn't until we had been together about 3 years that I really started to think of them as family.

Mookow, how long have you and your BF been together?  I think I might remember reading this info at some point, but I can't recall.

mookow86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sos-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dd485d78-3e99-4b1a-af06-318fdf9c732cPost:de7b6cca-c686-4fd3-a068-3e594e932171">Re: SO's family?</a>:
[QUOTE]I live a lot closer to BF's family than to my own, and I see them very often.  I've gotten pretty close to them. I will say, however, that this took a long time to develop.  <strong>For one thing, I'm pretty introverted, and for another, his family are very different from mine, so things were harder at first.  It was never rough... just awkward.</strong>  It wasn't until we had been together about 3 years that I really started to think of them as family. Mookow, how long have you and your BF been together?  I think I might remember reading this info at some point, but I can't recall.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]
This sounds similar to my experience...maybe I just need some more time. We've been together about 2 yrs but we're long distance, BF lives with his family live about 4 hrs away.

LizzyTish88

I get along great with BF's family, and my family loves him. It can actually get annoying. For example if I go a family party, everyone will come right up to me and be like "Hey where is BF?" So I always reply, "Oh hi! Nice to see you too, He's blah blah blah." His mom can drive me nuts, but I'm convinced that she is just lonely and therefore when she gets the chance to talk to people, she just can't stop.

MLekathLEEN

I love FI's family to death. His mom is the sweetest human being I have ever met and one of the few people who I can honestly believe would do anything for me. His sister is in her terrible teens so if both of us are moody, there's a good chance there will be some sort of argument. Usually we're the best of friends, unless she's hugging me until my eyeballs pop. Then I usually yell at her. I've been around since she was 7 so I'm like her big sister (not sure if that's a good thing or not, LOL). When both of his dogs were puppies, they liked to pee when they were excited to see someone. I was the first person both of them peed for so I think they really like me too. I call the older poodle my baby. When I come in the door, she will put her head on my thigh and act like no one has given her any attention since I was last there, which I know is not true.

My family likes FI. My dad helps him work on his truck and he fixes my grandma's VCR so she LOVES him.

mellimel19

I get along really well with FI's family. We his family a lot more than we do mine because we live in the same city as his family and mine lives about 5 hours away. His mom is just the nicest woman ever, I feel lucky to be getting someone so kind and supportive as a mother-in-law. His father, stepmother and stepsister are really nice as well. I love his brother and sister, they've always been so welcoming to me, and have been calling me their sister long before FI and I got engaged. But they older than us, by 6 and 9 years and both have 3 children, so they're in totally different life situations than us. We still pick up at the drop of a hat to go on a weekend roadtrip or to a last-minute concert or party. FI tells me about all the fun and crazy things they used to do before the kids were born, and sometimes I kind of wish that I had been in the picture a little earlier so I could have been part of that with them. My ex's siblings were closer in age and none had children, so we did a lot together, and I kind of miss having that. Not that I don't love the times we spend with the whole family and all the kids, the kids are lots of fun  

FI gets along well with my sister and brother-in-law, they're both just really sweet people and have always been very welcoming towards him. My mom had some reservations about him at first because of his line of work, and was not shy at all at first about telling me her opinios about him. It was very upsetting to me and we had some fights over it. But as she's gotten to know him, she sees below the surface, sees how he's grown in the time we've been together and how he's turned what she considered a dead end job into a prosperous career, and has changed her mind about him.

Starlight Kel

BF insists his family loves me but I don't really feel it.  I don't feel like the dislike me but I don't feel loved either.  I feel pretty out of the loop because English is their second language and while they can speak it very well his mom just better expresses herself in Spanish.  Needless to say whenever I'm around they won't speak English in front of me and I feel so excluded.  I've told BF how it makes me feel and he feels bad about it but nothing changes.  My family LOVES BF and they go out of their way to include him.  I wish I had that with his family.  bleh.

calindi

My parents LOVE my boyfriend.  My boyfriend and my brother get along like old friends, which is awesome.  He fits in with my family so very well, and he loves spending time with them.  If anything, he gets a little overwhelmed because he's always been so independent that it's odd for him to be enveloped so completely within a family unit.  My parents buy him thoughtful birthday gifts and call him to congratulate him on various achievements - he's not used to that, as he doesn't tell his parents what's going on with him, and they usually just give him money for holidays.

I get along quite well with my boyfriend's family, too.  His Dad is a complete sweetheart.  He's close with his cousin and his boyfriend in DC where we used to live, and I adopted them as surrogate family awhile ago.  His sisters and Mom are also quite nice, and we've gotten along very well the few times we've met, but they're exclusionary.  It's like my boyfriend is a member of their extended family, and they're the nucleus.  They don't tell him things (like his two younger sisters were surprised that their older sister told him that she's pregnant... like it was their secret).  And his Mom will take his sisters and their significant others on vacation but not invite my boyfriend.  It's always been like this, and he accepts it, but it hurts his feelings so it makes me upset to see him hurt.  I'm not sure if it's because he's a boy and they're all girls, or if it's because he moved away from home while they're all still there.  I just don't think they know how to relate to him, and vice versa.  Anyway, they're all really nice, but I'm glad they're not part of our daily life or make tons of demands on our time.  They're content with seeing us on holidays and being distantly connected.  It's sad, but it's their loss on having a relationship with such a great guy.

Blue & White

My ex's family and I did not get along.  At all.  NOW, my ex's mom loves me.  Sucks to be her though, since I'm dating someone else.

Needless to say, it was imperative that my boyfriend's fam and I clicked.  And we do.  It's actually more funny to watch him with my family because I have tons of sisters and he doesn't have any girls in his fam except his mom, so he's a little like "oh no, what should I do?!"  And my sister love to tease him.  It's cute

MidniteRae

I love Josh's family. I get along with them really well. I have more in common with his parents/family than my parents. I have never met anyone who liked Halloween more than me, then I met Josh's dad.
My family loves Josh. They pretty much like him more than they like me.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sos-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dd485d78-3e99-4b1a-af06-318fdf9c732cPost:474a709d-4213-44e4-be56-767cc7b9d92e">Re: SO's family?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SO's family? : This sounds similar to my experience...maybe I just need some more time. We've been together about 2 yrs but we're long distance, BF lives with his family live about 4 hrs away.
Posted by mookow86[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I think that's it.  Even living very near to his family and seeing them often, it still took several years to develop a relationship with them that didn't depend on BF.  Don't sweat it.

Sosteadilygo

BF's family is just so great, and NORMAL! (I'm not used to that). They are such nice people, and I definitely feel so lucky for them to be a part of my life. His mom and dad are so sweet, and his sister and her BF are just so nice. My mom is a little crazy, so BF has a FMIL that's a little out there, but my family loves him. (My mom and dad are pretty ridiculous at Christmas and now my brother, BF, and myself have our own rows of presents..).

Anyway, I really couldn't be happier. :0)

mzm153

My parents have yet to meet him. But his parents are not big fans of me even though his sister, nieces, uncles, aunts, and cousins love me. But BF himself doesn't have a good relatioship with his parents, since his parents are upper middle class and think money is everything while he is the opposite. Also, his mother's side is pretty messed up with a lot of alcoholism and his mother had a terrible relationship with her mother, to the point of hating each other. Maybe that's what got his mother's mind so deformed, not sure.

That also might be because I grew up abroad, my parents are foreigners, and my ethnicity is different even though I was born here and have citizenship, but went to Brazil very young to come back 14 years later. My BF is American, but he said that after spending his teenage years in France, he'd rather date foreigners, which makes his parents not happy at all.

I feel insecure about this whole thing because if and when kids come along, I worry about them either despising the kids or turning the kids against me. I try not to think too much about it and just focus on our relationship since he's the one that decides whom he dates/marries, not his parents.

[Deleted User]

I absolutely adore MOST of DH's family.  It's mine that I have the problem with.  My family is completely N-U-T-S. 

Just a glimpse of how sweet my MIL is.  Last night she called to see how the HM went and she got on the phone with me and said "I just want to thank you so much for loving my son"  and then went on to welcome me into the family.