Chit Chat
Options

Move Wedding Up? (Long, sorry)

Our upcoming wedding will be the third for each of us. We've been engaged since February. Since then, FI's dream has been to get married in Hawaii with just our kids and his mom in a very casual ceremony, no reception (dinner at a restaurant, but not the dancing and other traditions). I can share that vision - I love Hawaii, although it's more important to FI than to me that we marry there. Logistically, the feasible date for Hawaii is July 2013. We've been planning on that - nothing has been set in stone, but we're generally planning on heading to Hawaii the first week of July for a combination wedding/family vacation (we'd also be celebrating my stepdaughter's high school graduation).

I recently was injured at work, and am no longer able to return to my job or work in that field. I've been lucky to find a new job, which I start in two weeks (yay!). The pay is a little less than I was making, but I am truly grateful to be employed and excited for the opportunity. However...I received my benefits information yesterday, and basically I'll be paying $150 more per month for my health insurance (my share is $370 per month total). It's the same exact plan that I have now, but the new employer doesn't contribute as much and I'd be making up the difference. There isn't a cheaper plan available.

Once we're married, my son and I will be added to FI's insurance - which is the same plan as well. Because he's already at the "family" rate, his contribution won't go up at all. Dual coverage isn't allowed for the same plan, so I'll discontinue health insurance through my employer and elect the cash benefit my employer offers, which is $600 per month. Combined with the premium I'll no longer be paying, my monthly savings will be almost $1,000. It's money that would be nice to have, not going to lie.

FI and I had the same thought - move the wedding up and be married here. We'd probably still limit it to our kids and FMIL, although 100% of FI's family lives locally and would likely come if they were invited. We'd do some sort of reception for whoever came to the ceremony - lunch, or a BBQ at our house, or cake/punch but not the dancing and "party". We'd still go to Hawaii, and FI would like us to renew our vows there - while I think it's a little early, I'm willing to do it to make FI happy, since those in attendance would know we were already married.

I'm excited to be marrying FI anytime, anywhere. However, I feel a little guilty, like FI is giving up on his Hawaii dream so I can save some money. And while the money I'd be saving is nice (and heck, would finance the Hawaii trip) it's not everything to me. Then again, neither is the wedding - to me, it's a start for us, not an end-all event. I just wouldn't want FI to regret not getting married in Hawaii.

Obviously I'll have to talk to FI more about this and feel him out. What do y'all think? Anything else we should consider?

Re: Move Wedding Up? (Long, sorry)

  • Options
    I hear you on the saving money thing, I do, but is that money really worth giving up FI's dream wedding? Even if you renew your vows in Hawaii on some later date, that will never change your wedding, you know? Also, I think the whole vow renewal wedding redo is absurd, and that your FI is just trying to have his cake and east it too by proposing that. Have ONE wedding, and make sure it's one you are both 100 percent happy with. For me personally, "we got married early and canceled our dream wedding so I could save money on health insurance" wouldn't work, but only you and your FI can decide if that extra money will make you happier than having the wedding you originally planned.
    imagemy to-read shelf:
    Steph's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (to-read shelf)
  • Options
    I'm torn, as I can see both sides.
    $$ is always helpful, but are you willing (and is FI) to sacrifice the dream you have planned to save some money? On the flip side, is the dream of having the wedding in HI worth more to the two of you than the $6,000 or so you'd save between now and then? I really think this is something you and FI need to seriously discuss, and it really should be a mutual decision. Clearly having health insurance is something you cannot forego, so really it seems the only options are the two you've outlined above. Hopefully you can come to an agreement that works for you both.

    My only side note is wondering why you refer to it as "I'll be saving $$$" instead of "we will be saving $$". Now, if you have seperate finances or something, then totally disregard this. In my social circle most couples have combined finances, and I know many get offended if their spouse refers to it as "my $$" instead of "our $$".
    Praying for a miracle!
  • Options
    I think it makes more sense to get married sooner than later.

    Is there really no way to get married in Hawaii sooner?  Maybe only paying a few months of the higher rate than all 9?

      IDK, just talking out loud so you both benifit.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Options
    We live together and both pay for household expenses, but we don't have any joint accounts or comingle our finances. Sorry for the confusion!

    There are a few barriers to getting married in Hawaii sooner - finances, me not having any vacation for the first three months of my new job, and the kids being in school til June (their activities make it so even breaks and such are pretty much spoken for). Otherwise, this would be ideal.

    For me, it's not really an issue to get married sooner - I don't have a "dream" wedding, in Hawaii or elsewhere. Wherever I get married to FI is fine with me. I'm thinking I need to gauge how important Hawaii is to him.
  • Options
    I agree 100% about gauging how important it is to him. If he's reluctant to moving the date, I say just stick with the plan. If the date/place/details matter little to you, but very much to him, why not just stick with it? Then he won't ever feel like he didn't have the "dream" he wanted, and you'll have had a beautiful wedding to the man of your dreams... sounds like a win/win.
    Praying for a miracle!
  • Options
    I'll definitely talk more to FI about it. He actually mentioned moving the date up first...but I don't know if he said it because financially it's the prudent thing to do, or because Hawaii doesn't matter to him THAT much. To be honest, he's normally a pretty frugal (and sometimes downright cheap) guy, so I'm surprised our Hawaii plans have lived beyond researching vendors and their island prices :)
  • Options
    If you are still planning on doing the Hawaii trip, does it really matter if you move the date up?  Or get "married" in Hawaii at all.  If you move the date up and get married locally, sounds like you will invite others and have a small reception so that will cost money too, so you will involve some sort of expense.  Or, get married locally--still have the small wedding, and then use the  Hawaii as your honeymoon (no point in renewing vows a few months later).
    image

    Anniversary
  • Options
    Honestly if it were me I'd just wait for Hawaii.  If you move it up and end up inviting more people, you're going to be spending more money.  If the question was to scrap Hawaii all together, I'd say yes, get married here sooner.  But, since you're going either way, just wait til you get there to get married.  
  • Options
    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2012
    I know you said the kids have activities and sports during their spring break, but would it hurt their spot on the teams if they were on vacation for one week in March?  March is a very affordable time to travel to Hawaii.  Its much cheaper than July!  Perhaps this is something you can bring up with FI.  And by March, you will be out of your vacation freeze from your new job.  And it would cut the amount of time you will be paying extra for your insurance.
  • Options
    many employers allow people to insure their domestic partners. If the two of you live together and have been in a commited relationship for 12+ months you likely meet the requirements to qualify as a domestic partner. You should look into this possiblity. Especially since many company's do open enrollment around this time of year.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards