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FMIL vent. ugh.

FMIL is driving me insane... Fi and I got engaged this past December. When we went to his mom to tell her, SHE ASKED US what she could do to help. We told her everything that we were planning on doing, and she said "O.K. I would like to pay for the church as my gift to you, and I will make a dish for the reception." (My mom is catering) A few weeks after this talk we moved in with his mom for a little bit to be closer to his job...which was AWFUL because she is just not a very nice person sometimes... but she didn't know we were upset and we never fought or anything... but then we moved back home to my Mom's because my grandfather broke his neck and is paralyzed so I needed to be closer to my family. (We are buying our own place after the wedding) We don't have alot of money and this whole wedding is DIY... and it is only three weeks away. We went to dinner with his mom a few weeks ago and he asked her if everything was still o.k. with her paying for the church and making a dish (he was very tactful but we just wanted to make sure we had time to prepare in case she couldn't). She said it was not a problem at all. Went to visit a week ago... he let her know the priest asked us to bring the money the night of the rehearsal dinner and not the day of... and she went "oh yea I forgot to tell you I can't pay for that." We were a little shocked but he said "oh o.k. what about the food at the reception?" and all she said was "I don't think I am going to do that either... and I wanted to know when you were going to buy your aunt and I's outfits." ..... !!??..... I don't know where this came from. She just said it so nonchalant like telling us three weeks before the wedding that she wasn't going to do the one thing for the wedding she said she WANTED to do, and then asking us for money to buy her and his aunt clothes... was just fine. Now I understand if she didn't have the money or whatever... the "it being three weeks before the wedding part when she has been saying that it wasn't a problem at all this whole time, and the following up that statement with when are you buying us our outfits" that blew my mind. Ok so we let her gently know that we couldn't afford to buy their outfits, and we just let it go. She actually got mad that we weren't buying her clothes... ANYWAY.... A few days ago we went to get his birth certificate from his mom so we could rush order his passport for the honeymoon... and she sits us down and says "I don't think you want me to be a part of your wedding, you havent included me in any of the planning." OK? So apparently we didn't sit together when we got engaged and tell her everything we were planning and she didnt PICK what she wanted to do... and then bail on it. Then she trued telling us she has three people who need last minute invitations and that I could just drop them off at her house.. and that we needed to find transportation for her for the wedding day. Fi said he thought we had gone over the planning list a while ago, and she just made a wierd face and droppped the subject and asked him how we were going to get her there. We were so frustrated at that point that we just let her know that the three invitations she needed couldnt happen because we already gave my mom the head count, and that she could call to see which family members could take her to and from the day of the wedding. I just needed to vent.. I don't really understand her lol

Re: FMIL vent. ugh.

  • OMG you guys really don't need that stress. Your FI needs to be the one to tell his mother what you both have agreeded on. Is their anyone in the family who can take FMIL to the wedding? He could arrange that with a family member or she could ride with you to the Ceremony. I know that renting a chauffed limo is out of the question for you.
  • This is a toughy. I am sorry to hear that she bailed out. The only thing I can think of to tell her is that the wedding is getting very close and you are very scattered brained and that all your attention needs to go to the wedding and sorry I can't help you and if anything... I need your help.
  • Omgosh that sounds horrible!!! Sounds like FI might want to talk to his mom. I hope everything works out for you and I hope that everything gets better after the wedding!
  • Jeez, she is an adult. She can coordinate her own transportation. With the outfit, I would have said something like, "Oh, I love that blue dress you have. I think that would look perfect."How do people like this take care of themselves?
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  • Thanks everyone :) I just needed a good vent lol Fi talked to his mom today- she is wearing a nice dress she has, and he called his godmother who is going to take her to and from the wedding. Luckily my mom is a rock star right now and being completely supportive of the both of us, and is helping out with EVERYTHING.
  • "Thanks everyone :) I just needed a good vent lol Fi talked to his mom today- she is wearing a nice dress she has, and he called his godmother who is going to take her to and from the wedding. Luckily my mom is a rock star right now and being completely supportive of the both of us, and is helping out with EVERYTHING."I'm glad things are working out for you!I have learned the hard way, as I'm sure you just learned, too, when someone says they will pay for something, always assume they won't, so you'll have a back-up plan. Dude, if my FMIL asked when i was going to buy clothes for her and his aunt, I'd have dropped dead of shock. Did she really mean pay for them, or just to take them shopping to look with them? I love how she threw in that she was going to need last minute invitations.. I'd have just told her that, sorry, the invites have all been sent out and the list complete.I feel for you with the whole transportation thing... my FMIL also expects there to be transportation for her... and I not even engaged yet. But this actually came up in conversation, lol.
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  • She actually wanted us to buy the clothes for her... and I almost did drop dead of shock! I definitely learned the hard way but it is definitely not a mistake I will make again lol And counting on FMIL for anything is not something I will bank on either! Thanks for the support!
  • If I were you, I would just cry. And then cry some more. And then possibly go and punch something. I'm so sorry you're going through that!It's just unfair and inconsiderate.I'd have FI talk to his mom if she pulled that.
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  • FMIL just offered to cook for the rehersal dinner since it will be at my house... It's definitely not formal for us so I guess if she doesn't pull through it will be a pizza and beer night haha
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