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SISTER COMPETITION

I JUST WANTED SOME ANONYMOUS THOUGHTS ABOUT A SITUATION THAT JUST AROSE WITH MY WEDDING APPROACHING. I HAVE HAD MY WEDDING DATE SET FOR 7 MONTHS NOW BUT MY SISTER JUST TOLD ME SHE DECIDED TO GET MARRIED 13 WEEKS BEFORE MY WEDDING DATE. I TOLD HER TO TALK TO OUR MOTHER TO SEE IF SHE CAN AFFORD TWO WEDDINGS IN ONE YEAR, WELL MY MOTHER STATED SHE WILL TAKE ON ANOTHER JOB TO PAY FOR BOTH OUR WEDDINGS. I TRIED EXPLAINING TO THE BOTH OF THEM THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA AND THEY KEEP CALLING ME SELFISH AND IMMATURE. MY MOTHER IS NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO BE WITH US MENTALLY AND ENJOY OUR WEDDING BECAUSE SHE IS GOING TO BE STRESSED OUT FROM WORKING TWO JOBS AND TRYING TO PLAN TWO WEDDINGS. BRIDES, HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE A SITUATION LIKE THIS?
Mrs. B2B

Re: SISTER COMPETITION

  • I would pay for my own wedding.
    June 16, 2012
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  • In Response to SISTER COMPETITION:
    I JUST WANTED SOME ANONYMOUS THOUGHTS ABOUT A SITUATION THAT JUST AROSE WITH MY WEDDING APPROACHING. I HAVE HAD MY WEDDING DATE SET FOR 7 MONTHS NOW BUT MY SISTER JUST TOLD ME SHE DECIDED TO GET MARRIED 13 WEEKS BEFORE MY WEDDING DATE. I TOLD HER TO TALK TO OUR MOTHER TO SEE IF SHE CAN AFFORD TWO WEDDINGS IN ONE YEAR, WELL MY MOTHER STATED SHE WILL TAKE ON ANOTHER JOB TO PAY FOR BOTH OUR WEDDINGS. I TRIED EXPLAINING TO THE BOTH OF THEM THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA AND THEY KEEP CALLING ME SELFISH AND IMMATURE. MY MOTHER IS NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO BE WITH US MENTALLY AND ENJOY OUR WEDDING BECAUSE SHE IS GOING TO BE STRESSED OUT FROM WORKING TWO JOBS AND TRYING TO PLAN TWO WEDDINGS. BRIDES, HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE A SITUATION LIKE THIS?
    Posted by Lesanne85
    1. Please do not type in all caps. I don't like getting yelled at and neither do the other individuals on this board.

    2. Pay for your own wedding, along with your sister paying for her own wedding. That way your mother doesn't have to work two jobs to pay for a one-day party.
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  • I implore you to not use caps.  

    More importantly, I'm always amused when people see "competition" just because someone else has the audacity to marry within frisbee distance of your wedding.  What exactly is the competition for?  Attention?   

    I genuinely don't understand the jealousy associated with the "my special day" mindset.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
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    Do you really expect the world to stand still for the two years before your wedding? Do you really want to put your mom in the grave for your PPD?
  • How would I handle this? By being a grownup and paying for my own wedding. Also, 13 weeks is more than enough time between family weddings to prevent inconvenience to guests who will be invited to both events. Get over yourself and try getting happy for your sister.
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  • I think both you and your sister should pay for your own weddings. As for the 13 weeks apart bit, it becomes irrelevant if you and your sister are not competing for your mother's hard-earned dollars to pay for your weddings. Problem solved.
  • My advice would be for YOU to get a second job and pay for your own wedding.  
  • Pay for your wedding yourself.  If your mother would like to help what she can, that is great.  If she cannot afford to help, then it is your responsibility to pay for your own wedding.  And as others have said, it doesn't matter when your sister gets married.  The only reason I can see that you are calling this a competition is that your sister will use up more money if she gets married first - but fighting over mom's money is ridiculous.  If you are old enough to get married, then you are old enough to pay for it on your own. 
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  • My sister is engaged and so am I. She is planning a wedding for sometime in 2014 and I'm planning late 2014. My mother is paying for our dresses, which we don't even want her doing, but she is insisting. We are both paying for our own weddings, with the help obviously of our FIs. Never EVER have I EVER once thought to consider it an opportunity to be competitive. I actually feel bad for you that you're allowing this to consume you and potentially ruin a special moment for the both of you. So many people would actually envy your situation of having a sister. Period. Grow up, pay for your own stuff and support whatever decisions your sister makes. You'll get the same respect in return if you pay it forward.
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  • WHY ARE YOU YELLING???

    I would do what DH and I did: we paid for our own wedding.
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  • WHAT DID SHE SAY???
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  • DItto PP. Both of you should pay for your own weddings.
     
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  • You get a day, and your sister gets a day. You sure are selfishly concerned about how much attention your mom won't be paying to you while she is working herself silly to pay for your PPD. You come off sounding like an ungrateful brat. Pay for your own wedding or quit.yer.bitchin.
  • In Response to Re: SISTER COMPETITION:
    My advice would be for YOU to get a second job and pay for your own wedding.  
    Posted by libby2483
    Absolutely!
  • If you are so concerned about your mom working two jobs to pay for your wedding, I think you should take on extra hours at work or find another job so that you don't have to rely on someone ELSE doing all the work for your wedding.
  • In Response to Re:SISTER COMPETITION:
    My sister is engaged and so am I. She is planning a wedding for sometime in 2014 and I'm planning late 2014. My mother is paying for our dresses, which we don't even want her doing, but she is insisting. We are both paying for our own weddings, with the help obviously of our FIs. Never EVER have I EVER once thought to consider it an opportunity to be competitive. I actually feel bad for you that you're allowing this to consume you and potentially ruin a special moment for the both of you. So many people would actually envy your situation of having a sister. Period. Grow up, pay for your own stuff and support whatever decisions your sister makes. You'll get the same respect in return if you pay it forward.
    Posted by LeenieLane
    Are you my sister?  LOL  Ditto to all of this, right down to mom INSISTING on paying for dresses even though sis and I don't want her to.  It's what she can do, so she wants to, and we're not taking that away from her.
    Ditto to the advice to the OP as well.
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  • In Response to Re:SISTER COMPETITION:
    In Response to Re:SISTER COMPETITION : Are you my sister?  LOL  Ditto to all of this, right down to mom INSISTING on paying for dresses even though sis and I don't want her to.  It's what she can do, so she wants to, and we're not taking that away from her. Ditto to the advice to the OP as well.
    Posted by gmcr78
    HAHA! No, but I've got 2 so what is one more :) Congrats to you and your sister!
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  • My older sister was engaged last Christmas, while I was engaged a month after in the end of January.  I am getting married in April of 2013 while she is to be married in October the same year.  While it is a strain on our parents, my fiance's parents have a similar situation where his cousin decided to move her wedding date just within weeks of ours and compromising many things.  Although I understand the reasonings of being called selfish and immature, expecting your parents to pay for BOTH is a bit unreasonable so that is being selfish.  

    When my sister & I talked about everything our parents had decided to pay for their guests (i.e. the people they insisted had to be there plus their family-- luckily our family is small so it isn't too bad) but the deal was that I would pay for my bridal party.  Depending on that, maybe you can try that but to be expectant of your own parents to pay for a wedding is nonsense.  If anything you should be the one taking another job to compensate monetarily to assist your mother with paying off YOUR wedding, she is not renewing her vows or getting married another time.
  • My advice is to grow up before you get married.

    And yes, you are quite selfish, but not for the reasons your mom and sister pointed out.  I would never be able to live with myself if my mother took a second job to pay for my wedding.  You need to be working that second job or figuring out some other way to pay for it yourself. This is your responsibility, not your mother's.   
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  • Yep, those were my exact thoughts!

    In Response to Re: SISTER COMPETITION:
    I would pay for my own wedding.
    Posted by acaponi87
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  • THANK YOU ALL FOR TAKING THE TIME TO RESPOND. I APPRECIATE THE POSTS THAT WERE RELEVANT, HOW YOU WOULD FEEL IF YOUR SISTER PLANNED HER WEDDING THIRTEEN WEEKS BEFORE YOURS AFTER YOURS HAD BEEN SET FOR SOME TIME. TO ALL OTHER RESPONSES- STOP WRITING IN CAPS, PAY FOR YOUR OWN WEDDING, ETC- PLEASE READ THE POST PRIOR TO RESPONDING. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR, RELEVANT, RESPONSES.
    Mrs. B2B
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