Chit Chat

venting!!

 let me star by saying that i love my future mother in law and her mother. but i have noticed that when we were dating they were so nice. they went out of the way to make me feel comfortable. when we told them we got engaged the sh$t hit the fan. i have never done or said any thing rude to them. and know they absolutely hate me. his mother is nice when the grandmothers not around but when you put them together i dread going to his house. they don't do it as much around my FI b/c he doesn't let them talk to me in this way, so now they do it behind his back. last night we had family dinner and my fi went to the bathroom and his grandmother jumped on me that my shirt was the wrong color for spring. wtf i don't care about the color it was comfortable and didn't show much skin. so when he got back she just acted like nothing happened went on talking about how we should move up the wedding.
 she hates the idea of us moving into together before we are married and since we close on 7/7 and the weddings not till 3/12/2011 she thinks we are sinner. no offense to anyone who believes this i mean no harm. and i understand be people have the right to there op but she takes it way to far.

his father left when he was 5 due to his grandmother he hates her and has no problem telling her. i don't want to be rude but they are driving me insane. here's what i have tried.
1. i just stopped going over there but my FI  asked me to com e back a few times here and there.
2. i don't talk when im around them only when they ask a question.
3. i talked to his mother she just said sweetie what my mother says goes what the hell your 45 years old lady time to grow up.
4. i walk out when she is rude. literally when she stars acting like this i just get up and walk out side.
so if you have any advice i would greatly appreciate it. thank you and sorry its so long. but i actually made it a lot shorter i could have a lot more to vent on.

Re: venting!!

  • I don't think you can do anything to change the situation.  They have some reason in their head for acting this way and I'm not sure you can fix it.  I

    t is easy to say "sit down with grandma and talk to her about how this makes you feel"...but I know if I was in your shoes I wouldn't want to do that.  It's awkward. 

    I would just do your best to work around it.  Hopefully you don't have to rely on these women or see them every single day.  When you do see them, it'll be just another day at the in-laws.  Grin and bear it!
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  • PS - to go along with the "grin and bear it" - and this may sound HORRIBLE - but your marriage is going to last longer than his grandmother (god-willing). 
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  • yes i agree it dose sound bad but sometimes it the only thing that i can think of that gets me through it. i dont see them all that much now. we move still live at home till our closing. so i have him come over most of the time. i tried to sit down with her and she just said i was wrong and she treats me fine. when i try to expalin something about how i feel bad when she does it she throws one of her pitty partys and starts crying and then his mother yells at me for makeing her cry. oh and she has convinced everyone in that family that she is having signs of alztimers. sorry but loosing your keys doesnt me you have alztimers shes insane is her diagnoses. i had to take her to the doctors one day for a check up and he saud that her brain and all test came back fine that the only thing that she is haivng trouble with his her left shoulder from where she broke it rideing the 4 wheler. by the way shes 68 and in good health.
  • Well, it seems to me you just have to deal with it.  There are always going to be annoying people in your family that you just have to put up with. 

    I have them - when they make stupid comments (like the shirt not matching with spring nonsense you had) I just go, "yeah, ok, fine, you're right..."  It's not worth the hassle.

    I my mind, I am far more busy with my life than to let someone piss me off.  Just try not to stay mad, smile, and get through the holidays and get-togethers the best you can. 
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  • ya i guess your right thanks for letting me vent i guess that all i really need b/c god knows i cant stay mad at them forever.
    thank you and have a great afternoon!
  • Has your FI ever said anything to them? Even if they don't talk that way in front of them, he still needs to step in and say that they are absolutely to never treat you that way again, or else you'll stop seeing them altogether. There is no excuse for being treated that way, and the whole "what my mother says, goes" line is complete BS.

    Tell your FI that it's time for a change, and that since it's his family, it's his responsibility. My DH would never stand for that kind of talk, even if he never heard it personally. He would refuset o even see his family if they treated me that way.
  • In Response to Re: venting!!:
    Has your FI ever said anything to them? Even if they don't talk that way in front of them, he still needs to step in and say that they are absolutely to never treat you that way again, or else you'll stop seeing them altogether. There is no excuse for being treated that way, and the whole "what my mother says, goes" line is complete BS. Tell your FI that it's time for a change, and that since it's his family, it's his responsibility. My DH would never stand for that kind of talk, even if he never heard it personally. He would refuset o even see his family if they treated me that way.
    Posted by Seshat411

    yes he does stick up for me and they are constantly fighting anymore last night he got so mad at her for telling me that i should not put chrome window tles( the pieces between my front and back windows) on my black pt cruser be cause i would look like a drug dealer. that he got up threw away his whole plate of food and said it time to leave this he$$ hole. and just to make sure were on the same page the bold print on top is what his mother said about his grandmother! just didnt want u to that is my fi. hes a great guy. but he is his grandmothers slave. he was raised to do what she said and nothing else but he has learned that this cant happen now!!!

  • can both your FI and you sit down and talk to the grandmother and the mother maybe? and see what those people's deals are. the problem is that they might not change after the talk, so you might need to just ignore it. i know it's going to be hard, but if you are going to marry this man, that's what it takes. and if u want to avoid going to the house, you can. and it's true that your marriage is gonna last longer than the grandmother... even though it does sound mean to say so.
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