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My highly opinionated fiance...

is driving me a little batty. I love him and we're super excited about getting married but he has a lot of opinions that conflict with my own. We're usually able to compromise but lately I feel like it's his way or nothing. The current issue is the registry. He sees no reason for a bridal shower or for us to have a registry. We're 29 & 30 and we both have plenty of stuff. But it would be nice to get that composter or amazing sheet set that neither of us can currently afford. His argument is that he would rather receive money if people feel the need to give gifts. I think it's super rude to not give guests the option and also I would much rather have people who want to give gifts give us things we've asked for instead of them buying us random wedding stuff we might not like. 

How do I explain this to him in a way he can understand?

Re: My highly opinionated fiance...

  • tell him that he's being extremely rude.

    first off, there's no guarantee that you're having a shower. that's up to others to decide. BUT if you do have a shower, it's all about gifts, not money. you do not give cash at the shower, it's just not how it's done. so you need to have a registry. it's that or people will get you stuff that they think you want or will like, and you usually won't. they will NOT give you cash.
  • I agree asking for money is extremely rude.  You should probably have him read all of these posts in a day or so.  I think then he will get the picture. 
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  • do a search on here, find some threads that agree with your point of view, print the page and show him how rude we think it is, how hard it is to ask for cash and how many people have registries.
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  • My FI was hesitant to do a registry, not because he wanted money but because money is tight for his whole family and he felt like he was telling them to buy us stuff.  I told him that registry info is by word of mouth and would definately not be on the invitations to anything (boys don't always know etiquette like we do). 

    I then took him on a tour of our home and pointed out a few things that NEED replaced like the toaster with the broken handle, the fact that we just bought a new king size bed and only have 2 sets of sheets and only 1 set really fits well, stuff like that.  When he saw that things needed replaced he agreed he would rather make a small registry of that stuff then get random gifts we couldn't do anything with.  We kept our registry on the small side figuring we would get cash from some people.
  • Also, just because you register doesn't mean that no one is going to give you cash.  You can compromise by having a smaller registry.  If guests ask you or your immediate families where you are registered, they can say, "They have a small registry at X store and they're also saving for a honeymoon/renovations/new house".  That way people who are inclined to give cash will get the hint and people who want to give gifts have some options to choose from.
  • Tell him that having a registry will help from getting gifts you absolutely don't want.  Some people DO NOT want to give cash or checks, so they'll buy you something random so that they have something to physically give you, instead of money.  Avoid getting a random thing you do not want, and have a registry.  From what I hear, it's fun to go around the store and scan things with the little gun thing, so maybe he'll enjoy doing it!
  • Thank you ladies!

     You are all such a big help. I am going to show him your posts and I think he'll get the idea. Also I just wanted to say that we're definitely not asking for money I think he's just assuming that if we don't have a registry the people who will want to contribute will just give money. Which is crazy! And I definitely don't wan't to be stuck with a leopard print lamp!
  • Um, nowhere does the OP says that he WANTS to ask people for money - just that he doesn't want to register.  It is NOT "extremely rude" or even slightly rude not to register. 

    If you receive gifts you don't like, well, there are solutions to that.   You can regift, return, sell, or donate items you don't like.  I think fiance is correct in that, in the absence of a registry, many people may give a cash gift.  For those who don't, you get the surprise of seeing what they chose for you - I personally think that's more fun than choosing your own gifts.   You may be delighted in what people choose, or you may not - if not, then see the above options. 
  • You could suggest a compromise. My Fiance and I are going to do this

    http://www.myregistry.com/

    (we havent done it yet)

    It takes from all websites rather than just a couple of stores. So you can have fun, whimiscal things as well. And you can make notes. So you could ad a bunch of board games or something and make notes about all the fun times you will have playing them with your guests.

    More importantly, you can put up bridal funds (though they use paypall so there is a fee), so it might be a compromise with him. You could have a honeymoon fund, or a new home fund, or a furniture fund like we are gonna have
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