drug addiction...

futureMRSDarling2012

So this may get lengthy just a fair warning! But all who have experince with this topic please read because I could use some help.

Ok so about 4 years ago some family of mine confronted my dad about if he had a drug problem... he said he did crack about once a month and that it wasn't a problem. He was PISSED that we even brought it up though. He can be very hostile, even before the drugs.  

Lately he has been complaing of bug infestation in his house. Even went as far as to collect these microscopic bugs on a piece of tape and send them in to have them examined. One place said they found "a" chiggar. Which is a bug from the south and we live in Michigan... not sure if he made it up or not just to make him not sound so crazy. The other two places he sent them didn't find anything he said.

I called a hotline today and basically told them this same story. Because and interventionist is not affordable for our family the person I talked to said they would call him and let him know that someone cares enough to have called them. and they wanted to let him know his options... I just called her back to see how he responed and she wasn't available. All I gave them was his first name and cell phone number, it's not possible to have authorities called or anything right? My younger pregnant ister lives there and is worried about this because she doesn't want them knowing shes there b/c shes worried they'll take her baby or something. 

No one else in my family is doing anything about this and I feel like all the weight is on me. Because he can be so mean I guess people just dont want to deal with his attitude and mean deminor. I feel like its been long enough an I refuse to feel like I didn't do anything in the case that he oes end up killing himself. 

In addition to the bugs I'm sure he has a problem because he is filing for bankruptcy and in no way should have to. He makes $5k/month with a house payment and 2 cars. Granted he helps my sister but still! Speaking of bankruptcy, can someone even file when they make that much and such a big chunk is unaccounted for???

In relation to the wedding... I'm feeling the stress! We were considering going to Florida to get married on the beach with who ever can afford it and that actually sounds like a better idea than more ever now. I feel like a huge celebration just wouldn't be right when theres this huge burden on my shoulders... at this poit nothing is planned and won't be until this issue gets under control a little

If anyone has ever dealt with a family member with an addiction, what did you do? How did you let them know you care and want them to get help when they wouldn't admit it? Other than calling this lady I'm going to have rehab brochures sent to his house then I don't know what else I can do.... 

If you can help, Thank You!!!

jenniferb77

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_drug-addiction?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:7db098b4-f8f9-489d-b278-b0d8f7d45874Post:82dbe588-f305-4d7b-acad-de58e9c05682">Re: drug addiction...</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister is fine with living there because he keeps his addiction to himself. He doesn't use around her and he thinks that no one knows he uses. Hes not abbusive... the conitions in which she is lving are not unfit... the only issue is that she knows what is going on behind his closed bedroom door. She has to stay there so she can go to college, otherwise she will be on the streets working a minimum wage job and collecting welfare for the rest of her life. I simply told you guys this part to let you know a little more of the story... she is fine with staying there so I'm not going to worry about something that she isnt. The lady called back and said he didn't answer, she left a voicemail saying someonce cared enough to call and let him know he has optinons. 
Posted by futureMRSDarling2012[/QUOTE]

1) If he is using in the house, then he is using around her and her baby.
2) If it is in the house, there is a possibility for the baby to get into his stash or his paraphenalia.
3) Talk to CPS to see if they can help. There has got to be something they can suggest to help your sister get away from that environment.
4) As far as your dad goes, if he doesn't want help, there isn't a lot you can do for him. Perhaps, once he loses everything, he will realize there is a problem and want to change. Your wanting this for him won't change him. I had a friend who was a heroin addict (I found out after she did an interview with the LA Times). She compared her addiction (2 times a day = $175) to having a beer after work. You see the mentality.

I know you will worry, but he isn't going to change because of your fear. At this point, focus on helping your sister because she knows there is a problem. Let her know that it IS dangerous for her baby. What is she going to do if he gets busted? Crack is very different than pot and there can be serious consequences. She needs to be somewhere safe and stable. You also need to focus on getting on with your life and being happy. You have obviously met a wonderful man and are facing a bright future. Don't let your fear turn into guilt and ruin your life in the process.

futureMRSDarling2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_drug-addiction?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:7db098b4-f8f9-489d-b278-b0d8f7d45874Post:c255ad5d-4159-4be4-a0d0-c6c0219ae5df">Re: drug addiction...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: drug addiction... : 1) If he is using in the house, then he is using around her and her baby. 2) If it is in the house, there is a possibility for the baby to get into his stash or his paraphenalia. 3) Talk to CPS to see if they can help. There has got to be something they can suggest to help your sister get away from that environment. 4) As far as your dad goes, if he doesn't want help, there isn't a lot you can do for him. Perhaps, once he loses everything, he will realize there is a problem and want to change. Your wanting this for him won't change him. I had a friend who was a heroin addict (I found out after she did an interview with the LA Times). She compared her addiction (2 times a day = $175) to having a beer after work. You see the mentality. I know you will worry, but he isn't going to change because of your fear. At this point, focus on helping your sister because she knows there is a problem. Let her know that it IS dangerous for her baby. What is she going to do if he gets busted? Crack is very different than pot and there can be serious consequences. She needs to be somewhere safe and stable<strong>. You also need to focus on getting on with your life and being happy. You have obviously met a wonderful man and are facing a bright future. Don't let your fear turn into guilt and ruin your life in the process.</strong><div>Posted by jenniferb77[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>Thank you for this! An the above post telling me your story about your sister. I realize I cannot change him and I cannot make him get help unless he wants it. I Just have to try to help at least once more time because if something ever id happen, I coulnd't live with myself knowing that I did NOTHING! For the past 4 years I have moved on and focused on me and living a happy life which is why I feel the need to reach out to him becuase I know he would do the same for me if I was the one with the addiction. </div><div>
</div><div>As for my sister, she has completly cut ties with me at this point until I appologize, which I refuse to do! I told her she needs to not worry about HER education right now, that she needs to focus on getting out of the house for the babys sake. So thats that! Next step is to call the authorities which will 1. give my dad a wake up call hopefully and 2. give my sister no place to live. Trying to be posiitive... but its hard

</div>

Sharkdiver1980

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_drug-addiction?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:7db098b4-f8f9-489d-b278-b0d8f7d45874Post:210ae7b0-d4d4-45cf-8aef-aaa51b1156c4">Re: drug addiction...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: drug addiction... : Thank you for this! An the above post telling me your story about your sister. I realize I cannot change him and I cannot make him get help unless he wants it. I Just have to try to help at least once more time because if something ever id happen, I coulnd't live with myself knowing that I did NOTHING! For the past 4 years I have moved on and focused on me and living a happy life which is why I feel the need to reach out to him becuase I know he would do the same for me if I was the one with the addiction.  As for my sister, she has completly cut ties with me at this point until I appologize, which I refuse to do! I told her she needs to not worry about HER education right now, that she needs to focus on getting out of the house for the babys sake. So thats that! <strong>Next step is to call the authorities which will 1. give my dad a wake up call hopefully and 2. give my sister no place to live. Trying to be posiitive... but its hard
</strong>Posted by futureMRSDarling2012[/QUOTE]


this is absolutely the right thing to do. Keep your chin up. Even if they can't see it now, someday, they may see that you're doing what's best for them. Get yourself to a support group too, it will help. You'll meet others who are facing tough decisions too.