Crazy Parents... Need to Vent!!! kinda long sorry

jenniemay24

So I have not done a lot of these post things, but this is just too good not to vent about.

Background: I am not your traditional bride but my FI is. So we are compromising on my hometown, but in his religious church. And I am totally fine with this and excited about everything. My family is poor and his family is pretty wealthy but they knew this going into the engagement and nothing was kept a secret. I am a pretty honest person and dont mind discussing stuff like that. Me, FI, his mother and my mother have had several meetings on the church and reception site. Everyone had agreed on the church and the reception site after several serious and honest discussions about money we had agreed.

The crazy: Muture mother in law, after telling me she has already sent in the money for the reception, has decided that 1. she doesn't think the reception site is good enough 2. it is too much money 3. she is choosing another place and we have no say so (the new place is 3 times the amount of the other place)

I thought we were all on the same page!!!!! I realize my family is not paying for the majority of this but is it ok just to tell me that everything is ok and then tell her son that I am being difficult. FI is the one who wants the church/country club wedding!!!! I feel like I am being attacked for no reason.

Side note: FI is being awesome about it and stood up to his crazy mother letting her know that either she works with us or not at all. Thankfully we (FI and I) are on the same page.... Please dont write anything mean to me! I just needed to vent thanks

AlmostSt.Laurent

I'm in a similar position, where my mom feels that this is her wedding.  I understand her view as me being the only wedding she's going to do all this with.  What I did was kept a 3-ring binder of all my plans and ideas.  One night, I just about had enough of my mom changing every plan of mine, so I brought the three ring binder over for a visit and started showing her everything and acting so excited about how everything is planned JUST the way me and my FI have always dreamed (act happy not fake haha).  That's when my mom found out that it really was exactly what we wanted.  She had been thinking all along that we were settling because of money, and she was changing things and spending money because she wanted the best.  Could be how you FMIL sees it too?

amlaplante

This is a little tough. Since your FMIL is footing the bill she does have a say (unfortunately, cause she sounds like a snobby witch). But honestly if FI, myself, FMIL, and my mother had all agreed on a venue and talked about it on several different accounts and it was booked (deposit already sent in) and FMIL did this I'd probably be pissed to. All this looks like is her need to, as a PP said, keep up appearances.

Since she is paying for it, she does ultimately have the final say. I know it sucks, but it's true. If you don't want her to have that kind of control you'll have to pay for the wedding yourself. Go look at the new venue that's "good enough" for her. If you like it cool, start planning and let her pay for it. If you hate it and could never imagine having your wedding there it's time to cut the cord and save your own money. Sorry you have to deal with this mess.

Kristin789

>>A FMIL has no right to take your wedding hostage because she needs a certain kind of wedding to keep up appearances.

Uh, maybe this is a regional thing, but where I live, if your FMIL is paying for the reception, she certainly does have the right to host whatever kind of party she wants to.  Same situation when a MOB+FOB hosts the wedding and reception...

goheels05

I totally get why you are upset, I would be, too, but when you let others pay for your wedding, you relinquish a lot of the control.