Pre Marital Preparation

2447bryant

Me and my fiancé feel that some sort of pre-marital counseling would be beneficial but the counseling is so expensive we just cant afford it. So we have decided to do it our selves.
Question: Does anyone have any suggestions for a great book we can read and learn on together?

achiduck

There are lots of places that work on a sliding scale or based on income. Are you getting married in a church? Most churches throw in/require premarital counselling and it's often included in the rental cost.

To answer your question, a lot of people recommend The 5 Love Languages. FI and I read The 10 Conversations you must have before Getting Married and enjoyed that.

2447bryant

No we are not getting married in a church, but our parents both got divorced so we are trying to take different roads then what they did.

I have heard of the 5 love languages, thanks for brining it up I had forgot about it and I will look in to the other one.

Thanks!

Avion22

I would recommend going on Amazon and reading a ton of reviews.  Honestly, what works for someone else might not work for you.   The reviews are pretty good and will tell you if the book is religious or secular, what the focus is (some focus on second marraiges, blended families, etc), and who the book is written for.    A little bit of research will go a long way.

a80Lady

I don't know if you have insurance or not, but I have heard of some insurances covering premarital counseling. Might be worth calling and asking about. HTH.

achiduck

Lady makes a good point. My work benefits cover counselling as long as it's performed by a person with a certain degree or credentials. That might be a good option to look into.

sweetredhead

There is a book called born to win. It's not about relationships exactly. It's more about understanding what you learned from people in your lives, messages you took on as your own, and how you react to others today. It can be very dry in parts but is excellent at identifying flaws and how to correct them. It addresses resentments, psychological games, and life scripts that get us in trouble. I used to teach it to the girls in the rehab where I worked to help them have healthy relationships in the future. Also second 5 love languages.

TNBride2012

A book called "The Sacred Marriage" was very helpful for me and FI. It focuses on the idea of not using the other person as the key to all your happiness.

scrpio421

Our church offers it for free (well, 10 bucks for the book, so practically free). I've found it really helpful. We meet with a couple who does the counseling at their house. Sometimes when I'm doing the homework, I'm answering these questions thinking 'obviously it's this, why would anyone think otherwise?' And sure enough my FI has something out of left field that I would have never expected.

It's great for uncovering future conflicts that you didn't even know they were there. I would encourage you to look at places that offer these counseling sessions for free (our church doesn't require you to belong to go through these classes).

seesawgirl

My fiance and I have been doing "the power of two" It focuses on communication skills.

RyansBelovedBride

I'm reading the book "Real Marriage" right now (it just came out) and it's pretty good... but I'm not done yet so I can't say too much yet. But I really like the voice, and so far it's focusing on how a good friendship is the basis of a good marriage. It was written by a pastoral couple who didn't have the strongest marriage (though not the weakest) for like ten years, and finally worked through it and have a terrific marriage now.  The book is their way of hoping others will learn from their and other couples they know, and strengthen their own marriages either now or before they start.

musicxstore

You could look into pastoral counseling - FI and I are only paying $20 a session. Also, I bought "1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married" and it's fantastic so far. It's very thourough and opens conversation on family, past relationships, children, etc. I'd definitely recommend it.

2447bryant

Thanks for all the ideas! I will definatley look in to all of this. My family has never done any of this so now I feel like I have a direction! Thanks!