Limits on my FIs bachelor party???

sweetblueyes316

My FI is fine with it, If I wanted it he'd trust me. Luckily neither of us are into that.

amh0384

 It's one thing to go watch strippers... It's another to have them come to someone's home for a private party. Tell him you're not comfortable with it. He should respect you enough to leave that out of his boys night.

edwardsc4301

I've talked to my fiance about this and we both feel uncomfortable with the idea of private strippers. He has told me tons of stories about the bachelor parties he has been to and inappropriate things always seem to happen. He doesn't feel comfortable about it for me either. It comes down to a respect issue for both of us. Neither of us were "nagging, b*t@#ng, or rude" about our requests for each other. I don't see why naked women/men are expected at these parties as a way to have your last "single night". Strip clubs wouldn't be near as bad because it would be monitored.

If you won't be comfortable for your man to be in these environments when you are married, don't say it's ok now. Let him know how you feel before hand - no surprises later.

My fiance's best man wanted to buy strippers for the party but my man told him no.
We both want each other to have a great time with our friends - without strippers.

tb1283

If you can't trust him to have one night of debauchery with his best buds, you should probably think twice about marrying him. I understand, boys will be boys and some are far crazier (ie: sluttier) than others. They will also try to coerce their friends into doing things because it's their "last chance", but honestly if you're worried about a few strippers, then you probably aren't ready to be married. I can totally understand when women don't want their husbands frequenting strip clubs, but a few strippers for one night is no biggie. Let him have fun in whatever way his friends choose and you have your fun too!

kirby6

I just wanted to reply to this thread to bring up a point I think many are missing. Trust is nice and always comes into this kind of conversation, but the fact of the matter is, if he's gonna do it, he's gonna do it. Doesn't matter if you set your guidelines, or you completely avoid the issue and tell him to just have fun. The bottom line is that guys will do what they are going to do. Cheaters cheat- and no amount of guidelines/rules/supervision will ever change it. And some can blame it on the alcohol, but as a frequent drinker about to marry another frequent drinker, I say that's a load of BS and just an excuse to cover up behavior that you know both sober, and drunk, is wrong. 

Conclusion? Just have fun and enjoy the ride, because you can't prevent anything anyway. And if he goes over the line, maybe thats something you want to know BEFORE you get married.

rach413

I told my fiance the same thing - NO STRIPPERS at a private house party!  He promised me that wouldn't happen.  I know his friends are pretty big partiers but I do trust them that they won't allow that.  He didn't seem upset at all when I gave that rule.

Mick008

i dont think you should have to set limits, he should at least try and respect your concerns not get mad, but that is just my thought on it.  I dont know it might sound bridezilla or whatever but if its your concern and insincerity he should listen.  When my best friend got married he husbands best man was the same way but her husband was totally different and he stood up for himself and said no.  My fiance wouldnt even step foot in a strip club because then he just thinks about me going to a guys strip club where the strippers are more physical with the ladies and he's like h*** no.

ditto50997

I understaned your position... Here's what I've talked about with my fiance during our relationship, even before we got engaged...

"Honey, I don't care if you go to a strip club, but I do not feel comfortable with you touching another woman, or another woman touching you. I don't allow guys to touch me, or vice versa, so therefore I expect you to act appropriately around other women, whether your out in public, or at a strip club.

You can do whatever you want to do, with who ever you want to do it with, but if you know I'm not okay with it, and you do it anyways, then just expect the consequences of your actions. There is never a good reason to touch or be touched by another person when your in a relationship, and that's just how I feel."

He understands how I feel about it from the very beginning of our relationship, and if he goes against how I feel then their simply won't be a wedding, I've never given him that ultimatium, but I simply said, their will be consequences to his actions, and whatever he decides to do, is his own decision, and I need not to worry about a thing. Because I trust him, I don't worry about it.

But you can't tell him, YOU CAN"T, because then of course they are gonna get mad, just share how you feel about it, and let it go from there. If he truly loves and respects you, then he'll understand and make the right decision, if he does otherwise, then he clearly doesn't respect your feelings, and work needs to be done on your relationship before you tie the knot.

brandiliisa

My FI is going to Vegas with about 10 guys and we've already had the talk... I hope he has fun within reason and I know he will not jeopardize our relationship. It took me a while to be ok with the idea (as his guys booked it without asking us!) but basically it comes down to trust. He's not going to do anything that makes me uncomfortable or anything he doesn't want to do. I'm just sad that I don't get to go with my friends!

jlwgbf19

Call me insecure if you want, but I did have a talk with my fiancé about his bachelor party. I trust every move he makes (or doesn't make). But, for me, the thought of strippers or strip clubs makes me nauseous. I know that I wouldn't have anything to worry about with him. I'm more concerned with me. It's not that I'm self conscious, I love the way I look and who I am. Just the idea of some woman dancing around devoting all of her attention to the 'groom' just makes me sick. So i did ask him to not go to one or have strippers. I know he would never be tempted with cheating and I doubt a stripper would be interested in him, but I know how I would feel and he respects that enough to not put himself in that situation. I know my opinion is the minority, but I just want to ease the minds of brides to be that don't want strippers involved in their wedding plans and celebrations. Best of luck, and most importantly just tell your fiancé how you feel and I'm sure he'll respect it!

Sdavis4289

I would definatly set limits for house calls, I've been in this position and I was not happy at all about what I found out was going on. Strippers tend to be a bit more loose when they come to the house. They don't have the bouncers to say no to them or the guy or vis versa and pretty much they have no rules. Honestly not all of them are bad but a lot of them will do anything to make that extra money. I would definalty say no to house calls. If they're already going to a strip club....why do they need to bring them back to a house too? I hope this helps and I'm not trying to freak you out...but i walked in on my FH and his friends with a stripper and I was really upset when I saw what she was doing and how she was acting. I would seriously sit down and talk to him and his BM.

MVJA1223

You know - I was the same way you were.  Until I realized that whatever the best man and the rest of the guys plan is their business.  My fiance went to one of best men's bachelor parties out of the country where hookers got call to the hotel, etc... I trusted him - and at the end of the day "guy rule" or not he still told me about it.  The fact he did that made me trust that if something were to happen at his party I would have nothing to worry about because he would walk away.

Gabriellae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_limits-fis-bachelor-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a3c8a40e-9ccd-4adf-9d2c-5c5069441047Post:2fddc884-6524-40e2-ae9d-9cc8b1f0a3a2">Re: Limits on my FIs bachelor party???</a>:
[QUOTE]Am I the only one that finds it quite disgusting and unfair that as women we are supposed to just sit back and be okay with our men partying and having strippers and all the otehr bells and whistles at their bacholor party.  How would our men feel if we had the same thing (and to the same extent!!).  I'm pretty sure they would not be happy or allow it.
Posted by svitor[/QUOTE]

Nope, I feel the same way. Men + alcohol + perfect women (who do WHATEVER they need to do to make $) = disaster. I don't care how proper they are, or how many times thay say "nothing will happen", they are still men, and put that mix together with all of their friends, fuggetaboutit!  Trust me, they aren't thinking that they better behave because YOU wont like it. lmao

kjbrowne

I think that the whole "Trust" argument is really irrelevant.  I would hope that if you  DIDN'T trust eachother than you wouldn't be getting married. 

Where I think the bigger problem lies is with sacrifice and compromise.  There's going to be a lot of things that each of you are going to have problems with and I think it's important to do what you can to make your spouse happy.   If you have a problem with your man having strippers than he should respect that and not have them. Period.  If he does it anyway than I think the bigger problem lies with the fact that he can't give up something as basic as a strippers at his party.  Lame.  What's going to happen when it's something that actually means something? 

And of couse, this is a two way street and we should be doing the same for our men.  But I seriously don't think that it's asking a whole lot to not have strippers at your bachelor party if it really bothers you.  It really shouldn't mean that much to the guy so it should be easy for them to give it up and just go out and get drunk with their friends.  ya know?

twirlgirl61

When your fiance placed that engagement ring on your finger, he probably said something like "I want you forever"  He didn't say "I want you forever with one bachelor party with strippers in a few months" 

Also, it is a disrespect to you that your finace feels like he "needs" to have strippers at his bachelor party...  he's already committed to you (you're engaged) and shouldn't be looking to other women to satisfy any sexual urges.

Mine already knows that if there are strippers at his bachelor party, the wedding is being postponed.  But he has reassured me that there won't be. 

just by telling your guy you feel uncomfortable with him being entertained by strippers does NOT mean that you are insecure and don't trust him.  You are just yearning to be respected.  (and yes, someone going to a strip club is a disrespect to their significant other!)

kimibeans

I think it's a bit much to set limits. Like my predecessors, you're welcome to voice any concerns you may have but in the end it's the Best Man that is planning the party. If he respects your FI and your relationship you don't have anything to worry about. My FI's b-party is in Amsterdam and although his BM is only assisting in the planning since another friend (huge partier and ladies man, to say the least) claimed planning rights about 3 years ago, I trust his friends almost as much as my FI to not let things go in a bad direction. They like us and respect us as a couple so they wouldn't let my FI go too far. Maybe instead of your FI, discuss concerns with his BM to just watch his back kinda thing.

mattntiff

My rules were no house strippers!  I have witnessed what the house strippers are willing to do and it's completely disgusting. They stick body parts in the guys' mouths and get completely naked.  House strippers are willing to do just about everything but full on intercourse.  That is going WAY too far and I do not want any of his friends egging that kind of interaction on.  Bottomline, its cheating, whether its a bachelor party or not. 
I am totally comfortable with them going to a strip club because they are not allowed to touch the girls, in most places, anyway.  I don't care how many girls give him a lap dance, whether he finds them attractive or not he is marrying ME.
Regardless of how you feel about strippers and how much you trust your husband to be, at the end of the day its all about communicating your boundries.  Respect is essential in your marriage so I don't feel is wrong to communicate behaviors that you feel are disrespectful.

CandPBrown

I don't think it's too controlling to say that youwould like it if there weren't strippers at a private party; if you're ok with a strip club, let him know that. Also, it may be helpful to flip the situation and ask him how he would feel if YOU had male strippers at a private house party for your bachelorette party. And maybe instead of setting "rules" for each others party, make compromises or requests.

Just a thought...good question though!

jenniferearney

I agree with CaptiolBride about strippers being an unnecessary tradition.  Just because it is a bachelor party does not mean it needs to involve strippers.  Nor does my bachelorette party.  Obviously trust is not an issue since you are marrying him.  To me - it's about morals and self respect.

mirandaoneill

I do not think that you are out of line by voicing your concern about the bachelor party.  I'd have to ask why it is so important to him to go crazy and have strippers there?  My fiance doesn't even look at porn because he knows how it makes me feel  and he doesnt even feel the need to, to me if they have to go looking for stuff else where, pictures, videos, strippers...etc then what are they trying to fullfil that they think they are missing.  If they can give all that up for you and how it makes you feel then you know they will put you above everything else and that you are more important than having a stripper.  You are in the right since he is going to be your husband! 

jcarbin

Maybe "setting limits" sounds like a nag, so just have a conversation w/ him about it... this is someone you are going to spend your life with, you have to be able to express your concerns.  I would be devastated if my FI had strippers at his B-party, and he knows it.  My FI considers himself a woman's rights supporter, so having strippers goes against his and my values of how you treat women. 

missJESSA

I completely agree. All of my FI's friends are very hard partiers, and we kept bumping heads when topic came up. No matter how many times i demanded "NO STRIPPERS!" one of his friends would tell me it's not a bachelor party without them. Having another woman rub her tits all over my man IS cheating. So to put an end to it, I suggested we have a group party, Where all us and all of our friends go out and have a Wedding Party. We can either travel all together or kind of stay in our own packs. Just knowing that if he does something to mess up, and me being right there to know what he did makes me sleep A LOT better at night.

angsmith505

I think if he truly respected you he would not have strippers.  Even if his crazy friend wants them he needs to put his foot down and say no. 

Ninica_84

I agree that if you can't trust someone to behave themselves and keep their hands to themselves then perhaps stippers at the bach party is not your biggest problem. I have no idea what the guys are planning for my FI bach party but I have no plans on saying do this or don't do this because it just makes you look like a nag. Besides, I know my FI has been to strip clubs before (had a buddy who was a bouncer in one) and it's not anything new to him.
That being said, I'm pretty sure their party will involve poker, game on tv and lot's of drinking as they already got their fill of strip clubs a while back.

carynlg

As far as hiring strippers goes, I know that most men don't equate it with cheating, and many women don't either.  There are always the women who tell you that you're just being paranoid, but while it may be going a bit far to ban any strippers (especially in strip clubs) it speaks to a very different set of problems that your FI disregarded you when you spoke about what makes you uncomfortable.  My FI listened when I told him that I was uncomfortable with strippers giving him private shows or lap dances.  I wouldn't agree with the women who say that if he gets a lap dance, it's okay for them to actually cheat on the FI.  However, consider asking him how he would feel if you gave another man a lap dance, since that is a true reversal of roles and may help put your feelings in perspective for him.  I know it worked for me!

chaigler

I think setting limits that you both agree to respect are ok.  Word it as, "I think it would be respectful to both of us if neither of us had strippers at our party."  I don't think it is an issue of not trusting your FI.  I know my FI would never cheat on me, but I don't want to be disrespected by him having thoughts about another woman.  A part of love is respeting each other's feelings.

Shasta5

You need to respect what eachother is and is not comfortable with. You being ok with strip clubs is a lot more than most women would be comfortable with (I'm not comfortable with it, but DF and I have agreed not to limit eachother on that type of thing). If you are not comfortable, tell him. He nees to respect what you are and are not comfortable with. DF and I agreed that there will be no touching between us and other sex entertainment, but that is it. Seperately, we decided that we wouldn't be comfortable with strippers, etc. I would say to simply say that you are fine with strip clubs and the like, but not private parties. Private parites can get out of hand, and I get that. DF has even told me that he just doesn't want to put himself in a situation to scerw up our relationship.

bloomingiris523

I don't think you should worry about it. You are getting married to a man you love and trust and he feels the same. He respects you and if he felt that he was in any way going to hurt you he would speak up.  I do think you should talk to him and tell him your feelings about it but do not give him rules. Rules will only make him feel defensive and cloud his judgment. Happiness is not achieved from rules and restrictions but only from open communication, honesty, and choices.

jaymie21

My Fiance knows I don't like strip clubs and although he doesn't understand why I don't want him to go he promised he wont. I just don't like them and I don't even want him in that position.

mquintana62

honestly... your body should be the only one your man wants to see... he shouldn't have any girl on him or around him whether she is a dancer or stripper... whatever. Trust or not...

If your man respected you as a woman and the love of his life he wouldn't allow his "friends" to treat your relationship like trash by bringing him to those things.

He needs real friends.