Ladies who are already married....:-)

TNBride2012

What would be some of your best advice/heads up for the first 6 months/1st year of marriage? Obviously, every couple is different, has different struggles, etc, but I'm just curious to see what has been helpful for y'all! Thanks so much in advance!

ginabean82

Do you guys already live together?  When is your wedding?  

I am not married yet, but we have lived together for the past 3 years, so I really can't see there being any differences once we get married.

emarston1

Just remember that he is who he is.  All those wonderful qualities will continue after the wedding but so will his annoyin ones.  Things don't magically change after the wedding so expecting him to be a different man is unreasonable.  I know a few brides that got annoyed when their husband's videogames habit (for example) continued after the wedding.  Even though they knew the guy was a big gamer before the wedding.

Also, make sure you are on the same page for your finances.  Money is the number one thing couples fight about so make sure you have clear expectations about what will happen with your finances.  Discuss your goals (short term and long term) and how you plan to achieve those goals.

mizutamababy

Do you already live together?  If so, I doubt much will change once you're married except maybe a little giddiness at first that you finally tied the knot.

If you don't live together, just remember that he's not perfect and neither are you.    You also might want to make sure you're on the same page financially since I've seen a lot of my no-experience-living-together-beforehand newlywed friends most often fight about money.

AdeleDazeem

My husband and I lived together for three years before being married and I think things were different afterwards so... there!  Ha.  However, the changes were very small.  It was like a shift to relaxation.

Remember that once the wedding is over and there is nothing so encompassing to plan that life is not boring.

I thinks that E gave some excellent advice there! :-)

Summer2011Bride

Like the others have said, living together first really makes the beginning of marriage easier. We lived together 2 years prior to getting married, and we were able to get all the "kinks" worked out beforehand.

Besides that, discuss all the important stuff, like money, kids, etc. Make sure you are on the same page. We didn't combine finances until after we were married. Some people never combine or some do but still keep separate accounts. Make sure you talk about money! It is one of the biggest causes of strife in marriages.

Just don't expect marriage to be perfect or make any pre-existing issues disappear. Talk all those things out before hand! I think the biggest key is communication! Always talk things out and be respectful of the other person's viewpoint.

cwaggoner07

This is all great advice, guys! Thanks!

vexie

You've been given some great advice!  I'd just like to add that you will want to discuss ahead of time the distribution of chores in the home.  Who will cook, who will clean up? What about grocery shopping etc.   It's easy for resentments to build up when those day to day tasks start building up and either one person feels like they have to do it all...or no one does them and the house starts to fall apart.  I swear my hubby doesn't even see the dust unless I point it out lol. Thankfully he si quick to help out once I ask so it's not an issue for us....but it sure could be one!

Also... I know many girls who just assume that once they are married their hubby will suddenly stop all his boys nights out, quit his sports teams etc etc.  If he played soccer 3 times a week before the wedding day, he will probably want to continue afterwards unless you both sit down and discuss what is expected and acceptable to each person.   Being married doesn't mean you should be attached by the hip - in fact it's very healthy to have separate interests and hobbies - you just want to make sure you also get a healthy amount of together time in there too

LoveMuffins

We've been living together for awhile so I didn't expect anything to change and that's EXACTLY why I married him - because I want to keep living like we have been. My advice would be for any girls that think their man's behavior will suddenly change or problems will be fixed by the wedding... that's not how it works. The things that were a problem beforehand will continue to be a problem. I had a friend who was convinced that marriage would change her man into the guy she really WANTED him to be... after several absolutely miserable years they are finally getting divorced.

Another word of advice - after the wedding and all the excitement it becomes easier to take each other for granted. Make sure to carve out special date night night or time to do things together. It takes both parties to keep the romance and the special little things going.

blgrout

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ladies-who-are-already-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a979d55a-07ec-4001-80cb-a161581c809dPost:4e317644-e3a9-4098-b74a-54ec43666b06">Re: Ladies who are already married....:-)</a>:
[QUOTE]My husband and I lived together for three years before being married and I think things were different afterwards so... there!  Ha.  However, the changes were very small. <strong> It was like a shift to relaxation</strong>. Remember that once the wedding is over and there is nothing so encompassing to plan that life is not boring. I thinks that E gave some excellent advice there! :-)
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

This is what I'm waiting for. :)

We'll be married in 2 months (and 2 days), but we've lived together for 3 years, so I don't expect a *lot* will change, but maybe just that we'll be giddy that we're finally married.

Living together first definitely helped us work out our kinks (and there have been a few).  I think the biggest key to learning how to live with someone is to accept that you aren't going to love everything they do, and that you have to communicate, even about the icky not-fun/romantic stuff, like chores, finances, etc. 

mhogberg

 We get married in a little over 3 months and one thing I have learned of my Fiance is that he doesn't see the clutter like I do, yes this is frustrating but I have learned that if I ask for help he is ALWAYS more than willing to jump in and help.  If nothing else he is always good for a good kiss on the neck, which makes EVERYTHING better

TNBride2012

Thanks so much, ladies, I really appreciate the advice! I'm sorry fo rthe delay in getting back this thread, the week has been crazy.

To answer the repeated question, no we have not lived together beforehand. We wanted to save the intimacies of living together for after we'd committed and promised ourselves to each other in marriage. That's not to be judgemental of anyone who did things differently. We believe(ed) this is the best way to honor and love God and each other, so even though we finally ended up living in the same city after dating long-distance for over a year, we chose to live separately, albeit just down the street from each other. 

At any rate, sometimes you hear people talk about marriage and afterward as a horror story of how awful things became, so I just wanted to see if there was anything to that, or if you ladies had some thoughts on what you found to be most helpful. :-) We'll definitely continue to talk about money and chores. 

Thank you so much for your advice! I really appreciate y'all's thoughts. :-)