HELP!

KatieDoodle25

Hi there Brides! 

I have a quick question and some my think this girl is dingy after reading. Hopefully not, I feel kind of strange about how my boyfriend/fiance are going about planning at this point. 

My boyfriend/fiance of 5years have designed my ring and are having it made. Today he received a call from our jeweler that it may take a little bit longer to get finished, due to an issue with finding a stone the right shape for the setting. So with that said, my boyfriend/fiance said that he thinks I should go ahead and start planning and booking for the big day. However, I feel strange talking about the issue of budget with my parents without a ring. I also feel a little strange working with vendors without a ring. Is this a psychological thing on my part or should I wait until I have the ring to start getting things underway. 

Thoughts would be greatly appreciated! 

Kristin&eric

umm well my cousin did it with the chapel but thats bc they are booked for years. She wasnt engaged yet. i really dont think she did any other planning besides that though

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:aa1a177f-4c12-497d-9235-117f03a6e062Post:edb0c452-564d-4358-81a5-9c21e4419349">HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi there Brides!  I have a quick question and some my think this girl is dingy after reading. Hopefully not, I feel kind of strange about how my boyfriend/fiance are going about planning at this point.  My boyfriend/fiance of 5years have designed my ring and are having it made. Today he received a call from our jeweler that it may take a little bit longer to get finished, due to an issue with finding a stone the right shape for the setting. So with that said, my boyfriend/fiance said that he thinks I should go ahead and start planning and booking for the big day. However, I feel strange talking about the issue of budget with my parents without a ring. I also feel a little strange working with vendors without a ring. Is this a psychological thing on my part or should I wait until I have the ring to start getting things underway.  Thoughts would be greatly appreciated! 
Posted by KatieDoodle25[/QUOTE]
If you've decided to get married, then you're engaged, with or without ring.  Congrats!

That being said, I hope by "talking budget" you don't mean "asking parents for money."  That's rude, and you shouldn't expect anyone else to pay for your wedding.  If someone OFFERS, then you can decide whether or not you want to accept the money (knowing that money = strings).  Also, don't count on any money promised to you until you actually have cash in hand - life happens and a lot of times, during the course of an engagement, money that was once allotted for a wedding has to be used for different things.  You don't want to be stuck with vendors that you can afford later on down the road.  

PS.  I never got an E-ring.  My marriage is still valid without it.

SarahPLiz

Tide is correct. Ring=/= engagement. You can be engaged, committed to marrying each other, and plan a wedding without a piece of jewelry. By designing and ordering the ring, he has defacto proposed to you. Go forward with your plans, there is no reason to have a ring on your finger as long as you and your FI are on the same page with your intentions.

KatieDoodle25

Thank you all for your input thus far! It makes me feel better about getting underway with the process. I just don't want to feel overwhelmed at the last minute, because I was waiting on the ring to get finished. 

HisCB

if he asked you to marry him and you said yes, then you are "engaged" and go ahead and start planning the wedding.

if he hasnt asked you yet and wants to wait until he has the ring, then youre not, but its fine to start thinking about your wedding and if you find something you cant wait on, go for it.

trix1223

Ditto the others:  this is psychological on your part.  You're engaged.  Think of it this way.  If your ring needs a repair, and you have to return it to the shop for a week, will be NOT be engaged for that week?  It's a piece of jewelry.  A very, very symbolic piece of jewelry to be sure, but in the end:  it's a piece of lovely jewelry.

I also want to second Tide:  You plan and execute the wedding YOU can afford.  If your parents at some point OFFER you financial assistance, great.  But your budget is what what YOU can afford to spend on your wedding.

And don't count on any money "pledged" until it's actually in your bank account.  There are many postings here from brides who were promised $X, and then the promised funding didn't come through and they were trying to figure out where to get the money for services they had contracts for.

GL.

Midgetth

MY FI proposed with the ring. But after he proposed I couldn't wear it because it was to big on me . So we took it back to our jewlers & it took them almost 2 months to get it redone (it was Kays) because they resized it down to small the first time (to small with both the band & the E ring together. It was  a set) & had to make it bigger then the engagment ring was to big by itself again. We started planning everything without the ring. We went & looked at our reception site without it, went to a bridal show without it & I even went & looked at dresses without it. If anyone asked I just simply told them "Kays is a pain in the ass & can't it to fit me right so they're working on it" It didn't matter to me or our family. We were still enaged it's just a piece of jewlery. So don't feel bad about nopt having it. You know you and your FI are engaged & that's all that matters

lmansir10

I know how you feel about feeling "weird" about not having your ring.  I  was without my engagement ring for 10 days...and even though I knew I was engaged, the girl I was with knew I was engaged, and obv my FI and the most important people knew... but it was everyone esle who I didn't know - that didn't know I was going to be getting married.   You've got to remember though that it's kind of a cultual/wedding industry money maker the rings, and some peope choose not to wear rings (Carrie Bradshaw anyone?? haha)  

 But you are engaged, and he even told you to go ahead and make plans!

small funny story - while I was away, I actually bought a cheap $5 ring to wear so people would know I was engaged!!  But as long as you and your FI know your engaged that's all that really matters

MISSCOURTNEY20

I know exactly how you feel. I had been given my ring, but had to send it in for sizing. I would not go to my dress fitting until I had my ring back. It just felt too weird. LOL!!

Anywhoo, if he has asked you to marry him, you are engaged...Start planning and have fun!

kdrott

I think you're good to go.  The vendors aren't going to look at your finger and think you're lying about being engaged.  Congratulations!

 

MyNameIsNot

You are engaged, and he is your fiance.  Go ahead and start planning.

But like PP said, you should feel weird about talking to your parents about money, because it is wrong to ask anyone else to pay for your wedding.  If they want to help, they will offer.  Otherwise, budget for it yourselves.