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So frustrated! (long vent)

 I am having such a hard time planning this wedding, there's some days I feel like it's all falling apart. I think what's making this hardest is that I'm trying to plan it from 12 hours away.
 A couple days ago, I called a BM to make sure the dresses came in all right, and first thing she said about it was that she was having it shortened because the length was "ugly". She then proceeds to tell me that her mom made the first fitting appointment... for 10 am the morning after my staggette!!! Oh, and btw, I'm driving 12 hours, and taking 4 days off of work to do my party with them... Anyways, I asked if they would move the fitting to a different time or day and are refusing. My aunt is making it seem like I'm the bad guy for not wanting to get up at 8 am that morning!
 I am also now down a (male) BM. Even though he knew about everything last August, he is just telling me now that he can't afford to be there. Of course now it's too late to order another dress for another BM
 Nobody has been any help with this wedding, all that I have been getting is criticism (especially from my mother, not that she has any ideas to help  though). I feel so unappreciated at this point. At this point, I would almost rather just elope to save the stress. I feel like this wedding could easily crash and burn, and it would all be on my shoulders.

Re: So frustrated! (long vent)

  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007
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    edited May 2010
    In Response to So frustrated! (long vent):
     I am having such a hard time planning this wedding, there's some days I feel like it's all falling apart. I think what's making this hardest is that I'm trying to plan it from 12 hours away.  A couple days ago, I called a BM to make sure the dresses came in all right, and first thing she said about it was that she was having it shortened because the length was "ugly". She then proceeds to tell me that her mom made the first fitting appointment... for 10 am the morning after my staggette!!! Oh, and btw, I'm driving 12 hours, and taking 4 days off of work to do my party with them... Anyways, I asked if they would move the fitting to a different time or day and are refusing. My aunt is making it seem like I'm the bad guy for not wanting to get up at 8 am that morning!  I am also now down a (male) BM. Even though he knew about everything last August, he is just telling me now that he can't afford to be there. Of course now it's too late to order another dress for another BM  Nobody has been any help with this wedding, all that I have been getting is criticism (especially from my mother, not that she has any ideas to help  though). I feel so unappreciated at this point. At this point, I would almost rather just elope to save the stress. I feel like this wedding could easily crash and burn, and it would all be on my shoulders.
    Posted by mrscochrane
    I'm with you on having the fitting the morning after the bach. party.  I know I wasn't in shape to do anything for the entire day (acftually, the next day either).

    Don't worry about the BM/GM dropping out; uneven sides are okay.  As far as his finances go, things change so you can't really be upset with him for not being able to continue as a GM.

    Your FI should be helping you plan, not anyone else.  It's nice if they do help, but not a requirement.
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  • Take a deep breath. Everything will be alright! We all go through it! If you have a prob with her shortening the dress....say something. Some people don't mind if individuals add a touch of themselves to the dress. Others want a uniform look for all of their BMs and want to know what to expect when they show up. If you are the latter, tell her that you find it beautiful and for your day you have always envisioned it the way it is. If she isn't willing to change the fitting date, suck it up and go. I know that sucks, but she may have a very hectic schedule herself. As for your mama drama, some mothers are like that. Don't let it stress you out. Just remember their are other pushy moms who want you to do everything their way. So I say that to say.... it could be WORST. As PP said, uneven sides are common. No worries! Brush it off and continue planning your day. Good luck! Just remember the goal is to get married. If you are thinking of ditching everything--- perhaps a destination wedding would suit you better. However, if individuals have already purchased items you may be too deep in to back out. 
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  • Why do you have to go to the fitting for her BM dress?  Maybe I misread but I've never had a bride go with me for an alterations fitting.  That is always something I do on my own or at the very most with another BM.  If I were you I would sleep in and let her deal with getting up at 8:00 the morning after your party.

    As for the other stuff: I know it can get frustrating but no one is required to help you do anything.  If you need assistance you need to ask your FI for help.  Plenty of women plan their weddings long distance; it can be done.

    It sucks that one of your WP dropped out but sometimes it happens.  Money is tight for many people.  It is fine to have uneven sides and there is no need to "replace" him so no worries there.

    As for your mom, stop talking wedding with her.  She can't criticize what she doesn't know.  If she's not paying you are under no obligation to share information with her.
  • First of all, everything will be just fine. I totally feel ya. We live out of state as well, none of my BM's are here to help me nor do we have many friends here that I feel I would want to help me. Secondly, my mom has been non-exsistent during the whole wedding process, and we are almost there and I am still alive.

    I know it seems a lot at first, but the best advice I can give you is to be organized and make lists, lists, and more lists. What helped me was to priortize and write out a weekly to do list. I am the type of person who is a real go getter and I like to think I can do everything, but I just fool myself everytime. This wedding has taught me a lot, and if you just take step back it will also probably teach you a lot as well. It is possible to plan a wedding from out of state, we are only 3 wks away now and most everything is done. The hard part is going to be lugging all of this stuff home...lol. We were fortunate to be able to go home a few times and I have a wonderful FMIL who has been a great help.

    Remember to not lose sight of what matters - and that is the two of you getting married, your committment to each other and a lifelong marriage. All the other stuff is just details that makes everything pretty and nice. It will all work out.
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  • I had a BM drop out because of cost as well, She lives out of state and at the time she thought she would be able to come and be a BM, since then she has looked at her finances and even making it to the wedding might be a struggle, much less being a BM. So she dropped out and is still planning to attend the wedding. We are trying to help out as much as we can but our budget is $1000 for the entire event. While I would love to have her as a BM, I'm just happy that she is still planning to come.

    In your post you say he can't afford to be there, is that at all? Uneven sides are not a problem, but hopefully he can still attend as a guest.

    As for planning, I agree with the pp in getting organized and asking your FI for help. If he has an opinion about anything get him to help with it..

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  • dont find another replacement for BM. it will hurt the replacement's feeling if they know they are replacements.

    is your FI helping at all? do you have the budget to hire a planner for some help? doesn't have to be complete full planning service, but someone who can do like 2 weeks in advance or so which can be very helpful. also, some of the planners, even if you don't hire them for full planning service, they'd still be happy to give you suggestions and answer all kinds of questions for you, which is really awesome! im having a planner now for 2-weeks in advance help, but she has been so helpful on everything else that wasn't really in her contract to do. the only thing she didn't do is going through contracts with me. and it does take lots of frustration and pressure away!

    also, let your BM know that you'd appreciate it very much if they can both work on their dresses, and follow your guidlines if you have any. i had to say the same thing fo mine (just one needs to know that, the rest were fine) and told her that im busy with lots of things and it's their reponsibilities to get some of the stuff done, and i dont want to be like chasing them all over like kids to make sure things get done - which, in my case, only to get the dress and alter it.

    good luck~
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