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Long distance loneliness :(

So I'm just venting - my fiance and I got engaged this past October (yay!) and we planned our wedding for this September. A week after we got engaged, he was offered a great job (another YAY) and 3 months after that, they sent him to work on a project in Africa. So, he's been living in Africa since January. I am so happy he found a job in his field (because we all know how hard that is) and the pay is going to help us w/ buying a house etc, but planning a wedding without any of his help is a little stressful and just plain sad. Other than an amazing South African vacation we went on a couple months ago (which I'm very grateful for), that's the only time I've seen him since he left. We can pretty much only talk on the phone on my lunch break because of the time difference and whenever I mention something for the wedding, he has no clue what I'm talking about. I understand men don't get all giddy for their wedding like the brides do, but I feel like the engagement is a time when couples really bond over their wedding planning and preparing to spend their lives together. We are missing out on this and it gets to me sometimes. Any other brides out there that are long distance w/ their fiance? I need some encouraging words.

Re: Long distance loneliness :(

  • We can't skype because I'm at work during the only time we can talk. So we pretty much only have the phone and email. He's in Angola and they're not even allowed to leave the base they live on (very poor country and it's too dangerous for the workers). He said to not bother sending him packages or anything because they most likely would take months to get there, if they got there at all. It's frustrating for both of us, but I'm just more emotional about it. Ugh!
  • We aren't technically long distance but my FI travels a great deal.  And it seems without fail that the moment he goes out of town something chaotic happens.  This last weekend it was our 9 yr old Chihuahua having a stroke.
    I tend to get most of the wedding planning knocked out on the weekends and thank goodness for iPhone/iPads and being able to face time in with him while making decisions.  Skype would be great for ya'll if he is able to do it. 
    I think him just giving any input would speak volumes being that he is so far away.
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  • Can't you connect somehow on weekends?
    Anniversary
  • We connect via Viber (an app we both have on our Iphones). However, his internet connection is HORRIBLE and our conversations get cut out every couple minutes every single Saturday and Sunday without fail. He's literally in the middle of nowhere. I also work a second job at night after my first job and on the weekends, so I'm usually talking to him when I'm in the car when I'm on the go. I work so much because he's not here and if I'm not making money, I'm spending it. I'm just having a bad day and we end up arguing because of the distance. It's tough....
  • expatmrsexpatmrs
    10 Comments
    member
    edited May 2012

    When I'm not working, I'm mostly wedding planning and making/buying my bridesmaids all their gifts (I want to spoil them :) ). That's where we run into the problems on the phone. He'll ask me how my day was or what I did and I start telling him about how I designed the centerpieces, picked out the cake, bought my wedding shoes, etc..and he just says "OK". I know this is such a typical guy answer but since he's not physically seeing anything in person, it's hard for him to understand all the hard work I'm putting into our wedding day. He keeps saying all he cares about is that we will be married, which he is right about, but I would like him to see the countless hours I'm putting in to make our day beautiful. At the same time, he's working his butt off too - for God's sake, he's living in Africa! We're both sacrificing in our own ways and I just need to keep that in mind - thanks for the words, ladies. Some days I'm ok with it and days like today, I just get a little upset!

  • I do text or email him pictures and he does give a better reaction than just "yeah, ok...". He is actually coming home soon for a break and we are doing the food tasting together and he gets to pick out his tux, which is great. He also emails me lists of honeymoon destinations to choose from, so we are having some fun with it. Just wish we could see each other. Sometimes when you live the same day over and over the conversation just dies and it gets frustrating.
  • In Response to Re: Long distance loneliness :(:
    Can't you connect somehow on weekends?
    Posted by MrsKathyC
    He's in Africa, might be a tad difficult!
  • In Response to Re: Long distance loneliness :(:
    In Response to Re: Long distance loneliness :( : He's in Africa, might be a tad difficult!
    Posted by jaybomb
    I don't think she meant to go visit him on the weekends - but to talk on the phone/skype.
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  • In Response to Long distance loneliness :(:
    So I'm just venting - my fiance and I got engaged this past October (yay!) and we planned our wedding for this September. A week after we got engaged, he was offered a great job (another YAY) and 3 months after that, they sent him to work on a project in Africa. So, he's been living in Africa since January. I am so happy he found a job in his field (because we all know how hard that is) and the pay is going to help us w/ buying a house etc, but planning a wedding without any of his help is a little stressful and just plain sad. Other than an amazing South African vacation we went on a couple months ago (which I'm very grateful for), that's the only time I've seen him since he left. We can pretty much only talk on the phone on my lunch break because of the time difference and whenever I mention something for the wedding, he has no clue what I'm talking about. I understand men don't get all giddy for their wedding like the brides do, but I feel like the engagement is a time when couples really bond over their wedding planning and preparing to spend their lives together. We are missing out on this and it gets to me sometimes. Any other brides out there that are long distance w/ their fiance? I need some encouraging words.
    Posted by Rittelc
    I guess this could be true, but not in my case, my FI only had two requests, nothing hot pink and to be married in his church, other then that he has NO interest and to be honest, I am enjoying the planning without him lol! The more people involved in planning, the more complicated things get. Similar goes for a few other brides I know who are currently planning their wedding.

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  • Thank you all for the encouraging words :) At the end of the day, he and I agree that the important thing is that we are getting married. But long distance is rough sometimes!! And yes, laurelrenee1, wine definitely helps!!! And shoe shopping :)

  • My FI lives 8 hours away from me, and has since we met, so it's been a 100% long distance relationship.  I really do miss him a lot.

    When it comes to wedding planning he cares about: the Food, having a full open bar, wearing his kilt and the DJ.  Other than that he's pretty 'meh' about it.  He did enjoy cake tasting but let the cake design fully up to me.  He seriously tries to act interested for my sake, which I appreciate. :D
  • Awe i think y'all will just fine..keep the faith. My FI is only worried about where we're having it. But I think it's so sweet how he's just worried about y'all getting married which is the most important thing. I think everything will fall into place perfect for you guys day. :)

  • (((Hugs)))

    Stay in contact! However you can.

    It seems he is interested. And is being a typical guy, and the little details don't interest him as much as they do you. Take solace he is showing interest in the honeymoon!! And knows that the imoprtant part is the marriage.

    I'm also in a, kinda, LDR. The Mr works on a tanker, and is at sea for 3-4 months at a time. 3 months home. Depending on where he is there is sometimes no contact for days. Other times Skype works beautifully. Sometimes it cuts in and out and is very frustrating, and we can't even attempt the video/call.

    We had made some of the major decisions when he was home last time. The location and caterer. The dress and shoes are all on me. I'm taking care of most of the little details on my own. And I'm still bummed he had to leave the day before the cake tasting, but that is how life will be. So this is good practice for me to live the life of a sailor's wife.

    I'm now dealing with the vendors, when he was truly the better person to be dealing with them. Bleh.
  • In Response to Re:Long distance loneliness ::
    My FI only cares about having beer and food at the wedding. Since Skype isn't really an option and the mail service isn't reliable, email email email! The time will pass it sounds like you're keeping yourself busy with work. Do you have any hobbies to keep you busy when you're not at work in free time? Keep your chin up : Posted by laurelrenee1
    I Lol'd at the beer and food that's all my fianc cares about too.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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