FI's Family...sigh...(kind of long)

kee80

So my FI comes from an old New England family.  This means that they've been doing things a certain way for generations, and don't see the point of changing.  Fine - it's none of my business,  more power to them. 

However - when finding a house to rent for the wedding (they don't want to stay in a hotel), they ignored my offers to find them a house in the town where we're getting hitched for a good price, and found one online, sight unseen, because it was dirt cheap, & "that's how we do things".  Um, the house is on a major road, next to a dilapitated cow farm (oh, the smell is unbelievable), in the next town over - a thirty minute drive - when I told them this, they didn't think it would be that bad for the price.  Fine- they're happy, etc.  Let them stay with the cows.

Last weekend, my FMIL (who is awesome - I love her) e-mailed us to say that her family was thinking of having a BBQ at their rented house - the night of the Rehearsal Dinner!  The reasoning: "We haven't had the whole family together in a long time, and it would be less expensive".  Hello - how about the dinner FMIL & I have been planning for your whole family?!?  They also thought that FI & I should come to their party, in addition to the dinner.  I don't know how they thought this up, but I'm staying out of it.  Argh.

Just had to get that out of my system - thanks!

MairePoppy

ee-yuh, We olde New Englandahs are set in our ways. If we want to eat chowda and hamburgas next to a stinky cow farm, then that's what we are going to do. Don't try to force your fancy, high falootin ideas on us : )

SarahPLiz

Wait, if you and your FMIL have been planning a dinner for the rehearsal dinner, and now she is saying that she wants to have a BBQ, then that must be what she wants to host for the rehearsal dinner. IF she is paying, then its up to her what kind of dinner she hosts.

duckie1905

If they want to spend their money and throw a party outside of the RD for their relatives that is their right.  Let them worry about the smell.

While it would be nice if you and your FI attended you are under no obligation to do so.  

Is she planning this instead of the RD? 

duckie1905

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fis-familysighkind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dc99f77e-68e7-4462-814a-705f609d2291Post:1bb14d1d-b9f7-417a-9247-97415a1198eb">Re: FI's Family...sigh...(kind of long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI's Family...sigh...(kind of long) : I'm sorry but I disagree with this. I think if she is hosting, then it should still be something you plan TOGETHER, regardless of the fact that she is paying. It's tradition that the FI hosts the rehearsal dinner, but the dinner is still a reflection of the bride and groom and should be their vision too. If you don't like what your FI's family is planning for your RD, I would definitely say something to my FI and have him relay to his family. It's your wedding weekend and the dinner should be something you want. If you want to spring for something classier than they are willing to pay for then just put some more of your own money into it, but you shouldn't have to settle for something you don't want. In this case, it sounds like the OP is saying the extended fam is planning a second dinner, on top of the RD. I would have your FI talk to his mom. I don't think it's right that some of them will be palnning a conflicting/dueling dinner. I think you have every right to make sure their little country bumpkin ho' down doesn't happen the same night as your RD.
Posted by LisaTyler1984[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Holy jeebus

</div>

kee80

No, it isn't my FMIL planning this.  Her family are the ones saying they want to plan a separate party.  FMIL and I have had a great time planning the rehearsal dinner together!

They're nice people, don't get me wrong...I just wish they'd have their family get-together at, you know, the pre-planned family dinner

duckie1905

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fis-familysighkind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:dc99f77e-68e7-4462-814a-705f609d2291Post:2dd9f93c-3538-46e0-8e5a-751181ebc05f">Re: FI's Family...sigh...(kind of long)</a>:
[QUOTE]No, it isn't my FMIL planning this.  Her family are the ones saying they want to plan a separate party.  FMIL and I have had a great time planning the rehearsal dinner together! They're nice people, don't get me wrong...I just wish they'd have their family get-together at, you know, the pre-planned family dinner :)
Posted by kee80[/QUOTE]

I understand what you are saying but you just need to let it go.  They can throw a party for their family if they want to.