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Stag & Drag/Stag & Doe Party

Why does it seem like nobody has heard of a stag and drag? And those who have, think its tacky?! Where Im from (NW PA...Erie, PA) its extremely common, just another step in the planning process. For those of you that dont know what a stag and drag is, let me sum it up really quick. You sell tickets to anybody & everybody, for $5-$10 each. This ticket gives the person unlimited food & beer. While at the stag, they can buy jello shots, do beer pong tournaments, buy raffle tickets for baskets & tip boards for alcohol. Its a way to help earn money for the wedding or honeymoon.
Is anybody else having one? I could use some ideas for what other games and such to set up.
And for those that are just going to say its "tacky" please dont bother commenting. I dont want it to end up being a big thing. Just need some ideas for ours.
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Re: Stag & Drag/Stag & Doe Party

  • edited January 2013
    Super tacky. Guests shouldn't have to buy tickets to an event. 

    PS- you can't tell people how to post. 

    Knottie32201465
  • Sierra524Sierra524
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
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    edited January 2013
    Again, I appreciate that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I really dont need the "tacky" comments. I am looking for other brides who are also doing this, since it seems to only be popular in my area. I am also not looking for this to turn into a bitchfest. I am just curious because it seems that other people have all these negative opinions about them, but yet, they are a regular thing where im from.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake
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    edited January 2013
    I don't like to be told when I'm not allowed to comment, so I am chiming in. Like I told you on WP, I just don't understand why you can't have the wedding you can afford to begin with. I don't see why people are willing to come pay for some hot dogs and sides, which you can apparently afford, but then you couldn't just serve something similar at the wedding and invite them to it. Those people are being asked to come donate money so someone ELSE can have a nicer meal later at an event they are not invited to. 

    ETA: If they are so common (and on WP you said you go to 1 a week during the summer), why do you need ideas? It seems you would have plenty of experience. 

    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • This is a worldwide forum that you have posted you question to.  If you believe that this type of party is the norm, and therefore somehow not horribly rude in your local area, you might see results more in line with what you are hoping for on your local board.
  • In Response to Re: Stag & Drag/Stag & Doe Party:
    I don't like to be told when I'm not allowed to comment, so I am chiming in. Like I told you on WP, I just don't understand why you can't have the wedding you can afford to begin with. I don't see why people are willing to come pay for some hot dogs and sides, which you can apparently afford, but then you couldn't just serve something similar at the wedding and invite them to it. Those people are being asked to come donate money so someone ELSE can have a nicer meal later at an event they are not invited to.  ETA: If they are so common (and on WP you said you go to 1 a week during the summer), why do you need ideas? It seems you would have plenty of experience. 
    Posted by AddieL73
    I am just looking for ideas because all the ones I have been to have all the same stuff. I completely understand what you are saying about they are "paying for my wedding that they are not invited to" & although that may be true, people enjoy these things. Everybody can invite anybody to the stag...even if we dont know these people. I guess people just like that they can spend $5 and eat & drink all they want. I really dont want to get into a big arguement about how you all think its tacky. I simply posted this as a way to get some new ideas for mine.
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  • In Response to Re: Stag & Drag/Stag & Doe Party:
    This is a worldwide forum that you have posted you question to.  If you believe that this type of party is the norm, and therefore somehow not horribly rude in your local area, you might see results more in line with what you are hoping for on your local board.
    Posted by kaos16
    This. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • In Response to Re: Stag & Drag/Stag & Doe Party:
    This is a worldwide forum that you have posted you question to.  If you believe that this type of party is the norm, and therefore somehow not horribly rude in your local area, you might see results more in line with what you are hoping for on your local board.
    Posted by kaos16
    There is no board for my city, but there is one for pittsburgh, which is only 1 1/2 hours away. Thats the closest I have found.
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  • I have been to a casino style shower.  In lieu of a bringing a gift, you buy chips and gamble.  Couple gets the house proceeds.  Food and beverages provided.  Games played were the typical vegas games, texas hold'em, blackjack, roulette, hi-lo ...and a few more
    I didn't think it was tacky at all and a nice altenative to a typical couples wedding shower.
  • edited January 2013
    In Response to Re: Stag & Drag/Stag & Doe Party:
    In Response to Re: Stag & Drag/Stag & Doe Party : You thought wrong.  Any time a couple throws a party for the purpose of earning money to spend on another party they're being tacky.
    Posted by LingerLonger1
    It's MY opinion, while you might not agree, it's not wrong
    And you also had the option of attending, and NOT gambling.  There was no mandatory "admission" fee. 

    Just ask any guy if he wants to go to a couples shower, buy a gift, eat and drink and watch the couple open gifts and perhaps play a few lame games.... OR ask him if he wants an evening of gambling, free food and drink, instead of a shower and see what he says
  • In Response to Re: Stag & Drag/Stag & Doe Party:
    In Response to Re: Stag & Drag/Stag & Doe Party : No they don't.  They're just not rude enough to call you out on being rude. WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.  NO ONE HERE IS WILLING TO PROVIDE YOU WITH IT BECAUSE WHAT YOU WANT TO DO IS RUDE.
    Posted by LingerLonger1
    If people dont want to come and help, they dont have to buy a ticket!!! Anybody that buys a ticket, wants to be there obviously.
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  • s-aries8990s-aries8990
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    edited January 2013
    They're called a Jack and Jill in my area. Usually people pay  "cover" at a local VFW/American Legion. There's some food, a cash bar (as there usually is at all of those kinds of places) and raffles. I've had not very close friends (invite them to parties, but not one-on-ones) whose siblings are getting married and I've been invited. Usually they are organized by friends of he couple and hosted in honor of them  ( kind of like a "money shower"? I guess you could think of it)

    It's tacky to host this for yourself.
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  • I am from Pittsburgh and never ever heard of this until one posting on TK a few months ago. Went to tons of weddings during my twenty years there. I can see how it might be fun in the sun for people to hang at communal, open BBQ's with friends. I can see how it would be nice for a group to do this to raise money for a needy local family, or some such other good cause. But to ask your bridesmaids and friends to donate so you can have a nicer wedding, um, no. Just. No.
    Knottie32201465
  • I still cannot wrap my head around these.  You said that anyone can come, so does that mean complete strangers as well?  Why in the world would you want people you don't know showing up unless you are just looking to make a crap load of money out of it?  They are rude.  It is rude to hit up your family, friends, neighbors and complete strangers for cash so you can have a more expensive wedding where 50% of those who came to this tacky affair won't even be invited to the event that the tacky affair helped pay for.

    Oh and, TACKY, TACKY, TACKY, TACKY!!!!!  Do not tell people how to post.  And yes your event is tacky.  There really is no other word for it.  Tacky.
  • In Response to Re: Stag & Drag/Stag & Doe Party:
    In Response to Re: Stag & Drag/Stag & Doe Party : If people dont want to come and help, they dont have to buy a ticket!!! Anybody that buys a ticket, wants to be there obviously.
    Posted by Sierra524
    Fair enough. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • This type of event is a fundraiser meant for charities.  I have been to similar events - for American Cancer Society.  I would never donate my money to help fund someone's wedding.  
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  • So if your wp or family throws this party for you, why not just skip a step and ask your bridesmaids directly to pay for certain aspects of your wedding. The money they would've spent on this party can instead go to your dress, or cake, or limo. /sarcasm
  • Thank you all for your opinions.
    I just wanted to see if this was just a thing that happens in my area or what & if anybody has any ideas. But, obviously got alot more than I bargained for.
    Im not going to sit here and argue with you all that it is not rude, even tho that is what I believe. You have your opinions, I have mine. We are all brides...some of us will be soon, and some of us were not to long ago & we should be supporting each other, not judging every idea someone has. Its surprising how quickly everybody is to judge an idea and shut it down. And some of the comments, come on...a litle uncalled for. And like I said, I know we all are entitled to our own opinions, but we have to keep in mind that we are from all different places, all raised differently, all have different customs and traditions we follow. So, some of you think the idea of the stag is rude. But like I have said many times, where I am from, its common.
    In the end, if people really do think its rude, they will not buy a ticket. If they want to be there & help, they will buy a ticket.
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  • edited January 2013
    In Response to Re:Stag amp; Drag/Stag amp; Doe Party:
    So if your wp or family throws this party for you, why not just skip a step and ask your bridesmaids directly to pay for certain aspects of your wedding. The money they would've spent on this party can instead go to your dress, or cake, or limo. /sarcasm
    Posted by misshart00
    That might actually send those in OP's area clutching their pearls and we can't have that.  No.  No.  We have to dress it up.

    But I also agree with the others.  If this is so common in your area, why do you not already know everything about it?

    I've resigned myself to the fact that PAs are at every wedding in Minnesota apparently by law.  I have never seen anyone from Pennsylvania post anything like this ever before so I'm starting to think OP read/heard about it somewhere and somehow thought it was a good idea.
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  • In Response to Stag & Drag/Stag & Doe Party:
    Why does it seem like nobody has heard of a stag and drag? And those who have, think its tacky?! Where Im from (NW PA...Erie, PA) its extremely common, just another step in the planning process. For those of you that dont know what a stag and drag is, let me sum it up really quick. You sell tickets to anybody & everybody, for $5-$10 each. This ticket gives the person unlimited food & beer. While at the stag, they can buy jello shots, do beer pong tournaments, buy raffle tickets for baskets & tip boards for alcohol. Its a way to help earn money for the wedding or honeymoon. Is anybody else having one? I could use some ideas for what other games and such to set up. And for those that are just going to say its "tacky" please dont bother commenting. I dont want it to end up being a big thing. Just need some ideas for ours.
    Posted by Sierra524
    Personally, if you were a friend of mine I would go to this event, and I'm sure I'd have a great time.  However, I would absolutely not go to something like this for a stranger.  If it was a good friend, I would attend to be supportive and have a fun day with everyone, but I would side eye the hell out of you.  Just being honest.  Something I think that you need to understand is that this type of party seems to be very regional.  I have never heard of this before TK and as you can see, neither have most other posters.  If this is common where you are from, then I'm sure people will attend yours whether they find it rude or not.

    I think it's tacky because fundraisers are for charity, and you having a wedding that is outside of your means is not a worthy cause.  Sorry.  H and I are house-hunting... should I have a fundraiser and invite close friends and strangers alike to give me money for a down-payment in exchange for hot dogs and jello shots?  

    If you are looking for ideas for games and such, why not just google party games?  It doesn't seem like the games for this event would be any different than a regular party.
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  • In Response to Re: Stag & Drag/Stag & Doe Party:
    Again, I appreciate that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I really dont need the "tacky" comments. I am looking for other brides who are also doing this, since it seems to only be popular in my area. I am also not looking for this to turn into a bitchfest. I am just curious because it seems that other people have all these negative opinions about them, but yet, they are a regular thing where im from.
    Posted by Sierra524
    1) People can post whatever they want.

    2) Don't curse on my board. I'm surprised TK's sensors didn't get you.
     
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  • Nobody said you were the only one, OP.  Just because I don't know someone who's had a Stag & Doe party doesn't mean I don't think they exist... I'm not sure what you were trying to gain by your OP at this point.
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  • In Response to Re: Stag & Drag/Stag & Doe Party:
    See the thing is, I don't want to read about them because I don't care how many different people or articles or whatever describe a "stag and do" or a "stag and drag" or a "jack and jill" they are still rude in my eyes.  So I could give two hootsabout the articles you found on the internet.
  • Besides, it's not like any of the links were from dependable etiquette sources.  They are mostly blogs and the like.  I don't think the links are proving anything.  I understand that some people have parties like this, but I still think they're tacky.
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  • edited January 2013
    In Response to Re: Stag & Drag/Stag & Doe Party:
    In Response to Re: Stag & Drag/Stag & Doe Party : If people dont want to come and help, they dont have to buy a ticket!!! Anybody that buys a ticket, wants to be there obviously.
    Posted by Sierra524
    Not neccessarily true. My daughter bought a ticket to one of these kinds of parties. She and three other guests showed up. The other people felt pressured to buy the tickets, but had no interest in participating in the fundraiser.So they had all those prizes and food and a very embarassed bride.

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  • I didn't read most of the responses, but I'm sure I agree with most that they are tacky.
    Another factor is that I would HATE to plan another party besides the wedding. It's stressful! One event was enough for us!
  • I know people in Buffalo, NY who do this (pretty close to Erie, PA).  My husband's best friend recently married and he had one.  They spammed Facebook over and over begging people to buy tickets.

    Quite frankly, I think it's the tackiest effing thing ever.  But, I try to keep my strong opinions to myself because it is just normal to them.  When I explained to my husband why I found it so distasteful, he said he understood, but it's his friend and he wants to be supportive.  I get that.  I'd want to be supportive, too.  However, I wouldn't buy a ticket to it.

    It makes me wonder how many people are actually truly turned off by this but don't say anything for fear of rocking the boat.  Because, seriously, your wedding isn't a fundraiser and to treat is so is just ridiculous.
  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
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    edited January 2013
    I lived in Pittsburgh for 8 years.  I never went to ONE stag/doe party.  I was never invited to one stag/doe party.  The only fundraisers of this type that I ever went to was to raise money for the local softball league.  

    You are not a charity.  If you want to throw a fabulous wedding, save up for it, like everyone else does.  You should not be raising money to fund your wedding or honeymoon.  It IS tacky and rude, whether you want to acknowledge or not. 

    Do these stag & doe/Jack & Jill parties happen?  Yes.  That doesn't make them any less tacky.  And even if your friends go to them and host them, it doesn't mean anyone with even an ounce of etiquette left in their body doesn't talk about you and your friends behind your back. 
  • OP please just give me one reason why you're so special you deserve a fundraiser in the name of your wedding. Why don't you donate the proceeds to charity? Surely you can't think your wedding is more important than helping out those who are less fortunate. This really p!sses me off. Me and my FI are working our @sses off to pay for our wedding and scraping every penny together and you are sitting here all high and mighty feeling entitled to the donations of your friends and family who will only go because they dont want to start any drama with you but will sideeye the sh!t out of you and wonder why they paid for their own wedding and you're relying on everyone elses money.

    Honestly I'm disgusted at your lack of respect and courtesy of your friends and family. Grow up and plan the party you can afford. 
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  • In Response to Re: Stag & Drag/Stag & Doe Party:
    I am from Pittsburgh and never ever heard of this until one posting on TK a few months ago. Went to tons of weddings during my twenty years there. I can see how it might be fun in the sun for people to hang at communal, open BBQ's with friends. I can see how it would be nice for a group to do this to raise money for a needy local family, or some such other good cause. But to ask your bridesmaids and friends to donate so you can have a nicer wedding, um, no. Just. No.
    Posted by va4ryans

    *Like*

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