Ideas?

shanding4787

I’m in need of a little help ladies. I’ve posted on here before about my situation, and since it’s not getting any better, I want to take a different approach. My parents can’t help out with our wedding financially (which I’m perfectly fine with) so I want them to help out in other ways..well mainly my mom, my dad just wants to walk my down the aisle lol. She was going to make all the bouquets for my bridesmaids but it’s been a never ending battle with my future in laws about doing fake flowers and I finally just gave up. I want as many ideas as possible for my mom to help out with because as of right now my future in laws seem to be taking over everything and I want to give my mom as much to do as possible since she’s starting to get her feelings hurt…suggestions? So far the only thing I can think of is the programs since my mom made them for my sister’s wedding and still has the template saved.

shanding4787

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ideas-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:f3794dd6-d570-4911-865b-4794968bb29cPost:f8890ee5-e284-4053-85d6-00e650940a4b">Re: Ideas?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Ideas? : Are your inlaws paying for anything?  If yes, generally they would get input.  If no, tell them thank you for their idea and you'll take it under consideration. So your in laws DO want fake flowers or they don't?
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

They are contributing but it's only for the things THEY want...like our band, the photobooth and they want some candy buffet thing. Other than that my fiancee and I are paying for everything. And they want us to do all real flowers for the wedding, not any fake ones.

shanding4787

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ideas-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:f3794dd6-d570-4911-865b-4794968bb29cPost:eb424968-8dfc-445f-ac2a-bb1b92089113">Re: Ideas?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ideas? : If they aren't paying for the flowers why are you letting them make this decision?  If they chose to give you money for specific things those are the things they get to chime in about.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

I mentioned to my FMIL yesterday that I had a meeting with the florist to sign the contract last night and her and FFIL showed up at the florist and insisted that I do real flowers instead of fake ones. After arguing my point for 20 min I finally just gave up. So now i want to find other things for my mom to help out with.

shanding4787

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ideas-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:f3794dd6-d570-4911-865b-4794968bb29cPost:fbec0e9f-7f5b-4b5a-ac19-f19b945e0085">Re: Ideas?</a>:
[QUOTE]Can your mom pick out the table linens?  For some reason my mom was excited to do that so I let her. 
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

The linens actually already come with our venue..and they only offer one kind. white lol

shanding4787

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ideas-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:f3794dd6-d570-4911-865b-4794968bb29cPost:1925f61c-f10f-4891-9076-7b830cdf329a">Re: Ideas?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ideas? : You didn't answer my question.  If this was the one thing your mom was helping with and they aren't paying for it, why are you allowing them to undercut your decision?  You don't need to fight.  It should have been as simple as "This is the decision we have made- period, the end." Why don't you ask your mom what she wants to help with.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

Because I knew if I didn't give in it was something that they were going to nag me on for the next ten months and as I've learned with his family, I have to pick my battles. So yes, I folded..but I definitely didnt want to listen to them gripe and complain about it anymore.

rlavach

Why tell them details of something they have no business knowing? The only way they knew the time/place of your florist appt is if you told them. I don't see any reason why you should've told them that. If they ask you about a particular topic/vendor in the future, just say you're 'still working on the details' or some other vague answer & change the subject. They can't argue with you if they don't know what you're doing.

shanding4787

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ideas-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:f3794dd6-d570-4911-865b-4794968bb29cPost:12e21189-9f1c-492c-88be-0dc724cebf6a">Re: Ideas?</a>:
[QUOTE]Why tell them details of something they have no business knowing? The only way they knew the time/place of your florist appt is if you told them. I don't see any reason why you should've told them that. If they ask you about a particular topic/vendor in the future, just say you're 'still working on the details' or some other vague answer & change the subject. They can't argue with you if they don't know what you're doing.
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]

Well she had asked if I wanted to come over and get their steam cleaner (my fiance wants to use it) so I told her I had a meeting with the florist after work and would swing by afterwards since they live 5 minutes away from where our florist is.

shanding4787

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ideas-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:f3794dd6-d570-4911-865b-4794968bb29cPost:90a4643e-b3f8-4279-ab36-93ab2a1720f3">Re: Ideas?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ideas? : BUT WHY?!?!?!  Your OP says this has been a "never ending battle," so why would you open that door wide and allow them to attend the meeting where they had a chance to really argue about it?
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

Well I didn't think she'd just show up there if I didn't actually invite her. She's never come to any of my meetings before without me asking her to.

ChristineNB

Your fiance needs to stand up to his parents and help lay some guidelines.  You both need to start standing up to them, even on little stuff or else your wedding is going to end up so compromised that it will be nothing like the wedding you envisioned when it is all over.  There is nothing wrong with fake flowers, and if they don't like it, that's their problem.

allychase

I'm not going to sit here and ask you why you did things in the past that you can't change now and chastise you, that's counterproductive and doesn't help you. If you haven't made any formal arrangements with the florist for real flowers, then go with fake flowers if that's what you want. Just like PP have said, tell them you're still working on it and haven't made any decisions yet. 

gailpete

You & FI need to stand up to his parents regarding the things they aren't paying for.  If your FI isn't willing to do this now, he won't later when it comes to where you live, how you raise your kids, where you spend your holidays, etc.

As for things your mom can help with- she can help with menu selection, cake tastings, invitation selection and addressing, programs, other decor besides flowers (table numbers, placeards or escort cards and such.

All in all, stand up to your FMIL and don't let her ruin what is a special time between mother and daughter.