Anyone Else Run Out of Interest in Planning Her Wedding?

erika_j

When I first got engaged, I was all about planning and now, as I've had to make downgrades & compromises on things that I don't want to compromise on...I'm really disinterested in the damn thing.  I know it's still going to be a really nice event, but it's really removed from what I started out planning. I keep yes-ing my fiance on points that I'm unhappy with to avoid a fight & it feels like I'm planning someone else's day, not my own.

How do I motivate myself to get re-interested in planning? 

ChanelShades

Stop saying yes to things you are not happy with. If the compromising has to do with budgeting, then that is a different story. If you wanted horse and carriages but you don't have the money, then this is something you would have to compromise on. However, if you are compromising on vendors, colors, details that you are not happy with. Speak up. Losing your voice in the process will hinder you wanting to be involved. But the moment you get back in the game, you will be excited again. 

aerinpegadrak

I had a two year engagement, and there were several stretches of time where I went months, literally months, without even thinking about the wedding.  Everything still got done in time.

Honestly?  It doesn't take 18 months to plan a wedding.  It doesn't take a year, it doesn't really take six months unless you're doing a crapload of DIY.  When you have a long engagement, it leads to second guessing and burnout and the simple fact that it's hard for anyone, including the bride, to maintain enthusiasm about a four hour event for so very long.

If you don't care right now, don't fight it.  Drop the wedding planning and don't look back.  In a few weeks or months, you'll get the itch and pick up where you left off, and be happier for it.

megk8oz

If you're having issues with downgrades and making so many compromises, you really should speak up ... your FI might not have any idea how unahppy you are with the decisions you're making ... and if he's a good guy, he most likely doesn't want you to "hate" your own wedding. Talk to him, maybe there are decisions you can re-work so you feel better about them. Weddings do entail some compromise, unless you have completely unlimited funds, it's perfectly normal to not get 100% your way. But you should at least like something.

But honestly more than a year is an awful lot of time for planning a wedding, you're bound to hit lulls where you get bored. Maybe you just need to step back for a while and drop the wedding entirely for a little while.

I was engaged for 20 months on my wedding day. I didn't actually start "actively" planning until about 5 months beforehand (I didn't have a lot of DIY). And even in the 5 months, I still hit small breaks where I had nothing to do and felt bored. I probably would have gone out of my mind if I was actively planning for the entire course of my engagement.

Cantia

Excellent advice from PP. I just want to that I'm fed up with planning the damn thing and I can't wait for our cocktail hour after saying our I dos, but then I've never been the bridey type. I agree with others, if you need to take a break from planning every now and then do it.

megk8oz

Also, if you don't mind my asking, since I see that you're local: what's your budget and how many guests are you planning on having? What are the "downgrades" and compromises you keep making? Do you have a venue booked? Do you hate the venue? What would you like to change about what you're currently planning? Are you upset with the details, or do you not really care about them and feel like everybody else is too worried about them?

At this point you probably shouldn't have too many "non-refundable" deposits down, so you might be able to make changes and start to feel better. There is a board on the knot just for South Jersey, and the girls there should be able to offer suggestions for things that you may want, or at least better compromises to make.

Like I said earlier, I can understand bridal burnout, but nobody should actually hate their wedding.

Midgetth

If you are yesing your FI on his ideas then you need to speak up if it's just you have two have different tastes  It's not just  YOUR day it's also his. So he does get some say. You each make some comprimises.  And if you keep it bottled up just because you don't want to fight then it's going to turn into something even worse between the two of you. Don't cause a wedge between the two of you. Talk to him & see what he says

soontobeschooley

I agree with people.  I'm in that phase right now where I don't feel like planning the wedding.  I have a little less than a year and a half, but I really don't have anything to do right now and I get tired of looking at all the inspiration boards.  I still come onto the community boards but I don't feel like planning the wedding right now.  And that is okay with me!  I'll get back into it in a little while.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

My wedding is less than six months away and I really have no interest in doing much of anything.  My mother is always calling me and stressing me out about the tiniest, minute details and gets overly concerned that I'm forgetting about things (which I'm not), which in turn makes me just look at everything and think, "Ok, screw it."  I have yet to purchase my dress and get bridesmaids dresses picked out and ordered.  We had our first counseling session with our pastor this past weekend and his eyes just got wide and he goes, "Yeah... you should get those dresses... uh... taken care of."  Yeah, yeah, I know.

Everyone around me is freaking out and me, I'm just sitting there thinking "It will be fine.  Relax."  Beh.

stephdonjon

You really do need to relax though, or else the next 6 months will be a living hell. No joke. This should be one of the happiest times of your life- not making you miserable. I'll echo what everyone else was saying first- you don't have to give into every request of your FI. It's your day, too. I know my FI and I have some different tastes and at times I find myself not speaking up about things I really liked because he seemed to think certain aspects of wedding were irrelevant. But just the other night we actually sat down and I showed him some of the things I'd be thinking of. Once he saw where I was coming from, he ended up liking it just as much. Point is, you HAVE to communicate. You and your FI's ability to make sure both of your needs are met goes beyond your wedding day- it's an integral part of the rest of your lives together. Seriously, just sit down and show him of your ideas. It can't hurt. And I'm sure he wants you to enjoy your special day and would sacrifice some of his own ideas for your happiness.