Destination Wedding AND Honeyfund???

Aunt Alter

So as a family member of the bride I'm spending close to $1000 to attend a destination wedding (Mackinaw Island).  The detail card inside the invitation referred me to the Honeyfund website as their registry, in which they solicit donations for a European honeymoon.  Seriously?

I assumed the destination WAS their honeymoon.  If not, why not have a local wedding??  I could have given them $1000 for their honeymoon then.  Or maybe have the Honeyfund go towards the expensive wedding their parents are paying for??

I'm not contributing to the Honeyfund, and as much as I'd like to express my disbelief I will keep it to myself.  Am I out of line, or does a destination wedding AND an expensive honeymoon for a young, broke couple just starting out seem ridiculous to anyone else?

kd.joseph

Nope, you are not alone......

:::Queue X-Files music:::

noodle_oo

No, I agree with you. 

You shoudl post on the Registry board to all the brides who insist honeymoon registries are such great ideas and say "my family would never be offended by a honeymoon registry!".

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I seriously feel the need to bathe after reading this.

jemmini6

I know I'm in the rare boat here, but I like HM registries...however, having a destination wedding AND a HM registry for a different location seems ridiculous.  Frankly, I wouldn't register at all if I was having a DW because I wouldn't expect guests to pay for travel and get a gift too...so that just adds a whol other level of WTF to this situation...

Patineuse1124

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_destination-wedding-honeyfund?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0e0c89a8-ee35-4cd5-ba8b-257aa0c8c1d8Post:d9c5a1aa-b7cc-4425-9bf1-303ff7aea06b">Re: Destination Wedding AND Honeyfund???</a>:
[QUOTE]No, I agree with you.  You shoudl post on the Registry board to all the brides who insist honeymoon registries are such great ideas and say "my family would never be offended by a honeymoon registry!".
Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't think OP is as offended by the HM registry as she is that they are going on a HM in addition to the destination wedding (since she says she would have contributed the $ spent to travel to Mackinac Island on the HM instead).  To OP, that is pretty ridiculous and extra tacky since they put that in the invite.  If they truly are a broke couple, a HM registry is a bad idea.  I had one, but could afford the HM if nobody contributed.  I agree with you that I thought the whole point of the destination wedding was to combine the ceremony and HM.  Since you have already spent so much to attend I think a thoughtful card would be fine or if you don't feel like contributing to HM then you could buy a gift that is something they could use (though would have to ship it to them as bringing it on a destination wedding doesn't make sense). </div>

cdavislynn

Here's what I might do, depending on how much I like this family member: consider the DW as a vacation for YOU to get rid of some irritation. Putting their request in their invitation is kinda rude for sure.
Or, if you already have the plane tickets, go there for a personal vacation, dn't attend, and just mail them a card with $25 for thier honeyfund. There! win, win.

mkrupar

I don't have a problem with a DW followed by a HM in another location. If the B&G want to do all that travelling fine. The problem is they put the registry information in their invitation and are basically asking their guests to fund their vacation.

Patineuse1124

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_destination-wedding-honeyfund?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0e0c89a8-ee35-4cd5-ba8b-257aa0c8c1d8Post:3eec53e0-2cb4-498f-a522-df74b33e8f8f">Re: Destination Wedding AND Honeyfund???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding AND Honeyfund??? : Well I don't know what everyone else's point is for their DW, but mine is to get married in a place that my FI and I hold dear in our hearts. 
Posted by kodakitty[/QUOTE]

<div>Good point.  I guess I don't know many people who have had DW. On TK I always see people having DW saying their HM starts right away.  If I would have had a DW I wouldn't have had a HM registry.  I know it's not popular Knot opinion, but I usually don't mind HM registries, but in the case of a DW they just seem out of place to me.</div>

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_destination-wedding-honeyfund?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:0e0c89a8-ee35-4cd5-ba8b-257aa0c8c1d8Post:5205d7a4-d700-4b14-aa87-2f2286acbbd4">Re: Destination Wedding AND Honeyfund???</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't have a problem with a DW followed by a HM in another location. If the B&G want to do all that travelling fine. The problem is they put the registry information in their invitation and are basically asking their guests to fund their vacation.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

Agree with all of this.

FI and I are having a DW in Sept and are taking a HM in late Jan of next year but that is something that WE are strictly paying for and certianly aren't registering for a HM fund and expecting others to pay for it by no means.  Tacky tacky tacky to include in the invites......

EmilyW416

<div id="LikeFMNotice" style="border-top:1px solid #f2f2f2;border-bottom:1px solid #8e8e8e;background:#dfdfdf none repeat scroll 0% 0%;width:100%;-moz-background-clip:border;-moz-background-origin:padding;-moz-background-inline-policy:continuous;font-size:0.9em;font-family:helvetica;display:none;"><div style="padding:0.4em;"><img style="vertical-align:bottom;" src="https://like.fm/img/like_small.png" alt="" /> Like.fm for Firefox (<a id="LikeFMNoticeClose">click here to dismiss</a>)</div><div>You have not linked an account to this extension. Songs you play will not be sent to Like.fm. </div></div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_destination-wedding-honeyfund?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0e0c89a8-ee35-4cd5-ba8b-257aa0c8c1d8Post:dd2b142d-9ddb-463e-b3ab-8af2e0f2b725">Re: Destination Wedding AND Honeyfund???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding AND Honeyfund??? : Agree with all of this. FI and I are having a DW in Sept and are taking a HM in late Jan of next year but that is something that WE are strictly paying for and certianly aren't registering for a HM fund and expecting others to pay for it by no means.  <strong>Tacky tacky tacky to include in the invites......</strong>
Posted by OBX2011[/QUOTE]

My thoughts exactly. OBX. I adore you <3

Lenore2010

I had a DW honestly for two reasons:

1. I LOVE Red Rock Canyon and the desert in general, and being able to get married there and still have the reception at a nice restuarant at the Bellagio was to good to resist. 

2. I really did not want the stress of planning a big wedding involving many attendees (mostly relatives) who would be showing up out of a sense of obligation.  I know a lot of people don't like that reason at all, but it was honestly one of them.

As to the registry information in the invite-just no. I personally hate that. I am not a fan of registries at all for DW's but that's just me. I bet they invited people to their wedding shower who wernt invited to the wedding, and I bet they do the same with an at home reception. Nothing wrong with DW's, but man have some class. The registry info in the invite thing is really bad no matter what kind of wedding is involved.

I agree that having a Euro honeymoon when you are a young broke couple is dumb, but that is not the point here to me, or even that it is a honeymoon registry.

Norway_T

I have a honeyfund.  I don't have a DW but my husband is Norwegian so a lot of people are paying 1000 plus to come to the wedding.   I did  not send out our registry with the invitation though and I made sure to put that your presence is gift enough, and that gifts our opitional..  And I'm planned special activities for all the Norwegians that are coming being that they paid so much to come to our wedding e.g. we bought baseball tickets to a fireworks game. : )

Although I have to say, a lot of my local guests have commented how much they love the honeyfund...people have been a lot more positive about it than I expected.

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_destination-wedding-honeyfund?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0e0c89a8-ee35-4cd5-ba8b-257aa0c8c1d8Post:774f8fdd-2800-4e9b-9ef0-bc2f12f35954">Re: Destination Wedding AND Honeyfund???</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a honeyfund.  I don't have a DW but my husband is Norwegian so a lot of people are paying 1000 plus to come to the wedding.   I did  not send out our registry with the invitation though <strong>and I made sure to put that your presence is gift enough, and that gifts our opitional.. </strong> And I'm planned special activities for all the Norwegians that are coming being that they paid so much to come to our wedding e.g. we bought baseball tickets to a fireworks game. : ) Although I have to say, a lot of my local guests have commented how much they love the honeyfund...people have been a lot more positive about it than I expected.
Posted by Norway_T[/QUOTE]


This is not so good (the bolded part)

Also, people have been positive to your face, but I can pretty much guarantee they're judging you

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_destination-wedding-honeyfund?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0e0c89a8-ee35-4cd5-ba8b-257aa0c8c1d8Post:d7bf5faa-e633-41ee-8555-1ed22031678a">Re: Destination Wedding AND Honeyfund???</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't have a problem with a honeymoon being separate from the DW, but I do with the honeymoon registry and the fact it was on the invite<strong>.  I think in general for every positive comment you get about a honeymoon registry to your face, there are probably 5 negative comments behind your back. Okay, maybe not that many, but I've never heard anyone say positive things about them when the B&G aren't around. </strong> People know that cash is always a good wedding gift; I don't see the point of a honeymoon registry.  But Mackinaw Island is beautiful so I'm a little envious of their wedding plan. :) Do you know where on the island they're having it? 
Posted by djhar[/QUOTE]

I have.  FI's friends had one a few years ago (it was the first time I had even heard of it) and everyone loved it.  I told some family about it (long before FI and I got engaged) and every.single.one of them suggested we do one if we got married.

I get that a lot of people don't like them, but a lot of people do.  So I think a broad generalization like that is kind of misrepresenting them.  Regardless, I think how they are handled plays a big factor into it and putting it in the invites...to a DW...for a completely separate HM is what irks me about this particular situation...not the registry in general....

jenniferzim82

Wow... I just got engaged and am planning a destination wedding and came across this thread. All I can say is that I hope to God my guests and friends are not as catty and horrible as you women. It is 2012. Get over yourselves. You all sound like you are a bunch of 1950s housewives, Miss Manners, etc. Why is it so tacky to plan a destination wedding and register? Have you considered the cost to the bride and groom for you to have a vacation? Many hotels require room minimums that must be paid, the couple also has to pay for the wedding parties transportation/possibly lodging, musician/photographer if bringing them along.

Parents no longer pay for entire weddings anymore, it is usually a cost and the sole responsibility of the couple. My fiance and I are successful in our late 20s, our parents are not paying for any of it. We don't have a home yet so we are not registering for anything house related because why on Earth should we and then put it in storage? Our honeymoon very well may be the same place as the wedding after the guests leave, but there are still a cost associated with it and if people insist on a gift what is the problem on asking for money? You were going to spend it anyways on a gift... why not make it cash?

It costs $200/head for your presence at the wedding. If you are going to be snobby and snarky and judgemental, save the bride and groom the money and don't go!

I have always received registry information in invitations. Always. I never realized until now that people are as judgemental as this. Stop being selfish and celebrate the love of two people in any way you can.