Snarky Brides

Periods & Depression (maybe tmi)

Hi all, I apologize in advance it this borders on tmi. I've always been a bit extra "emotional" when I'm close to or on my period. This is nothing new to me, but this month has been extremely rough. I've really been a deep depression the last few days and this morning I just woke up wanting to die. I'm not sure if this is directly related to my period, or my life situation right now, and what to do about it. I was the AE a couple weeks ago with the bipolar h, so if you read that, you know a bit of what's going on in my life. He has gone back to his doctor and is on a new medication that seems to be better, and we are going to regular couples counseling now and working on communication, so things aren't horrrible on that side. It's more of a personal thing that is bugging me now. I am SO stressed about money. We owe $14k in cc debt between the two of us, and I just feel like we're drowning. I recently got a promotion and am making a significant amount more money, but it still feels like there's not enough. H was for a time calling out sick to work regularly (an issue that is consistent) but now that he's finally committed himself to going to work, he hasn't been scheduled all week so next week will be no paycheck from him. I've worked out the budget to where all I need from him is $250 a week, and we're still struggling to get that. When he first started, he was bringing home $500-$700 a week. He's in the limo business and had been told that it's a slow period right now, but should pick up. I'm just worried this is going to get him used to be at home again and when the hours finally pick up he'll go back to his calling out sick routine. Also, with this promotion, I chaned branches and am no longer working with my best friend (and MOH) and have no one to talk to in a regular basis about what's going on. We were a two person office and so we grew very close and she was my sounding board about just about EVERYTHING. I also really appreciated that she beer judged, no matter what I told her about my h. I have friends I feel like I can't talk to because they will just tell me to leave him and won't actually listen. In short, I don't know what my problem is, I just feel like my life is falling apart and the world is closing in on me. Is that my period talking? That seems like a stupid question, but I really hope the answer is yes so I can go back to normal.
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Re: Periods & Depression (maybe tmi)

  • edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_periods-depression-maybe-tmi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:28ddb2a2-40da-4561-9471-30c13d64832fPost:c27432e0-9408-4346-8d53-5ec58cb06d43">Periods & Depression (maybe tmi)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi all, I apologize in advance it this borders on tmi. I've always been a bit extra "emotional" when I'm close to or on my period. This is nothing new to me, but this month has been extremely rough. I've really been a deep depression the last few days and this morning I just woke up wanting to die. I'm not sure if this is directly related to my period, or my life situation right now, and what to do about it. I was the AE a couple weeks ago with the bipolar h, so if you read that, you know a bit of what's going on in my life. He has gone back to his doctor and is on a new medication that seems to be better, and we are going to regular couples counseling now and working on communication, so things aren't horrrible on that side. It's more of a personal thing that is bugging me now. I am SO stressed about money. We owe $14k in cc debt between the two of us, and I just feel like we're drowning. I recently got a promotion and am making a significant amount more money, but it still feels like there's not enough. H was for a time calling out sick to work regularly (an issue that is consistent) but now that he's finally committed himself to going to work, he hasn't been scheduled all week so next week will be no paycheck from him. I've worked out the budget to where all I need from him is $250 a week, and we're still struggling to get that. When he first started, he was bringing home $500-$700 a week. He's in the limo business and had been told that it's a slow period right now, but should pick up. I'm just worried this is going to get him used to be at home again and when the hours finally pick up he'll go back to his calling out sick routine. Also, with this promotion, I chaned branches and am no longer working with my best friend (and MOH) and have no one to talk to in a regular basis about what's going on. We were a two person office and so we grew very close and she was my sounding board about just about EVERYTHING. I also really appreciated that she beer judged, no matter what I told her about my h. I have friends I feel like I can't talk to because they will just tell me to leave him and won't actually listen.<strong> In short, I don't know what my problem is, I just feel like my life is falling apart and the world is closing in on me. Is that my period talking? </strong> That seems like a stupid question, but I really hope the answer is yes so I can go back to normal.
    Posted by overcomefame[/QUOTE]

    When my period talks, she's mostly just a bitch.  I feel irritable and unmotivated and apathetic about things, at the VERY worst.  And that's not even all that often.  Once or twice a year.

    So no, I'm not sure that's your period talking.  Granted, I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure periods are not supposed to make you feel like your life is unraveling.

    Have you considered counseling?  ETA - or, talk to your doctor?  What you're describing doesn't sound like typical PMS, but could be something else they can help you with.  Like PMDD or something.  Again:  not a doc.  You should talk to yours.
    panther
  • Yes, I went for a period of time before the wedding, but I can't afford it anymore. She also went the direction of "your mother didn't love you the way she should so that's why you don't love yourself" route and that ticked me off. She did give me a prescription for Xanax, which I've taken here and therre but haven't noticed a change. I don't what a doctor that will blame my shiit on my parents or on my h. But I don't know if that's reasonable to expect.
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  • This sounds like a lot more than bad PMS. I think you should talk to a doctor about it ASAP. 
  • edited March 2012
    I have to agree with AATB.  When I get my period I want to kill someone for leaving crumbs on the counter or something completely pathetic.

    You have a lot on your plate, most of which would get anyone depressed.  That part is normal.  What's not normal is the whole "wanting to die."  With everything going on I would highly suggest talking to a professional about it.  There's nothing anyone but a professional can really do or say to help you get back on track.  Maybe just talking about it with someone will help alleviate some of the burden you are feeling.  Trust me, it DOES help.  

    Also, props to you for realizing that it is getting to a breaking point... all hope is not lost :) Best of luck.

    ETA:  If counseling has become unaffordable I would suggest talking to your doctor to see if he/she can reccommend anything.  At any rate, I would still try and see a doctor as soon as possible.
  • LP11509LP11509 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited March 2012
    I'm really concerned that you mentioned waking up and wanting to die.  Do you mean actually contemplating suicide, or are you just talking figuratively? If you have actually considered suicide, please, please get help immediately.  The National Suicide Hotline is 1-800-SUICIDE. Call it, or call someone you trust that you can talk to.  Immediately.  I will type out more in a minute, I just wanted to get this out there right away.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_periods-depression-maybe-tmi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:28ddb2a2-40da-4561-9471-30c13d64832fPost:9d5b6cf9-41d1-4afb-a804-b4f4c9ffe401">Re: Periods & Depression (maybe tmi)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes, I went for a period of time before the wedding, but I can't afford it anymore. She also went the direction of "your mother didn't love you the way she should so that's why you don't love yourself" route and that ticked me off. She did give me a prescription for <strong>Xanax</strong>, which I've taken here and therre but haven't noticed a change. I don't what a doctor that will blame my shiit on my parents or on my h. But I don't know if that's reasonable to expect.
    Posted by overcomefame[/QUOTE]

    I agree with PP's, this is more than PMS. Xanax is mostly for anxiety so if you are dealing with depression I'm not sure why she gave you this.

    You need to find another doctor, or speak with your GP about how you are feeling. I know you say you dont have the money, but maybe they can recommend someone that does a sliding scale payment option.

    And I think you really need to talk to someone with your husband for the other issues. If he is on meds and doing better he needs to start pulling his weight as far as the finances. I have people in my family that are bipolar, but they still work and pay their bills.
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  • Honestly, I dont know if I would ever try to commit suicide. I just want this all to stop, and sometimes I think that's the only way. But I can't do that to my h or family.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_periods-depression-maybe-tmi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:28ddb2a2-40da-4561-9471-30c13d64832fPost:1cbb8971-257c-4415-8db2-eaaf7671bbea">Re: Periods & Depression (maybe tmi)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly, I dont know if I would ever try to commit suicide. I just want this all to stop, and sometimes I think that's the only way. But I can't do that to my h or family.
    Posted by overcomefame[/QUOTE]

    I'm with Koda, this kind of talk is very scary. You need to go talk to someone sooner rather than later. PMS does not do this, depression does. And you've taken on quite a load lately. {{hugs}}
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_periods-depression-maybe-tmi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:28ddb2a2-40da-4561-9471-30c13d64832fPost:1cbb8971-257c-4415-8db2-eaaf7671bbea">Re: Periods & Depression (maybe tmi)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly, I dont know if I would ever try to commit suicide. I just want this all to stop, and sometimes I think that's the only way. But I can't do that to my h or family.
    Posted by overcomefame[/QUOTE]
    You need to get into a doctor, asap!<div>Hugs to you, it sounds like you have a whole lot on your plate right now. There are ways to manage this, but I think your best bet is to work with a counselor/doctor/therapist to start treatment before it goes too far. </div>
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    BabyFruit Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_periods-depression-maybe-tmi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:28ddb2a2-40da-4561-9471-30c13d64832fPost:1cbb8971-257c-4415-8db2-eaaf7671bbea">Re: Periods & Depression (maybe tmi)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly, I dont know if I would ever try to commit suicide. I just want this all to stop, and sometimes I think that's the only way. But I can't do that to my h or family.
    Posted by overcomefame[/QUOTE]


    Please talk to your doctor.  It is not normal to feel this way :(
    panther
  • Do you live in or near a town with a psych/social work/counseling grad program? They often run their own clinics to provide training for the students and fees are sliding and usually very reasonable. I would talk to your GP regardless. I'm really sorry you're feeling like this. It's not fun, and there is help available. I hope you're able to connect with your doctor today.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_periods-depression-maybe-tmi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:28ddb2a2-40da-4561-9471-30c13d64832fPost:1cbb8971-257c-4415-8db2-eaaf7671bbea">Re: Periods & Depression (maybe tmi)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly, I dont know if I would ever try to commit suicide. I just want this all to stop, and sometimes I think that's the only way. But I can't do that to my h or family.
    Posted by overcomefame[/QUOTE]
    This is not 'normal' thinking, but just know you aren't alone and it can get better. Please get yourself to a doctor asap. Lots of us here are rooting for you, but it's up to you to make the first step toward feeling better. I've been through much of what you have described, so if you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.
  • I don't have a lot to offer that hasn't already been said.  

    What you've described isn't "normal" but it also doesn't mean you're wrong for feeling depressed.    

    Hugs. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_periods-depression-maybe-tmi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:28ddb2a2-40da-4561-9471-30c13d64832fPost:b06e2ca2-fe36-48c9-9ecd-1941f416f3d3">Re: Periods & Depression (maybe tmi)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Do you live in or near a town with a psych/social work/counseling grad program? They often run their own clinics to provide training for the students and fees are sliding and usually very reasonable. I would talk to your GP regardless. I'm really sorry you're feeling like this. It's not fun, and there is help available. I hope you're able to connect with your doctor today.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]



    Yes, I am near Stanford, and I did see that they are doing a study on depression right now and looking for participants. I had the email all set to go and got scared. I think I will try it again. Do you know what I can expect?

    I also have a bit of social anxiety and the thought of going out after work and trying something where I may have to speak to a group of people about things that already make me nervous sounds very scary to me.
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  • fluttaby32fluttaby32 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited March 2012
    A Pastor is a good idea, Dot.
    OP, My dad is a pastor (PM me if you want some info) and even if you're not religious I think a good pastor would be more concerned with helping you & meeting you where you're at.
  • As far as church, we will be trying a new one on sunday. We haven't found any we like. Before h, I was not very religious, but he is very spiritual and with his issues itself really like to think there is a higher power watching over us. It just feels like I've slipped under his radar at the moment. :-(
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  • Ok.  I'm glad that you reached out for help.  That can be really hard to do, so kudos to you.

    I agree with PPs that this sounds like more than a bad case of PMS.  I would see if you can get an appointment with your doctor ASAP.   Xanax is typically used for anxiety, and if it's not helping then I would ask your doctor about whether an anti-depressant may be beneficial to you. 

    Also, call your local Department Of Mental Health.  They might be able to refer you to a place that provides services on a sliding scale, or even free.  I worked for a non-profit mental health agency before, and we were able to do this.  I also ditto PPs suggestion about looking into graduate programs.  

    If your therapist is just blaming things on your mother and not helping you, then don't feel bad about seeking out other people.  It's important that you have a therapist who you have a positive relationship with.  Otherwise, it's just a waste of both of your time. 




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  • edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_periods-depression-maybe-tmi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:28ddb2a2-40da-4561-9471-30c13d64832fPost:0c13a860-d11e-4329-a99c-1ab0c7e04be7">Re: Periods & Depression (maybe tmi)</a>:
    [QUOTE]As far as church, we will be trying a new one on sunday. We haven't found any we like. Before h, I was not very religious, but he is very spiritual and with his issues itself really like to think there is a higher power watching over us.<strong> It just feels like I've slipped under his radar at the moment. :-(</strong>
    Posted by overcomefame[/QUOTE]


    Don't think that.  It's not true.  You've reached out to people, and you've gotten a lot of good advice here.  That's no accident.
    panther
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_periods-depression-maybe-tmi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:28ddb2a2-40da-4561-9471-30c13d64832fPost:f3366b3e-9a2c-4545-8025-0e700d6f0bfc">Re: Periods & Depression (maybe tmi)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Periods & Depression (maybe tmi) : Don't think that.  It's not true.  You've reach out to people, and you've gotten a lot of good advice here.  That's no accident.
    Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

    <div>This, definitely.</div><div>
    </div><div>Right now, the most important thing is that you are safe.  Then you can focus on the other stuff. </div>
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  • Thank you everyone for the support. I am actually crying right now, at work, because your kindness is too much for me. I've felt so alone the last few weeks, becuase I don't really want to take it to h, who is dealing with his own problems and I don't know if he can handle ME needing help as well as him. I've been his support for so long, this whole side of me is new to him. I did reach out to stanford, so we'll see if they get back to me and can help. I really appreciate you all! Thank you!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_periods-depression-maybe-tmi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:28ddb2a2-40da-4561-9471-30c13d64832fPost:c27432e0-9408-4346-8d53-5ec58cb06d43">Periods & Depression (maybe tmi)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really hope the answer is yes so I can go back to normal.
    Posted by overcomefame[/QUOTE]

    Absolutely you can. I've experienced very similar feelings as you for different reasons, and I felt like I would never be myself again. However with time and professional care I was able to come out of my depression, and you definitely can as well. I agree with the other ladies who've suggested finding someone that will offer a sliding scale for payments. Many therapists are more than willing to work with you on that. You've taken a big step with coming forward and seeking help. That's very brave. But please don't let this depression pull you under. It's temporary...I promise.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_periods-depression-maybe-tmi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:28ddb2a2-40da-4561-9471-30c13d64832fPost:fcb2ab8d-844d-4283-a33d-29b2a794c1ad">Re: Periods & Depression (maybe tmi)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you everyone for the support. I am actually crying right now, at work, because your kindness is too much for me. I've felt so alone the last few weeks, becuase<strong> I don't really want to take it to h, who is dealing with his own problems and I don't know if he can handle ME needing help as well as him.</strong> I've been his support for so long, this whole side of me is new to him. I did reach out to stanford, so we'll see if they get back to me and can help. I really appreciate you all! Thank you!
    Posted by overcomefame[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm glad you reached out to Stanford, and I hope that they can help you, or at least refer you to a place that can.</div><div>
    </div><div>Have you addressed the bolded in couples counseling? (If you aren't comfortable answering that, you don't have to, obviously).  I understand that your H has been diagnosed with bipolar, but that does not mean that the relationship should be all about him.  It's still a two way street. </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_periods-depression-maybe-tmi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:28ddb2a2-40da-4561-9471-30c13d64832fPost:6a764c34-6393-474c-8bdd-815b63d4b944">Re: Periods & Depression (maybe tmi)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Please keep us posted on how you are doing. 
    Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

    This! And feel free to PM me if you need to.
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  • edited March 2012
    On a personal note, yes your period can make you depressed, not bitchy.  It does me both ways, sometimes at the same time.  ><  But if it's continuing past your period or includes thoughts of suicide (or even just leaving and never coming back), you need to talk to someone you trust.  Your doctor or a priest is a good start.  I'm glad you realize what 'going away' would do to those that love you; it's when you forget that or think no one will care is an emergency sign right there.  There are people that love you, and there are people that will miss you.  I honestly don't think you have slipped beneth anyone's radar, but that may be something you can't see right now.

    Also, talk with your husband.  Chances are he's noticed something not quite right, and even if he can't actually help fix anything, having his support makes a HUGE difference!
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    Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength, and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend. - Andrew Futral

  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_periods-depression-maybe-tmi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:28ddb2a2-40da-4561-9471-30c13d64832fPost:0786c6ad-d274-491e-897b-5f2d2a4fa57a">Re: Periods & Depression (maybe tmi)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Periods & Depression (maybe tmi) : Yes, I am near Stanford, and I did see that they are doing a study on depression right now and looking for participants. I had the email all set to go and got scared. I think I will try it again. Do you know what I can expect? I also have a bit of social anxiety and the thought of going out after work and trying something where I may have to speak to a group of people about things that already make me nervous sounds very scary to me.
    Posted by overcomefame[/QUOTE]

    You will probably not get what you want/need out of a study.  But you can certainly contact them and see if they have a community clinic that the grad students use for practice hours.    That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't participate in the sstudy though.  I would ask what it entails before you even go there for more info. 

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • Sorry, I just saw your question about sliding scales. Not dumb at all!

    It's an income based fee to make counseling more affordable for people who either don't have insurance, or their insurance won't cover counseling.  Sometimes insurance will only cover a limited number of sessions, but some places may let you start sliding scale after your insurance coverage ends to be able to continue counseling at a more affordable rate.  Not every place does this, and obviously I don't know what your income is so I don't know if you would qualify or not, but it may be worth checking into if your insurance stops paying. 
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