Snarky Brides

I can't help it, I'm judging

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Re: I can't help it, I'm judging

  • I agree that marriage is all about mutual submission, which is really another way to say a relationship of equals. Sometimes he defers to your wisdom, sometimes you defer to his.

    Your perspective is interesting, Stacey and I can see your point.
  • Why does this DD lifestyle seem to insist on taking away the woman's adulthood/personhood by having the husband "discpiline" her? 

    I get that she's decided that he's the boss, but that doesn't mean he should treat her like a child!  A good boss doesn't berate or disclipline or infantalize the employees.  Why can't these DD marriages be based on mutual respect?  One person decides but still treats the other as an adult?

    I definitely think that both people in a relationship must bow to the other at different points.  I much prefer a relationship where both people are fully functioning adults, and no one is the boss.
  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited October 2010
    Guys, not that I'm into either DD or submitting, but submitting does not automatically equal DD.  From a lot of the responses it seems like they're being used interchangeably here.    Even male head of households aren't always like all-commanding rulers of the land.  It just means that the final decisions go to him.  Or he asks his wife to do stuff, and she does it.  I don't know...it doesn't seem that nuts to me.  I ask FI to do stuff, and he does it (most of the time ;) ).  He asks me to do stuff, and I do it. 

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • I tend to draw the line at Biblical quotes or sayings or weirdness like this.  I tend to hide their comments.  I'm judgey pants, too.
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  • I agree with Stacey, Amanda, and J&K. 

    Things to remember:  This particular verse of the Bible was written thousands of years ago in a language that is very different to ours.  "Submit" may or may not mean what we think it means in this context.  I tend to lean towards J&K's interpretation.

    Also, the Bible was actually very pro-women's rights for it's time.  Yeah, we balk now, but a lot of biblical teachings, particularly from Jesus, but also from Old Testament stories like Esther and Ruth, really give women a prominent roll with rights that at the time, were unheard of. 

    My priest at my home church spent some time with Wes and I talking about this verse because it was in our wedding vows.  He's a pretty liberal guy (he's an Episcopal priest), and he does not believe in literal word-for-word interpretation of the Bible.  That verse continues to say that the husband should love and respect the wife like Jesus loves and respects God and the church (sorry, I don't have it in front of me so I can't really recite it word for word, but that's the jist).  To me, that sounds like a two-way street. 

    DD is a whole other story.  DD is a huge jump from "submit" to one's husband, regardless of what exactly "submit" means. 
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  • MFJ, you say it much more eloquently than I do.  Thank you.

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_cant-im-judging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:3f666c65-3e6b-45d6-90cb-5cd07dd0bbb0Post:17e6d975-0089-4728-b09a-8db175b2ae0d">Re: I can't help it, I'm judging</a>:
    [QUOTE]MFJ, you say it much more eloquently than I do.  Thank you.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    Yes, this. :)
  • The DD people have a sexual fetish.  Now, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that; what two consenting adults (or more, lol) want to do in the bedroom is their own business.  They shouldn't present this in a religous way though, that is wrong.  First of all because it disgraces their religion (my religion), and second because it sucks others who may not have that fetish into it.

    On another note, I do agree with marriedfilingjointly that submission in the bible didn't mean a wife was a husband's love slave like it is taken today.  I think it just meant respect, and a husband was supposed to respect her too.  It's really unfair that christianity gets judged as being oppressive to women.!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_cant-im-judging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3f666c65-3e6b-45d6-90cb-5cd07dd0bbb0Post:5c2a2de5-0291-4adc-b412-ded860dd1019">Re: I can't help it, I'm judging</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>The DD people have a sexual fetish.  Now, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that; what two consenting adults (or more, lol) want to do in the bedroom is their own business.  They shouldn't present this in a religous way though, that is wrong.</strong>  First of all because it disgraces their religion (my religion), and second because it sucks others who may not have that fetish into it. On another note, I do agree with marriedfilingjointly that submission in the bible didn't mean a wife was a husband's love slave like it is taken today.  I think it just meant respect, and a husband was supposed to respect her too.  It's really unfair that christianity gets judged as being oppressive to women.!
    Posted by jcamm11[/QUOTE]

    Yeah I agree! It's people's own business what they want to do in the bedroom but to try to defend it with religious beliefs is weird imo. I feel a little bad for judging though because I guess this is just one of those "whatever floats your boat" kind of things, although the "domestic discipline" to me can border on abusive from what I've read ....

     I dunno, I always judge or side-eye a little whenever anyone is like "OMG, I HAVE THE MOST WONDERFUL HUSBAND!!!!11" on FB. I have some FB friends who are worse offenders than others when it comes to that.
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  • DD is not a sexual fetish in my mind, it is spousal abuse and yes, in that case there is something very wrong with it. A little bdsm is one thing but generally the couple has a safe word and there is a stopping point. From what I've seen/read of DD there is no stopping point which makes it abuse.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_cant-im-judging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3f666c65-3e6b-45d6-90cb-5cd07dd0bbb0Post:c986994e-8f3d-45dd-a75c-c41165e4925c">Re: I can't help it, I'm judging</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I can't help it, I'm judging : Yeah I agree! It's people's own business what they want to do in the bedroom but to try to defend it with religious beliefs is weird imo. I feel a little bad for judging though because I guess this is just one of those "whatever floats your boat" kind of things, although the "domestic discipline" to me can border on abusive from what I've read .... <strong> I dunno, I always judge or side-eye a little whenever anyone is like "OMG, I HAVE THE MOST WONDERFUL HUSBAND!!!!11" on FB. I have some FB friends who are worse offenders than others when it comes to that.</strong>
    Posted by K Byte[/QUOTE]

    I've noticed it's always the couples that are broken up every other week that tend to go overboard with the "I'M SO IN LOVE!" posts on my FB!
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  • " and we ask forgiveness, Lord, for the fornication that Mr. Sprock and I have committed again this morning right here on this very kitchen table"
  • How do you not know if your stove is broken or not?  It does one thing, heat up, or it doesn't.  Tell her to get her dumb ass husband to determine if it is heating up or not, problem solved LOL.

    Married in Vegas - June 2011


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