My bridesmaid sent me an e-mail saying she hates my dress.

meegz85

Drama Drama Drama, I know. I don't know why weddings bring out the crazy in people.. maybe it's me, who knows..

I can already anticipate the answers, but I think I just need to vent. I got an e-mail from one of my bridesmaids saying that she didn't have the guts to tell me BEFORE I bought the dress, but now she has thought about it some more and she thinks I made a big mistake in buying the dress I did. She says I will "look back at my photos in 20 years with horror." Her e-mail went on to say that lace looks hideous (yes, she used that word) in photos and I would look much better in a silk a-line.

It's not so much a question to you all about what I should do about the dress, because obviously I am keeping it, but what would you do about the nasty e-mail?? 

I'm trying so hard to be kind to this person, but she is making it so difficult. I really regret asking her to be a bridesmaid. She's my fiance's brother's wife and I was in her WP (what a nightmare that was) so I felt obligated to ask her. Even my FFIL advised me against asking her, saying "you know what she's like." So I guess I brought this all on myself.

I think I'm just hurt and shocked she wrote that mean e-mail and I need to vent. I told FH and he just said, "we all told you this would happen when you asked her." Ahhh I was trying to be nice and build a relationship with her, but obviously I made a huge mistake.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Oh, and for good measure, here is my dress: 

http://sophiatolli.com/dresses/?collection=Sophia%20Tolli%20-%20Bridal#Y11014

Now, I don't think I look fat or anything. I'm 5"8 130 lbs, and I'm having my hair down in soft waves. My mom, sister, other maids all love it. A stranger had tears in her eyes when I tried it on in the store

Amivy06

I like the dress. She sounds crazy!

hayleymajayley

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That dress is GORGEOUS! 130 at 5'8 is nowhere near fat!  I bet you look amazing in it :]

kimheartsscott

Obviously you don't need convincing, but I think that dress is beautiful too!  And I think it will look really classic and timeless with soft waves.

As far as that bridesmaid, honestly, I think that is grounds for giving her the boot.  She tried to make it seem like she is concerned for your feelings ("look back at my photos in 20 years with horror"), but from how you described her, and how blunt she is ("hideous?!"), it is most likely more about how she feels about the dress, not how she feels you feel or look in the dress.

I'm a bit of a hot head, but I would let her know that her opinion was not asked for or wanted, and kick her out.  If she wants to boycot your wedding, that is a shame, and hopefully her husband (and the rest of his family) can talk some sense into her.

soze82

Your dress is beautiful!

alwysbrdmaid

Lace is timeless! I'm looking at lace dresses as well. I love them. I think you will look gorgeous and at your height and weight it will be perfect on you. I would tell her that it doesn't matter what she thinks because its your wedding and your body and your style. Too bad she's in your bridal party.

skippylouwho

You know in your heart that is a beautiful dress. You will not regret it in 20 years.  You also know, from looking at the pictures you posted that the lace does not look bad in pictures.

As far as her, send her a "that's nice" thank you...
"Thank you for being so considerate and taking the time to let me know your thoughts and feelings. I appreciate your concern, you've certainly given me a lot to think about." and since you can't really say "have you tried the bean dip" in a thank you, you could ask if she's talked to your FMIL recently or how work is going, etc.. to change the subject and wrap up the thank you.

Then move on and don't let this BSC person get to you.

Musicheals71

Your dress is beautiful and I agree with PPs, kick her to the curb!

emarston1

I have a FSIL that is EXACTLY like this (FI's brother's wife.)  Whenever she is her b*tchy self I just ignore the comments.  She generally has a bad attitude about everything that doesn't involve her so I don't give her the satisfaction of responding.

I would hesitate to kick her out because that may just add fuel to her fire ("Can you believe she kicked me out?!?  How mean is she?!  Poor me...)  But then again you have over a year and a half to your wedding and that is a long time to put up with her.  Whatever you end up doing, be the bigger person even when you REALLY, REALLY don't want to be.

But look at the silver lining, at least you'll be the good daughter-in-law!

meegz85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-sent-e-mail-saying-she-hates-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4cffae61-03fe-4f84-8455-b19e1854352ePost:cce27b60-358b-46f5-9349-80319b0fc374">Re: My bridesmaid sent me an e-mail saying she hates my dress.</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a FSIL that is EXACTLY like this (FI's brother's wife.)  Whenever she is her b*tchy self I just ignore the comments.  She generally has a bad attitude about everything that doesn't involve her so I don't give her the satisfaction of responding. I would hesitate to kick her out because that may just add fuel to her fire ("Can you believe she kicked me out?!?  How mean is she?!  Poor me...)  But then again you have over a year and a half to your wedding and that is a long time to put up with her.  Whatever you end up doing, be the bigger person even when you REALLY, REALLY don't want to be. But look at the silver lining, at least you'll be the good daughter-in-law!
Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Jeez.. I didn't know we were related. I can't kick her out, as she would go down kicking and screaming. I love my FFIL so much, and all that would do is make him stressed out thinking the family is feuding. Also, a sick and twisted part of me is happy I'm making her pay for a bridesmaid dress because she always complains that she has no money :)</div><div>LOL you are right about the fav daughter in law. FFIL tells people when he's been drinking that he has no favourite son, or grandson, but he has a favourite daughter in law :)</div><div>
</div><div>My plan of attack is to kill with kindness.. hopefully I don't snap :)</div><div>
</div><div>Thanks for the lovely comments on the dress.</div><div>
</div>

aneresRN

I wouldn't kick her out just because she's family and your going to have to see her and deal with her long past the wedding date.  It sucks having her in your wedding, but I would just try to limit my contact with her.  I wouldn't respond to the email and I wouldn't involve her in any other wedding planning stuff.  Just have her buy her bridesmaid dress and show up. 
Your dress is absolutely stunning though as everyone else said!  The back of it is gorgeous and lace is timeless. : )

katebh

LOVE your dress! It's gorgeous and she's crazy! 

dianenjnj

that dress is beautiful...and your bridesmaid is a meanspirited witch!  

forward the email to everyone in the family and bridal party...fix her little red wagon!

jacquikev

Tell that witch to bite me! your dress is lovely and obviously looks good in pics. 

kd.joseph

I wish I had the body to wear a dress like that, it is gorgeous! Do not let someone like that  get to you and cause you to second guess yourself. YOUR family, and other maids love it who cares what she thinks. I have a FSIL like this If it's not about her it's not important. Her ring has to be bigger.....lalala. But the whole family knows how she is lke this, so we just ignore her. But I don't think even she would be so rude as to write an e-mail like that.
I wouldn't give her the time of day, let alone respond to her e-mail. I find the more I ignore people that act stupid the better I feel and it drives them nuts.
In fact if you haven't already told the family about this e-mail, just pretend you didn't get it if she asks....LOL. But don't let this person ruin your beautiful wedding day,and please post pictures of you in that dress ASAP. I'm sure myself and the others here would love to see you in it.
Good Luck, and Happy New Year to ALL!!

agentkitten75

She needs to not be in your wedding. Its rude and she seems very mean.

ImBrianFellow!

I'd like to tell you to be the bigger person, but honestly, if it were me, I would write back and tell her how rude and nasty and pointless it was for her to tell you that after you bought your dress.

What did she think you should get?  Maybe something with lots of pickups and a bright red sash?  Make it look a little more "with the times?"  She's full of crap.  I like your dress.  It's not trendy, it's just pretty.

MairePoppy

I know this isn't the 'right' thing to do, but I would forward her e-mail to your FMIL and FBIL.
Your dress is beautiful and she is crazy.

pi3rc3d04

i think the dress is beautiful. so do you, and at the end of the day, that's all that matters.

dealing would be tough, especially because this was in an e-mail. all you can do is read into tones, etc., and the way she meant it. I do think her choice words were a little rough. perhaps she is wanting the best for you and trying to look out for you, but this was just a funny way to show it.

don't let it get you down. throughout the wedding planning, people are going to have things to say. not everyone is going to like what you like (i'm going through this right now! ) so just do the best you can to deal, and as long as you're happy with it, that's all that matters. hang in there!!

jenandcris

I agree with pps. FBIL's FI is crazy! That dress is crazy gorgeous and I'm sure it's stunning on you!!

I wouldn't flatter BM with a response. Don't give her that power over you! I would be the bigger person.

bbyckes

I was expecting something hideous.  Your dress is gorgeous.  Your BM has no taste.

ootmother2

Despite the fact that kicking a bridesmaid out of the wedding is almost never justified, thisbitch deserves it.

She's a relative though so I guess you can't do that.  Sad, isn't it?

The poster that suggested sending the email to the FILs may have a good idea though.

I love the dress and I'm not usually a fan of lacy dresses.  You're on the slim side so I think you will carry it beautifly

rainsfallsoftly

She's crazy; it's a beautiful dress!!! I would either not dignify her with a response, or just tell her, thanks, but I didn't ask for your opinion, and I love and am keeping my dress and don't want to hear anything from you about it again.

ashleyhupke

your my height and weight when i was in high school girl your skinny as a twig and that dress must look fab on you besides lace is classic that dress reminds me of an antique look very soft and beautiful besides sophia tolli cant be ugly lol !

christieandalex10

We all have a few crazies in the family. At least you've identified one you want to distance yourself from in the future. So she doesn't like your dress. Big deal.  How do you feel about yourself in this dress? Does it fit your personality and what you've envisioned for your wedding? That is what matters!
I've had some interesting comments about my dress too! I don't care who likes it because I am rocking it, honey!

You know you'll look good it in! Call her a few choice names if you need to and shrug it off!
Congratulations!!

TTnoles

Beautiful dress!!  She is probably just upset that you are going to look BETTER in pictures than she did in hers!  Good luck!

deepcovejackie

Don't forward the email on, although I can see the temptation.  You Future In Laws already know what she's like.

She sounds jealous.  Sounds like she has good reason to be jealous.

No reaction at all would not reinforce her behavior.  She's looking to stir the pot and if she's unsuccessful then she won't have gotten what she wants.  If you give her a reaction, then she wins.

Good luck dealing with her.  Kick her right in the shin after the wedding.

deepcovejackie

ps--gorgeous dress.  Love, love, love the back of it!

PDXMartha

Loooove the dress.  It's gorgeous, but you already know that.
I agree with PP who say take the high road and smother her with kindness.  It's hard, but perhaps you have a few friends to get catty with and just laugh it off (so it doesn't eat you upnin the long run).
One of those "thank you for brining it to my attention" notes is a good idea, I think, too, as long as you don't go all crazy back on her.  Tempting as that may be.  That, or there's the old saying " if you don't have anything  nice to say, don't say anything at all".  It's far better to say nothing than have HER going around to people "can you believe she said THIS to me???" 

I follow this rule of thought:
Never argue with an idiot; they bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
similarly:  never argue with an idiot; the people on the outside won't be able to tell the difference.
Let her be!  Family's tough; vent with your fiance and your girlfriends, but not your FILs.

Pink7781

Tell said bridesmaid to STFU! But honestly I think that dress is gorgeous and as long as you like it, that is all that matters. I'm sure you'll look gorgeous.

Manda724

i would have your FI read the letter (she is his family.) Then together you can figure out what to do about her. she is crazy. That dress is timeless and beautiful.